Caption Competition Mk II

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins doing training to show his 10 year daughter he too can do the splits

[Kiltrash]

Max Whitlock doing his National Service tries to keep up with his training schedule

[Buster Hyman]

Nutty limbering up for Mardis Gra.

[Wensleydale]

The search for the recruit who stole the Warrant Officer's swagger stick continues.

[Buster Hyman]

Serves you right for stealing Nutty's Viagra!

[NutLoose]

Da, Da, ve will soon have you ready to take on ze vorld Leap Frog record, Da men are already getting in zer positions.

[c52]

The North Korean Army ensures its officers understand what is required of female recruits.

[NutLoose]

You put your left leg in.. your right leg out..... you do the hokey cokey and we turn you about....

[NutLoose]

Ya it is the May Day parade.... and von know what von goes collecting in May?..... Nuts!

[Dan Gerous]

"You must have some funny Geese where you come from, to learn to march like that".
"I'm from Chernobyl!"

[Kiltrash]

Remember you are on a day trip to Salisbury from the Bolshoi. Your code name is 'Nutcracker'

[Kiltrash]

Having over starched the Sargent pants, oh how the recruits laughed

[treadigraph]

Backbone insertion ceremony for new recruits from the Snowflake generation...

[Kiltrash]

The prisoners walking by realised the guards minds were not on their duties.

[Kiltrash]

The back half of the Pantomime bull wondered where the front went. Was told mad cow disease and he was next. ....

[ivor toolbox]

Right, that's it Boris, it's time for Yuri to have the boots now.

Ttfn

[NutLoose]

Nein...no Nutloose here, just a big cavernous asshole..Helloooooo Buster...buster...buster..buster.....

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1024x739/funny_military_tranning_picture_af36e8ba1cb695b3d1e6cbd55754 7e949ff523bf_a924be52b985925b3bfed83b31b68d70db4f3c3b.jpg

[c52]

"You'll be grateful for this training when you're fighting in the trenches."

[c52]

"Nearly there, but don't waste any time! Your colleague is still waiting for his kicking."

[NutLoose]

You do realise this Human Subbuteo will never catch on, they could actually play the game properly..

[622]

Don't worry comrade...we will find the joker who put all that Viagra in your coffee, and also the sleeping tablets in Boris's coffee!

(Damn, I was beating to it in post 2505!)

[cavuman1]

Hamstrung hamstring.

- Ed

[Buster Hyman]

Russian remake of Das Boot was a little lost in translation.

[Kiltrash]

At the Regimental dinner oh how they fought over the Chicken Wishbone

[Kiltrash]

England Rugby Coaches take Jonny Wilkinson to a army training camp. It's all in the follow through they explained

[Kiltrash]

Cough, It's all for the Regiment they explained to Major Ingram

[Kiltrash]

Swivel 13 degrees left, think I have reception, yes Vera Lynn coming through

[lomapaseo]

Ok now show us where it hurts

[Ascend Charlie]

During the prostate check, it should be the doctor wearing the gloves, not the patient.

[racedo]

This is what 2 Metres isolation looks like.

[Wensleydale]

"No mate - its stuck. You'll have to go to Joint Operations!"

[cavuman1]

"Unhand me, you Cad!" cried Murgatroyd, as he tried to get a leg over on Sylvester.

- Ed

[Dan Gerous]

No you idiot! With your right arm, One Two, Pause Up, Pause, Move.

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1024x739/funny_military_tranning_picture_af36e8ba1cb695b3d1e6cbd55754 7e949ff523bf_a924be52b985925b3bfed83b31b68d70db4f3c3b.jpg

[Penny Washers]

Ichabod Crane joins the Army.

His buddy, Donald Duck, failed the medical for some unknown reason.

[c52]

I don't mind singing "I'm a little teapot" for the CO's daughter's fifth birthday, but can we forget "Tip me up and pour me out", please?

[Hydromet]

Judging in about 24 hours time, folks, so you can have a newie for the weekend. Keep 'em coming.

[Buster Hyman]

Can we go back to Chess Comrade? I'm a little tired of Twister...

