Caption Competition Mk II

[MPN11]

As they were both infected with C-19, this was a magnetic case of Fatal Attraction.

[Wensleydale]

When Salmon and Sturgeon meet ...."Can you still smell fish?"

[Kiltrash]

Hi all, Glass of red to keep me lubricated, hope not to spray it over the keyboard

[Kiltrash]

With joint runner ups we have Dan with

Are the lenses bi-focal?
Yes, and they're not the only thing that's bi.



and MPN with

“mmmnnnh mhnggg gaaammm?
”ahh, nnnbbmm!!”
”mwah!”

However the winner this timeis Treadigraph with

I didn't say "I would like a kiss", I said "Where can I take a p!$$?"

Over you you sir..

[MPN11]

Grrumph ... mekund a gain. Too many of us have mumbled through respirators to fail to appreciate the scenario!

Well done, Treadigraph!

[treadigraph]

Blimey - unexpected win, I demand a stewards inquiry! :} Cheers Kiltrash!

I'm out and about at the mo and likely to be kissed, er, pi$$ed later then out and about at sparrow strain tomorrow, so may I throw it open to anybody with a suitable pic? MPN?

[NutLoose]

Well done Treddi, oddly I don’t miss my respir...... gas mask at all.... calling it that used to wind up the GDT rocks something wicked :E

[NutLoose]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x800/image_d8113daea000df6d075c08f06ba431ae062024c9.jpeg


You can score it Treadi..

[treadigraph]

Cheers Nutty, what a great pic, I may be forced to post an ineligible or even illegible caption...!

[MPN11]

Our Great Leader wins again ... it’s a TYRE. Take it away, Comrade Kim ...

[MPN11]

“How this soldier afford wristwatch? Start pay review ... immediately.“

[Dan Gerous]

I get good deal on tires from Kwik Fit


Are these Radial or Cross ply?

[MPN11]

“Hey, General, you buy you greatcoat from Del Trotter, eh?”

[MPN11]

Senior Sergeant Ho hopes Kim won’t notice it’s a knock-off retread from Pakistan.

[Dan Gerous]

The two soldiers on the right share an awkward moment, after yesterdays respirator exercise

[MPN11]

“It rubbery, but I still ronery.”

[MPN11]

Junior soldier thinks ... “Oh, please don’t touch the paint, it may not have dried yet.”)

[MPN11]

Kim was impressed by the extra garden features at the Great Bamboo Garden Centre.

[Kiltrash]

Third from right. Is it safe to admit I find the great leaders ar$e gives me a hard on. ..

[Kiltrash]

Water feature, I said water feature not upside down gun carriage. Now find me who took that note down...IMMEDIATELY

[Kiltrash]

Right then during the midnight parade we sneak this one into the line of missiles. Should give the American spy satellites a hard time

[Kiltrash]

Kim thinks.... now why did my sister suggest I wear the white coat. Does she not realise it makes me a easy target for the SAS snipers? With the others in camouflage. ...

[Kiltrash]

Extreme right. Yes Great Leader my watch is broken but it is correct twice a day...boom boom

[Kiltrash]

On left....Cummon Kim Smallhausen hurry up and squeeze into the barrel. Great Leader should have fired you 5 minutes ago.

[NutLoose]

See that flag General? We will give you until you get there before I get the boys to open fire, the one that hits you will replace you.

[NutLoose]

Hmmmm the glorious leader has nice round buttocks.

[Kiltrash]

In a surprise Christmas Present to the troops, Kim gives the gift that keeps on giving. The men all cheered even though they had no idea what was going in. ..

[cynicalint]

Kim's alarm at potentially losing touch with his grip was evident by the blue exclamation mark that suddenly appeared above his head!

[Chu Chu]

Now explain this imperialist Field Punishment No. 1 thing again.

[Ascend Charlie]

"So, General, you say those are your fingers heading downrange?"

"Yes, Grorious Reader, I jammed them in the bleech brock!"

