Caption Competition Mk II

[Kiltrash]

...and for your next swimming test, water wings are not needed...

[Kiltrash]

Chinese sewing industry demonstrates the strength of its stitching.

[Radley]

Chinese sewing industry demonstrates the strength of its stitching.
well in the words of Tina Turner, ‘It’s simply the breast’

[fopeez]

Rugby dressed for American football.

[MPN11]

Captain Darling finally realised why Blackadder wanted to join the Womens Balloon Corps.

[NutLoose]

That reminds me, pick up a pint of milk when your down the shops please.

[NutLoose]

Buttocks, I told the surgeon, I want to see firm rounded buttocks........

[NutLoose]

N Korean Suicide vest MK1.. the cannonball model

[ShyTorque]

“Line abreast, line abreast GO!”

[MPN11]

“Ah,“ said Fat Wun, “This will prove to the Imperialist powers that we are indeed a developed Nation.”

[Kiltrash]

Gratuitous repost of the picture

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/cea8347c9a6f3154b786dcf3be29c4e4_9ddd72967c3de7742df946fc8bc 0d8118189aa34.jpg[/QUOTE]

[Kiltrash]

Now remember these are for your protection when Kim / Trump/ Boris/Putin * pins the medal with the oversize clasp to your chest.

* Delete as appropriate.

[Kiltrash]

... and if you get a leak, there is a manual inflation tube, and a light to attract attention under the clasp.

[Kiltrash]

..and they are also useful in the rain to shelter Ronnie Corbett so he stays dry.

[MPN11]

“You touch me one more time, I slap you!”

[NutLoose]

Ohhh i could just slap them and ride in on the nipp...sorry, ripples.

[ShyTorque]

There’s a nip in the air.....

[NutLoose]

Evely time I say right move to der wight in column of free, i here sounds of balloons squeeking.

[NutLoose]

So you are the bazooka squad?

[Kiltrash]

Normally I am a children's entertainer twisting balloons into funny animal shapes. But with Coronavirus I had to take any employment I could get. While still working with large rubber bags.

[NutLoose]

Loverly ladies...loverly ladies...well developed back muscles, that is what i like to seee..

[NutLoose]

it's a photo finish.......

[treadigraph]

It was like sleeping in a tent...? Did no one tell you to let them down at bed time?

[Out Of Trim]

This parade was very uplifting...!

[Kiltrash]

Surely one of you must want to clasp the PM to your bosom. He does have an very difficult job...and needs mothering...

[MPN11]

“Eye ... Fronts!”

[MPN11]

“OK, I know you sometime think I harsh, but you really are all my bosom buddies.”

[MPN11]

Sgt Weinstein reckoned THIS disguise was going ro be a Winner.

[MPN11]

“... and an udder thing, ladies ...”

[c52]

It's a simple choice, ladies: either you have a nice warm winter jacket like mine, or you get to be in the Dear Leader's favourite regiment.

[c52]

Congratulations, soldiers! You have been selected as chalet maids at the new holiday camp. Now, without smiling, when I say "Hi-Di-Hi", you respond spontaneously and as one with "Ho-Di-Ho".

[NutLoose]

With one sick t*t out of the US election race Comrades, Kim Yung wants to enter one our own t*ts to subvert the process.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

I need you lined up perfectly along here. Number 1, take a half step back.

[treadigraph]

North Korea's answer to the K-pop phenomenon...

[Wensleydale]

North Korean Air begins trials for the barometer for its new standby altimeter.

[Kiltrash]

You have been selected to go to Western Buildings Sites and use your assets to counter ' Builders Bum'

[Kiltrash]

You are about ready to become Mail Order Brides to sad Western Husbands. Just one more test. Repeat after me. 'Not tonight darling I have a headache'

[Kiltrash]

We need to see your recording equipment is fully functional before to go off to be Western Parliament Secretaries. So I shall just tap your breast 3 times and Comrades Kim will give a thumbs up if he hears it OK. Don't ask where the batteries go.

[Kiltrash]

You may be brides but you don't get a choice. It is Yes to the Dress...

[Buster Hyman]

I think we're ready to move on...

Runner up with the 'Lost in Translation' award...
Well that's just great, I'm the only one wearing combats. Now I feel right tit.

But todays winner, with a clever use of a fairly common abbreviation...
This is why they refer to us as Norks....

The CST is on it's way in a suitably inflatable device! :D

[NutLoose]

Well done Andy, a deserved winner....... Congrats to Dan too on getting the booby prize :}

[Dan Gerous]

Think I'd rather have the booby prize to be honest. :) Congrats to Andytug.