[NutLoose]

When I said fill your boots, that wasn't what I had in mind, well, we'll soon drain that little lot back...

[NutLoose]

and that's the 29 minutes past one o'cock position..

[NutLoose]

is this what you meant by riping me a new one?

[NutLoose]

Constipated? we will soon clear that!

[Kiltrash]

The clocks go forward one hour, move the sundial

[Kiltrash]

The troops march past and look forward to getting their tennis racquets and going past Smithers and administrating the "breaking the lock down punishment "
Hoskins is made to limber up as his turn next

[Kiltrash]

Fed up with the men urinating as high as they can up the toilet wall, the Officers decide the culprits are to clean it up with a cloth tied to their boots.

[Kiltrash]

Beckham doing National Service shows the troops just how he scored 'That Goal' against Greece

[Kiltrash]

....and if all else fails as the enemy approach you kick them up the ass. As the instructors show to the new recruits

[Kiltrash]

As the passengers walk across the Quay side to board their cruise ship, the one at the front gets the feeling they may have been dropped off at the wrong place

[c52]

"And when you retire, you can be a police officer on point duty at a six-way junction."

[c52]

"And when you retire, you can become cabin crew and do the safety briefing on a double-deck aircraft."

[NutLoose]

I told you about turn mid march would cause problems..

[NutLoose]

Well he didn't like it up em...

[NutLoose]

Niet, he is the monkey, I am the organ grinder...

[Kiltrash]

The medic has sent a message, your left foot has been diagnosed with Covid-19. So your right foot has to be Social Distanced. If we cannot get 2 meters the foot will gave to come off. Dr the saw. ...

[Kiltrash]

The Special Services practice stepping over the trip wire. In training the wire is set to the lowest level.

[Wensleydale]

And this is the Salisbury Cathedral manoeuvre. You really must go to see it sometime!

[Kiltrash]

Ah Boris, it says " This boot belongs to Clark' we have the shoe thief ...

[NutLoose]

Come on man, spread em, if you were joining the WRAC's, this would be part of the initial recruit assesment..

[Wensleydale]

Come on man, spread em, if you were joining the WRAC's, this would be part of the initial recruit assesment..

You shouldn't call then Racks...a rack is something that you screw up against a wall.............

[NutLoose]

yup, just as I thought...Swarfega...

[NutLoose]

This ones anally retentive, put him down as a blanket stacker or accounts clerk..

[Kiltrash]

Captain Tom Moore doing his 100 laps of his garden. Slight twinge but that does not stop him

[Wensleydale]

"You Putin the Right Leg In
You Putin the Right Leg Out
In, Out, In Out............."

[racedo]

Dr Hoskins didn't realise it was a Retinal scan not a Rectinal scan.

[Kiltrash]

Ah Colonel Grommit , These are certainly the 'wrong trousers' you are wearing.

[Kiltrash]

Ah the 'Soldier trousers, marching assist off' prototype has run out of power. You will find the 500v socket round the back for the mains lead on the ground.

[Kiltrash]

In the background Smithers suffers a similar fault

[Buster Hyman]

Lt. Gruber had a bad reaction to, what he called, a target rich environment.

[Kiltrash]

At the Inter Regimental Athletics meet, Gruber and Gastov were volunteered for the High Jump, Well that's what the Colonel said.thought Gruber, As Gastove realised the equipment truck had failed to arrive

[Hydromet]

Some excellent entries here. The Shoot early, Shoot often award goes to Kiltrash, and the EEO award to Buster for his #2489, but the CST has been kicked along to Treadigraph for ...

"Backbone insertion ceremony for new recruits from the Snowflake generation..."

[treadigraph]

Many thanks Hydromet, found it on the doorstep and the sanitiser is drying off... Have a crack at this over the weekend, folks.

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x539/afghan_12_4_13_custom_5b3d997e0d920d58224d97eacecbc311281e4c d3_s800_c85_22ff6af38a6aa229a24c5638157cc399cdafaa8a.jpg

[622]

look, I don't know how much you guys eat...but we will need to empty those portaloos more often!

