The Morecombe Bay inshore Coastguard get called out again to the Chinese Cockle Pickers, when it was Nee High's day off.

Hold on Hoskins, stay still some nice animal rights activist will come along and rescue us, Or a hunter will think we are Seals and club us, Little would they know we are Seal Team 6

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Another July day at Bisley, waiting for the targets to appear.

B company are tasked with capturing RAF Holbeach, decide to approach from the sea, however are amazed not to find any aircraft on the ground, but 6 F-15's come in screaming over them.

“Contact Front ... that bloody 8th Army Field Kitchen ... range 600 yards ... “

”Err, what’s that in metres, mate?”

”Stuff that ... 20 rounds Rapid ... Fire!”

I don’t believe it.......German Towels !!!

No mate, you only need to go down on one knee...

"Well, it was like this . . . . "


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So you go down on one knee and put your hands in the water and wait for the Trout to swim bye. Then you can graduate onto the Salmon run at Balmoral. Something to do when guarding the Queen.

Having come across a channel not marked on the map, Mavis and Bill were surprised to find, when opening their curtains the next day, they appeared to be classed a 'Target' for the Wattisham troops.

Bloody politician who wanted to leave no stone unturned. Have you even found a stone yet?

Corp, the river's risen 10 feet in the last 20 minutes.

I know, but orders are to hold our positions come hell or high water.

"Greta was right about the rising sea levels, this is the Sahara Desert!"

The Navy demolition crew must have done a better job this time. I sure this is were that bloody Beaufighter was last week.

Yup, I can smell fish, Doris definitely came this way.

I don’t think it’s the right time to be having a wank mate.

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Mr Mainwaring, I think I can hear them tunnelling.

Ok, you got me out here, where’s the enemy?

Enemy? No.... I was wondering, do you think that’s a sand piper, I spotted it feeding at the waters edge.

I’ve been thinking, how do we socially distance when we fix bayonets?

"Cut! Cut! Cut! Hoskins, didn't you read the script?? You are supposed to be kneeling on the neck of Simkins, not in the mud!"

...no - I'm pretty sure that we should have invaded here today on 5th June.....

"Umm, Sarge...if the Yanks have pulled out, then why are we still here?"

In 1940 the troops gathered at Dunkirk wondered where the RAF were
In the year 2000 the remains of yet another RAF fighter were recovered from the sands

Trooper on right..Bloody sand gets everywhere Sarge got the Cream for a rash in a private place. ?
Trooper on left....Yes thank you but you ain't having mine

Hurry up we need to get back to Base, Lunch finishes in 20 minutes...

I thought we were on a training March through The Forest of Dean...Ah compass needle appears stuck

Man walks across the scene with his dogs. Ah your mob again? I thought it was bloody thunder again last night ...

"Home Office is on the phone. They're wondering if we'd describe where we are as a 'hostile environment', and if so, what lessons can be learned for the housing of immigrants."

'My God, it's a vast, barren, wasteland out there!'

"Turn the map over, Sir."

Bugger, wrong statute, ok, keep an eye open as the tides turning.

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Now children, somewhere in this photograph there are two soldiers in their special army clothes hiding. Hands up anyone who thinks they can see them?

Right Sergeant, they've been out there for 10 minutes, and no sign of crocodiles. Get the rest of the men across.

Hoskins, a little tip. Next time you need to have a pee, don't do it before you lie down.

Midges??? Naaa, the Mossies killed them

Soldiers ...Wonder if our wife's are having as much fun as we are on this 72 hour exercise?

Wives....Puff Pant.. Yes.. Pant Puff.. we.. Puff Pant SCREAM.. are...

Keep your eyes open Private, Astute must be round here somewhere.

“I know there’s a health crisis, but do we really have to quarantine here for 14 days?”