[NutLoose]

NL titters at the reply...........

[Buster Hyman]

Stop milking it Nutty...

[treadigraph]

Was that a nipple of applause?

[MPN11]

Well, Buster wasn’t eligible.

[Kiltrash]

Cylon No 6 gets the Oriental makeover

sorry did not see it has been called 😋

waiting...waiting..waiting....

[NutLoose]

Suck em up Buster... did you pm him and let him know he’s won?

[cynicalint]

Was that a nipple of applause?

No, it was the titter that ran furtively amongst the ranks!

[NutLoose]

Buster can you please keep us all abreast of any updates.

[Buster Hyman]

Settle down chaps, Andy will get a pic up! Honestly, this is just a storm in a D cup....

[NutLoose]

Maybe he is absent, because his mammaries visiting?

[Buster Hyman]

Perhaps he's just Lactate intolerant?

[Chu Chu]

I'm sure he's straining valiantly forward.

[Buster Hyman]

Dan, that's over 24hours. Feel free to have a go, Andy is probably still studying the last image....

[MPN11]

We need an Udder picture!

[andytug]

Many apologies chaps, busy weekend means not had chance to be online much. Thanks to Buster, and sorry for the boob 🙂

Try this one, hopefully not had it before...
https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x463/fb_img_1595674956672_0923aaeef9347870e02afefede3ff3be6c4bfc0 4.jpg

[treadigraph]

Elephanta, gentille Elephanta...

Air to air refueling - the early years...

[treadigraph]

A crow in a nearby tree: "Well, I be done seen 'bout ev'rything..."

[Kiltrash]

Nellie is fed up with the Giraffes getting the best leaves

[Kiltrash]

Scene left on the cutting room floor of 'Jungle Book'

[Kiltrash]

BAE sell India a Marine One

[Kiltrash]

'I will take any flying employment' Said the redundant BA Pilot

[MPN11]

FFS, we wereugly enough before they started.

[MPN11]

The secret History of No. 27 Sqn ,,, the Pantomime Years.

[Dan Gerous]

Well this new transport helicopter is just great. Look at all the trunk space.

[Dan Gerous]

Load the mini gun, we're going poacher hunting.

[Crash alot]

The latest attempts at helicopter camouflage did cause some to question what they had been smoking.

[c52]

David Attenborough:

The geniuses at the BBC have come up with a scheme to let us creep up unnoticed on the wild-life.

[c52]

A tornado begins with a trunk snaking down from the clouds.

[c52]

from Tomorrow's World

Learning from nature here, the firefighters have noticed that the elephant is the only land animal that squirts water, and they've wasted no time in copying it.

[treadigraph]

These things are supposed to hover, not hoover

[treadigraph]

Long before the 747, another Jumbo took to the air...

[treadigraph]

I see the howdah and Maharajah didn't last long...

[Wensleydale]

So that's how Hannibal crossed the Alps!!

[Wensleydale]

Germany's latest attempt at re-creating the Flying Circus was not particularly successful.

[Ascend Charlie]

The Tusking Officer had been ignoring the elephant in the room.

[Wensleydale]

The reorganisation of JHF was proving to be a mammoth task.

[Wensleydale]

In a bid to save money, the remakes of Apocalypse Now and Dumbo had been merged into one film.

[c52]

Attenborough again:

..and we're waiting patiently for these two creatures to mate, something that has never before been seen, let alone on television...

[treadigraph]

Catching the Mau Mau unawares took considerable cunning...

[NutLoose]

The Mk1 version was not a success when they realised letting its balls hangout in the cold airflow was not a good idea.

[NutLoose]

Definitely army.. look.... it’s got sod all between its ears.

[NutLoose]

There’s a chappese here from the LBGT community enquiring if we can do them in pink.

[treadigraph]

Originally we were going to disguise them as giraffes but there was a snag...

[treadigraph]

Hoskins thinks it's a great idea and will disguise his Robinson as a dik-dik

[NutLoose]

Irish air corp demonstrate their camouflage for operating in the anti tank role over the northern German plains.

[NutLoose]

One problem we have found is every time we fly near an orchard it attempts to stuff an apple up the crewman.

[c52]

"Yes, of course Mr Trump*, we'll be delighted to place a seat on its back for you to ride on, more than delighted."

* some other names are equally suitable

[c52]

The Home Secretary explains that by flying these over the Channel, illegal migrants will think they're heading for home and immediately turn back.

