I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
Does anyone remember the Flt Lt Nav, name of Dmitri Victorovitch Zotov. (New Zealander, but Russian ancestry).
Posted to Boscombe on the Nimrod AEW project, where he lowered his already marginal popularity by insisting it could never work (nobody likes a smarta**e).
Appointed to be Station Security Officer by Winco Admin with sense of humour so he could introduce 'Dimitri Zotov, our Security Officer' to visiting yanks; joke fell rather flat because they all had names like that..........
Posted to Boscombe on the Nimrod AEW project, where he lowered his already marginal popularity by insisting it could never work (nobody likes a smarta**e).
Appointed to be Station Security Officer by Winco Admin with sense of humour so he could introduce 'Dimitri Zotov, our Security Officer' to visiting yanks; joke fell rather flat because they all had names like that..........
Last edited by Evileyes; 6th Sep 2007 at 00:09.
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The eighth child in the family on the corner when I was growing up was names Gordon... I have no idea what was going through Mr. Bennett's mind when his wife told him she was pregnant.
Several years ago I came across a man from the far east whose last name was Penis... He was studying in the USA.
Several years ago I came across a man from the far east whose last name was Penis... He was studying in the USA.
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Had a talk at school about sexually transmitted diseases...by a bloke called Vernon Dunn
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Scene:
II Sqn RAF Regiment on detachment in Cyprus. Out on Acamus range doing Demolitions 101 taught by 2IC II, (Flt Lt Mor****). He keeps repeating one of the golden rules:-
Never run away from your fused charge once it is initiated.
We are then issued 2oz PE4, a detonator and 2 minutes, (+ or - a bit), of safety fuse. The plan is that we manufacture the "weapon", light it at a central spot with 2IC II doing the lighting, place it under various rocks etc. of our choosing and retire to the designated gully and take cover.
Note: The long safety matches used to light the safety fuse can be a little "temperamental" in that they may not strike first or some number of subsequent times. Also, safety fuse itself doesn't simply ignite on command and sometimes takes a little coaxing.
So, we've all manufactured our "weapons" and are lined up waiting for "a light". Match lit and away we go. I get lit and, like everyone else, bury my "weapon" under 20+ pounds of the local rock. Time keeps moving on, fuse won't light and multiple matches that won't go first time mean that the two minutes is ticking off rapidly.
By the time all the fuses are lit and buried and 2IC II has retrieved his briefcase, (don't ask - no-one knows except him), all 30 rocks are hidden in the gully and he still has 150 yards to cover to get to said gully.
To give him his credit 2IC II was very cool, calm and collected until the first charge went off... at which point his pace picked up... With each explosion he got faster until, when he was about 50 yards from the gully, a piece of rock weighing about 10 pounds literally whistled past his head he broke into a run with debris falling all around him... Cue the chorus of 30 Rocks:-
"Sir, Don't RUN"
II Sqn RAF Regiment on detachment in Cyprus. Out on Acamus range doing Demolitions 101 taught by 2IC II, (Flt Lt Mor****). He keeps repeating one of the golden rules:-
Never run away from your fused charge once it is initiated.
We are then issued 2oz PE4, a detonator and 2 minutes, (+ or - a bit), of safety fuse. The plan is that we manufacture the "weapon", light it at a central spot with 2IC II doing the lighting, place it under various rocks etc. of our choosing and retire to the designated gully and take cover.
Note: The long safety matches used to light the safety fuse can be a little "temperamental" in that they may not strike first or some number of subsequent times. Also, safety fuse itself doesn't simply ignite on command and sometimes takes a little coaxing.
So, we've all manufactured our "weapons" and are lined up waiting for "a light". Match lit and away we go. I get lit and, like everyone else, bury my "weapon" under 20+ pounds of the local rock. Time keeps moving on, fuse won't light and multiple matches that won't go first time mean that the two minutes is ticking off rapidly.
By the time all the fuses are lit and buried and 2IC II has retrieved his briefcase, (don't ask - no-one knows except him), all 30 rocks are hidden in the gully and he still has 150 yards to cover to get to said gully.
To give him his credit 2IC II was very cool, calm and collected until the first charge went off... at which point his pace picked up... With each explosion he got faster until, when he was about 50 yards from the gully, a piece of rock weighing about 10 pounds literally whistled past his head he broke into a run with debris falling all around him... Cue the chorus of 30 Rocks:-
"Sir, Don't RUN"
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...I Authenticate .... Oswat
"Attention drawn to a ford escort A-alpha B-bravo C-charlie one two three Y-Wankey"
Many years ago, while a member of the RAAF, I was flying a B707 into Canberra early one evening, just on sunset in fact. On the observers seat right behind me was Mrs Hazel Hawke, the then PMs wife, who had asked for a flight deck seat for the arrival into Canberra. It was the time of day when the airfield lights were in the process of being switched on and the only ones actually on were the VASIS, it was twilight so there was no rush.
