I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
Ah yes, hats....
Sqn Cdr found an easy solution to my tatty old one - he fed it to vascodagama's new Labrador.....
Although I retrieved it from the monster's dripping jaws having bribed it with a crew room biscuit (or rather, several) - and shoved it into the bottom of my headset bag as a memento. I thought I'd never need it again....until I mislaid my 'real' hat at Incirlik and had to attend the 'O' group meeting wearing the grubby, Labrador-chewed relic......
27mm wrote:
True! Just before my time, but I gather that they were on a diversion and the Sqn Cdr exclaimed "WTF, Bloggs, it's THERE!! Can't you see the bŁoody place? FFS....I have control". They landed and someone chased them in a car - there then followed a "WTF are you doing on the RW" / "WTF are you doing landing on our test track?" conversation with a chap in a secret prototype Ford of some sort....
The studes at Valley wanted to make a "Welcome to RAF St Mawgan!" sign to greet the Sqn Cdr's return, but were 'persuaded' that This Was Not A Good Idea!
Sqn Cdr found an easy solution to my tatty old one - he fed it to vascodagama's new Labrador.....
Although I retrieved it from the monster's dripping jaws having bribed it with a crew room biscuit (or rather, several) - and shoved it into the bottom of my headset bag as a memento. I thought I'd never need it again....until I mislaid my 'real' hat at Incirlik and had to attend the 'O' group meeting wearing the grubby, Labrador-chewed relic......
27mm wrote:
As did a Valley Sqn Cdr back in the 70s; landed at Sleap, thinking it was Shawbs, having made all the right calls.
The studes at Valley wanted to make a "Welcome to RAF St Mawgan!" sign to greet the Sqn Cdr's return, but were 'persuaded' that This Was Not A Good Idea!
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Lindholme Hastings doing routine trainer round the Bomber atCommand dispersal airfield with Stn Cdr getting in some stick time with QFI.
After rolling at Lyneham,
"Sir, if you did that at Lindholme you would have taken the boundary fence out."
Back at Lindholme he did just that.
After rolling at Lyneham,
"Sir, if you did that at Lindholme you would have taken the boundary fence out."
Back at Lindholme he did just that.
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I wish I hadn't said that.....however!!
The B747 freighter was operated by mainly European crew. (I know this the military section of PPrune, but I did my bit, so bear with me.) The crew consisted of Captain, First Officer and Flight Engineer. Hans (not his real name) was GERMAN, myself, and the Flt Eng, Brits.
The aircraft was one of the stretched upper deck types, converted to freighter, and we had 6 very comfortable business class seats behind the flight-deck.
The problem was that there was no water available on board. Not in the toilet, nor in the galley for hot drinks. And the company had previously planned for all of the seats to be used by DT crew for the next two sectors. But being a freighter operation, plans change and the DT crews didn’t turn up, BUT dozens and dozens of bottles of Evian water were loaded on board to cater for the number of bodies supposedly onboard for the next several hours.
I stand just aft of the flight-deck and marvel at the stack of water bottles piled up against the bulk-head. The Eng. is at his panel fiddling with paperwork and, as it is Hans sector, he is head down fiddling with the FMC or whatever.
I make a general comment into the flight-deck. ” There is enough bl**dy water here to sink the Bismark”. At which, the Eng. rapidly turns his head and stares at me, and I immediately realise maybe I might have put my foot in it. Both of us then look at Hans who has stopped doing whatever, but after about 5 seconds continues fiddling with the FMC etc.
So during that sector the conversation somehow covers a part of WWII, concerning a certain German battleship and how it took NEARLY the WHOLE of the RN to eventually sink it, AND the Brits back in the 1950s or so, made a movie about it called “Sink the Bismark”. Myself and the Eng. were never sure if Hans had even heard of the circumstances of the Bismark sinking, but we did our best to enlighten him, GENTLY.
Anyhow, a couple of weeks, later during a conversation with another couple of crewmembers who flew with Hans and who had picked up a full load of DT crew, who would be onboard for two long sectors. Hans was heard to say “Ah! Ve now hav enough crew meals on board to sink the Bismark” Good lad!
The aircraft was one of the stretched upper deck types, converted to freighter, and we had 6 very comfortable business class seats behind the flight-deck.
The problem was that there was no water available on board. Not in the toilet, nor in the galley for hot drinks. And the company had previously planned for all of the seats to be used by DT crew for the next two sectors. But being a freighter operation, plans change and the DT crews didn’t turn up, BUT dozens and dozens of bottles of Evian water were loaded on board to cater for the number of bodies supposedly onboard for the next several hours.