[NutLoose]

Freshly paint the gun in camouflage, dig a pit at night to conceal it better, camouflage the whole lot, so the South cannot see it, and the F*+king fat fook turns up wearing a white coat.

[Buster Hyman]

"Is that my Sister downrange?"

[Buster Hyman]

"No. I wasn't crying. I was just very tired"

[Buster Hyman]

3rd from right thinking; "Where's the Sunshine?"

[Big Pistons Forever]

Why yes that is your sister that the gun is pointing at, dear leader, would you like me to shoot now ?

[Big Pistons Forever]

Think bubble over Kim's head

If it can't reach America I ain't interested !

[Ascend Charlie]

Grorious Reader tries to look like Humphrey Bogart, but looks more like Bumfree Gokart.

[Buster Hyman]

Grorious Reader tries to look like Humphrey Bogart, but looks more like......
Humphrey Bear.

(For the Ozmates)

[Big Pistons Forever]

What are waiting for, there is that damn CAPCOM trophy, shoot it !

[Big Pistons Forever]

Think bubble over Kim’s head

If only Buster, Nutty, and Kiltrash were down range......

[Buster Hyman]

Think bubble over Kim’s head

If only Buster, Nutty, and Kiltrash were down range......
Buster, Nutty, and Kiltrash behind Kims Right shoulder; "Tee-hee!"

[Surplus]

After careful calculation, if we cut the tyre cross-section, we can get enough for another 32 wigs for you, Great Leader.

[andytug]

( camp) “Ooooohh, get you, who stole me carpet?” (/camp)

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x800/image_d8113daea000df6d075c08f06ba431ae062024c9.jpeg

General. No Great Leader we have never wondered why the higher echelons of our military don't have any women.

[Kiltrash]

Whattduyamean we spent all our funds on this old 5 pounder and all the rest is CGI...

[Kiltrash]

Back at Kim's hotel bedroom, the chambermaid finds his bed time book. 'Maggie Thatcher the Downing Street Years'

[Kiltrash]

Viewer thinks...' Damm this Spitting Image is good'

[c52]

The Abominable Snowman is caught out by a sudden thaw.

[Wensleydale]

"No pressure, but see that barn door over there?"

[Wensleydale]

"Isn't that where one of your uncles lives?"

[MPN11]

gazing into distance ... "No, Great Leader, that's still North Korea over there. This vey big country."

[MPN11]

The Pyongyand Patriotic Sewing and Knitting Club demonstrate their new season's Camouflage Netting.

[Wensleydale]

If you can hit that bear over there then you can have a warm hat like all the rest of the brigade.

[Dan Gerous]

General, "The whole unit had their medals melted down, to make this gun in your honour, Great Leader".

GL, "I name this gun "Great Leader". God help anyone who pisses me off".

[pasta]

Now traitorous General has been executed, we take group photo round gun and photoshop him back in, so we can deny later.

[MPN11]

General bravely demonstrates his power and wealth by showing a notebook AND a pen.

[622]

Soldier stood behind...and in a slightly camp Korean accent!
"oo...Nice ar*e"

[c52]

GL thinks: "O God, if it's Monday, this must be... but wait, is it Monday?"

[c52]

GL weeps: "I take personal responsibility for the failure of the harvest, and I am now going to destroy a few peasant villages as a sign of national mourning."

[622]

Yes Glorious leader, we have Sandbags!

...they are standing behind us.

[Kiltrash]

CNN Interviewer asked the question. GL do you understand the Rule of Six?

[Kiltrash]

GL proudly show off his latest invention. Drum brakes

[Kiltrash]

North Korean snipers have it easy. All the targets already have laser designator spots on their foreheads.

[Kiltrash]

One of the troops does not notice Section Officer Harvey go past on a goodwill visit.

[Wensleydale]

"So Glorious Leader..In your hand you have the greatest invention known to man surrounded by superior North Korean rubber!"

"Yes - and with my other hand I am touching a tyre."

