ATC Humour (Merged)
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Last winter during the Nato Ex. Joint Winter our local helo sqd got allocated a series of tactical callsigns on the ATO. (Some ex FJ driver at CAOC must have wanted to torment their rotor callauges) They gave them "BunnyXX". ATC offcourse pissing ourselfs while renaming them "Playboy" , "Enegizer" and other assoiciated variants.
We found it funny anyway
We found it funny anyway
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This was a funny said by a lovely colleague who sadly got killed but I'm sure she wouldn't have minded me posting it.
At our airfield a few years back we still had BAC 1-11s flying, one of the Captains was an ex Jaguar Pilot and liked to keep the nose wheel up for as long as possible as he landed, sometimes keeping the nose wheel up a very long time before gently dropping it to the ground.
On one such occasion as he taxied off she remarked to the Captain what you got all the fat people down the back or something
The aircraft passed on to me on ground never uttered another word all you could hear was the mike being keyed and hysterical laughter emanating from the cockpit
Same colleague and I again sat in the Twr she on air I on ground.
One of the BAW pilots started chatting me up on his taxi out to the hold, they were off to Düsseldorf for a night stop and asked me if i wished to join them for the night.
On handing over to the Twr she commented to them
you don't want to take her shes just a tart with big boobs
to which came back the reply
thats exactly how I like them
One of ATCs characters sadly missed
At our airfield a few years back we still had BAC 1-11s flying, one of the Captains was an ex Jaguar Pilot and liked to keep the nose wheel up for as long as possible as he landed, sometimes keeping the nose wheel up a very long time before gently dropping it to the ground.
On one such occasion as he taxied off she remarked to the Captain what you got all the fat people down the back or something
The aircraft passed on to me on ground never uttered another word all you could hear was the mike being keyed and hysterical laughter emanating from the cockpit
Same colleague and I again sat in the Twr she on air I on ground.
One of the BAW pilots started chatting me up on his taxi out to the hold, they were off to Düsseldorf for a night stop and asked me if i wished to join them for the night.
On handing over to the Twr she commented to them
you don't want to take her shes just a tart with big boobs
to which came back the reply
thats exactly how I like them
One of ATCs characters sadly missed
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A true, scary and a bit funny story from Stockholm Bromma, trainee working TWR with instructor sitting a bit to far away....
She has just given landing clearence on rwyXX to a PA31 on the OM, SKX F50 is on the hold.
Then maybe 10 sec later
"SKX123 line up and wait RWYxx
Maybe 20-30 seconds later (Trainee realizes f**** up): SKX123 cleared......uhhhh....HELVETE .....SKX123 hold position, if you hear a brumming noise overhead it's a Navajo landing well inn! (PA31 pilot having seen the Fokker, skimms over it, makes a "normal" landing and taxis inn)
Somehow the AAIB had things to say about the instructor........
She has just given landing clearence on rwyXX to a PA31 on the OM, SKX F50 is on the hold.
Then maybe 10 sec later
"SKX123 line up and wait RWYxx
Maybe 20-30 seconds later (Trainee realizes f**** up): SKX123 cleared......uhhhh....HELVETE .....SKX123 hold position, if you hear a brumming noise overhead it's a Navajo landing well inn! (PA31 pilot having seen the Fokker, skimms over it, makes a "normal" landing and taxis inn)
Somehow the AAIB had things to say about the instructor........
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Heard at the airfield I work at the other day...
Cessna had been told to join downwind, lots of circuit traffic.
Tower: G-xx what's your position?
G-xx: 4miles to run
Tower: I think I have you in sight. (short pause) You're wearing a white shirt, right?
Cessna had been told to join downwind, lots of circuit traffic.
Tower: G-xx what's your position?
G-xx: 4miles to run
Tower: I think I have you in sight. (short pause) You're wearing a white shirt, right?
Join Date: Sep 2002
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weather?
Yesterday overhead ARNEM...two flights, first one a Singapur Cargo 747 at Fl370, and someone behind by 7 miles and 2000' above. Traffic behind suddenly calls requesting to deviate right for weather. We wondered as it looked that the Sinca was heading straight through it. Anyway we approve and as the traffic turns, so does the sinca -following his route-. So after one minute the crew from the follower asked, pretty surprised as we could hear on their voice, what was the traffic ahead. The controller told him adding : ...747...and is that your weather sir?