[Kiltrash]

Normally when one volunteers to help the NHS one is given a task suitable. What was your last job again?.
Assistant to Dianne Abbott

[Kiltrash]

At Camp Bastion the Spitfires in Crates are moved.
"They told me there were no engines"

[Kiltrash]

Well I read the weight as Pounds not Kilogrammes

[Surplus]

Gents, you know the camp rules, anything over a kilo has to be lowered by hand.

[Kiltrash]

Don't blame me, blame the science.

[NutLoose]

Sh*t Happens...

[NutLoose]

Well that's the trebuchet idea back on the drawing board...

[NutLoose]

I don't like the cut of his jib..... what..

[c52]

"You didn't think it snowed in Afghanistan? Why do you think the crane's painted white?"

[NutLoose]

What do you mean it's our fault, we told you to lower the jib?

[NutLoose]

You know that ringing bell wasn't installed to call you to prayer, but to let you know the bloody load was too heavy to lift.

[Kiltrash]

What Harry was really called over for during that interview

[Kiltrash]

Ah that's alright then, it belonged to the UN not the US

[Kiltrash]

While moving the Generals portacabin it was discovered that Hoskins did not know his left from his right.

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins confidence was clearly in excess of his ability, (again)

[NutLoose]

Someone's gonna get dragged over the Coles for this one.....

[Kiltrash]

The troops had relied on the crane to get the satellite dish high enough to get the Superbowl. Hank was in real trouble this time as it was the Janet Jackson Wardrobe Malfunction year

[Kiltrash]

....my last job, ? Well I was a crane trainer at Whipsnade
​​​​​​

[Kiltrash]

" See the size of that rat?
Dang scared my Bull (dozer) "

[ShyTorque]

“Well first the good news...the brakes work really well!”

[Wensleydale]

"How the hell are we going to shift that pilot's wallet now?"

[racedo]

Motor Pool added on F1 Brakes again I see

[racedo]

Racing across the desert, hand brake turn and hitting brakes is ok is a Humvee, maybe not a crane.

[racedo]

Fffffing pothole not fixed yet I see.

[racedo]

Told you guys to pack light.

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x539/afghan_12_4_13_custom_5b3d997e0d920d58224d97eacecbc311281e4c d3_s800_c85_22ff6af38a6aa229a24c5638157cc399cdafaa8a.jpg

Now if you would back up against the Portaloo's, the firing squad need some long distance shot training

[Kiltrash]

Nah, missed me, do you want me to stand closer to you?

[Kiltrash]

From inside the Portaloo.... Call me a medic.... PLEASE....

[Kiltrash]

Hoodie,
I would give the one on the left at least 15minutes with the door open....

[Kiltrash]

2 of our more popular contributors having sneaked off to the loo for some man love...." Did the earth move for you too?"

[Kiltrash]

" Hang on a minute lads, I have a idea"..

[c52]

"That's the set?"

- "Yep."

- "What are we meant to do with it?"

- "Turn and face the audience, and sing Oh What a Beautiful Morning."

[Hydromet]

"Let me give you a tip, Abdul..."

[Ascend Charlie]

On the set for the re-make of "Gunfight at OK Corral", the extras are unimpressed with the casting of the Wyatt Earp character.

[Buster Hyman]

Guy in Black; "There's a smell in there that's gonna outlast Religion!'

[Ascend Charlie]

"You wanna know why the crane couldn't cope? There's some heavy sh!t going on in there!"

[Buster Hyman]

I think the guy in the cubicle next to me needs help! You should've heard the noise I just heard!!!

[Wensleydale]

We put the blue ones there so that we could take the p*ss out of the driver!

[Kiltrash]

Attenborough voice

""and here we have the crane approaching the unsuspecting load, quietly, stealthily and having measured the weights and balance POUNCES. It was at this point realisation set in he had bitten off more that he could cope with. And as we leave the scene we do not expect the crane to have a good day""

[c52]

"The challenge was to change a wheel on the crane without using a jack, and here is a photo of the winning entry."