[cattletruck]

After adjusting the cannon "a rittle more to the right" Kim told the general to write "Spec Savers" in his notepad.

[Dan Gerous]

Soldier behind GL. Where did you get that coat, Primark! And those shoes, uurrgh.

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x800/image_d8113daea000df6d075c08f06ba431ae062024c9.jpeg

[Buster Hyman]

General: It's just a jump to the Left
Troops: And then a step to the Right
General: With your hands on your Hips....yes, YES Glorious Leader! You've got it!

[Kiltrash]

No Mr Bond....I expect you to die
now where have I heard that before?

[Kiltrash]

Great Leader, may I introduce you to ms Hari, Mata Hari. She has asked to interview you on a one to one with no advisors...

[NutLoose]

And a three gram balance weight here..

[c52]

General thinks: "Now we've got him into this 10" deep hole, how the hell are we going to get him out again? I feel the urgent need to resign."

[c52]

GL departs from the prepared text of his speech: "Only filthy capitalist lackey dogs would be distracted by a pretty woman walking past.. Where was I again?"

[Wensleydale]

Famous last words number 74.

"Is that a cruise missile?"

[cavuman1]

Kim Jung Un, General Hung Chow, and several astounded soldiers have a "What the Fluck!" moment as their Big Balls experimental rocket explodes on the launch pad, followed by the premature detonation of its 1 megaton warhead....

- Ed

[Ascend Charlie]

"General, because you are not taking prolific notes on your notepad, I want you to stand...over...there!"

"Y-y-you mean, in front of the GUN, Grorious Reader?"

[Buster Hyman]

GL: "Please inform the General that next time he picks a body double to meet me, make sure his double wears the same size coat! I'm not stupid you know! Now, lets have a look at this Ballistic Missile here..."

[Kiltrash]

At the inaugural launch show of the Great Leaders fashion house the backing singers still need to polish their act claimed the director

[Kiltrash]

In North Korea some are more equal than others.

[Kiltrash]

Kim..." I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here"

[NutLoose]

You're never going to be able to aim this thing on a radial heading while your using crossply's.

[treadigraph]

Judging tonight around 8pm! Fire at will...

[NutLoose]

And if you see one of those peasant farmers bringing in the crops pop an item in their mouths, I want you to pop a shell in it for pudding.

[NutLoose]

Ahh good to see the target is set up and the midgets have arrived, pass out the velcro general.

[Kiltrash]

Whilst being glad to have been plucked from relevant obscurity to be Great Leaders shorthand scribe, General Fook U Too was dissapointed to learn that for every spelling mistake he lost a digit. Never mind still 5 errors to make. Better than the front line ...

[c52]

"... and with the support of the military, I shall make this into a green and pleasant land, a land flowing with milk and honey. Not forgetting industrial production and nuclear weapons."

[c52]

"Comrade General, you appear to be using a capitalist four-colour ball-point pen. What is the meaning of this?"

[Chu Chu]

If the wheel stops with the valve stem up, we attack.

[c52]

"Comrade General, how is it you only have an A6 notebook for all my great thoughts? Go and get an A1 notebook immediately, or better still, A0."

(A0 is 1.2 x 0.8m)

[Kiltrash]

The General having been appointed Great Leaders scoreing lacky decided that no matter what Kim says he will not win. So throwing the field wide open to the others. However some seem totally unimpressed...

[NutLoose]

We spin the wheel and if your name comes up top we execute you.

[NutLoose]

It's the man from Aldi, he says we have exceeded our two hour parking allowance and we have to pay a fine.

[NutLoose]

He says do you want a side salad with your roast donkey?..

[c52]

"yeah, suppose the white coat is ok - now we just need to get him a lollipop sign saying STOP CHILDREN."

[c52]

The ideal pilots' uniform for airlines that prefer the 'polar bear' colour scheme.

[NutLoose]

When I find who shouted "Can I have a 99 mister" they will get an 88.....mm

[NutLoose]

Yah it's loverly and warm, best white horse I ever owned, a gift that keeps on giving.