I stand just aft of the flight-deck and marvel at the stack of water bottles piled up against the bulk-head. The Eng. is at his panel fiddling with paperwork and, as it is Hans sector, he is head down fiddling with the FMC or whatever.
I make a general comment into the flight-deck. ” There is enough bl**dy water here to sink the Bismark”. At which, the Eng. rapidly turns his head and stares at me, and I immediately realise maybe I might have put my foot in it. Both of us then look at Hans who has stopped doing whatever, but after about 5 seconds continues fiddling with the FMC etc.
So during that sector the conversation somehow covers a part of WWII, concerning a certain German battleship and how it took NEARLY the WHOLE of the RN to eventually sink it, AND the Brits back in the 1950s or so, made a movie about it called “Sink the Bismark”. Myself and the Eng. were never sure if Hans had even heard of the circumstances of the Bismark sinking, but we did our best to enlighten him, GENTLY.
Anyhow, a couple of weeks, later during a conversation with another couple of crewmembers who flew with Hans and who had picked up a full load of DT crew, who would be onboard for two long sectors. Hans was heard to say “Ah! Ve now hav enough crew meals on board to sink the Bismark” Good lad!
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twothree,
Your: "and how it took NEARLY the WHOLE of the RN to eventually sink it "
And the fatal blow was struck by a Canadian pilot with a Swordfish (he put a torpedo into the rudder post of "Bismarck", this jammed the rudder hard over), they couldn't free it and the ship was helpless, steaming in circles and effectively immobile, until the avenging heavy units caught up with it.
Even so, they fought to the end and went down with all guns firing. You have to salute them for that.
D.
Your: "and how it took NEARLY the WHOLE of the RN to eventually sink it "
And the fatal blow was struck by a Canadian pilot with a Swordfish (he put a torpedo into the rudder post of "Bismarck", this jammed the rudder hard over), they couldn't free it and the ship was helpless, steaming in circles and effectively immobile, until the avenging heavy units caught up with it.
Even so, they fought to the end and went down with all guns firing. You have to salute them for that.
D.
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Basic Flying Training (real Provost), 1955; during an early solo GH sortie, I heard an R/T call from a fellow student “Switching to 121.5 for Practice Pan”. I changed frequency to follow the proceedings, the subsequent calls were:-
“Practice Pan, Practice Pan, Practice Pan, this is *****”
“**** this is @@@@ no Practice Pans today, there’s a Royal Flight”
“@@@@ This is **** Roger. Practice Mayday, Practice Mayday, Practice Mayday,”
My course mate did get an interesting debrief back at Feltwell, which made him wish he hadn’t said that, but he eventually retired as a 2 Star which was many grades higher than I reached.
“Practice Pan, Practice Pan, Practice Pan, this is *****”
“**** this is @@@@ no Practice Pans today, there’s a Royal Flight”
“@@@@ This is **** Roger. Practice Mayday, Practice Mayday, Practice Mayday,”
My course mate did get an interesting debrief back at Feltwell, which made him wish he hadn’t said that, but he eventually retired as a 2 Star which was many grades higher than I reached.
Many years ago, during a boat-spotting Ocean Safari MRR bore-ex, 'Valerie' the AEO starts sending his routine 'Disport' broadcast...
"All Stations, all stations, this is XXXXX, Disport opens...." followed by several minutes of positions and boat track directions. On and on he droned, followed finally by ".....Disport ends...OUT".
Quick as a flash comes the reply "XXXXX, this is Midland Radar - I guess that wasn't for us then?"
Not the sharpest tool in the box was Valerie (he managed to cartridge start the AAPP on the ground with the Crew Chief underneath the wing....twice!", but from then on he always checked which radio he'd selected rather more carefully...
"All Stations, all stations, this is XXXXX, Disport opens...." followed by several minutes of positions and boat track directions. On and on he droned, followed finally by ".....Disport ends...OUT".
Quick as a flash comes the reply "XXXXX, this is Midland Radar - I guess that wasn't for us then?"
Not the sharpest tool in the box was Valerie (he managed to cartridge start the AAPP on the ground with the Crew Chief underneath the wing....twice!", but from then on he always checked which radio he'd selected rather more carefully...
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
BEagle, disgressing, did an Instow in the Med. As the broadcast slot came we passed the shout sheets to the AEO. He took 15 minutes broadcasting the first batch. As the next time slot came up we passed the next batch before he had time to draw breath and so it went on for an hour 
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Heard at Pat King's Funeral ...
Pete Day did Pat's eulogy: he recounted ...