[racedo]

Who let Ellie Hoskins drive.......

[c52]

Viewers have often wondered how it is that in Scrapheap Challenge, a scrapheap is always found to contain the bits required to make an item. Here we see a crane conveniently dismantling itself for the contestants to find and rebuild.

[Dan Gerous]

Anyone know where the nearest AA call box is?

[racedo]

Looks like we have overdone it with the Sherry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhyrjbvDHT8

[c52]

It's a Knock-Out

"Oh deary deary me, Weston-super-Mare have overloaded their crane and it's toppled over. I've never seen anything so funny in all my life, but hey! here's a team meeting and the Captain doesn't look like a happy man. Perhaps they'll salvage one or two points."

[racedo]

No buy, test drive, brakes ****.

[racedo]

Abdul watched too many Brake test fails on utube so he tried it.

[racedo]

If I can do this with keys of crane, give me keys of Hunveee :) then have some fun.

[racedo]

10kg bag limit on Ryanair fail.

[Wensleydale]

Oh Well. There goes another idea for the next series of Robot Wars.

[c52]

OK, we made a bridge across the Berlin Wall* but unfortunately, our end isn't on the ground so we can't get over it.

*Other walls still exist

[Buster Hyman]

You know...if only we had that really flexible Russian Soldier, we could've worked out the tipping point.

[c52]

"And what you're telling me is, the body of the crane represents an airliner, and the jib is what you're calling an Air Bridge - what good is it, exactly?"

[Kiltrash]

Well there I was, Underslung a Chinook and Sasless asked, "what does this lever do?"

[NutLoose]

You were only suppose to blow the bloody doors off..

[NutLoose]

Well I thought a portcullis was a stupid idea anyway..

[NutLoose]

Well there goes the mobile minaret idea, how’s the muezzin? He did sound several keys higher towards the end..

[Kiltrash]

We can't all get into that little blue box. and why do you call it TARDIS?

[Kiltrash]

Anyone got the phone number for the AA?
Abdull's drunk again

[Kiltrash]

In the Afghanistan F1 when the crane lifted Vettels car it was found Ferrari had cheated

[racedo]

I said Right hand down not hit the brakes, who taught you to drive, Hoskins.

[racedo]

Grab Camel by nuts it stops, grab Hoskins by nuts this happens, learnt today, Hoskins not camel.

[racedo]

Stupid Peasant fool, don't you know anything................... as they all laugh.
Yup, don't invade Afghanistan, oh so clever people.

[Wensleydale]

Who said that there was a shortage of PPE? Looks like P*ss Poor Engineering to me!

[Kiltrash]

The judges of BGT decided that Abduls magic trick of the disappearing Jumbo Jet was absolutely stunning, unfortunately there was some collateral damage

[Kiltrash]

David Blaine was entertaining the troops with the glass box and crane trick when there was a unexpected gust of wind

[cavuman1]

Ornithologists delighted in a photograph of the exceedingly rare "Whoopsing Crane".

- Ed

[Ascend Charlie]

Evel Knievel's cousin, Howfah Kanawful, didn't realise that he should have had the crane jib DOWN when he tried to jump the shipping containers.

[Kiltrash]

At the JCB Tractor delivery centre, the training course for new operators uses this slide as a example of why you should not travel with the jib extended. Especially under a rail bridge

[c52]

Well done, lads, you've just invented the vertical take-off crane. Now you've got 15 minutes to do a vertical landing."

[Penny Washers]

"I'm sorry, mate, but none of us can believe that these really are the Pearly Gates. And why are you dressed all in black?"

[c52]

I said to leave no stone unturned. I said nothing about turning cranes over.

[Buster Hyman]

Ok, we'll need something bigger for the Air Force wages crate.

[Kiltrash]

Sorry Buster but YOU were the one that told us your weight was 9st for the Bungee Cord settings....

[Kiltrash]

The opening scene of the new James Bond movie did not go at the Stunt Double had hoped

[Kiltrash]

Don't think you would have won that Conker Championship with out extending you arm so much..

