Caption Competition Mk II

[Kiltrash]

MOL shows full confidence to take one of his fully sanitised flights with 100 % load factor

[Kiltrash]

Beardy Branson shows no after effects after being through the full body scanner a record 12,000 times

[Wensleydale]

Delegates for the "Yellow and Silver Lives Matter" Convention begin to arrive at Heathrow.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/585x300/adec0392_7b88_4a33_a0be_ee2fad634e86_e67cabe9c6286780af939b9 ee75e4cd9f2d498e1_jpeg_19207761814a8d22a19a08a84d6553098f719 e58.jpg

[NutLoose]

And for lunch one will have Smash.....

[NutLoose]

What do you mean Sir John Allison is the pilot................... Noooooo............. the last time he took a Black 6 up, he turned it into a Black 9.

[NutLoose]

And should you chose to accept this mission and remove your finger from the play button, this tape will self destruct in 5 seconds.....

[NutLoose]

Bloody cabin crew, where are they, I'm pressing my call button and my lights are on.

[treadigraph]

Gosh, the lady next to me has dreadful halitosis

Or

I do beg your pardon, too much Castrol GTX on my Rice Krispies this morning...

[treadigraph]

Boeing push ahead with reintroduction of the 737 MAX, combining revenue services with flight testing...

[NutLoose]

It's my left thumb....honestly.

[NutLoose]

Fellow Transformers, I'm debating transforming back into a yellow taxicab as it might be quicker.

[NutLoose]

Well yes, I was a Cyberman, but these days one likes to be called a Transcyber..

[Penny Washers]

Some people are taking their Personal Protective Equipment precautions a bit too far.

[NutLoose]

I'm pre-programmed to spout nonsensical and irrational statements....... AND I'm running for President...

[NutLoose]

Danger Will Robinson... excess baggage allowance charges..

[Kiltrash]

Well, she explained, it fitted in the Hand Baggage size contraption at the gate, so what's your problem?

Nutty great minds think alike

[NutLoose]

Iron Man? Noooo I'm the British version...Bacofoilman.

[Kiltrash]

That's my assistance robot, it has 4 (four) groinal attachments, like his father Kryten 2X4B-523P.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/585x300/adec0392_7b88_4a33_a0be_ee2fad634e86_e67cabe9c6286780af939b9 ee75e4cd9f2d498e1_jpeg_19207761814a8d22a19a08a84d6553098f719 e58_266f90dbfcf17defd5ad7482b510885adbd83916.jpg

[treadigraph]

I'm going for an audition with Compressorhead - they're looking to add a ukulele player to the lineup for their 2021 tour...

[Kiltrash]

The Cabin Crew found a 10 minute to re charge through a 19 hour flight was more than sufficient. looks forward to the revised QF1 non stop...

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

Last time i was strapped into a seat, it was in a Volvo and i was driven into a concrete wall at 50mph ......i wonder whats going to happen next

[Kiltrash]

.... uses its hand to mask it was looking at Porn..... Steam Trains on the Basingstoke line...

[Kiltrash]

amazing what you can pick up at the Departure shops, All I went into Victoria's Secrets for was a set underwear, but the Mannequin took my eye....

[Buster Hyman]

The new Sky Marshall tactical gear was a bit of a giveaway...

[Penny Washers]

The rules of American Football have now been changed to allow players consisting of up to 100 per cent armour and no meat to take part.

Problems could arise if the match is far enough away for transport by air to be necessary. Here, Hank has sent his body armour on ahead but he could not get a First Class seat booking for it.

[NutLoose]

I'm not a number, I'm a free man.

[NutLoose]

The secret of the man in the Iron mask was revealed when Prince William was spotted seeing off the usurper at Heathrow Airport.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Boeing Chief of Commercial Programs to 737 MAX Program Manager

Just "jedi mind trick" the FAA again, they will never notice we did the remainder of the flight testing in revenue service......

[c52]

Some VIPs don't believe this plane can do a blind landing, so they're going to swap the captain for me 10 miles from touchdown.

[Kiltrash]

Marvin the Paranoid Android goes on holiday to Lithuania to cheer himself up.

[ivor toolbox]

Aaaa choo!