[c52]

Best be a bit early on the round-out here, Hoskins.

[c52]

After their kit Alouette model comes out entirely the wrong shape, Airfix make the best of a bad job.

[Wensleydale]

Originally we were going to disguise them as giraffes but there was a snag...

The SEngO told us to wind our necks in!

[Hydromet]

Mrs. Hoskins was proud to tell all her friends that her son was flying a jumbo.

[cynicalint]

Dumbo's parents continued to look for him but ignored the circus tent behind them as a ridiculous place to hide.

[cavuman1]

All went well until one heliphant, using its trunk, tried to grasp the other by the tail....

- Ed

[Surplus]

With legs longer than the undercarriage, it was very difficult to Taxyderm this Pachyderm. (sorry)

[Buster Hyman]

BAE sell India a Marine One
But the deal fell through because nobody at BAE realised they'd designed it on the African Elephant.

[Buster Hyman]

Too late, they realised that the pilots had Peanut allergies.

[Buster Hyman]

Sadly, despite what is commonly thought about them, they'd simply forgotten where to land.

[Ascend Charlie]

"One helluva pitot tube you got there, big boy! Or are you just glad to see me?"

[Kiltrash]

India decides to refuse the Chinese offer of 5G stays with making Trunk Calls

[Kiltrash]

Pilot Hoskins screams 'Watch where you are shoving them Peanuts'

[Kiltrash]

In a Top Gear stunt Freddie refused to walk a tightrope supported by the Elephant trunks. Who do you think I am he asked David Blain?

[Kiltrash]

Colonel Blimp having been criticised for shooting Tigers from Elephants descides to move into aerial warfare. However find habits hard to break.

[Kiltrash]

The Council refuse permission for the Elephant Walk through the village due to the great steaming piles of poo. Billy Smart gets creative to get them to the circus

[Kiltrash]

At Fairford the Spotters get all excited when the rumour mill says there is to be a 'Elephant Walk'

[Chu Chu]

Well, it worked with geese.

[Dan Gerous]

That's not fuel it's dumping!!!

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x463/fb_img_1595674956672_0923aaeef9347870e02afefede3ff3be6c4bfc0 4.jpg

[cattletruck]

Did someone say mouse!

[treadigraph]

Unfortunately for Hoskins and Carstairs, between base and their operating area lay one Colonel Sir Hubert Ffoulkes-Mainwaring-Montefiore KCB, DCM, DSC, DSO (and well-stocked bar), last of the Great White Hunters and intent on bagging a few more Jumbo with his trusty elephant gun while he could still get it up...

[Kiltrash]

In the badlands of the North West Frontier the insurgents normally hide when they hear the sound of the Helicopters. However they die laughing when sighting these.

[Kiltrash]

Outtake from Carry on up the Kyber finally sees the light of day

[Kiltrash]

As they prepared to bag a few Tigers on the shoot. Major Ruff-Diamond cried ' Fire at will.'. Captain Potty said ' What has Will done to deserve that? He's such a nice chap.'

[Buster Hyman]

Meanwhile, behind the stage, the props get ready for Fleetwood Macs final number...

[Buster Hyman]

"I said to dress them up with a Star Wars theme!"
"I did! Have you never heard of a Tusk & Raider?"

[Buster Hyman]

John (Joseph) Merrick didn't find it funny at all.

[Kiltrash]

PULL UP ..PULL UP..What's a Elephant doing in the clouds? Must be a mountain they are standing on

[Kiltrash]

Don Cameron 's latest offerings just in time for the annual balloon meet

[Kiltrash]

Go Go Inspector Gadget....

[MPN11]

In the absence of POTUS, Republican pilots keep the GOP banner flying ... while carefully distancing.

[Dan Gerous]

We're going on detachment to Africa, and because we have smaller ears, we need the fan to help keep us cool.

[Dan Gerous]

You don't want to get behind this Jumbo's jet.:eek:

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x463/fb_img_1595674956672_0923aaeef9347870e02afefede3ff3be6c4bfc0 4.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Due to Covid -19 rules the instructor and student must use separate aircraft.
But I am Don Cummins
Ah well that's alright then.

[Chu Chu]

Nice try, Hoskins. But I said you'd be promoted when pigs fly.

[c52]

The trunk sucks up flies before they squash on the windscreen.

[Chu Chu]

MoD keeps building castles in the air, so why not some elephants to go with them?

