Caption Competition Mk II

[Kiltrash]

Whistle Blows…. Now hear this,,, Now hear this...Effective immediately we are NOT Self Isolating, we have changed to Herd Immunisation.... So quick congregate and infect each other….

[c52]

Lots of witches, no shortage of wardrobes, but where's the lion?

[racedo]

Practising...

[Kiltrash]

Quick revive the elderly, useful at last. All Schools are closed and those without Grandchildren to be the guinea pigs for the Covid19 jab

[ivor toolbox]

Paging Count Dracula

[MPN11]

My fellow Elders in the Far East prepare for the inevitable. Where can I get a similar box?

[FollowTheSupper]

North Korean Air Force students practising g-tolerance exercises, in the new wooden "Rink Trainer".

[FollowTheSupper]

Oh boy...! It's time for my 0300hrs Krabby Patty...!

[FollowTheSupper]

Welcome to the new "All-Android" Electric Target Range. This will be a five second exposure over 24 hours. Targets will fall when hit. Watch and shoot...! Watch and shoot...!

[FollowTheSupper]

The "Canberra Navigator Experience" was always a firm favourite with tour groups from the Far East.

[c52]

An Experiment to see if it is Possible for MPs to Debate while Self-Isolating fails because they all want to talk at once.

[NutLoose]

Following on from Brexit, Trump announces Boxit for all foreigners.

[Wensleydale]

There is growing evidence that the Corvid-19 virus did not come from fruit bats, but from vampire bats...

[c52]

Invented to prevent cheating in exams, and then repurposed to ensure isolation during exams, these boxes never achieved their potential as all exams were cancelled.

[racedo]

Olympic Box In matches lost something in translation.

[racedo]

Mail Order Chinese Brides and Grooms....................... value range.

[Kiltrash]

At the ACME Joke Factory trial run of the "Knock 3 times and scream I'm not dead yet" as the coffin approaches the furnace.

[Wensleydale]

Chinese scientists are ordered to think outside the box....

[Kiltrash]

The "Canberra Navigator Experience" was always a firm favourite with tour groups from the Far East.
Brilliant...

[Kiltrash]

When I booked a Airbnb for my extended family in Beijing, this was not what I expected. The listing said that each guest would have their own bedroom. Now where's the review button....

[Kiltrash]

As demand goes up the price of Funerals goes up. Easyjet and Ryanair bring in a Economy one, Handles and Flowers are chargeable extra's

[Kiltrash]

Logans Run 2020 gets its first showing in Wuhan

[racedo]

Mars arrival after 3 months in space, side affects for the 20 year old Astronauts becoming evident.

[MPN11]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/930x572/funerals_416a52e1d3a1dc99624a2fb5ee594d1a68602272.jpg

Air China Business Class offers Priority Boarding in your personal module, with free beverage and box of tissues and use of a laptop to communicate with family and friends.

Economy Class images were censored by the Government.

[c52]

Ryanair gets 737 pax into a 737, each in their own lie-flat accommodation. Yet to be added to the module are the individual gambling terminal, online shopping experience and snack vending machine.

[Ascend Charlie]

Retiring workers from the Chinese cigarette factory are given their personal flip-top box.

[Art E. Fischler-Reisen]

When you said "Come back to my place and I might let you see my box", this isn't what I expected..

[Kiltrash]

After the Weinstein trial concludes the victims all come out the woodwork

[Kiltrash]

After so many unsuccessful attempts to win the Coffman Starter Trophy, the effort starts to take effect with the entrants

[Kiltrash]

After so many unsuccessful attempts to create the perfect monster, Frankenstein has to look for a new supply of corpses.

[Buster Hyman]

The new South Chine Sea residents are ready for their passage...

[treadigraph]

The Class of 2020 comes out of self-isolation... in 2050...

[Wensleydale]

There was no shortage of Old People for sale on the shelves of the supermarkets in Wuhan.

[Wensleydale]

A poorly proof-read document from the ruling party in China ordered all of Wuhan's elderly citizens to be placed in Social Case.