[Kiltrash]

On the carrier the arresting wire engine was set incorrectly. The rebound ended up in Afghanistan

[c52]

We're trying to make trigonometry fun, and you idiots have spoiled my right-angled triangle - in fact, it's not even a triangle any more.

[Wensleydale]

We're trying to make trigonometry fun, and you idiots have spoiled my right-angled triangle - in fact, it's not even a triangle any more.

Sine of the times, Mate!

[NutLoose]

But surely the Tyre pressures should be checked with all wheels off the ground?

[treadigraph]

Judging this evening, circa 9pm BST...

[Kiltrash]

Damm, only came in for a oil change and Hoskins drove it into the inspection pit

[Kiltrash]

PCSO is called into investigate a slight fender bender, finds no one will identify the culprit

[Kiltrash]

Well there goes the No Claims Discount

[Wensleydale]

BBC NEWS | UK | England | Gloucestershire | Cranes to be reintroduced to UK (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/gloucestershire/7911784.stm)

Cranes are to be reintroduced to the wild.

[c52]

To destroy buildings, you fire a rocket from the mobile rocket launcher. You do not - do I really have to explain this?

[622]

Marine on right " But how did you know it was me driving it?"
"Well" said the Chief "The trail of wool from the snagged jumper kind of led us to you!"

[Penny Washers]

Sine of the times, Mate!

It was that squaw on the hippopotamus that proved to be the tipping point.

[Wensleydale]

It was that squaw on the hippopotamus that proved to be the tipping point.

Going out on a tangent!

[NutLoose]

Sorry, it was never meant to lift so many PI's into the mess..

[NutLoose]

I can't be telling you Porkie Pie's, Pork is forbidden....

[treadigraph]

Time ladies and gentlemen, please! Boy, do I miss those words...

OK in time-honoured reverse order:

Third is Surplus with

“Gents, you know the camp rules, anything over a kilo has to be lowered by hand.”

Second is NutLoose with a weighty pun:

“Someone's gonna get dragged over the Coles for this one.....”

And the CST holder for the next few days is Racedo:

“Looks like we have overdone it with the Sherry.” Well done Racedo, the CST will be left on your doorstep by a volunteer – apologies for the smell of bleach…

[racedo]

Oh gee shucks wow :), will fill it with 4 XXXX, tastes same as bleach.

Ok throwing it open as time pressure stops me from finding a decent one.

[NutLoose]

Well done Racedo :) I will await whatever someone throws up.. I’ve had my fair share of image posts..

[Buster Hyman]

Here's a quick one. Just a day or two, or if someone has another, let me know & I'll finish it sooner. :ok:


https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x640/aussiekill_960_640_acd0b6c317b4dc6b10c8d1ee48b4617b39952535. jpg

[Kiltrash]

Damm Nav, Bombed Darwin,...again... City thanks us for the improvements however

Sorry 'bombed Invercargill.' City thanked us

( lived there for 6 months was not impressed 😑)

[Ascend Charlie]

When the Kiwi said "G'dye" on the radio, I thought it was a Jap saying "Banzai", so I shot him down.


(Note for Kiltrash - an Oz flag needs the big federation star on the left)

[treadigraph]

Hell, his Boomerang certainly won't come back now!

[Wensleydale]

..and following his Landing on Guam, Hank was given a Darwin Award.

[Wensleydale]

"It was for a raid on a sand-paper factory".

[NutLoose]

I told the barsteward about kill stealing before we set off, and what does he do.... he jumps in to claim my zero just as I had it on fire and going down, so I scored a duece, he won't do that again...

[Penny Washers]

After the war, he went on to found Specsavers.

[NutLoose]

.
(Note for Kiltrash - an Oz flag needs the big federation star on the left)

Note to Kiltrash the NZ flag has one less star, they are both wrong.

[Kiltrash]

Dammit Hoskins bombed Pearl Harbor. Tries to hide the evidence

[Buster Hyman]

Note to Kiltrash the NZ flag has one less star, they are both wrong.
Note to all. It is supposed to be an Aussie flag but...you know...it was also an Allied aircraft too... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald_R._Johnson

[Kiltrash]

Packer denied being a double agent....