[Buster Hyman]

The Elephants tried valiantly to find a Mini Minor in order to get the Guiness World record.

[cavuman1]

Babar had the hots for Celeste, but was reluctant to mount her due the the rapidly rotating fly swatter she wielded on her head....

- Ed

[treadigraph]

With no room for the elephants on his ark, Noah turned to his old friend Leonardo da Vinci for a solution...

[Wensleydale]

"Nellie Nellie. This is Head of the Herd. Over"

[Martin the Martian]

Not-so-Little Nellie and friend.

[Chu Chu]

You're right -- they do look less ridiculous without the arctic camouflage. But I'm afraid they'll always be white elephants.

[Buster Hyman]

"Broadtrunks calling Dum-boy...Broadtrunks calling Dum-boy..."

[Kiltrash]

Poachers thinks
'Boy look at the tusks on them. Make a fortune '
or
Gonna need a bigger gun

[Kiltrash]

The Rangers look to flush the Poachers out with a tasty offering. ...By fitting a Gatling Gun in the nose

[ShyTorque]

"Dad, what on earth is THAT?"

"It's just a nellicopter"

[Kiltrash]

....and this model has a built in step ladder to help clean the Windscreen with washer jets

[Kiltrash]

Knew i should have given up drinking

[Kiltrash]

Upgraded version of a Elephant on a tightrope in the Circus gets a first airing

[Penny Washers]

"Rhubarb tree in your four o'clock."

[Kiltrash]

Did you hear Bertie bought it last week./
No what happened
Well there he was pottering about and BANG, some boundah mistook his roundel for a target and the rest was history.

[Kiltrash]

"Rhubarb tree in your four o'clock."


Well I put custard on mine...

[NutLoose]

We'll show Wing Commander Wallis and his little Nellie, what big boys fly.

[NutLoose]

Early filming of "You Only Live Twice" showed the original Little Nellie concept was flawed when they were laughed at.

[MPN11]

Old Man Martinsyde was horrified to see what history had done to his original concept.

[Kiltrash]

As Honda pull out of engines, Aston Martin have to provide Bond with alternative transport

[Buster Hyman]

New Russian Helicopter spotted. NATO codename; Herd.

[Kiltrash]

Need to get closer for Herd Immunity that Boris talks about.....

[CAEBr]

Having proven that the flexible refuelling probe didn't fall off, Dumbo flight head off in search of a C130J to practice their radio telephony.

[Penny Washers]

"Dad, what on earth is THAT?"

"They are camels designed by a committee at the MoD"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Amazingly, someone, somewhere, at sometime, thought this was a good idea.

[Chu Chu]

The outbreak of elephantiasis among the rotary wing fleet was becoming a serious readiness issue.

[Kiltrash]

Observer to Ground
' I need a location check but I can see Death from up here'
'Ah thanks that means you are over Wigan Town Centre'
Drunkard leaving Weatherspoons
'Time to give up drink' ...

[Dan Gerous]

Llama's, Cheetah's, Elephants? FFS make your minds up!

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x463/fb_img_1595674956672_0923aaeef9347870e02afefede3ff3be6c4bfc0 4.jpg

[MPN11]

After the commercial failure of the A380, Airbus trials a smaller Jumbo.

[Chu Chu]

French class would have been so much more fun if I'd known what an Alouette looks like after you pluck the feathers.

[c52]

The MoD finds a cost-effective way to choose the name of the next helicopter after Puma, Gazelle, Wasp etc. The competition is held on the plains of an exotic country because hotels are cheaper there.

[treadigraph]

Non! It has an Astazou engine, it's not at the zoo...

[c52]

The government wanted a heavy lift helicopter and this is what we came up with. The Sec of State for Defence was very impressed.

[NutLoose]

We tried landing but found we hadn’t got a leg to stand on.

[NutLoose]

I don’t want to worry you, but I think they’re doing a mating dance.

[Ascend Charlie]

The Tuskagee Airmen...

[Buster Hyman]

The original design was going to be a Giraffe, but it ended in tragedy as soon as they fired it up.

[Kiltrash]

Well the American Apache can hide in the trees, pop up, and blast the enemy tanks. We can hide in plain sight....

[Kiltrash]

HRH Fergie gets yet another half brained idea for Budgie's next adventure

[Kiltrash]

MASH 4077 decorate their choppers so the seriously wounded troops can have a laugh when picked up

[Martin the Martian]

Oh what Larks.

[Dan Gerous]

Oh My Ganesh,I can't remember some of the earlier captions!!!