[NutLoose]

An Ikea spokesman explained that although termed "flat pack" the individual units come fully assembled and are Government approved "flats" for those that have been made homeless, containing a chair, table and adequate sleeping quarters.

[ShyTorque]

"Did you hear about poor Mrs Wong? Yesterday she went to sleep with the lid closed, farted in the night and shot straight out of the window!

[Kiltrash]

While out with the dog I thought of mine below, but Nutty beat me to it...

Having cleared Chinatown in London of the rough sleepers it was felt they would be grateful. Mr Won was heard to complain that the bed was to narrow and the matttess had no softness.

The gentleman from India complained there were no nails sticking up...

[Kiltrash]

Formula 1 decide that this year's championship will be run on the Playstation, However so the drivers can feel at home they will still be in a safety cell

[Dan Gerous]

NO! NO! NO!. This is a viral epidemic, not the Zombie apocalypse.

[NutLoose]

"When I asked for a Chinese takeaway, I meant king prawns in black bean sauce or a delicious pancake roll etc, not your aged parents"

[Wensleydale]

"When I asked for a Chinese takeaway, I meant king prawns in black bean sauce or a delicious pancake roll etc, not your aged parents"

Signs of the Bamboo Shoots of Recovery?

[MPN11]

China asks Russia for supplies of Novochuk to alleviate overcrowding.

[DirtyProp]

Ryanair introducing their latest Cargo Hold class.
Box provided for a minor surcharge.

[DirtyProp]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/930x572/funerals_416a52e1d3a1dc99624a2fb5ee594d1a68602272.jpg

Air China Business Class offers Priority Boarding in your personal module, with free beverage and box of tissues and use of a laptop to communicate with family and friends.

Economy Class images were censored by the Government.
And don't forget, in case of crash you're properly set up already.

[Ascend Charlie]

(CRRRREEEEEAAAAKKKK.......) "Yessss, Mr Addams?"

[racedo]

After 200 years have US Voters still not voted for Hillary Clinton as President, wow guess they not as stuooopid as we thought.

[Kiltrash]

In the U.S of.A. The NRA are all sent one (1) armoured rifle chest to keep the guns secure, If that fails the back up is a scary Old Chinese person.

[Kiltrash]

In the D.I.Y. stores a new best seller is the 'Slice a Assistant in half kit'. supply your own saw...

[Kiltrash]

In 1941 the effort to expel the Japanese from Hawaii gets off to a promising start

[MPN11]

After an hour, they were ready to take the photo ... mug of tea in identical location, tissue neatly emerging from its container, laptop correctly closed .... "OK, watch the birdie"

[Kiltrash]

...and for those in China who have lost thier Grandparents to Covid-19 we have a ready made supply of replacements.

[NutLoose]

Heard from Surplus, he’s a bit busy at the moment.

So I suggest this becomes the current competition and either the poster or a previous runner up scores it.

[Kiltrash]

Not a caption may i suggest Penny call it in 24 hours?
Back to your normal programming....
Caption
Due to the downturn in Aviation Spotters are put back in their box till the situation improves

[Hydromet]

The Japanese tea ceremony classes found an early solution to the issue of personal separation.

[Penny Washers]

Yes, OK. I will call it at the end of Sunday UK time. However, I strongly suspect that there being so many good captions that the only fair thing to do would be to declare everyone a winner.

"Per Ikea ad Astra."

[racedo]

Airlines trial new travel post coronavirus.

[racedo]

I can travel great distances when I close the lid and stop breathing...................... Heaven or Hell.

[racedo]

Have Liverpool won the League yet, I have been asleep for 30 years.

[c52]

Anti-vaxxers endure compulsory training on what it might be like to be dead.

[Kiltrash]

The special isolation booths supplied for the Midway and Las Vegas Tower controllers are found to be not entirely air tight

[Kiltrash]

Owing to cost overruns the Economy NBC suits. Army for the use off. are found to be a bit stiff

[Kiltrash]

The dance troupe practice the raising from the dead routine for the Easter Sunday show

[Kiltrash]

The British Prime Minister clarifys the rules for the no of people allowed to gather in Church.
Weddings to be 5
Funerals only the body....