Ttfn

[Kiltrash]

I'll be back, You know in all the excitement I clean forgot, You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off , Your Gonna need a bigger boat, These are not the Droids you are looking for,

One of the advantages of Cybernetics is the ability to watch the entire film library at the same time...

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/585x300/adec0392_7b88_4a33_a0be_ee2fad634e86_e67cabe9c6286780af939b9 ee75e4cd9f2d498e1_jpeg_19207761814a8d22a19a08a84d6553098f719 e58_266f90dbfcf17defd5ad7482b510885adbd83916.jpg

I don't know why they call it a red eye flight. I seem to be the only one.

[Surplus]

Even the Blue Angel's autopilot can't eat custard without making a mess.

[Kiltrash]

Right i'm all set for 'Speedy Exit' when we get to the gate

[Kiltrash]

During the 90 second test to evacuate the new aircraft, Brian was determined to earn the $100 for being first off

[treadigraph]

Robbie froze when he realised that a measly USB socket was all that was available for charging...

[NutLoose]

When passing through the xray machine they saw a lack of circuitry in my head so surmissed I must be another of the deadheads, and that's how I ended up with you all on the new Boris Jet.

[treadigraph]

Robbie liked to while away long flights by watching robo-porn on his palm top

[NutLoose]

Yes, I'm having a steamy affair with the aircrafts coffee perculator..

[Kiltrash]

Upon returning to filming, the producers were dismayed that No 6 had let herself go
https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/250x333/number_six_tricia_helfer_858a600c2f42d8dc30a17977b7fc79c8cd5 acf3a.jpg

[ivor toolbox]

Yes... I am Data.... I am afraid security confiscated my outer covering due to the gel content...

Ttfn

[Buster Hyman]

"Klaatu barada nikto?....aww rats.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Otto felt strangely disconnected.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Why there are 3 hydraulic systems on an aircraft.

[Kiltrash]

Cmdr Ward accidentally left his all immersive F35 helmet on the civilian aircraft. 16 year old boy adapts it to play computer games.

[Wensleydale]

Upon returning to filming, the producers were dismayed that No 6 had let herself go
https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/250x333/number_six_tricia_helfer_858a600c2f42d8dc30a17977b7fc79c8cd5 acf3a.jpg

I preferred number Seven.....
https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/220x295/seven_of_nine_5293869749c458459b840e6c633819c743d95a64.jpg

[622]

Judging tomorrow....."

[ivor toolbox]

I think I will sit here and practice karate....
It makes me a better traveller

Ttfn

[NutLoose]

So she said are you a male robot and I said yes, but before I got a chance to say anything else, she had posted a letter in my mouth.

[Kiltrash]

Oh I'm so clumsy, all fingers and thumbs, dropped my $15 egg sandwich, lucky i have a built in bib

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/585x300/adec0392_7b88_4a33_a0be_ee2fad634e86_e67cabe9c6286780af939b9 ee75e4cd9f2d498e1_jpeg_19207761814a8d22a19a08a84d6553098f719 e58_266f90dbfcf17defd5ad7482b510885adbd83916.jpg

The $6m dollar man, 'we can re build him' however Lee was dismayed to find they had runout of cash for his Genitals, Call me Lesly...and get me a wig

[SLXOwft]

D. Cummings, to prove his commitment to cyber warfare as the only way forward, volunteered to be upgraded. However. he was warned that wouldn't fix his eyesight. So he took a flight to EGNX to prove them wrong.

[622]

Ok, time is up for this passenger.....

And the winner is Nutloose with :

So she said are you a male robot and I said yes, but before I got a chance to say anything else, she had posted a letter in my mouth.

Well done Sir, the robot will drop the CST trophy off with you later.

[NutLoose]

:)

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1273/army_helicopter_pilot_capt_j_dawson_being_watched_by_members _of_the_wraf_as_he_prepares_to_take_off_box_775_827071750_a_ jpg_shutterstock_editorial_9171237a_e05a2c681b6f61fae980f384 58814b60c47da23e.jpg

[Penny Washers]

There's something fascinating about that man's right ear.

Which is why this 'ere photo is posted right 'ere.

[MPN11]

“You hold that thing very firmly .... can I have a go, please?”

