https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune....000f1b11ea.jpg

I say Private. Have you seen the company mascot?
(Private slyly tips contents of spoon back into tray)
No Sir!

What makes you think global warming is an issue?
Well, this is Kinloss Barracks, Sir!

Training is well under way for the new British Airways COVID-19 on-board catering arrangenets.

"They told me you were a Michelin Chef. Is that true?"
"No Sir. I changed Michelin tyres before the war Sir."

As an economy measure, the catering team used solar heating on the servery.

I know you and your troop have just returned from a vicious firefight with the Afrika Corps and you have been stranded for 3 days in the desert with no provisions but rules are rules, Lunch finished 5 minutes ago ....

Private we want you to surrender yourself to the Afrika Corps. From intelligence General Rommels Chef has dysentery and he will make you his personal cook
Oh sir do you want me to be a inside mole for the Eight's army and send you back his latest plans?
No just be yourself and poison them not us ...

Voice off .... “Sort your dress out, men. Daisy Duke hasn’t been invented yet.”

Ah Corporal Smash, I have just been to the American camp and they still peal, boil and mash their potatoes. I task you with inventing a simpler method

Sorry sir but the dishwasher is broken, can we use your tent ropes for the pots and pans. Some really stubborn gravy stains

We have good news, the Italian troops have all run away and we have captured their evening meal, not sure what it is but Hoskins here thinks they call it Spaghetti. That's desert sorted then

Wow you guys have achieved the impossible, something more terrible than my mother In laws’ meatloaf !

"Where is my Dinner Private?"
"Well Sir, Nutty is the supply Officer Sir, and he said he'd be here yesterday Sir!"
"Ahh, well...I'd better check the Infirmary in case he's been injured"
"Perhaps try the Psych Ward Sir...He is, after all, a bit Nutty!"

"What do you recommend, Private?"
"I'd recommend walking away, sir!"

Ok my apologies for the delay, the results are as follows.................

first the also runs with some excellent comments all round

Surplus with

What makes you think global warming is an issue?
Well, this is Kinloss Barracks, Sir!

Kiltrash with

I know you and your troop have just returned from a vicious firefight with the Afrika Corps and you have been stranded for 3 days in the desert with no provisions but rules are rules, Lunch finished 5 minutes ago ....

Dan gerous with

"They're called Garibaldi's young man, not dead fly biscuits."
"My apologies SIR!. Here's your Garibaldi beef stew, and the Garibaldi tea is in the urn over there."

BUT for sheer doggedness and determination in the face of adversity I award the CST to

Kiltrash with

So when you signed up they asked 'What was your previous profession? I can't believe you told them Chef"
"No. I actually said I was Third mate on a Correllian Freighter that did the Kessel Run in under 3 parsecs. Not that Millenium Falcon slug that took 12, But that was not a option on the form so they ticked Chef"


Thanks everyone that partook of lunc......errr.. the competition.


..

I many thanks Nutty well it made me laugh...
I am currently isolating on the Golf Course and won't be near my 'collection' till late afternoon

So open house any takers...

Have at yee over the weekend with this.

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune....f5d868d2e7.jpg

The Royal Navy protests against the latest defence cuts by putting a display of their full might.

"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches", he said, bloody small Island if you ask me.....

Were did all these little crabs come from?

I told ya... Go see the Doc....

I've not 'ad a bite all day..

The Island Defence Force welcomes all applicants, but wishes to make it known that those over 5'8" will find life with us pretty unpleasant.

"Any sign of that Russian sub then, Hoskins?"

Selection trials for Gideon's army. One pass, one fail.

Kiltrash on his golf course fears he might have lost a ball.

Well according to the GPS this is the Al Wadi Sewerage Works, that explains the smell....

Sure glad I have that tide table my sister sent me from Blackpool.

'E're, Sarge, do you know the water's going in my left boot?'

"You hum it Son and I'll play it."

Ka-Bar knife, MREs, Water purifying tabs and Anti Malaria pills, but no plastic bucket shaped like a castle.

Whaddya mean 'The tides coming in'? We're on Ben Nevis right?

...and you're sure this is where the contact lens fell out?

Photographer; "I don't know why it came to mind but...would anyone else like a Date?"

Nutty was right. You only needed half of that Viagra pill! This is going to take a while isn't it?

You say this beats being in Croydon? Goodness...

Not a Caption. Many thanks Dan for stepping up. Just in case ANYONE is interested did not play well today, as golfers know it does not rain on the course and we can always play the 19 th hole
however did take me partners crisp £5 so not a bad day out.

When they said defend the road from the bunker, one thought nice fortified concrete position, not a bloody sand trap.

The Politically correct ancient pastime of Wife Carrying is now Husband Carrying. "Are you all right down there Mavis?"

"Well I WAS the driver of the Range Rover that pranged the PM's car, What did you do wrong Dom?"