[Kiltrash]

(not a caption just a comment)

In the fog of war Blue on Blue was unfortunate

[MPN11]

Chuck admitted that aircraft recognition had never been his strong point.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Ah carries these li'l bino-claws round mah neck so's ah kin ahdentifah whut ah's shootin et! Nevah missed wun yit! (Patooie!)"

[Surplus]

The Americans didn't know about "Where's Wally", they played "Where's Bruce" instead.

2nd Lt Johnson often wondered why they named his aircraft 'Mr Magoo'

[NutLoose]

That was the Sheila I nailed on the way back from Rangoon.

[ivor toolbox]

And that's the one I got the Silver Star for....

Ttfn

[NutLoose]

Yes they're this years competition scores, that's the ONE Buster won....

[ShyTorque]

"Yeh, sorry about the one in the middle...but a kill is a kill!"

[ShyTorque]

"Kills? Well, sort of, they're the nationality of the mothers of my babies!"

[NutLoose]

Ahh that one... it was an ex Jaguar pilot I believe.

[NutLoose]

Look, even God did something different on the seventh day.

[Surplus]

Johnson's record was somewhat unusual, 19 Bijin and only 1 Backpacker.

[Wensleydale]

"There are some occasions where taste overrides one's duty".

[NutLoose]

And here is the weather for the next twenty days.... it will be sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny, overcast with smoke from the burning outback. sunny, sunny. sunny..........

[NutLoose]

Most of them were bombing raids over Port Moresby, ahh, that one... . I went down with dysentry and it was a bombing raid over the elsan.

[Wensleydale]

Bondi Beach; Banzi Beach...they all sound the same.

[Kiltrash]

We sunk a Jap carrier with 19 Zeros on board But my wingman got caught in my strafing run. So I claimed the lot

[Kiltrash]

""I've been sent over from headquarters"
"From Headquarters? what is it"
"Well its a big building with Generals and Admirals but that's not important right now" "I am looking for Amelia Earhart"..
.

[NutLoose]

Well it was like the Little Bighorn, bad guys circling the good guys, so I aimed for the middle and took all the bad guys out.

[Buster Hyman]

To paraphrase Nutty, I'm ending my quickie....

Runner up, Shytorque with
"Yeh, sorry about the one in the middle...but a kill is a kill!"

But the winner of the quickie is Treadigraph with the Capt. Obvious award, but still funny...
Hell, his Boomerang certainly won't come back now!

[treadigraph]

Aw thanks Buster! As the previous, previous winner, may I throw it open or perhaps Racedo has something up his sleeve now...

[Buster Hyman]

You nailed what actually happened too.:ok:

I guess people have a lot on their mind so, take care Captioneers!

[Kiltrash]

If I may be so bold as to chip in with another quickie while we are stuck to our keyboards

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/2000x1333/carrier_swim_0fe69623d0167a27fafa40512c350de5a91bf4a6.jpg

[Wensleydale]

SHARK! .........

[Wensleydale]

The USN finally decides how to get rid of Corona Virus from their carriers.

[Buster Hyman]

You can tell they're USN...the bombs are missing the carrier...

[Buster Hyman]

The start of another episode of JAG.

[Buster Hyman]

The synchronised diving team needed much work...

[c52]

POTUS announces a state visit to one of his ships.

[Penny Washers]

The ship's cooks announced that all they had left in the store was tins of beans.

"Abandon Ship" was the only possible course of action.

[c52]

Man in blue shorts, second-right: "Let go of my hair!"

[c52]

Woman on right thinks too late: "I've just remembered these shorts become transparent when wet."

[treadigraph]

The 2020 Olympic Diving competition gets underway,with lock-down inertia self-evident and social distancing still in vogue...

[Hydromet]

When 3 Somali pirates captured USS Minnow, the crew was forced to walk the plank.

[squeaker]

Facing a recruitment crisis, the Navy invent a giant vacuum cleaner to press gang unsuspecting holidaymakers.