Anyhow I leaned across to my FO mate and dropped this one,
"You'd think the c*nts would turn the fekcing lights on wouldn't you?"
Doh!!!
Both the big ones in front of the PMs wife. Oh Oh.
I asked the FO, on intercom, if he heard what I'd said and whether there was any visible reaction. He said yes he did and no there wasn't.
I thought the best thing to do was apologise, so I turned around in my seat and said,
"I'm very sorry Mrs Hawke, it just slipped out and it won't happen again"
She looked at me and smiled while she gave me a pat on the shoulder and then said,
"Don't worry laddie, I've heard it all before"
What a great lady, on a subsequent trip we shouted each other drinks for half the night in a bar in Dubrovnik.
Anyhow I leaned across to my FO mate and dropped this one,
"You'd think the c*nts would turn the fekcing lights on wouldn't you?"
Doh!!!
Both the big ones in front of the PMs wife. Oh Oh.
I asked the FO, on intercom, if he heard what I'd said and whether there was any visible reaction. He said yes he did and no there wasn't.
I thought the best thing to do was apologise, so I turned around in my seat and said,
"I'm very sorry Mrs Hawke, it just slipped out and it won't happen again"
She looked at me and smiled while she gave me a pat on the shoulder and then said,
"Don't worry laddie, I've heard it all before"
What a great lady, on a subsequent trip we shouted each other drinks for half the night in a bar in Dubrovnik.
Gentleman Aviator
What a great lady, on a subsequent trip we shouted each other drinks for half the night in a bar in Dubrovnik.
With a little help from your Friends
It’s a bright, clear, early morning on a ‘Forward Airfield’. A small group of (freshly minted) T/A Troops who have just finished a stint as the Perimeter Guard ambles past an Alouette being readied for departure; on their way to the breakfast tent.
A cheery voice calls them “Can you give us a hand; we’ve got a problem with the battery.” They quickly respond and after a few minutes of “Push here; no don’t f****** push there” things are sorted out and we start to trundle along the taxiway. But today’s load is heavy and small low-pressure tyres are hard to push; so even the fittest of the helpers are quickly starting to tire. Just as they really start to puff (and the speed to drop off) a quick stab at the brakes dips the nose and a simultaneous flick of switches produces a well known (and for the assistors, very welcome) WOOOOOO from the Jet-pipe.
A few minutes later the troops are regaling their mates in the mess-tent with the story about how they push-started a chopper, while the A/C in question is disappearing over the skyline; rocking slightly, as if being controlled with some difficulty.
A cheery voice calls them “Can you give us a hand; we’ve got a problem with the battery.” They quickly respond and after a few minutes of “Push here; no don’t f****** push there” things are sorted out and we start to trundle along the taxiway. But today’s load is heavy and small low-pressure tyres are hard to push; so even the fittest of the helpers are quickly starting to tire. Just as they really start to puff (and the speed to drop off) a quick stab at the brakes dips the nose and a simultaneous flick of switches produces a well known (and for the assistors, very welcome) WOOOOOO from the Jet-pipe.
A few minutes later the troops are regaling their mates in the mess-tent with the story about how they push-started a chopper, while the A/C in question is disappearing over the skyline; rocking slightly, as if being controlled with some difficulty.
Gentleman Aviator
Did the bump start trick with the Mighty Wessex at Gough Barracks (Red 01) once....
...... but then I also once did a genuine jump lead start from a 4-tonner - when someone told me it had 24v electrics!
...... but then I also once did a genuine jump lead start from a 4-tonner - when someone told me it had 24v electrics!
MightyGem,
Take a look at his location, then all will be clear. PPRuNe isn't exclusively UK, ya know!
Didn't think we ever had 3s.
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Reminds me of the Aussie military graduation parade years ago when fathers of graduates were allowed to wear medals. One incumbent proudly wore his .
A long row of WW2 campaign medals in Europe....... topped by the Knights Iron Cross with Diamonds etc.
A long row of WW2 campaign medals in Europe....... topped by the Knights Iron Cross with Diamonds etc.
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Mighty Gem,
Why Oops? I'm sure that, as an old soldier he was as brave and proud as those on the other side, he just happens to have been on the losing side.
5206
Why Oops? I'm sure that, as an old soldier he was as brave and proud as those on the other side, he just happens to have been on the losing side.
5206