Ps sorry REALLY bored with no live Sport....Oh wait 2 flies crawling up the wall....

[Wensleydale]

A trailer for Puccini's follow up to the opera Madame Butterfly - "Madame Chrysalis".

[NutLoose]

Strictly come dancing, the corona edition lost some of its pazazz

[c52]

"FAIL!

"Back in the boxes for another week of isolation. And this time when we tell you to get out, remember to SMILE as you think gratefully of our Dear Leader who has protected you from illness."

[racedo]

Pop Tarts....... the originals

[Kiltrash]

Lotus flower, Pea blossom and Jasmine climber are planted in beds

[Kiltrash]

Dementia suffers cannot remember are they getting up or going to the shops

[racedo]

After a run on blow up dolls, Acme came up with an alternative.

[Penny Washers]

Well, it's time to leave the jolly scene from the annual meeting of the Beijing Coffin-Dodgers, and to produce some results. But, honestly, there have been so many and varied captions that I really cannot pick out which one is best.

So I am going to declare "Open House," and anyone who has a good photo (hopefully something more cheerful) is welcome to take up the Olympic Starter Motor and run with it. Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this last spasm.

P.S. Why do they need ventilation holes in coffins?

[racedo]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/480x320/tp_38d1826ef371918b982ce88201f9afdc6c9d1388.jpg

A quick one...................

[treadigraph]

It was at this point that Hartington-Smythe remembered that his hoard of 500 toilet rolls was still hidden in the garage...

[NutLoose]

Racedo keeps the competition on a roll.

[NutLoose]

Loo rolls for the hard core..

[Ascend Charlie]

In accordance with the Social Distancing procedures, the rest of the sheets were 1.5 metres away, outside the cubicle.

[NutLoose]

Juan Sheet about to demonstrate one sheeeet does plenty....

[NutLoose]

Ryanair weight saving measures, extras available for purchase from the cabin staff

[Ascend Charlie]

"A sheet? Ahhhh, sheeet!"

[NutLoose]

Star Trek...... The Klingon Wars..

To boldly go where no man has gone before......

[NutLoose]

And this art installation represents the Trump years..

After 4 years of Trumping all over the place, it shows there is insufficient at hand to clean up all of the sh**

[Kiltrash]

My wife just said that was a lovely shade of Eggshell? To ask Racedo where he got it....

[Kiltrash]

In the Captains Toilet on the QNLZ the snagging list included Screws, 2 off, slots not in a straight line

[ShyTorque]

There goes the shag pile carpet!

[Kiltrash]

In this troubled times normal rules should be observed. Even the ones where it is the woman's responsibility to ensure that household cleaning and restocking is strictly observed.
Even when she is a critical care NHS Nurse and the men in the house are all working from home...

[Kiltrash]

Toilet Roll..Toilet Roll sheer luxury, for days now I have been reduced to using cut up Daily Mail for my ablutions. Well something that's good for.

[622]

Time to find out if those puppies are as soft and absorbent as their product was!

[Wensleydale]

There are plans for the RAF to drop supplies of toilet paper from bombers, similar to Op Manna in WW2. I heard that they were going to use the Multi Roll Combat Aircraft.

[Wensleydale]

Fights have broken out in supermarkets over the limited stocks of toilet paper. Old lags are comparing it to the Battle of Wipers...

[Penny Washers]

This will soon be the bog standard for everyone . . .

[Wensleydale]

There is an emergency number to call if you are trapped on the loo and no paper. You pre-fix the call with "Toilet Pan; Toilet Pan; Toilet Pan".

[Wensleydale]

There is a military plan for the Marines to invade France and liberate all of the toilet paper that they can find. It will happen on B-Day!

[622]

In a remake of the Adams family, 'Thing' knew it was going to be a bad day!