[MPN11]

Lt Hoskins chose his practice diversion airfields with great care.

[MPN11]

Lt Hoskins just couldn't decide on his mission for tonight, and regretted not packing some Viagra.

[622]

His chopper was irresistible to the ladies

[MPN11]

Indeed it was only 12 hours later that he became known as “Chopper” Hoskins - well, by three of them, anyway..

[Kiltrash]

Whilst not expecting a new picture so soon, Kiltrash was finally stumped for a comic quip.

[Buster Hyman]

"Joystick? Well yes...it's one of them...":E

[Buster Hyman]

What are all these WAAFs doing up here in a cloud bank?

[Buster Hyman]

This is my collective...Skipper.

[treadigraph]

"It's a little stiff" said Peter exercising his cyclic.

However, the girls seemed more interested in Peter's Skeeter's collective...

[MPN11]

Lt Hoskins waited for the tension to build a little before operating the “EMERGY DOOR RELEASE”.

[MPN11]

Lucy was thrilled to notice he had another “thing”, and wondered what it might be useful for.

[MPN11]

Looking cautiously through the Perspex, he realised this was going to be a Kiltrash evening ... quantity over quality.


(Apologies to Kiltrash, especially as I seem to be on belt-feed myself!!)

[MPN11]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1273/army_helicopter_pilot_capt_j_dawson_being_watched_by_members _of_the_wraf_as_he_prepares_to_take_off_box_775_827071750_a_ jpg_shutterstock_editorial_9171237a_e05a2c681b6f61fae980f384 58814b60c47da23e.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Jim Carey finally realised his life was a TV reality show

[Kiltrash]

6-1 ratio Cabin to Fight crew, this wa going to be a most enjoyable trip mused Hoskins

[Kiltrash]

The WAAF's were most impressed till they were told the Skipper sits on the left...

[Kiltrash]

Buster inwardly smies to himself, 'I have finally pulled'. Just then he changes back into his cleaners uniform and hangs up Nutty's flight suit.

[treadigraph]

Bond selected the girl in the middle - she clearly knew how to keep her mouth shut...

[MPN11]

The Army’s “Flying Dentist” project found it’s first candidate for cosmetic treatment.

[Wensleydale]

Brian was soon to discover what was meant by the phrase "Whirlwind Romance"

[Kiltrash]

The Nurses were happy to see the Doctors arrive at the 4077th, however Trapper John and Hawkeye had transferred to the 4078th

[Kiltrash]

Bit of incest here. Everyone is named Shutterstock. ... ...

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins modifies his Mk1 Landrover with a stick steer....finds it is a real bird puller

[Ascend Charlie]

The mockup helicopter wasn't fitted with a chin bubble, so LACW Harvey (with the cheeky grin) reached in and tickled his...fancy.

[Hydromet]

"I don't know what that thing between his legs is, but what a big eye it has!"

[Kiltrash]

Captain Flasheart gazed lovingly out the canopy, counted and counted again and was heard to exclaim, Tuesday where's Tuesday?

[Kiltrash]

On the set of the latest James Bond film, the 'Miss Moneypenny: hopefuls practiced their 'Come to bed 'eyes.

[Buster Hyman]

It's bad enough that the faulty Radar has magnetised the fuselage, but how much metal is in those underwires???

[ShyTorque]

The girls obviously preferred this one to Robo-willy in the previous photo.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Lieutenant, you are gripping that thing between your legs too hard - the knob on the end has turned black!"

[Kiltrash]

The artistic director on Doctor Who finds a new monster for the hero to combat

( well in closeup it looks like a trouser snake to me)

[MPN11]

Lt Hoskins found the experience so pleasant that, on retirement, he bought an Ice Cream Van.

[Dan Gerous]

Mmmm, that pitot head is nice and warm.

[treadigraph]

The swash plate's connected to the down tube, the down tube's connected to the bell crank, the bell crank's connected to the torque tube, the torque tube's connected to the mixer, the mixer's connected to the cyclic; now hear de word of Igor!

