Favourite Military Banter/Phrases
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Uckinghall, Tewkesbury
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Re: Best banter ever?
Student FC giving met brief at West Drayton in 80's.
His fellow studes had prepared OHPs for him and under 'warnings' had replace B with D and written 'SEVERE TURD IN CBs' (What wags we were!)
OC SFC asked stude what the weather warning was.
Young LACW shouts out from back of briefing room, "I think that's what they call ****ty weather Sir!"
His fellow studes had prepared OHPs for him and under 'warnings' had replace B with D and written 'SEVERE TURD IN CBs' (What wags we were!)
OC SFC asked stude what the weather warning was.
Young LACW shouts out from back of briefing room, "I think that's what they call ****ty weather Sir!"
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: wherever I lay my headset
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Re: Best banter ever?
Teeteringhead... :-) Actually I wasn't in the FI at the time, heard the story when from her when she returned back to BFG... and even after a gap of many years I can still recall that she was indeed "Geeorrrgeooous!!!!"
Join Date: Dec 2000
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Re: Best banter ever?
One ticket to Findhorn please.
This bus isnae goin' tae Findhorn.
But it says Forres via Findhorn on the front.
It says India on the tyres, and I'm nae goin' there either.
This bus isnae goin' tae Findhorn.
But it says Forres via Findhorn on the front.
It says India on the tyres, and I'm nae goin' there either.
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: UK
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Re: Best banter ever?
Post-JMC debrief day, and everyone heading home from ISK.
USN P3C heading way out west calls Scottish Mil with routing once airborne:
"Ah...yeah... and...ah...we'll route via Mac...Mac...Mach... Mach-re...Mach-ra... Ah ****! We'll go via Stornoway instead!"
USN P3C heading way out west calls Scottish Mil with routing once airborne:
"Ah...yeah... and...ah...we'll route via Mac...Mac...Mach... Mach-re...Mach-ra... Ah ****! We'll go via Stornoway instead!"
Re: Best banter ever?
After what seemed an hour long brief about a helicopter move of an infantry company....by the unit CO a Captain of Infantry. With lots of blank looks among all gathered...the unit First SGT stood up and said....after lots of talk of ACL's, Frequency allocations, and all that good soldier talk by the Captain.
"Lads, what the Boss was trying to say.... Headquarters element, 1st and 2nd platoons will go in the Hueys on one lift, 8 guys per bird, third platoon and weapons platoon will go in the Chinook in two lifts...split the platoons on each lift....now ya'll git on over yonder and get set up to go...birds are on the way.
"Lads, what the Boss was trying to say.... Headquarters element, 1st and 2nd platoons will go in the Hueys on one lift, 8 guys per bird, third platoon and weapons platoon will go in the Chinook in two lifts...split the platoons on each lift....now ya'll git on over yonder and get set up to go...birds are on the way.
Re: Best banter ever?
Pierre Argh - was she at Bruggen, having previously served at Rheindahlen? Because if it's who I think it is, she's still gorgeous!
Re: Best banter ever?
Try visiting the ATC tower at Brize......
Many very nice ladies indeed!
(And please, no more orbits for IFR inbound helicopters at 5 miles on the ILS, OK ladies?)
Many very nice ladies indeed!
(And please, no more orbits for IFR inbound helicopters at 5 miles on the ILS, OK ladies?)
Re: Best banter ever?
Indeed, BEagle. Was once invited to coffee with the 'Witch Watch' in the tower at Northolt - very pleasing on the eye, as was one of my AATCs on attachment at JATOC. Why is it that the 'girls' the Army gets are not generally as attractive? (Please, no 'dung-eater' comments)
Re: Best banter ever?
Actually I didn't mean to imply that they were merely 'easy on the eye' which would be a somewhat non-PC thing to say - they're also very nice people who are extremely good at what they do!
(That should be worth a few less orbits.....
)
(That should be worth a few less orbits.....
)
Short Blunt Shock
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: UK
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Re: Best banter ever?
Back to the topic......
This one has to take the prize for 'Best Witty Response to a Journo". Starring the Israeli Air Force chief at a press conference, seen on TV yesterday. The theme was Iran's nuclear intentions.
Journo: "Just HOW far is Israel prepared to go to prevent Iran developing nuclear weapons?"
Chief (without pausing): "About 2,000 kilometres"
This one has to take the prize for 'Best Witty Response to a Journo". Starring the Israeli Air Force chief at a press conference, seen on TV yesterday. The theme was Iran's nuclear intentions.
Journo: "Just HOW far is Israel prepared to go to prevent Iran developing nuclear weapons?"
Chief (without pausing): "About 2,000 kilometres"
Gentleman Aviator
Re: Best banter ever?