[Kiltrash]

On the wall of the House of Commons a new Banksy painting appears

[Kiltrash]

Soft toilet roll, shear luxury, During the War all we had was Izal

[Kiltrash]

Every public toilet had a MP assigned to protect the dwindling supplies.
note MP is Member of Parliament or Military Policeman substitute which one is more useless in your opinion

[golder]

Wife yelling from kitchen: Don't use all the toilet paper. There's only a little bit left.

[Wensleydale]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/858x563/pprune_0b36aa5f7e2c1b681300463af69c3b7308667e7e.png

[Penny Washers]

The difference between the 'haves' and the 'have-nots' has never been more stark.


And: 'For whom the roll calls.'

[Penny Washers]

Never in the field of human conflict was so much needed by so many from so few.


And: The end is nigh . . .prepare to meet thy doom.

[Buster Hyman]

"There's a smell in hear that's gonna outlast religion!"

[Hydromet]

If you run out of toilet paper you can use coffe filters. They work perfectly well, although they do effect the taste of the coffee.

[Kiltrash]

Having successfully ejected from the back seat of a F-4, Hoskins was only to glad to find the only unbroken toilet door on the station. However just as he thought all his problems were behind him....

[NutLoose]

And some said the new pound coin would never replace the old pound note..... and they were right.

[lomapaseo]

Ralph now regrets saying "pull my finger"

[Wensleydale]

"Parker!"

"Yes, M' Lady".

"Bring the Rolls to the door".

[Kiltrash]

Indoor toilet, In - bloody - door toilet. remember the day when it was a outside khazi and a brush for your backside....

[Webby737]

After taking Kiltrash's advice and previously trying the Daily Mail, Bob realised that even a whole roll of toilet paper was not enough to remove the sh*t that was now stuck to his ar*e.

[Wensleydale]

The lack of toilet paper is an NHS plot. If you can't wipe your a*se for two weeks then NOBODY will stand within 2 metres of you!

[Kiltrash]

Just off camera the last sheet disappears being pulled by the Andrew Puppy under the toilet door.
To hoots of laughter from the 6 year old child.

[Kiltrash]

6 year old child waits excitedly for the last sheet so she can get the inner roll for the Apollo Moon Rocket she is making with her mum during the school closures

[treadigraph]

You used the last sheet of paper... how DARE you...?

[Kiltrash]

The brown cat lying on the bath mat was most surprised by what happened next

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins checked the wrapper and it clearly said that each roll had 200 sheets, so prompting a call to Charmin Quality Control

[Kiltrash]

Mrs Morgan gleefully explained to Piers that the reason they had run out was that HE had refused to be seen on Social Media buying toilet roll

[SASless]

"Ou est le papier, ou est le papier;
Monsieur, monsieur, j'ai fait 'manure';
Ou est le papier"

[Penny Washers]

I thought the Government had endless supplies of bumph?

[DirtyProp]

"I have to call which number? Wait, let me grab a piece of paper...."

[Webby737]

Bloody housekeeping didn't check the toilet roll before I checked in.
Hang on a minute, bugger I'm stuck at home !

[racedo]

Will judge tomorrow morning as we need lots of these with short runs now we under house arrest.

[Ascend Charlie]

Michelangelo has a flash of inspiration as he looks at his hand. Maybe God could hand him a new roll? Or.....

[Kiltrash]

Jeeves, Jeeves JEEVES... come and wipe your Lordships ass. Oh wait forgot Jeeves not in essential employment

[Kiltrash]

Paul McKenna uses the power if his mind to refill the roll

[Kiltrash]

Monty Python scriptwriter contemplates the Meaning of Life...

[racedo]

In our brave new world of house arrest, curfew and less soaps on telly I read one and laughed out loud

"There is a military plan for the Marines to invade France and liberate all of the toilet paper that they can find. It will happen on B-Day!"

Wensleydale we could meet and present it to you but social distancing and "Two is company, three is a crowd and not allowed" prevents this, so take it away and our overlords have allowed you one extra visit outside today. Congrats

[NutLoose]

Will judge tomorrow morning as we need lots of these with short runs now we under house arrest.