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1273/army_helicopter_pilot_capt_j_dawson_being_watched_by_members _of_the_wraf_as_he_prepares_to_take_off_box_775_827071750_a_ jpg_shutterstock_editorial_9171237a_e05a2c681b6f61fae980f384 58814b60c47da23e.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Having performed a perfect autogyro to the emergency airfield, Flasheart was most surprised to find his 6 Fiancée's had all been posted there last week.

[Kiltrash]

I'm his Fiancée, no I'm his Fiancée (6 times) was the cry as Flasheart took his chopper in hand and with a tight grip beat it to safety

[Kiltrash]

Flasheart was surprised to find all 6 off his girlfriends were at the airfield to greet him on the same day, The MO later put it down to Alzheimer's as he treated his stiletto wounds.

[MPN11]

“Smart“, thought Doris. “Much nicer than our pilots in their boiler suits.”

[Kiltrash]

Prince Andrew arives at Carnoustie (one of Trumps golf courses) and finds Epstein had laid on the after Golf entertainment.

[c52]

"If you'd put the undercarriage down before landing they might sill surround the plane, but you wouldn't know they were laughing at you."

[Surplus]

After a quick glance through the windshield, Hoskins performed the quickest touch and go Machrihanish had ever seen.

Excuse me ladies, Is this RAF Deliverance?

[MPN11]

Their fingers gently caressed the window frame, their eyes conveyed many silent messages ... should Hoskins grab a handful of collecive and escape RAF Love Island, or bow to the inevitable?

[Chu Chu]

Resentful of his new copilot, Lt. Hoskins refuses to acknowledge Prince Harry as he climbs into the left-hand seat.

[MPN11]

The proposed Marine One was rather small, and POTUS was unsure if his WAGS could all fit into it.

[MPN11]

”OK, ladies, joking apart, which one of you is really Miss Shutterstock 1960?“

[Buster Hyman]

"Are you a Pilot?"
"No, I'm just the Engineer."
"Sod it girls. Lets try that Argosy"

[MPN11]

“Hello, Sir. We’re the COVID-19 Testing Team, and we need to take some swab samples. The procedures shouldn't take longer than a couple of hours.”

[c52]

"Good morning, Sir. We're provided by the state to help you enjoy your 14 days of quarantine."

Then he woke up.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Sorry girls I am gay....

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Large Big Mac meal, with a coke thanks.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The one in the middle has sussed him out.

[Kiltrash]

25 years after landing the last time at St Trinians Hoskins was pleased to find the girls must have had the same Father.

[Kiltrash]

As the CO It was his duty to allocate the ground crew to the aircraft. ... Well look after Number one was his reasoning

[Kiltrash]

Post Falklands The Queen later regretted allowing Andrew taking his chopper round the Schools to drum up recruitment

[Wensleydale]

Being a good officer and looking after his men, Brian asked the girls if any of them would like to look at his privates in the passenger compartment.

[Penny Washers]

When I said "my zip's stuck" I didn't realise that I was on Transmit.

[Kiltrash]

In 1960 having delivered the Love Island contestemts safely, the producers decided to celebrate the 60th anniversary to tie the girls to a instructor and chuck them out out to sky dive ...
Oh where's the fun in that said Hoskins

[MPN11]

Hoskins suddenly closed the window when he realised the girls were breaching his COVID-19 “Bubble”.

[Kiltrash]

Colonel Klebb infiltrates the British Military to get close to Bond, James Bond

[treadigraph]

Alan Bristow arrives at a career decision point; start a helicopter company or an all-female dance troupe

[MPN11]

Nora: “I love the way the colour of his beret matches his eyes”

[cavuman1]

There were the Rockettes for rockets and the Nose Art Girls for World War II aircraft. But whenever Hoskins stirred his cyclic and yanked his collective, there were always some female admirers who took stock and shuttered. They were known as the "Chopper Cloppers."

- Ed :)

[Kiltrash]

Nutty catches the eye of third from the right, as he swings, Tarzan like, through the trees in an attempt to steal Busters bevy of busty beauties

[Penny Washers]

There's only one girl for me, and she's at home at the moment, looking after my elderly parents . . . .

And the four children . . . .

And the labrador . . . .

And doing some cooking and baking . . . .

And the garden . . . .

I wonder why these girls are looking so happy - they don't know what's coming to them.

[Kiltrash]

...and after that if she is too tired for sex there always her female friends.