To what he was answered some like : yeah, it must be
We had a good laugh. A.
To what he was answered some like : yeah, it must be
We had a good laugh. A.
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(Just a quick word to say)
Hello,
just discovering this site and enjoying it tremendously, being addicted to aviation humour and better knowlegde of my working environment (which can sometimes be mixed !)
Hello,
just discovering this site and enjoying it tremendously, being addicted to aviation humour and better knowlegde of my working environment (which can sometimes be mixed !)
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cruel sense of atc humor
apparently this happened at KSFO a while back
Lufthansa 1234: San Francisco Tower, Lufthansa 1234 - we need to taxi back to the gate we're missing a passenger.
SF Tower: roger, cleared to taxi back to gate...
Anonymous Pilot (speaking in a German Accent): Have you checked the ovens?
The Lufthansa pilot got real mad and filed a complaint
Lufthansa 1234: San Francisco Tower, Lufthansa 1234 - we need to taxi back to the gate we're missing a passenger.
SF Tower: roger, cleared to taxi back to gate...
Anonymous Pilot (speaking in a German Accent): Have you checked the ovens?
The Lufthansa pilot got real mad and filed a complaint
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The other day in the Lamborne hold, after holding at BRASO and a few laps at LAM:
Director: "Speedbird XXX leave LAM heading 270, you will be landing on 27R, the aircraft ahead on 27L has a hydraulic problem and this should get you in with no further delay"
Speedbird lady pilot:"OK, leave Lamborne heading 270, thats great" (Pause) "But not for the other guy!"
Director: "Speedbird XXX leave LAM heading 270, you will be landing on 27R, the aircraft ahead on 27L has a hydraulic problem and this should get you in with no further delay"
Speedbird lady pilot:"OK, leave Lamborne heading 270, thats great" (Pause) "But not for the other guy!"
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apparently this happened at KSFO a while back...Have you checked the ovens?
It's an old saw. Been related to me dozens of times by folks who actually heard it themselves. Yeah. Right. Personally, I hope it never happened, but in any case, I'd just as soon never hear it again. It was old and stupid the first time I heard it 30 (yes 30) years ago.
While we're at it, are you aware that the word "gullible" is not in the dictionary?
Dave
(a bear of little brain)
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One day at work a mate was showing off his latest acquisition, which was one of those 'compressed' versions of the Oxford English Dictionary so I happened to mention to him that 'gullible' wasn't in the dictionary.
When he had looked it up he wondered why everyone else was wetting themselves laughing.
When he had looked it up he wondered why everyone else was wetting themselves laughing.
Was told this one buy a female PPL friend's male Instructor
At an airfield where one needs to backtrack the last section of the RWY if one requires full length and on this day they needed more than where the TWY ended but not quite full length.
After recieving backtrack clearance she askes her instructor :
"Just how far down do you want me to go?"
At an airfield where one needs to backtrack the last section of the RWY if one requires full length and on this day they needed more than where the TWY ended but not quite full length.
After recieving backtrack clearance she askes her instructor :
"Just how far down do you want me to go?"
Rather old then bold
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An oldie but goldie:
In the early 60' one squadron of the Swedish Airforce got hold of the new J-29 "Flying Barrels" equipped with an afterburner. This burner had a tendency to give false fire warnings due to a faulty sensor, and normal procedure was therefor to cut back on power and return to field.
One fine morning a pair of them started their takeoff run and just after takeoff the leader transmitted that he got an afterburner fire warning.
The tower controller, well aware of the anomali, reached for the microfon to clear him for a direct downwind for landing when his wingman called: "... and the parachute is opening normally!"
Guess someone hadn't read their manuals
Major Attack
In the early 60' one squadron of the Swedish Airforce got hold of the new J-29 "Flying Barrels" equipped with an afterburner. This burner had a tendency to give false fire warnings due to a faulty sensor, and normal procedure was therefor to cut back on power and return to field.
One fine morning a pair of them started their takeoff run and just after takeoff the leader transmitted that he got an afterburner fire warning.
