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ATC Humour (Merged)

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ATC Humour (Merged)

Old 9th Jul 2003, 23:22
  #341 (permalink)  

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Looking at www.pink.at, the picture at the lower left, what manoeuvre is the Skyvan performing? Is the left engine running?

W
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Old 10th Jul 2003, 00:21
  #342 (permalink)  
 
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Sometimes opportunities present themselves

A German Army CH-53 helicopter arrives with a complete brass band for an "Oktober-fest".
A little later:

"GAR 1234, request start up"

"Understand you're going VFR back to Gremany?"

"Negative, we filed IFR?"

"But you just off loaded all your instruments!"

(Yes, I know it is sick! )
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Old 13th Jul 2003, 00:05
  #343 (permalink)  

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Just remembered another from the dim and distant past:

Belgian ATC were taking some form of industrial action, such as a work to rule.

It was about 2.30 in the morning, I was going into Brussels and was very surprised to be given a substantial delay (maybe 20 mins). The next aircraft comes onto the frequency, is given a similar delay, when the following exchange takes place:

A/C: I require a priority landing, I have government ministers on board.
ATC: Do you have an emergency, or are you an ambulance flight?
A/C: Negative, but I have government ministers on board and they cannot accept a twenty minute hold.
ATC: If you do not have an emergency and you are not an ambulance flight you cannot be given priority. That is the law.

...quite a long pause, say 60 secs...

A/C: I have the Justice Minister on board and he says not to tell him what the law is!

W

Last edited by Timothy; 13th Jul 2003 at 01:38.
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Old 13th Jul 2003, 01:28
  #344 (permalink)  
 
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kit planes?

heard recently whilst taxiing out at Orange in New South Wales i over heard this exchage between a DC-3 and a jabirou. After the dc-3 had landed, somewhat heavily, he taxied past the jabirou:

DC-3: "Thats a lovely little plane. did you build it yourself?"

Jabirou: "yes actually. i built it using spare DC3 parts and if you do another landing like that i'll have enough to build two more"
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Old 13th Jul 2003, 01:39
  #345 (permalink)  

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Who is or was Sarah?

Many years ago (I'll guess wildly at Christmas 1989) I was flying the mails in the middle of the night, transitting the Kent area, when I heard quite a few aircraft being given the instruction ''XXX call London 1xx.xx, and say hello to Sarah for me.''

When I got my call it was ''ABC contact London on 1yy.yy'' to which I replied ''Oh, don't I get to talk to Sarah then?" to which I got the response "Oh, alright, say hello to Sarah on 1xx.xx, then contact London on 1yy.yy." (which I did, and Sarah giggled and said thank you.)

Does anyone remember who Sarah was, and why everyone had to say hello?

W
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Old 17th Jul 2003, 16:35
  #346 (permalink)  

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Belgrano Infirmary

While this may not have anything to do with Sarah, it does remind me . . . . . .

During an excellent famil day for pilots at LATCC, and comparing notes on medicals for ATCOs/Aircrew, one of the lady controllers told us that, as required, she had notified the CAA when she became pregnant. They duly acknowledged her notification.

The CAA letter began, "Dear Sir, . . . "
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Old 18th Jul 2003, 06:24
  #347 (permalink)  
 
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And the funnies still roll in. This happened just 2 days ago!

Working a light aircraft flying at 3800 Barnsley 1002 (ish) on a NW track.

Me ' GBxxx can you fly at FL45 for correct quadrantal?'

GBxxx ' Negative sir, we can accept a climb but this aircraft is not equipped to fly at flight levels'

Me ' GBxxx Roger, are you able to set Standard Altimeter Setting 1013?'

GBxxx ' Affirm Sir.'

Me ' GBxxx Set standard 1013 , fly at FL45'

GBxxx ' We cannot fly at FL45. We are not equipped'

Me ' GBxxx, ok, Set 1013 report level 4500 feet'

GBxxx ' Wilco'

Now is it me? or did the guy miss out one of the important lessons at flight school
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Old 20th Jul 2003, 23:04
  #348 (permalink)  
 
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heard on the eggw freq the other day, G-xxxx clear to cross the zone via the 26 threshold, thats the one on the left as you look at the runway!

I thought it was funny, anyway
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Old 21st Jul 2003, 15:31
  #349 (permalink)  
 
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ratt,

perhaps the poor sod was from Orstaylya.

Over here, flight levels start at F110 (11,000' on 1013 HPa) and unpressurised aircraft are not permitted above A100 (10,000') unles portable oxygen carried for the pilot/s.
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Old 21st Jul 2003, 16:19
  #350 (permalink)  
 
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Heard one a while back in the M/E
US souding callsign 'Magic 1 inbound radial xxx fl320'
Arabic controller 'Roger Magic 1 cleared as filed, direct Boban'
Magic 1 'Copied cleared direct'
Another a/c aussie sounding " xxx flxxx decending to fl180, request direct boban'
Arab controller 'xxx, cleared direct boban maintain fl180 on reaching'
Aussie a/c 'xxx, cleared direct boban fl180 on reaching, thats magic'
ATC 'negative magic 1 this is for xxx'
Magic 1 'say again'
Aussie 'xxx cleared boban Fl180 not magic but good'
ATC 'who is that calling'
Magic 1 'repeat please'
Assie goes very quiet

As you can imagine the confusion caused and the ensuing coversation
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Old 25th Jul 2003, 02:54
  #351 (permalink)  
 
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Speaking of Sarah, we've got one here in Seffricca too.