[Kiltrash]

The dwarves don't quite get the idea of line up in height order

[Kiltrash]

For act (s) of outstanding heroism in the face of the enemy, Captain Brave is awarded the Order of orgasm and bar and bar and bar and bar and bar. However he is still working on Julie....

[Hydromet]

For act (s) of outstanding heroism in the face of the enemy, Captain Brave is awarded the Order of orgasm and bar and bar and bar and bar and bar. However he is still working on Julie....
...on whose account he eventually received the VD and scar.

[NutLoose]

AND THE WINNER IS

The swash plate's connected to the down tube, the down tube's connected to the bell crank, the bell crank's connected to the torque tube, the torque tube's connected to the mixer, the mixer's connected to the cyclic; now hear de word of Igor!

Runner up is Kiltrash with

As the CO It was his duty to allocate the ground crew to the aircraft. ... Well look after Number one was his reasoning

The Trophy is in the post when I arrives. :)

[treadigraph]

Blimey, thanks Nutty... I'll clear the DIY detritus off the mantelpiece...

Have a go with this for a day or two...

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1024x768/1024px_wright_military_flyer_arrives_at_fort_myer_va_da_sd_0 5_00659_jpeg_db2e5b0b4129bec6ef834fd866e9092bf317b0ab.jpg

[622]

Ahhhhh,,,,when I said “Yes, it could be used for dropping bombs”...I was hoping for something a bit smaller!

[c52]

"Shouldn't the undercarriage on the aeroplane face forwards"?

[NutLoose]

I've perfected crosswind landings, but straight in approaches are proving difficult.

[MPN11]

”Thank Heaven for the Empire, Carruthers. Where else could we source all that bamboo and string?”

“Indeed, Cholmondley-Warner, and be grateful for our MPs generating gas for the balloon.“

[MPN11]

Child in foreground ... “When I grow up I want to be the man who mends them when they get broken.”

[Surplus]

The Flying Doctor was scrambled to assess Hoskins swollen testicle.

[MPN11]

The pilot optimistically hoisted the Blue Peter, displaying confidence that he would actually take off.

[Chu Chu]

New research proves that the Wright brothers used a hydrogen balloon to provide stability in pitch. The horizontal surface forward of the wing is just an old canard.

[MPN11]

The race between the Right Flyer and the Left Testicle drew little Public attention.

[Kiltrash]

Woman with child on lap.....don't be silly dear you cannot be a fixer, your a girl. Oh that's OK parent or guardian I have already devised the appropriate gendar realignment procedures.

[Kiltrash]

As the Hrdrogen tank starts to lift off the ground due to over filling. Seamus O' Hoskins takes care full aim with his trusty service revolver. To be sure a couple of holes will stop it rising ....NOOO was the cry

[Kiltrash]

Man with newspaper standing under the Starboard wing
STAN'ARD, GET YOUR EVENING STAN'ARD HERE

[Kiltrash]

Man with paper etc

Here we have the 9 th wonder of the world and everyone wants to see a old gas bag. Oh how I dispair

[Kiltrash]

Woman in white on left

You'll never get me up there as a wing walker strapped in. 5 Seconds later EEK ! asJerry Mouse scampered past proved her wrong

[Kiltrash]

Bae reveal on the left the Nimrod replacement, claiming it has enhanced loiter time on station

[Kiltrash]

It was pointed out to BUFF Pilots their undercarriage was not a new design

[NutLoose]

Ok, we've delivered the first BAe AWAC housing, where do you want to stick it, front or rear?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Wilbur and Orville have a quid each way.

[c52]

"You misunderstand. This is only a single aeronautical vehicle - the black one is the fuel tank."

[c52]

"I told BAe to consider the advantages of streamlining - that is the prototype on the left."

[NutLoose]

This is gonna be a cartastrophe

[NutLoose]

We couldn't decide on big wheels or little wheels, so we tossed for it and I'll be blowed it landed on its edge...

[andytug]

OK, that’s the last time we contract to the Amish for the undercarriage.....

[MPN11]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1024x768/1024px_wright_military_flyer_arrives_at_fort_myer_va_da_sd_0 5_00659_jpeg_db2e5b0b4129bec6ef834fd866e9092bf317b0ab.jpg

[Chu Chu]

Sadly, the brothers' carbon-capture scheme proved less successful than their flyer.