[Kiltrash]

Do you come here often?

[Kiltrash]

He. I think Base is to the right, she, no its to the left. OK dear, so they went left and were never seen again...

[NutLoose]

Turn now, we are flying a truncated circuit.

[c52]

The RAF was told to put on a good show using all available resources for the Queen's birthday flypast. Regrettably the airman who planned the event had been recruited from a circus*.

* or Blue Peter
.

[Dan Gerous]

Great to fly and peanuts to run.

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x463/fb_img_1595674956672_0923aaeef9347870e02afefede3ff3be6c4bfc0 4.jpg

[ShyTorque]

Having packed his trunk, the C of G was way out.

[pasta]

Air Ministry to review procedures after civil servant misinterprets request for mammoth helicopters.

[pasta]

Proof that Boeing didn't build the first jumbo jet.

[pasta]

When I asked for something more exciting than Elephant Polo, I didn't expect you to come up with Quidditch!

[pasta]

These Alouettes are getting a bit long in the tooth...

[MPN11]

Sir David Attenborough was delighted <breathe> to see this rare species <breathe and look to camera> saved ... from extinction. <fade>

[treadigraph]

The beer goggle effect of Tusker beer while on overseas detachment in the bush was remarkably different to that of drinking Watney's Red Barrel down the Nag's Head back home...

[MPN11]

... and following that ...

The cross-breeding between Tiger and Anchor was quickly abandoned, as the kittens were HORRIBLE and could barely get airborne.

[Kiltrash]

Been asked to take the Man Cub home dear...

[Kiltrash]

Prince George....Daddy do we really have to watch that scary Mr Attenborough. Telling us that the next animals to be extinct is that lovely Royalty....

[Kiltrash]

So you see with our patented fog clearing system, our Medivac Copters can fly

[Ascend Charlie]

The registration of the first one was G-AJA*



*For those who came in late, GAJA is Indonesian for elephant. Now read on...

[Chu Chu]

Ivory smugglers adopt the purloined letter approach.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

This camouflage is fantastic! We'll never be spotted out here over the Yorkshire Moors!

[c52]

Conspiracy Theorist: Now that's what you do need to worry about. Look at the size of the sting on these insects.

[andytug]

Not a caption - judging tonight around 2000 UK time, once I have a beer 🙂

[NutLoose]

27 Sqn get in some simulated heavy lift time In before moving onto Chinooks.

[taotoo]

Heliphants

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to save the trees in the jungle, Dicky Attenborough heli lifts the Elephants to the watering hole.

[Kiltrash]

Jeremy Corbyn hides his dinner guests from the paparazzi in time for the Sunday Papers

[Kiltrash]

To prevent riots, CNN decide to separate Biden and Trump from each other at Joint Base Andrews

[MPN11]

Fortunately, rotor blade radius ensured Social distancing for the Mahouts.

[Kiltrash]

ATC... Well one of you declared PAN PAN PAN the other wanted a Korma on landing. Please sort terminology. ..

[c52]

..learning from nature... For our logging operations, we just curl the trunk round the log, and Bob's your uncle.

[andytug]

Oops, bit late on the round up again.....

However, as I love a real groan of a pun, the CST goes to Shytorque for:

”What on earth is that Dad”

”It’s just a nellicopter”


I also liked the ones about using giraffes as camo not going so well.....😀

[NutLoose]

Well done Shy, trunk packed, now awaiting the next one...

[Penny Washers]

Well done Shy, trunk packed,

Give him a bun . . .

[ShyTorque]

Andytug, many thanks!

Unfortunately I’m unable to post photos now that Botophuket has completely locked my account.

Rather than delay the fun, “Open house” declared, sorry!

[Kiltrash]

Andy, As we dont have a nominated runner up please may I offer up

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/900x658/226884_xcitefun_funny_moments_military_pictures_2_bba40e8632 86822ef8d8193af54e1c0aa1ef7f96.jpg

[Ascend Charlie]

You can tell he is excited by the number of blue antennae popping out of his head.

[Wensleydale]

Buddy Buddy checks have changed since my day!

[Buster Hyman]

"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" they shouted, but unperturbed, Dyson had another brilliant idea!

[Buster Hyman]

Don't ask, don't tell.

[Surplus]

Strictly... 2020

[MPN11]

Of course I will still respect you in the morning ...

[Dan Gerous]

Do a little dance,
Make a little love,
Have Fung tonight...

[Dan Gerous]

Oh Gok, your covid look is fabulous.