Pat was CO at Wittering when he, along with all other COs in the Group, was summoned to Gp HQ for a sesh with the AOC. The last item, tabled by the AOC, was introduced as "a drinking problem".
Pat told the AOC: "I don't think we have a drinking problem at Wittering. I think we're rather good at it".
Pfftt.
Pat was CO at Wittering when he, along with all other COs in the Group, was summoned to Gp HQ for a sesh with the AOC. The last item, tabled by the AOC, was introduced as "a drinking problem".
Pat told the AOC: "I don't think we have a drinking problem at Wittering. I think we're rather good at it".
Pfftt.
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Early days on BOC at 750Sqn Culdrose. Our course had the first female Observer trainee.
When the question 'what does the emergency busbar power in the Jetstream' was asked, she puts her hand up and replies, with a hint of uncertainty in her voice..
"the winch..."
When the question 'what does the emergency busbar power in the Jetstream' was asked, she puts her hand up and replies, with a hint of uncertainty in her voice..
"the winch..."
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Does anyone remember the Flt Lt Nav, name of Dmitri Victorovitch Zotov. (New Zealander, but Russian ancestry).
Posted to Boscombe on the Nimrod AEW project, where he lowered his already marginal popularity by insisting it could never work (nobody likes a smarta**e).
Appointed to be Station Security Officer by Winco Admin with sense of humour so he could introduce 'Dimitri Zotov, our Security Officer' to visiting yanks; joke fell rather flat because they all had names like that..........
Posted to Boscombe on the Nimrod AEW project, where he lowered his already marginal popularity by insisting it could never work (nobody likes a smarta**e).
Appointed to be Station Security Officer by Winco Admin with sense of humour so he could introduce 'Dimitri Zotov, our Security Officer' to visiting yanks; joke fell rather flat because they all had names like that..........
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Bad Hats
At Marham in the 60's we had to go to the CO's office annually to sign OCO's.
One order complained of officers wearing tatty hats and instructed us to check a hat in the PA's office as an example of totally unacceptable shabbiness. Someone stole it
Somewhere else they court martialled a hat and burnt it, on a silver salver
One order complained of officers wearing tatty hats and instructed us to check a hat in the PA's office as an example of totally unacceptable shabbiness. Someone stole it
Somewhere else they court martialled a hat and burnt it, on a silver salver
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Flying in to Crosland Moor (known in all seriousness as Huddersfield International...) to have lunch at the Sand's Edge pub about 15 minutes walk away. Now Crosland is one of the highest airfields in the UK, around 820' asl if I remember correctly so I thought I would ask for a QNH to sound a bit pro and asked for airfield info including QNH. Reply:
'As tha blind lad, use thi ...in eyes.'
Nice to be back in Yorkshire!
---
Again another Yorky airfield, Fadmoor on the NY Moors just north of Kirkbymoorside near a place called Gillamoor where there is a great pub called the Royal Oak. Didn't expect any reply so called 'Fadmoor traffic, G-** blah di blah' expecting silence. Reply a laconic voice 'Ave just teken off, watch thisen thers some chickens on't runway.'
---
Landing at Elstree for the first time, runway with more potholes and rough bits than a third world country. Walked up to tower to pay my fee, very nice man says 'Is this your first visit?'
'Yes, your runway could do with a bit of work.'
'Ah, we've just spent a squillion pounds having it resurfaced, that's the first complaint we've had.'
'Have you a larger spade?'
---
Landing at Great Massingham, an old deserted WWII airfield just north of Marham. Great pub in the village called the Dabbling Duck. Climbed out of a/c and noticed a dog underneath the wing.... Red faced owner running towards me, 'Sorry mate, he likes to piss on aircraft'.
RAF days:
Mate on arrival at Decci and gazing at the scenery 'It's as flat as a pancake round here apart from the mountains.'
---
Escort for court martial for SAC squadron chum at which I knew nothing of the case. 'You are accused of saying to Flt Lt Bloggs (a lady officer by the way)
'You need ....ing with the rough end of a pineapple.'
Cue collapse of stout party and SWO whispering in his best sotto 'Stop bloody sniggering or I'll have you for toast.'
---
Doing a freedom of Sodding Chipbury or some such place in a cricket pavilion because it was raining. Lots of local dignitaries etc. Came fix bayonets and my scabbard came away with the bayonet, however not to break the timing I carried on and was left with a non gleaming scabbard at the end of my SLR with bit of white frogging attached.