[MPN11]

“Hmmm, Carruthers. Folding landing skids? I‘d say that’s a cause of troubles yet to materialise.”

[MPN11]

“George, dear, why is that man over there tossing a caber? He might injure something.”

[MPN11]

The Baggage Handlers arrived with their cart, but had no idea where to stow the boxes.

[MPN11]

The Times ... Low Flying Complaint Lodged Against American Flyer!

“I nearly lost my hat”, said Lady fforbes-Hamilton (47) from Winchester.

[NutLoose]

It’s the ladies edition, designed to be flown side-saddle.

[NutLoose]

It’s the BAe mk 2.

Late on in the design process we realised the Mk 1 Spec had a width limit, so we simply rotated the undercarriage 90 degrees to meet the spec, it won’t fly very well, but we will point out to the RAF that their specs were far to ambitious, and offer them the original Mk 1 version as the MK 3 for a considerable price hike. It makes good business sense.

[NutLoose]

It’s a FORD... Found On Roadsides Deflated.

[cavuman1]

During his brave attempt to lift the aeroplane onto its transport cart, Orville's hernia blossomed forth for all the World to see. Turning away, Wilbur could not contain a massive guffaw....

- Ed

[ivor toolbox]

Swissport tow team get it wrong again....

Ttfn

[Dan Gerous]

Well the hydrogen fueled car is a goer, but I can't see this flying contraption catching on.

[Dan Gerous]

Little baby Trump runs off, mocking Wilbur and Orville. "That thing is too bigly to fly. You'll still need my hot air to fill balloons for a long time yet."

[Dan Gerous]

"My Dad makes better planes than you"

"Get lost you little Fokker"

[MPN11]

Greta’s grandmother ran away with her hoop, muttering about pollution.

[Wensleydale]

i don't care if you were on the narrow track first. It says here that powered aircraft must always give way to balloons!

[Chu Chu]

Well, Jim, the odds are currently 2:1 in favor of the airplane and cart. But if the winds start to pick up this afternoon, that may eat into the team's advantage on the aerial leg.

[Cerney218]

CAR DRIVER: Baloon cars will soar long before winged haycarts will ever leave the ground

[NutLoose]

Well, that's what you get when you let the Windbag in the White House dictate the design of Airforce One

[Ascend Charlie]

"OK, let's change the wording of the Specification to UNDERCARRIAGE instead of UNDERCART"

[Kiltrash]

At the formation of the Royal Air Force a fly off was held to see if no1 (F) Squadron was to be equipped with conventional or vertical take off aircraft. 100 years later the debate was still raging

[Kiltrash]

At Hendon HRH Prince Philip, far left, asked the designers to explain their principals of flight. However stops the balloon creator as soon as the Froggy opens his mouth and goes with Orville

[Kiltrash]

At the recruitment fair, Little boy in front. No mummy I want to be a coal miner, everyone will need coal, it's a job for life, Cough, Wheeze, Splutter....

[Kiltrash]

While attempting to improve their bicycle by making a 4 wheel version, somehow the plans got mixed up with the Flyer.

[Kiltrash]

At Kitty Hawk, as the Flyer is prepared for flight the chase equipment is prepared. If the aircraft falls put the sky the airbag will save the Pilots

[Penny Washers]

The Wright Brothers set out for Europe in order to show everyone the latest cutting edge technology from the USA.

They have both undergone extensive training to prepare for possible Cognitive Impairment which they have heard is endemic in Europe.

[ivor toolbox]

And thus, by lifting the aeroplane with the balloon the airborne observation post was invented

Ttfn

[Buster Hyman]

So, my vision is that we have hundreds of these contraptions on the cart and, when we see the enemy, we put the Wagons in a circle for defence. I call it, the Big Wing!

[Buster Hyman]

The hard part is getting the Horses up to 88mph!

[Surplus]

After the last mishap, HAV ensured it wouldn't happen again. Meet the HAV chase plane piloted by Bruce Dickinson.

[Kiltrash]

At Filton, they decided, to simply make the hanger larger. Now what shall we call it Mr Brabazon?