Originally Posted by BEagle
..no more orbits for IFR inbound helicopters ...
Many years ago I was flying a Gazelle into Scampton (when CFS were there), and joined for a PAR. Lotsa JPs in the radar circuit so ATC came out to one of them with "..I'll probably have to orbit you as you're number 3 in the pattern behind a ....[theatrical sigh] ... helicopter..."
Teeters grows horns and turns up the wick on the plastic chicken leg, in order to go down the slope at about 165 ...
"Gazelle c/s, please reduce speed ..... you're catching the JP in front of you"
Join Date: Jan 2003
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Re: Best banter ever?
Whilst we're on the subject of ATC....
ATC to pilot "Turn right 20 degrees and report your heading"
Pilot "Roger, request reason for the turn"
ATC "Controller's whim"
Pilot "(Unit C/S)... Reds passing north of your airfield in five minutes..."
ATC "Red Leader request aircraft type?"
Pilot "We're the RAF Aerobatic team"
ATC "Roger... request aircraft type?"
There's plenty more....
ATC to pilot "Turn right 20 degrees and report your heading"
Pilot "Roger, request reason for the turn"
ATC "Controller's whim"
Pilot "(Unit C/S)... Reds passing north of your airfield in five minutes..."
ATC "Red Leader request aircraft type?"
Pilot "We're the RAF Aerobatic team"
ATC "Roger... request aircraft type?"
There's plenty more....
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The Pub
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Re: Best banter ever?
Overheard not long ago:
"XXXTwr, G13 Request Taxi."
(Tx'd in a hurry to get in front of VC10 about to taxi past)
"G13, XXXTwr HOLD, one widebody taxiing."
"HOLD G13, But the only thing widebody about THAT, is the CREW!!!"
"XXXTwr, G13 Request Taxi."
(Tx'd in a hurry to get in front of VC10 about to taxi past)
"G13, XXXTwr HOLD, one widebody taxiing."
"HOLD G13, But the only thing widebody about THAT, is the CREW!!!"
Join Date: Nov 1998
Location: UK
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Re: Best banter ever?
Lockheed Blackbird arriving in Londons airspace after transatlantic flight:
'London, Black 2 with you, requesting FL650'
'Black 2, if you can get it, you can have it!'
'Thankyou London, descending now!!'
'London, Black 2 with you, requesting FL650'
'Black 2, if you can get it, you can have it!'
'Thankyou London, descending now!!'
Join Date: Nov 1998
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Re: Best banter ever?
Hunter on high level transit from Lossie to somewhere down south:
'Scottish, LOM 20 with you at FL390'
ATC: 'Roger L20 squawk 5545'
L20: 'Sorry Scottish, no transponder'
ATC: 'L20, can you give me a Tacan position from Leuchars?'
L20: 'Negative Scottish, not fitted with Tacan'
ATC: 'How about VORDME from Deans Cross?'
L20: 'Don't carry VORDME'
ATC: (Exasperated tone) 'L20 what navaids have you got?'
L20: (dryly) 'I'm talking on it'
'Scottish, LOM 20 with you at FL390'
ATC: 'Roger L20 squawk 5545'
L20: 'Sorry Scottish, no transponder'
ATC: 'L20, can you give me a Tacan position from Leuchars?'
L20: 'Negative Scottish, not fitted with Tacan'
ATC: 'How about VORDME from Deans Cross?'
L20: 'Don't carry VORDME'
ATC: (Exasperated tone) 'L20 what navaids have you got?'
L20: (dryly) 'I'm talking on it'
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: East Midlands
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Re: Best banter ever?
When I was a Flt Cdr at 1 SofTT I had a conversation which went, roughly
He You were absent from your office this morning, why?
I I was having my haircut
He You can't have it cut during working hours
I I think I can Sir, it grows during working hours
He Yes, but it doesn't all grow during working hours
I And I haven't had it all cut off Sir!
He You were absent from your office this morning, why?
I I was having my haircut
He You can't have it cut during working hours
I I think I can Sir, it grows during working hours
He Yes, but it doesn't all grow during working hours
I And I haven't had it all cut off Sir!
Join Date: Sep 2004
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Re: Best banter ever?
Some years ago, a North Sea mate who had served in the USAF, reported this short conversation with ATC.
ATC Panam X say altitude.
Panam X "Altitude".
ATC Panam X, say again altitude.
Panam X "Again altitude".
ATC Panam X say "Cancel IFR".
Panam X FL350.
ATC Panam X say altitude.
Panam X "Altitude".
ATC Panam X, say again altitude.
Panam X "Again altitude".
ATC Panam X say "Cancel IFR".
Panam X FL350.