I'm not!! I Cannot get an aircraft engine into the lounge.

[NutLoose]

At this point, General Sir Humprey Sloanes mind drifted back to the Boxer Rebellion and the Relief of Mafakin..

[NutLoose]

This called for a Hamlet moment, only he'd left his cigars in the dining room...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhmXTTOYndE

[racedo]

I'm not!! I Cannot get an aircraft engine into the lounge.

I call BS on this, I saw the photo of the guy working from home with aircraft landing gear in the kitchen.

Where there is a will there is a greedy relative.

[NutLoose]

Prince Philip suddenly realises that self isolating with Betty to Sandringham with only 120 staff, means the odd item will get missed.

[racedo]

Prince Philip suddenly realises that self isolating with Betty to Sandringham with only 120 staff, means the odd item will get missed.

Nutty

You do realise we waiting for Wensleydale with a new caption now. Just saying .........

[Hydromet]

Nutty

You do realise we waiting for Wensleydale with a new caption now. Just saying .........
Wensleydale? Stiff cheese.

[Kiltrash]

Caption waiting for picture
Now now children, is this the 5 minute argument or the full half hour?

[Webby737]

I'm not!! I Cannot get an aircraft engine into the lounge.
You see, maybe the BAe146 / Avro RJs weren't such a silly idea after all !

[SASless]

Will judge tomorrow morning as we need lots of these with short runs now we under house arrest.


My home made Curry prevents such a thing.

[Wensleydale]

Nutty

You do realise we waiting for Wensleydale with a new caption now. Just saying .........


Hmmmm...

After Prince Philip's little mishap last year, the anticipated order for the reduction in rolls has been actioned.

[racedo]

Hmmmm...

After Prince Philip's little mishap last year, the anticipated order for the reduction in rolls has been actioned.

Come in Wensleydale, you are the winner and new caption is awaited.

[NutLoose]

I do realise he is the winner, but one thought one should carry on for a while and keep you amused as he is a bit slow in realising he won... :*:O:E;)

According to Marks and Spencer's latest Email to me regarding food storage, hard cheese can be kept well in the freezer, perhaps he just needs a good thawing.......:}:p

[c52]

"The government's policy is complete and flawless - just like this piece of, as I was saying, the government's policy is complete and flawless."

[racedo]

I do realise he is the winner, but one thought one should carry on for a while and keep you amused as he is a bit slow in realising he won... :*:O:E;)

According to Marks and Spencer's latest Email to me regarding food storage, hard cheese can be kept well in the freezer, perhaps he just needs a good thawing.......:}:p

Carry on then sir :E

[NutLoose]

Is Cheese being rationed yet?

https://www.cheese.com/wensleydale/

Wensleydale is produced mainly from pasteurised cow's milk with sheep's milk added to enhance the flavour. Wensleydale Creamery in the town of Hawes

Maybe that's the delay, to much Hawes... ahem,..

[Wensleydale]

Steady on chaps...only a few hours away from the confuser........

Anyway, lets try with this - keep it clean!!

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/334x534/parachute_harness_2a3cb56984391bdf0a829e13af24f392456cd92b.j pg

[Kiltrash]

I know its February 29th Mavis, but please let me get changed first

[Kiltrash]

Crotch straps are a bit tight, sir, here let me adjust you

[Kiltrash]

I know you don't want an unplanned pregnancy Mavis, but are you sure this is a Condom?

[Kiltrash]

She will be surprised to find a Luftwaffe uniform ...

[treadigraph]

If you pull that I'll chute...

[c52]

"all this lot because of a teensy-weensie virus?"

[Dan Gerous]

Were you watching Airplane last night?
Yes I was, why?

[Kiltrash]

The manual inflation valve?... (for the Mae West silly)

[Ascend Charlie]

As Section Officer Harvey adjusted the D1ck Support Harness, she understood why Chuffington-Smythe was known as "Tripod."

[racedo]

Oh Squadron Leader Darth Vader, yes I want your baby, can we call him DAVE.

[racedo]

Mavis, some day this gear will come back into fashion.