[Kiltrash]

In 1920 the Cavalry officers did not see the future cumming, just like in 2020 the Pilots did not see automation.

[MPN11]

Major Trenchard saw little prospect of this shambles being of any Military value.

[c52]

BAe: "Well, you said you wanted an aircraft carrier, and that cart is carrying the aircraft, so that'll be £500,000,000,000 please."

[cavuman1]

"We will fart in Bleriot's general direction when he lands on the World's largest Whoopee Cushion", said Orv and Will as they collapsed in laughter and were carted off to the mental hospital....

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

At the SBAC show of 1920, Mr Cameron, while assisting with the Wright Flyer, desides to branch out to Balloons

[Chu Chu]

Out on a country walk, Ferdinand von Zepplein sees a traffic jam and gets an idea.

[Kiltrash]

Having successfully crossed the Channel, Bleriot was miffed to be forced to divert to Stansted by the UK Quick Reaction Balloon, due to not having filed a flight plan.

[Buster Hyman]

Despite austerity measures, the BBMF soldier on...

[MPN11]

Young Freddie Laker felt he was seeing an opportunity for the future.

[NutLoose]

It was meant to be a windsock, but one couldn't find a sock big enough, so one used a cup off M'ladies brassier.

[NutLoose]

It should lift orf in a 5 knot headwind..
What's the balloon for?
That's the BAe standby headwind and bloody expensive it was too.

[MPN11]

“I say, one hopes all these foreign chappies have been tested for contagious diseases at the Border.”

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1024x768/1024px_wright_military_flyer_arrives_at_fort_myer_va_da_sd_0 5_00659_jpeg_db2e5b0b4129bec6ef834fd866e9092bf317b0ab.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

At EXPO 1909, Wilbur and Orville demonstrate their idea for a portable windfarm.

[Kiltrash]

While all the grown up's gaze admiringly at the latest inventions, the Urchin boy excitedly runs off with all their pocket watches and wallets back to Fagan. ...and so distraction theft was born

[Kiltrash]

A early shot of Alan Sugar selling his wares from a market barrow at East Fortune
( or Hendon for those who don't get the East Fortune link)

[NutLoose]

It’ll never fly, it’s got zero horsepower.

[NutLoose]

We were going to call the contraption a Horse Hunter, but as they uncoupled the Horses, we settled on just Hunter

[Kiltrash]

Wilber speaks to his little known brother, Hoskins, I gave you one job and one job only, to design the tail plane and you created a, what did you call it? ah yes a CART., Orville have they invented hearing tests at Specsavers yet?

[c52]

"Have you read the manual on attaching the undercarriage?"

"I am, of course, aware of the manual."

[Dan Gerous]

Nah, I'm going to stick with my original idea and go with the spin drier.

[Kiltrash]

Fed up with losing the occasional finger when hand cranking the engine, Coffman invents the Starter.

[Chu Chu]

Apart from a defective limit switch, Orville and Wilbur's new cross-wind gear show great promise.

[Wensleydale]

16th October 1908. Samuel F Cody tries to fly a heavier than aircraft in England for the first time, but is frustrated when the parking stewards refuse him admittance because he has not pre-booked a ticket....

[NutLoose]

Ok, a couple of problems of note, ones not happy with the undercarriage and you’re going to have to try and miniaturise the high altitude breathing apparatus.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Training Command decided to go old school when looking for a trainer for prospective Jaguar pilots.

[c52]

Pretty poor show - that fake cloud looks folded, to me, and if this is a chariot of fire, I'm a dutchman.

[Buster Hyman]

Screw the flying contraption exhibit! Nutty's about to break the record for blowing up a condom with his nose!

[CAEBr]

The origin of the full motion single axis flight simulator

[Wensleydale]

There's a policeman holding us up.... its like waiting for paint to dry.....

"I say. You there! Constable. Have you seen this Hay Wain?"

[Kiltrash]

At Fylingdales the (early) early warning radar detects either a very large formation far way or a small group nearby in comming. Really must get the R as in Ranging sorted

[Kiltrash]

Due to the retirement of AWACS Bae source replacement aircraft and radar housing from the Hendon Museum. Well it is within budget...just.