[Kiltrash]

Think taking one to the fairground to win a cuddly toy at the shooting gallery might possibly be construed as .... cheating..... but in your case Great Leader we will call it creative thinking..

[Kiltrash]

General...Think we might need to bring the target a bit closer, 50 miles was perhaps a bit hopeful.

Nonsense said Kim with my superior vision I can confirm it was a bullseye

Troops (who cant possibly see that far) all cheer and whoop and holler in agreement

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x800/image_d8113daea000df6d075c08f06ba431ae062024c9.jpeg

[Kiltrash]

....and by using smokeless fuel when the gun fires there are no tell tale signs.

[Kiltrash]

Now if we had only not eat all the Horses and dogs we would not need so many troops to move the gun.

[Kiltrash]

Having accepted a invitation to appear at The Royal Tournament, the NORK's get in some early practice at 'Gun Running'

[Kiltrash]

At the Britain's Got Talent auditions, Simon was a bit concerned at the 'Shooting at the tied up assistant' act', however happily volunteered David Walliams to help when the female assistant pulled a hamstring.

[MPN11]

“GL, I think that’s the reporter from Fake News ... your Propaganda Department.”

[NutLoose]

I think it’s the Donald looking for a new home.

[NutLoose]

Gween flag.. I’ll give them Gween flag, next time I need a tow I’ll call the AA.



..

[treadigraph]

A big Thank You to Nutty for stepping up the plate with a cracking pic – my entry might have been “You’re going to need a bigger gun…”

A difficult choice – particularly liked:

Buster Hyman

"Is that my Sister downrange?"

622

Yes Glorious leader, we have Sandbags! ...they are standing behind us.

NutLoose

He says do you want a side salad with your roast donkey?..

and

Freshly paint the gun in camouflage, dig a pit at night to conceal it better, camouflage the whole lot, so the South cannot see it, and the F*+king fat fook turns up wearing a white coat.

Kiltrash

Kim thinks.... now why did my sister suggest I wear the white coat. Does she not realise it makes me a easy target for the SAS snipers? With the others in camouflage. ...

Dan Gerous

The two soldiers on the right share an awkward moment, after yesterdays respirator exercise

But the winner is

MPN11

The Pyongyand Patriotic Sewing and Knitting Club demonstrate their new season's Camouflage Netting.

The CST is in the breach and ready to be fired in your direction... have you got a tin hat?

[MPN11]

<deep bow>

... said Eye Thang Yew

I had several lines of thought for this one ... bonus points if you match!

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1289x945/men_of_the_rfc_loading_lewis_guns_ww1_drhyae_8ece05ce4f38fc6 bc1c90972c074ed60b85c9979.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Now Frtiz make up your mind I have other buyers waiting

[Kiltrash]

Pikes Father makes a living in Stalag Luft 3

[Kiltrash]

Commandant sends Sgt Schultz to see what the escape committee are up to

[Kiltrash]

The Repair Shop experts are never amazed by what is brought in for them to renovate

note The Repair Shop is a current BBC TV show normally on 16.30 in the UK. But I bet you all knew that...

[treadigraph]

Milo Minderbinder's trading career started off in quite a modest fashion...

[Wensleydale]

The origin of the Lewis department store.

[c52]

Capt Mainwaring (beams): "Well, this is a turn-up for the book. I never thought I'd see so many weapons while serving in the Home Guard."

Professional soldier: "This lot's to be shared between the whole of the Home Counties, mate."

[treadigraph]

The interrupter gear didn't work? Well then, it's not a new gun you need son, it's a new propeller...

[c52]

"I am not smoking on duty. This is the headset for my new mobile."

[Penny Washers]

"We're nae gonna spend guid money on ammo if you always miss anyway. So we're loading these drums in alternate slots only."

[Surplus]

Whaddya mean expensive? Ye dinna think with give these things out fae nothin in the Scottish Air Force?