The tower controller, well aware of the anomali, reached for the microfon to clear him for a direct downwind for landing when his wingman called: "... and the parachute is opening normally!"
Guess someone hadn't read their manuals
Major Attack
Last edited by Major Attack; 28th Sep 2003 at 07:31.
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A few years ago at Southend. Weekend morning, overcast base 1200 feet
Southend Approach G-xxxx is an xxxx(light twin) inbound from Elstree passing Stapleford 1500 feet request joining instructions.
G-xxxx are you VFR or IFR
G-xxxx we're VFR but I'm in IMC
Southend Approach G-xxxx is an xxxx(light twin) inbound from Elstree passing Stapleford 1500 feet request joining instructions.
G-xxxx are you VFR or IFR
G-xxxx we're VFR but I'm in IMC
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heres one from a few years back.
After a heated debate between a pilot and a groung controller over takeoff slot times, the pilot finally fell silent.then, all of a sudden, he said, on 121.9:'Ladies and gents, we apologise on behalf of xyz airlines for this delay.we hope your'e comfortable.we'd just like to let you all know that the delay is over a takeoff slot, which is totally beyond our control. in fact we at xyz airlines have a fantastic on time record, which is spoiled by the extreme inefficiency in the groung controllers...'
then came the controller's reply:'you might wanna tell that to your passengers...'
After a heated debate between a pilot and a groung controller over takeoff slot times, the pilot finally fell silent.then, all of a sudden, he said, on 121.9:'Ladies and gents, we apologise on behalf of xyz airlines for this delay.we hope your'e comfortable.we'd just like to let you all know that the delay is over a takeoff slot, which is totally beyond our control. in fact we at xyz airlines have a fantastic on time record, which is spoiled by the extreme inefficiency in the groung controllers...'
then came the controller's reply:'you might wanna tell that to your passengers...'
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APR co-ordinating with ADC:-
Landing order is BMA123, RYR123, KLM123 and coming up the rear is GREAT (not said phonetically).
Another co-ordination:-
I'll drop my shorts to the north and you can come inside me.
Heard this whilst working at EGLL:-
Female pilot:- we can take an intersection departure
Male ATCO:- i'de like you down the far end for a full length
Also at EGLL:-
ATCO:- BAW123 you were slightly left of the centreline on touchdown.
Captain:- Yes, and my F/O was slightly to the right.
B737, Strong crosswind (about 30kt) and bouncy landing, after touchdown:-
Pilot:- phew i'm glad i'm not based here!
ATCO:- the locally based crews say that the colour of adrenalin is brown
Cessna 150 after leaving CAS:-
Pilot:- Can I climb to high altitude?
ATCO:- Affirm, but standby while I co-ordinate with NASA
Landing order is BMA123, RYR123, KLM123 and coming up the rear is GREAT (not said phonetically).
Another co-ordination:-
I'll drop my shorts to the north and you can come inside me.
Heard this whilst working at EGLL:-
Female pilot:- we can take an intersection departure
Male ATCO:- i'de like you down the far end for a full length
Also at EGLL:-
ATCO:- BAW123 you were slightly left of the centreline on touchdown.
Captain:- Yes, and my F/O was slightly to the right.
B737, Strong crosswind (about 30kt) and bouncy landing, after touchdown:-
Pilot:- phew i'm glad i'm not based here!
ATCO:- the locally based crews say that the colour of adrenalin is brown
Cessna 150 after leaving CAS:-
Pilot:- Can I climb to high altitude?
ATCO:- Affirm, but standby while I co-ordinate with NASA
How to sound meek
A R44 Chopper entered the FAJS CTR today without Clearance and called for a joining only once passing the extended centre line of the RWY. After confirming his position on RADAR that he was already 7 NM in the CTR He was told that He is to call for joining clearance before entering and not to enter untill such clearance is issued. The pilot now even more dumbstruck replies Affirm to which he is told that it is not a question and in future he is to hold clear of controlled airspace till obtaining clearance. Again he answers Affirm to which an annonomous chirp from someone else on frequency replies "The word you are looking for is SORRY"
The chopper pilot meekly appologieses.
The chopper pilot meekly appologieses.