[Kiltrash]

Woman in white. Now what can I get for Harold's tea?.... I know meatballs and spaghetti.

[Kiltrash]

In a demonstration of RADAR all went well till someone retuned to Brian Blessed FM. The return was swamped and the enemy got very close

[Kiltrash]

On the way to the Army barracks at Aldershot for the first SBAC show, the convoy broke down at Laffans Plain and so history was re written

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Well if one wants to sell a "Balloon Buster" to the military, one also needs a...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Bill Boeing (second from right) files away in the back of his mind an idea for a bomber undercarriage that, with a little tweaking, might come in handy one day,

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

At the 1912 Farnborough Show, the "Balloon-o-Car" and the "Cart-a-Plane" exhibits failed to drum up much interest from the public.

[MPN11]

The Kremlin’s early venture into Industrial Espionage (Flying Machines) did not repay the investment in deploying Agents.

[Wensleydale]

The Russian pilot said that he had bought the machine so that he could measure the height of Salisbury Cathedral because you never know when such information will be important.

[Chu Chu]

Desperate to smuggle heavy water across neutral Sweden, Quislings set up a touring vintage aircraft exhibit, complete with tritium-filled balloon.

[Kiltrash]

The Keystone Kops are called to investigate the missing strip of rubber from the balloon. Suspicion falls on Mr Dunlop when the flat tyre on the cart is mysteriously fixed

[Kiltrash]

As the morning flight arrives at Croydon from Liverpool the Captain reported the wheels were there last night but in the morning they were gone. However Seamus was able to sell him some new wheels. Only £100 the set

[c52]

"The British aeronautical industry is the envy of the world."

[cavuman1]

Those magnificent men in their flying machines,
They go up, Tiddley up, up,
They go down, Tiddley down, down.
Up! down! Flying around!
Looping the loop and defying the ground!
They're all frightfully keen.
Those Magnificent men in their flying machines!

#1 Victrola Hit by the Wright Brothers and the Brothers Montgolfier, 1905

- Ed

[Wensleydale]

BAE was not happy because somebody had stolen the horse that was pushing their cart.

[treadigraph]

Judging in the morning, hopefully around 7am if I don't oversleep...

[NutLoose]

I’ll send Coff round to rattle your windows, shake the bed and move the furniture...

[treadigraph]

Is that what it was, thought it was an earthquake - or next door snoring...

[treadigraph]

A difficult decision but someone had to make it - and Ascend Charlie pipped everyone else to the post with...

"OK, let's change the wording of the Specification to UNDERCARRIAGE instead of UNDERCART"

CST has been dusted and will be on its way just as soon as the horse has finished his hay. There may be two weeks quarantine before it arrives...

[Ascend Charlie]

Oohh, thank you, I will wait for 2 weeks before posting a picture...


No I won't.
https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/468x611/sabre_down_aac89fa39cf47c687b2e5556d4a6af28e537fb36.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

I tell you what Frank. That was quite a bit of Sabre Rattling that!

[Buster Hyman]

Hoskins, I know you were excited about your first FJ landing but...really?

[Buster Hyman]

Reminds me of a Fish I once caught...

[Buster Hyman]

Nah mate, this is Mig Road.

[Penny Washers]

Flameout !

[Kiltrash]

Buster was congratulated for getting the aircraft home in one piece instead of 'banging' out.
Buster said, Nutty had 'left' the pins in the seat

[Kiltrash]

Engineer on left wing. Bugger it just as we were about to clock out for the week end. ..

[Kiltrash]

Well there i was at 10000 feet, suffered a compressor stall, and the screen went all slimy

[Kiltrash]

Part of Hoskins duties was to take the CO's car through the car wash. However when he was allocated the Bosses Aircraft, muscle memory took hold.

[Wensleydale]

"Well - I suppose that there is mud moving and mud moving!"

[Wensleydale]

"Splash One!"

[Wensleydale]

"D*mn. I've lost the volleyball in the foam".

[treadigraph]

It's OK, the CO's gone, you can come out now...

[MPN11]

"Pull your socks up, Hoskins!"

[Dan Gerous]

"Tower, Fighter One at the wash pan. When you said charity plane wash, I was expecting scantily clad WRAF's, over."