[racedo]

Oh, Michelin man, if I pull this toggle will you inflate.

[NutLoose]

Gas gas gas...

[NutLoose]

“Sorry my dear about the “cheese” why do think the chaps call me Wensleydale”

[NutLoose]

I say..... I do like it when you talk dirty Mavis, say it again “the target for tonight is”

[racedo]

Yes dear, you are already to go to Tesco, remember 2 packs of Andrex Toilet Tissue are required.

[NutLoose]

Ok, there you are Mr Salmond, all ready to rejoin into politics.

[NutLoose]

Yes, I know the survival kit contains condoms for carrying emergency water, but are you sure you should be wearing them?

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/334x534/image_7cd07383c0e6c9d2765b067629b779fee4c90aae.jpeg

[NutLoose]

Yes I’ll marry you, but are you sure this will get around the Coronavirus ban.

[NutLoose]

And if you pull the chute handle as you run past the bog roll display, you should catch enough to service the whole station.

[NutLoose]

Done, you look every part the fighter pilot, ok.. let’s walk you across and strap you into your Jaguar and dispel that myth..

[cavuman1]

Hold my beer. Watch this!

- Ed

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

It's no good.....I can't get this side to reach the buckle....um.....do you dress to the left by chance sir?

[SASless]

Photographic proof that Nav's cannot even dress themselves without help!

[Buster Hyman]

Have you seen my wooden leg?
Oh Douglas, not that one again...

[Buster Hyman]

Err, this wasn't the protection I thought you meant...

[Ascend Charlie]

Him: "Will you help me look for my wooden eye?"
Her: "Oh, wooden eye!"
Him: "Wouldn't it?"
Her: "Don't be rude, I've had a mastectomy. Wouldn't what?"
Him: "Oh, I'm sure you haven't got one of THOSE!"

[Kiltrash]

Top Gear Stig (1943) is helped into his flameproof overalls and helmet, by Mrs R Hammond.

[Kiltrash]

Captain Flashhart was taking no chances this time

[Kiltrash]

Him... Are you not meant to help strap me in when I am in the aircraft.?
Her....What that smelly wrinkled old thing

[Kiltrash]

There darling you are all set for your job as a self employed labourer, they will all think you are in a essential occupation, Sewer cleaner .

[Kiltrash]

Him...Now remember that if I don't come back you are free to marry the Rt Hon Stinking rich Gp Captain Wensleydale,6ft tall 135 lbs Rugby player
Her.... Don't be silly darling I could never re marry someone better looking, fitter with a 12 in d1ck than you, Nothing would happen to you, ..So I have used your parachute to make up some stockings..

[Kiltrash]

Now remember its essential supplies only, and don't come back without some green paint for the children's bedroom.

[Kiltrash]

… and finally, the Health secretary is prepared for his interview on Good Morning Britain. by the Home secretary who is only too glad the PM did not give her THAT position.

[ShyTorque]

"There you go, sir, that's you all finished. Once I've helped Uncle Bulgaria get dressed you can both get back to tidying Wimbledon Common".

[Buster Hyman]

Really darling, this is just too much! You're only transiting in Rome.

[racedo]

Staishs Daughter "Oh Daddy does go overboard in ensuring Pilots are fully protected when they date me"
Pilot "Yes mam"
Staishs Daughter "But don't worry, my mum told me how to get it off in 10 seconds when getting it off"
Pilot "YES MAM"

[racedo]

What do you mean you have the keys of the car in your underwear !!!!!
Does this mean I have to undress you. You do this this every day.

[racedo]

Yes you are ready for the London Underground.

[racedo]

Yes, it probably wasn't a good idea for the vindaloo and 6 pints of Guinness last night.

[racedo]

Now if you fly over Sellafield Nuclear Power Station we will be able to spot you in the forest when you parachute.

[racedo]

You look like my date from last nigth, oh sorry he was a Squadron leader.