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/900x658/226884_xcitefun_funny_moments_military_pictures_2_bba40e8632 86822ef8d8193af54e1c0aa1ef7f96.jpg

[Hydromet]

"Are you gay?"
"Give me a kiss and I'll tell you."

[c52]

... must do something to improve vision through the goggles. The recharging point is clearly on the building behind.

[c52]

Fun with Magnets!

[622]

North Korean soldiers show off their latest underwater 're breather' kit

[NutLoose]

I don't know why you are recharging off mine, there is a recharging point over there on the building...

[NutLoose]

Yes it's attached to my gastrointestinal tract............ wait for it..pwwwaaaaarrrrppp........ ahhhhhhhhhhh...

[Buster Hyman]

And if you like that, we can go behind that building where you can become my 38th parallel!

[622]

(With credit to Black Adder)

'So you Prilate Blob'

'Me, Ho Chi Flasheart...Woof!'

[Dan Gerous]

Are the lenses bi-focal?
Yes, and they're not the only thing that's bi.

[Chu Chu]

The twins were resigned to cancellation, but carefully fitted mask(s) enabled them to safely travel for their long-awaited separation surgery.

[andytug]

No, no, when I said to try out your lespirator you should have known that I have trouble pronouncing "r"...

[MPN11]

“mmmnnnh mhnggg gaaammm?
”ahh, nnnbbmm!!”
”mwah!”

[NutLoose]

Irish navy test their rebreather

[MPN11]

“OK, which joker imported Imperialist Super-Glue?”

Fat Wun giggles, while ordering importer to be shot

[treadigraph]

North Korea implements stage one of its Population Control Programme...

[Hydromet]

"Now, big breaths."
"Yeth, and I'm only thixteen."

[NutLoose]

Uncle Bulgaria hello...

[c52]

"Turn yours to 'blow' instead of 'suck' and we'll be fine."

-- "No, you turn yours."

[c52]

N Korean soldiers practise for greeting the dear Leader.

[c52]

Capt Mainwaring: "Pike, Walker, I won't have this kind of behaviour. Our valiant allies, the French, may go in for that sort of thing, but let's not forget they're foreigners so we have to cut them some slack."

[Big Pistons Forever]

oh for fuc*k sakes ! I said your fly is undone !!

[Big Pistons Forever]

I don’t think this is how we test our seal......

[NutLoose]

I don’t think they designed the drinking straw so you two could swop spit.

[NutLoose]

Jones showed it was possible to tango in a gas mask while balancing a 10 pence piece on his forehead.

[Buster Hyman]

NK Scientists realised they needed to tone down their Beer Goggles weapon.

[treadigraph]

I didn't say "I would like a kiss", I said "Where can I take a p!$$?"

[c52]

Hearing of Pres Trump's latest ambitions, soldiers of both sexes eagerly volunteer for suitable training.

"I feel so powerful,” he boasted to his cheering supporters, 11 days after announcing his infection. “I’ll walk into that audience. I’ll walk in there, I’ll kiss everyone in that audience. I’ll kiss the guys and the beautiful women – everybody,” he added, his voice still a bit hoarse. -- today's Guardian

[Penny Washers]

"Now, not a word to anybody else and strictly between ourselves . . . ."

[treadigraph]

I'm beginning to think the Dear Leader's idea for using magnets to halt the spread of Covid is deeply flawed...

[NutLoose]

Stop press:

Beloved leader bans magnets when he finds they are only happy together when North and South are joined

[Wensleydale]

"Can you taste Novichok"?

[Buster Hyman]

Kim Jong-Un shed a tear when he saw a beautiful moment during the parade.

[Wensleydale]

Having misheard his instructor during NBC training, Petrovic bent down to kiss Uri goodbye and not your ar*e..........................

[c52]

This special equipment is designed to teach soldiers not to fart on parade; but some of them are fascinated by the possibilities and begin to act like dogs sniffing each other's bottoms.

[ShyTorque]

“If opposites attract, one of us must be north, the other south......
Best keep quiet or we’ll both get the anti-aircraft gun send off!”

[c52]

Two government ministers, believed to be Hancock & Jenrick, demonstrate how life can be fun under total, total, total lockdown.

[Kiltrash]

nOT A CAPTION...

In the North West we have LAST ORDERS PLEASE so in Solidarity please make your offerings and judgement at 16.00 BST ...

[Penny Washers]

"What was that you said? Something about perspiration? . . . respiration? . . . determination? . . . Ah! constipation! . . ."