[Ascend Charlie]

"Sorry, laddie, you aren't the right calibre for this job!"

[Buster Hyman]

Ask me what’s under my kilt again Laddie....

[Buster Hyman]

“Something for the Hun in the Sun eh? Hmmm....how about some Sunglasses?”

[Buster Hyman]

“A problem with yer Pup you say? Do I look like a wee Vet ya daft buggah!”

[Kiltrash]

Q the armourer, the early years

[Kiltrash]

Rangers fan? Your gonna need a bigger gun...

[Kiltrash]

No sorry reserved occupation, I am a Grouse Beater

[Kiltrash]

B-17 crew on their day off go to the car boot sale. See what the Brits find so fascinating

[Buster Hyman]

“I’ve got just what you need for the Merseyside derby...”

(Here’s hoping...):oh:

[NutLoose]

The boys noticed you were not wearing your usual skirt and we were wondering if it’s because you are undergoing a gender reassignment to a girl.

[NutLoose]

No the Hamilton came after this, this is the earlier Lewis gun.

[NutLoose]

I understand that your mate only bought one, but he’s flying the Tbird, the Jag GR1 needs a pair of these puppies.

[NutLoose]

Sorry but that’s Wyatt’s rule, no guns to be carried in Tombstone.

[NutLoose]

As you can see my working parts are moving freely.

[NutLoose]

Yes I’m a drum major, these days we do Lewis Drums not bass drums.

[NutLoose]

It’s called a dirk, but I call it my diggler because it bigger than the normal one.


..

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Browning I presume.

[Kiltrash]

Normally when we capture a downed Hun we take his pistol but the Red Baron was too good a prize

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Mitchell, I have just the thing(s) for you... Might need them in a couple of years time.

[Kiltrash]

Aye they were assembled by the wee lassies in Auchtermuchty.... ,That's easy for you to say bud

[Kiltrash]

Yours might be a Diggler ,I call mine a dangler

[Kiltrash]

Is anything worn under the kilt?, No its all in fine working order....... boom boom.

[Kiltrash]

What's that Tartan you have?
Its the Ben Doon and Phil Mcavity. Its been a long hard war...

[Kiltrash]

Old Great Grandad Kiltrash...Its far too easy taking the pash oot the Sassenachs

[MPN11]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1289x945/men_of_the_rfc_loading_lewis_guns_ww1_drhyae_8ece05ce4f38fc6 bc1c90972c074ed60b85c9979.jpg

[c52]

"Next time someone wearing white lipstick gives you a huge kiss, you must wash your face before coming on duty."

[c52]

"Yes, in accordance with regulations, the glass windows have been replaced with greaseproof paper to protect personnel against bomb blast. Yes, the guns are securely locked in this shed when I'm not on duty."

[Kiltrash]

No.its actually a flick picture carousel "What the butler saw when Section Officer Harvey stayed the week'

[Kiltrash]

Oh the vice..., we put Jerry's todger in it remove the handle but give him a saw.

[Kiltrash]

Sorry football started, will have to close up shop now...

[Dan Gerous]

"That's quite an impressive weapon".
"The babes seem to think so".

[NutLoose]

When I said a want a good quantity of a rough shag, I was referring to tobacco for my pipe.

[Buster Hyman]

Look here ol’ chap, I have no problem with a gun amnesty, it’s just that I think we should wait until after the War is over!

[c52]

"The weapons are outside because there's a sign NO UNAUTHORISED ACCESS on the door so no one ever came to see me."

[treadigraph]

Guns! Getcha luverly guns! Shillin' apiece or three for two bob... Hammunition, sixpence a drum...

[NutLoose]

Guns, booze and women old chap, but my only vice is there on the end of the bench.

[NutLoose]

Galland, Molders, Hartmann, Bocke... my teacher told me I’d account for nothing, but look at me now, shooting at the stars..

[NutLoose]

With shooting like that, there’s no teddy bear for you Mr Roosevelt.