[NutLoose]

Do you think this is really necessary for me to wear all of this Camilla? It's only a mild case of the virus.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/334x534/image_7cd07383c0e6c9d2765b067629b779fee4c90aae_jpeg_6d74e714 bcf85f61956fd66e70e6f1ba8643cc94.jpg

[622]

Mavis thought she had hit the jackpot....before she realised it was his survival knife strapped to his left ankle

[NutLoose]

You're Royal Highness, welcome too...

[c52]

"Keep it clean," says Wensleydale. And yet the young lady has placed her dainty knee on the muddy ground.

[c52]

"I'm sure the primary school children will be delighted to see a real pilot on the stage during Assembly."

[Penny Washers]

"No, it's caught in the zip again. Just imagine what would happen if you had to bail out."

[NutLoose]

Yes dear and for a treat tonight I have made up some new silk underwear, ohh and I know you will rush back to me dear as quick as you can when you jump, i'm betting you beat all the other chaps back onto the ground, in fact I have put money on it.

[622]

The young WAAF need resuscitation after hearing her colleague say..."Its no good Sir, I cant get the Fourth one in!"

[Kiltrash]

During their affair the dashing Philip has to disguise himself as a pilot when he dates the young Elizabeth, when she really wanted was a handsome Naval officer

[c52]

Voice (off): "No, no, no, we have barrage balloons. You don't need to dress him up to look like one."

[c52]

The MoD takes its emergency protective clothing out of store in a disused railway tunnel in the Highlands where it has lain since 1947.

[Kiltrash]

Yes m"dear that's the speaking tube, that's how I communicate with the navigator

[Kiltrash]

During the fine weather Mistress Slap-n-tickle takes her Slave outside. However flouted the Social Distancing Regulations. The PC who arrested them struggled to write it up in his notebook when she later turned her attention to him.

[Kiltrash]

Well that's our one time outside exercising, same time and place tomorrow?

[Kiltrash]

Yes said the Prime Minister to clarify just who is allowed outside. You are allowed out to exercise your pet. However dangerous animals must be muzzled

[Kiltrash]

"Got any Celery?, asked Madam Fifi

[Kiltrash]

Well one of us has a centre parting...

[Kiltrash]

Is that a flare gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

[c52]

"I've just noticed a problem."

"Oh, what is it?"

"Well,it's easy enough to parachute into Germany and steal all their aspirins, but how am I meant to get them back to the UK?"

[Webby737]

Mavis, do I really need to wear all this ?
Is home schooling the children really this dangerous ?

[c52]

"... and all you have to do is to pop in on frightened and confused old ladies and cheer them up."

[Kiltrash]

Give it a tug please ….Tug harder Mavis...Harder dammit.. HARDER … Agh that's better ....Relief at last, hope that did not hurt your hand.
( the lining was caught in the zip, why what were you thinking?),,,

[Ascend Charlie]

(With Prince Charles a victim of Covid, the Palace puts Prince William into an isolation suit. Now read on...)
"Ooohh, now I see why they called you Big Willy!"

[Buster Hyman]

Stella bagged a Pilot!

[NutLoose]

"I've just noticed a problem."

"Oh, what is it?"

"Well,it's easy enough to parachute into Germany and steal all their aspirins, but how am I meant to get them back to the UK?"


"Take a dozen and you will come back high as a kite."

[Penny Washers]

"You are the only pilot I know who takes his ferret with him when he goes flying."

[NutLoose]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/334x534/image_7cd07383c0e6c9d2765b067629b779fee4c90aae_jpeg_6d74e714 bcf85f61956fd66e70e6f1ba8643cc94_1d86b0b6781ca562c12221cd8bf 8fa2b6ba57e47.jpg

[c52]

"I told you, if you can't smile pleasantly, we'd just have to cover your face."

[Buster Hyman]

Dr. Seuss' first draft was rejected...

Could you do it if I kneel d?
Would you do it in a field?
Could you manage a quick shag?
Would you do it in a bag?

[Kiltrash]

Sorry Buster but that Nutty tightened up the brakes To max ++, Just let me help you with getting the straps out your crack...Then you can find him over in Hanger 2

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

What do you mean...."You've got it on backwards"?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Seeing the dreamy, adoring look in her eye, Cyril didn't have the heart to tell her that he was just the Navigator.