[treadigraph]

At the end of the USS Nimitz's annual Families Day, loved ones begin to swim home...

[622]

And that Ladies and Gents is how the USMC do Colonic irrigation!

[c52]

Oops, navigation error. Sailed on a reciprocal bearing and are close to the North Pole, not the Equator."

[622]

"A reminder to all ships company, when participating in the afternoon water sports legs must be kept together to prevent confusion with the bosuns whistle"

[Wensleydale]

Mid-voyage on another USN cruise from Guantanamo Bay.

[Surplus]

After being relieved of duty, Captain Crozier's crew of the USS Theodore Roosevelt decided to look for any sign of Thomas Modly's integrity or credibility. They found a dead starfish.

[Buster Hyman]

Okay...you seem to have misunderstood planking...

[cavuman1]

As the air fills with the snap of ankle and leg bones breaking, jumpers are immediately chagrined to learn that the carrier draws only 3 feet at the keel.

- Ed :E

[racedo]

Girl (?) in black Cozzie, "Oh, its true, if you keep it in then it stops me falling"

[NutLoose]

Hmmm.....I wonder if it’s the wrong time of the month to be going swimming off shark cove.

[NutLoose]

Like I’ve always said, the US Navy are a right bunch of Lemmings.

[NutLoose]

I say again.. for tonight’s entertainment we have “A Band on Ship”..

[ShyTorque]

“Oi.....who nicked the lifeboats?”

[NutLoose]

Like my old Mum used to say, if you don't have nets, then it's curtains.

[Ascend Charlie]

When the Baptist congregation saw that one of their own (the dude down left) was walking on water, they started jumping down to meet Him.

[Ascend Charlie]

After the USS Forrest Trump shot down an Iranian gunboat, the medical team jumped into the water to rescue the survivors.

[c52]

Trump states (not that he's an expert but he is pretty good at just knowing things that the rest of the world takes years of painstaking trial and error to find out), that seawater is a cure for many diseases if it is forced up the nose at high speed.

[Dan Gerous]

WAIT!!! We only got 3 numbers on the lottery.

[c52]

HMS Marie Celeste

[c52]

That's a frogman, not a mermaid!

(foreground)

[Kiltrash]

OK folks last orders please call at 21.00 BST

back to the bottle of white wine in the garden....

Kiltrash

[NutLoose]

What do you mean we left the ladder back at San Diego?

[NutLoose]

See, I told you she whistles like a stuka on the way down..

[NutLoose]

Ahh yes, that's her blue note, it's to do with airflow over her "gun port" apparently.

[SASless]

When Big Bertha went over the side....the sudden list caused the OOD to sound the Collision Alarm!

[treadigraph]

The 2020 remake of "Dive Bomber" with Fred McMurray's role played by John Goodman and Errol Flynn by Tom Daley...

[NutLoose]

Whilst satisfying his rubber fetish and squeezing his ring, Buster was also pleased to find he could satisfy his upshirting fetish at the same time.

[racedo]

Feeding time.

[racedo]

A target rich environment.

[racedo]

Showers out again............

[racedo]

Hoskins promised Brenda they could have a foaming bath together............... her visions of bubble bath disappeared as she realised something got lost in translation.

[racedo]

Went in smelling like fish, comes out smelling like fish.

[NutLoose]

Bert showed the crew his party trick, levitating out of the water on the power of a fart.

[Kiltrash]

"A reminder to all ships company, when participating in the afternoon water sports legs must be kept together to prevent confusion with the bosuns whistle"

Earns First Prize to 622.Take it away

( I was hoping for a quip about Hoskins and his first F35 landing on the QNLZ), however we did get a Abandon Ship comment ….

[622]

Many thanks, Ok lets try this one then:
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcSDj6zDMDpjVUubprLQ9SrfPLugKCRq2fccRuLns 4zKdeKjnU6h&usqp=CAU

[Buster Hyman]

All in all you're just a....another brick in the wall.

[Buster Hyman]

We're just one brick short of a wall Mr. President.