[c52]

"I know it's called a 'shooting stick' but it's not a gun and you can't swap it for a gun."

[treadigraph]

As requested Baldrick, Private Tibbs has etched your name on the bullet I'm about to give you but I'm not convinced it'll work...

[c52]

Well, we may have all the parts you need to make your kid a go-kart - why don't you have a rummage?

[MPN11]

Guns! Getcha luverly guns! Shillin' apiece or three for two bob... Hammunition, sixpence a drum...
First BONUS POINT. Even though Pvt Walker was Home Guard and thus excused France!

[NutLoose]

Fresh from private Walkers own stock.

[NutLoose]

Stolen? No mate they were lying all over the place at a town called Dunkirk.

[NutLoose]

Yup, buy one get one free.

[MPN11]

Too late, you’ve been trumped ...

... have a hint!

[Kiltrash]

Well yes normally it's the Government s duty to supply the weapons, but there's a war on you know
You want them or not?

[Kiltrash]

Don't ​​​​​​think about mugging me, Uncle Arthur is just round the corner...

[Kiltrash]

Well yes we smelt them down and Mrs Higginbotham can get her pans back

[NutLoose]

Forget your Canons, Olympus, Nikon and all that tripe, for a fee I can convert your Lewis gun into a camera.

[c52]

Yes, everything on the table, including me, is for sale.

[Buster Hyman]

SSgt Crapgames Pa during WW1.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

No, no, no laddies. I'll tell ye agin. Ye cannae bring it back wi oot the receipt, and besides, it's clearly bin used. If you want tae try that caper, the nearest ALDI is doon that way, the other side o yon barbed wire!

[Kiltrash]

No no no Laddie, you don't hold a caber like that. Hold it upright 10 paces and give it some.
Now go away and practice tossing yourself off....

[Kiltrash]

So you mark the stock with each 'kill'. Looks immaculate. Saved it from your last crash Hoskins?....

[Kiltrash]

No look I already have more than enough guns. Bring me something unusual. Like that Adolf chaps testicle. ..

[treadigraph]

That's your guns checked in as returned. Now where are your bombs...? You dropped them on the Boche? Oh my God... do you know how much they cost?

[Kiltrash]

Message from the Air Min. Due to escalating costs every second gun is to be replaced with a broom stick and flashing light. ...Works in the movies and every time a hit is scored

[Dan Gerous]

No Mr Gatling, it's one gun each.

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1289x945/men_of_the_rfc_loading_lewis_guns_ww1_drhyae_8ece05ce4f38fc6 bc1c90972c074ed60b85c9979.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

The guns aren't selling so well Sir, but the 6 disc CD players are.

[treadigraph]

and.. er... something for the weekend, Sir?

[Kiltrash]

Police are alerted to weapons being openly traded on Glasgow Green.

[Kiltrash]

You don't want to be caught short in a knife fight, do you Mr Dundee.

[Kiltrash]

Not my fault you did not read the small print. 'May not contain bullets'...

[NutLoose]

No need to worry Sir, I realise Covid 19 is putting a dampener on things but Grouse shooting is still permitted.

[Martin the Martian]

And suddenly everyone is distracted as the ghostly word 'alamy' floats through the group.

[Buster Hyman]

"MCTAVISH!!!! What have I told you about selling weapons to the Germans?"
"It's a Police Action Sir, quite legal"

[NutLoose]

This is the Naafi Shop young man, for heavier weapons you’ll have to browse our catalogue.

[Kiltrash]

Well the Grouse came through and bought all my stock of Pistols, so you had better have these...

[Kiltrash]

You will have to make do with the Famouse Grouse cooking whisky You wanna shot.?.....

[MPN11]

I’ll call ‘Winchester’ on this tomorrow morning, once I’ve booked another routine PSA test 😷

[Kiltrash]

It's had 4 barrels, 5 stocks and 3 chambers, how can it be original corporal Trigger....