[Penny Washers]

Biggles flies undone. [Someone had to say it!]

[c52]

"Right, that's as tight as tight can be. Don't slouch!"

[Kiltrash]

Him....but I am just going off to fight the Germans and I might not come back.
her....don't give me that you are off to the masonic hall again...

[Kiltrash]

Ah there's the problem. The outflow valve was stuck shut

[Dan Gerous]

Next time go before you suit up !

[c52]

"If you don't give me the Most Noble Order of the Bath I'll tell everyone you can't dress yourself, your Royal Highness."

[racedo]

If I pull this hard will you inflate.
Try it miss and see what pops up.

[Ascend Charlie]

Nutty was disappointed - he was preparing to show Section Officer Harvey the "one-eared elephant" joke, and had turned his pocket inside out, but realised he wouldn't be able to unzip his fly.

[Kiltrash]

I know it's in there somewhere. Keep opening all the zips and pockets....
Ah there it is "How planes fly, for dummies'

[ShyTorque]

"It says here - pull finger to inflate".

[ShyTorque]

"There you go - you're all set to go to Sainsbury's!"

[Kiltrash]

Are you sure this is enough PPE for the RAF Nightingale flights? I mean it is the East End of London...

[Dan Gerous]

...and darling, since I'm down here and it's a leap year....

[NutLoose]

"That's why Biggles calls me Algie, I have some strange green growth on my tadger"

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/334x534/image_7cd07383c0e6c9d2765b067629b779fee4c90aae_jpeg_6d74e714 bcf85f61956fd66e70e6f1ba8643cc94_1d86b0b6781ca562c12221cd8bf 8fa2b6ba57e47_6ff7d8fdb051a5f58c296d540049cc21677d55ba.jpg

[Wensleydale]

I'll have a judge tonight (that is not a caption by the way - she didn't say that).

[Kiltrash]

The medics feel that Gazza should be safe when he next meets up with Vinnie
or
PO PPRuNe looks forward to the next rugby match scrum

[Kiltrash]

Her ...Oh Pilot you are so brave..
him thinks.... little does she know but at the first sign of trouble these google go instantly dark

[Kiltrash]

Well done Hoskins, you brought your heavily damaged flaming aircraft back safely having avoided the junior school, baby milk factory and the nunnery, but don't you think the full flying suit for the link simulator is s bit overkill?

[NutLoose]

"Pull the other one....Oooooh your just did"

[NutLoose]

So how do you manage to hide these bloody big buckles on the webbing under your skirt?

[ivor toolbox]

You ground crew are all the same when you go flying....overdressed....its only a Tiger Moth y'know

Ttfn

[NutLoose]

You do realise I’m not flying, I’m only a spotter out collecting aircraft numbers...

[Kiltrash]

Sorry Defence Secretary but after what happened to the Prime Minister and the Health Secretary we cannot take too many precautions

[NutLoose]

Yes, that’s why they called me “Winkle” Brown

[Wensleydale]

Yes, that’s why they called me “Winkle” Brown

...and Nutty saves the best 'til last.

Well done sir - you are the winner. the CST will be on its way in return for a bottle of hand-cleanser.

[Buster Hyman]

Will need more than a bottle!

[racedo]

Will need more than a bottle!

And a 6 pack......................................... of Toilet Rolls!!!!!

WTF the world has gone mad.

[NutLoose]

Thank you, this weeks is a double shot, but is from the the same subject, as the corona virus has spread, Betty and Boris are having weekly meetings over the phone... so it's over to you..

Stay Safe!


https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/620x372/2560_44bc46b9494ad704e022cd59ec9bcbb0260e40c6.jpg

[Ascend Charlie]

"We love it when you talk dirty!"

[Buster Hyman]

"Electricity bill? One does not shares one's utilitiy invoices!"...*click!

[Buster Hyman]

"You got it from Charles? I thought Andrew was the warped one?"