I could see a 'lady of worth' smiling at me and felt like a complete expletive. Everyone pretended to ignore my pain and later on at the bun fight said smiling woman came up to me and said 'You haven't had a good day have you?' I aplogised for the gaff and said that these things happen unfortunately.
'Oh it wasn't the bayonet, it was the fact that your flies were undone for the whole parade.'
Now how did she notice that?
'As tha blind lad, use thi ...in eyes.'
Nice to be back in Yorkshire!
---
Again another Yorky airfield, Fadmoor on the NY Moors just north of Kirkbymoorside near a place called Gillamoor where there is a great pub called the Royal Oak. Didn't expect any reply so called 'Fadmoor traffic, G-** blah di blah' expecting silence. Reply a laconic voice 'Ave just teken off, watch thisen thers some chickens on't runway.'
---
Landing at Elstree for the first time, runway with more potholes and rough bits than a third world country. Walked up to tower to pay my fee, very nice man says 'Is this your first visit?'
'Yes, your runway could do with a bit of work.'
'Ah, we've just spent a squillion pounds having it resurfaced, that's the first complaint we've had.'
'Have you a larger spade?'
---
Landing at Great Massingham, an old deserted WWII airfield just north of Marham. Great pub in the village called the Dabbling Duck. Climbed out of a/c and noticed a dog underneath the wing.... Red faced owner running towards me, 'Sorry mate, he likes to piss on aircraft'.
RAF days:
Mate on arrival at Decci and gazing at the scenery 'It's as flat as a pancake round here apart from the mountains.'
---
Escort for court martial for SAC squadron chum at which I knew nothing of the case. 'You are accused of saying to Flt Lt Bloggs (a lady officer by the way)
'You need ....ing with the rough end of a pineapple.'
Cue collapse of stout party and SWO whispering in his best sotto 'Stop bloody sniggering or I'll have you for toast.'
---
Doing a freedom of Sodding Chipbury or some such place in a cricket pavilion because it was raining. Lots of local dignitaries etc. Came fix bayonets and my scabbard came away with the bayonet, however not to break the timing I carried on and was left with a non gleaming scabbard at the end of my SLR with bit of white frogging attached.
I could see a 'lady of worth' smiling at me and felt like a complete expletive. Everyone pretended to ignore my pain and later on at the bun fight said smiling woman came up to me and said 'You haven't had a good day have you?' I aplogised for the gaff and said that these things happen unfortunately.
'Oh it wasn't the bayonet, it was the fact that your flies were undone for the whole parade.'
Now how did she notice that?
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RAF Topcliffe '88.
Beautiful summers day and Boss and SPLOT decide to go for some SCT. Assorted studes taking advantage of the weather, which was unfortunate as lots of witnesses.
Bullfrog comes to a screeching halt, SPLOT jumps out (as the junior crew member) to remove the brightly coloured pitot cover which fortunately hadn't melted on. Much tittering from the massed ranks, there but for the grace of etc!
Happy days.
Beautiful summers day and Boss and SPLOT decide to go for some SCT. Assorted studes taking advantage of the weather, which was unfortunate as lots of witnesses.
Bullfrog comes to a screeching halt, SPLOT jumps out (as the junior crew member) to remove the brightly coloured pitot cover which fortunately hadn't melted on. Much tittering from the massed ranks, there but for the grace of etc!
Happy days.
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Respect?
100 sqn West Raynham, not a happy place after the avoidable loss of two crew. Boss v unpopular to the point of being despised.
Flight Commander TB calls boys together says morale v low must make an effort etc. From now on we will all stand up when the boss enters the room
Voice from the back, "whats he look like"
Flight Commander TB calls boys together says morale v low must make an effort etc. From now on we will all stand up when the boss enters the room
Voice from the back, "whats he look like"
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Coningsby around 74/75, CO walks into liney crewroom (Allinson or Allison by name? Can't remember.) Everyone carries on as normal.
CO 'Don't you stand to attention when the Station Commander walks into the room.'
'Yes' pipes up a tiny voice.
CO 'Well WHY AREN'T YOU?!!'
Tiny voice 'Who are you?'
Card playing, uckers, swearing and farting carry on as normal.
Stout party walks out in huff, major bollocking by SENGO for us. Probably for him as well...
Don't mess with the lineys...
CO 'Don't you stand to attention when the Station Commander walks into the room.'
'Yes' pipes up a tiny voice.
CO 'Well WHY AREN'T YOU?!!'
Tiny voice 'Who are you?'
Card playing, uckers, swearing and farting carry on as normal.
Stout party walks out in huff, major bollocking by SENGO for us. Probably for him as well...
Don't mess with the lineys...