[Kiltrash]

OK lads into the shed, Jones show them
Open two three Bang two three Close two three.
General will be impressed

[Chu Chu]

Desperate for something to aim at, Hoskins replaced his front sight with a small airplane.

[Dan Gerous]

Ah'll tell ye what Mr Trump, wey they googles resting on yer heid like that, yey dinnae half look like wan oh yon pandas at embra zoo.

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1289x945/men_of_the_rfc_loading_lewis_guns_ww1_drhyae_8ece05ce4f38fc6 bc1c90972c074ed60b85c9979.jpg

[NutLoose]

Jones, why are you carrying your gun over your shoulder like that?
They don’t like it up emm sir, they don’t like it up emm

[treadigraph]

While listening to Mac expound on the mysteries of deflection shooting, Hoskins absent mindedly stroked the trigger, sending a bullet neatly through the cockpit of the Old Man's Camel as he manoeuvered to land... "That's it Laddie!" cried Mac, "Ye've got it!"

[Kiltrash]

Weeree doomed I tell ya, Doomed

[Kiltrash]

The Black Watch....BLACK WATCH you say? I won't have this colourism nonsense in my regiment

[cavuman1]

Badges? We don' need no stinkin' badges!

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Well this is my sewing badge and this one my pointy stick firelighting one. Still working towards my dancing in a skirt one

[c52]

Now the war's over we're going to make Scotland great again by turning it into golf courses. All of you, pick up a gun and a round-ish thing, and we'll try knocking it as far as we can, and then we'll walk after it.

What was that? Of course it's fun. Fun by Scottish standards, anyway.

[Wensleydale]

The SNP outlines their defence plans following a successful transfer out of the Union.

[Wensleydale]

"Forget the high-powered rifle with a sniper scope: we'll cull more badgers this way!"

[Wensleydale]

"...and so this is how we stop the English in Tier 3 visiting Scotland."

[Martin the Martian]

Of course you can buy a gun, lad, but as you're under eighteen no alcohol in the mess.

[Buster Hyman]

A Pipe Pistol? Nae, ye won't be denyin' me muh daily puff anow would ye?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Jones, why are you carrying your gun over your shoulder like that?

Because I'm the rear-gunner sir! Always ready!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Now see here McCanon! I fail to see how your guns can be so cheap, but the ammunition so expensive!

In the same vein:

I see the problem. It appears you've been using non-genuine bullets in this weapon. I'm afraid you've voided your warranty. You'll have to purchase a new one.

[Kiltrash]

Your complaining you banged off 1200 rounds and did not hit anything and you want your money back...you realise it was the ' blank ' column you ticked....should have gone to Specsavers

[Kiltrash]

The vice? That's for the barrel if you want the round the corner option

[Kiltrash]

Yosemitie Sam....just missed him, wanted something to get that pesky wabbit

[MPN11]

Much excellent-ness, chaps. Particularly liked are:

No the Hamilton came after this, this is the earlier Lewis gun.

No, no, no laddies. I'll tell ye agin. Ye cannae bring it back wi oot the receipt, and besides, it's clearly bin used. If you want tae try that caper, the nearest ALDI is doon that way, the other side o yon barbed wire!

Desperate for something to aim at, Hoskins replaced his front sight with a small airplane.

A rare double award to ... .
No Mr Gatling, it's one gun each.
AND ...
The guns aren't selling so well Sir, but the 6 disc CD players are.

But, from my biassed perspective, the winner of this round has to be ...
Guns! Getcha luverly guns! Shillin' apiece or three for two bob... Hammunition, sixpence a drum

Back to you, Treadigraph!

[treadigraph]

Oh blimey, thank you, didn't expect it back so soon...

Can't recall this one, give it a go for a couple of days.

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/654x447/dog_ad772a342cff019db40fbc0325d53b8db22471db.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

Listen Spot, when you get yourself an opposable thumb, then you can be the shooter!

[Kiltrash]

Woof woof bark bark..
yes Spot i see that pesky Tom...