We've orso got a small aerodrome called "George" (FAGG).

Once upon a 7a slot, a tower foned Sarah, and this is wot she sed...

Sarah, "Hello Jo'burg ATC"
George, "Hello Jo'burg, George here."
Sarah, "George who?"
George, "George tower"
Sarah, "That's a funny surname..."


Our wonderful military also has a weird request for doing visual ILS's, whatever that is. Surely the thing can just hover and decend slowly if the WX is bad - kidding, but I digress...

Helo, "Morning Jo'burg - This is Yoda requesting vectors for the visual ILS."
ATC, "Morning Yoda, under radar control at 8000' you will be, report the glide slope in sight."

The force was not strong with this one, all you got was the default "Say again", that they all come pre-programmed with.

GR8 thread dudes, keep 'em comin'!
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Old 25th Jul 2003, 07:16
  #352 (permalink)  

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We had a good chuckle at this one last month or so:

Delta Airlines flight: "London, Delta xx, FL350 routing xxx"
London "Delta xx London, roger proceed direct yyy"
Delta "Direct yyy, Delta xx. How are you?"
London (slight pause) "I'm fine, how are you?"
Delta "Just great now we've left Germany"
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Old 25th Jul 2003, 13:30
  #353 (permalink)  
 
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Somewhere in the Southern US:

Tower: Twin Engine cleared for landing on Rwy xx. ABxxx (Heavy), you are number 2.
Twin Engine: Tower! We hit some animal on the runway!
Tower: ABxxx, something on the runway. Go around if necessary.
ABxxx (heavy): no problem, we'll flatten it a bit more fer ya!
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Old 25th Jul 2003, 16:49
  #354 (permalink)  

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Slim20 posted this on the Private Flying group, I hope he doesn't mind if I repeat it here (I can see he monitors this thread):
Also i remember an RT incident where a confused student pilot called in his level as "Flight Level 3000", whereupon the amused controller cleared him for Re-entry.......
W
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Old 25th Jul 2003, 17:12
  #355 (permalink)  
 
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Good one at Luton a while back. We were having trouble with our comms 1 on stand. I said to ground "I'm just going to try another box." To which an Easy Captain replied, "I tried that once and my wife left me." Very good.
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Old 26th Jul 2003, 05:19
  #356 (permalink)  
 
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While taxiing out to depart at Belfast, we noticed a cat walking across the threshold and thought that, in the interests of safety, we had better inform atc, telling the controller that, "There`s a cat on the runway!" Quick as a flash someone came back, "Is it Cat 1 or Cat 2!"
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Old 26th Jul 2003, 06:47
  #357 (permalink)  

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Another good one today:

It had been pretty quiet on Brest frequency for about 5 mins.

easy xxx: "Brest easy xxx, can we change to the next frequency if that's Ok?"
Brest:"well, if you're bored listening to me, then you can call London xxx.xx I hope you enjoy yourself. Au revoir."
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Old 26th Jul 2003, 18:10
  #358 (permalink)  
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Heard on a hot day at Luton a few years ago

PA28 was parked with door ajar on main concourse due to work in normal parking area. Had just been cleared taxi when the following exchange occured

737 : Luton ground, fyi, the little fellow next to us appears to have his door open .

Luton ground : G-xxxx Did you copy that ?

G-xxxx : Affirm. Please could you inform the big fellow next to us that he appears to have lost his propellors
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Old 26th Jul 2003, 18:56
  #359 (permalink)  

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Reminds me of a conversation that I heard reported many years ago, but I have no idea if it's true, between a BA 747 and ATC

ATC: Traffic Information, a C404 2 o'clock 5 miles same level, are you visual?
Pompous Speedbird: What's a C404? Oh, my first officer tells me we had one in the flight deck once and we swatted it.

W
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Old 26th Jul 2003, 21:53
  #360 (permalink)  
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Not quite on the ATC humour topic, but kind of reminds me of it.

Some years ago, I was working for a software company in London with offices worldwide. We had support facilities in most countries and in theory all support calls had to go to the local office however at about 9:15 one morning, I was sitting close to a call handler in london when she took a call from 'overseas'. The lady in particular was a real diamond, but had a very Sarf London accent. A short extract of what we could hear was .

: Sorry, ooo ar ya working four?
: ooo ?
: Boing ?
: Sorry we aint got a customer cawed Boing
: never 'eard of ya, what d yer make ?
: planes ? . . . . not over ere ya dont
: oh ya in 'merica, right. Wass ya system number ?
: Boing? Boing ? (tapping the system number in the computer)
: Oh Boeing . . . why didnt ya say!(office disolved into fits of helpless laughter). , so, sir, what seems to be the problem

It still makes me laugh to think of it and for months, I loved being given instructions when flying that gave me the chance to Boing the controller.
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