[Kiltrash]

Stop slobbering Spot, you can have that Fifi once the job is done

[Kiltrash]

OK ok I got that Vet for you in my sights. Just cause he wants to castrate you don't you think that's a bit severe?

[MPN11]

Fido ... “Just to left of that solitary tree ... I’m sure that’s Barnier ...”

[Buster Hyman]

Rex: "He, He...who's the Bitch now Dog Catcher?"

[Buster Hyman]

Wait until he starts digging up the Bone...

[Buster Hyman]

Geezuzz Bruce! Who taught you how to shoot?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

God dammit! I'm looking in the damn rough and I can't see anything. Be more specific!

[NutLoose]

Of course i've got my tongue out, how else am I going to measure windage.

[NutLoose]

How was that?

aRuff......

[622]

Well done Lassie.....little Timmy won't be falling down any more wells!

[622]

OK Hoskins....I've got my sights on the dog kennels, just let me know if you see that viscious Alsation before I do....Hoskins, Hoskins...did you hear me?

[Buster Hyman]

"Oh, so you've finished licking yourself? Great, now line up the bluddy shot for me!"

[Kiltrash]

The CO wants to get rid of the Cat cr@ping on his lawn, isn't that meant to be your job?

[Kiltrash]

Right Melania I have Biden dead centre, you sure your husband said he wished Joe wasn't here??

[Kiltrash]

Sniper ...OK now I have rescued you from the dog pound in North Korea, I have their Great Leader in a gun emplacement dead centre.
Spot...Fox Three

[Chu Chu]

Nice try, but the Franc-Tireurs were Belgians, not Alsatians.

[c52]

"IDIOT! The dog can sniff COVID out, it can't see it through a telescope. And anyway, you're not supposed to be shooting people who've got it."

[Kiltrash]

Last thing I remember was picking up a right old dog at the Sniper Schools Passing Out Parade.
Or
Don't you remember parachuting out a C130 on a covert behind enemy lines operation?

[NutLoose]

Don’t forget Auntie Betty sent you over here to play cards 006, we had the Royal flush yesterday with Harry and Co, today we are playing for Trumps..

[Chu Chu]

I only got three kills. But of course I had a real dog of a spotter.

[NutLoose]

It’s the slimy looking b*stard with the black swept across hair and little moustache, he tried to slip me his Cyanide capsule yesterday down in the cellar.

[NutLoose]

What’s he behind?
Walls
What Wall?
Sausages....

[Kiltrash]

Beauty is he only sees in Black and White. None of this camouflage confusion

[Kiltrash]

Your highness target aquired. Please confirn a Royal Pardon .....

[Wensleydale]

At the S17 shooting event for limited sight competitors in the 2021 Paralympics, the Irish competitor is disqualified after it is thought that he had some external help.

[NutLoose]

One more can and we win the pink soft toy for you to shag.

[Dan Gerous]

"Hurry up and take the shot, it's fecking cold up here".
"You've got a bloody fur coat, how can you be cold".

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/654x447/dog_ad772a342cff019db40fbc0325d53b8db22471db.jpg

"Do you military dogs get any uniform issued"?
"Only pants".

[Kiltrash]

Prince Harry and Meghan finally get William in their sights.

[Kiltrash]

Spotter. No my ears tell me range is 159.237 meters. **** what the scope says.

[Kiltrash]

Owing to global warming the Biathlon competitors have to re think the competition. The St Bernard dogs now require retraining

[Penny Washers]

Snoopy gets all sophisticated.

[Penny Washers]

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to shoot.

[NutLoose]

It’s a rifle not a sidewinder, you don’t have to growl in my ear.

[Chu Chu]

Inspired by the steel trees of past wars, designers conceal an entire counter-sniper radar unit in a taxidermied dog. If the field trials are a success, they will move on to phase two: miniaturizing the optical sensor.

[Buster Hyman]

"The gun makes all the noise. There's no need for 'pew pew' sounds"
"Pardon me..."
".....AWW FFS!"