Favourite Military Banter/Phrases
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Re: Best banter ever?
Everytime we tried to talk to our management about a payrise or somethin', we got the same answer: "There are 300 unemployed pilots at the gate, waiting to take your job..." Once we had a meeting with our CEO and one of the senior Capts. came late. He entered the room and said: "I'm sorry I'm late. I had to push through the crowd of 300 pilots waiting at the door"
PPatRoN
Join Date: Jun 2004
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Re: Best banter ever?
Stuck_in's post reminds me of this exchange in a branch of a company that sold outdoor pursuits equipment, reported with glee by someone who was there. I do know the actual names, but I'll change them.
Sandra is the assistant manager, well-respected among local organisations that provide adventure training. Eric is a newly-appointed operations manager, reporting to the company's board, and he's visiting the branch; he's the MD's golden-haired boy, and imagines he's going to shake up the company.
Although the shop opens at 0900, the staff at 0830 are sat around the staff-room table enjoying a before-we-start cuppa together (they're paid from 0900, but nobody's a clock-watcher).
Eric looks at his watch, and says, "Sandra, open up. Let's see if there's trade around at this time."
"Okay, I'll just finish my tea first."
"I didn't say finish your tea, I said open up. If you don't want your job, there's a million on the dole who'd like it."
Sandra stood up and reached into her bag for her keys. She tossed them onto the table in front of Eric, and said, "Find one of the buggers, then."
She left through the fire exit, without another word, before Eric's jaw had returned to its normal position.
By the end of the day, Eric had been obliged to drive to her house to apologise to her. She'd phoned the company secretary from home: he knew what an asset her contacts were.
adr
Sandra is the assistant manager, well-respected among local organisations that provide adventure training. Eric is a newly-appointed operations manager, reporting to the company's board, and he's visiting the branch; he's the MD's golden-haired boy, and imagines he's going to shake up the company.
Although the shop opens at 0900, the staff at 0830 are sat around the staff-room table enjoying a before-we-start cuppa together (they're paid from 0900, but nobody's a clock-watcher).
Eric looks at his watch, and says, "Sandra, open up. Let's see if there's trade around at this time."
"Okay, I'll just finish my tea first."
"I didn't say finish your tea, I said open up. If you don't want your job, there's a million on the dole who'd like it."
Sandra stood up and reached into her bag for her keys. She tossed them onto the table in front of Eric, and said, "Find one of the buggers, then."
She left through the fire exit, without another word, before Eric's jaw had returned to its normal position.
By the end of the day, Eric had been obliged to drive to her house to apologise to her. She'd phoned the company secretary from home: he knew what an asset her contacts were.
adr
Re: Best banter ever?
Linton early 60s. J.Ps milling around doing what JPs did.(think it some night flying detail) From out of the blue came the following R/T exchange...
"I'm pissed off"... "Aircraft calling, say again callsign"....."I'm not that pissed off"
"I'm pissed off"... "Aircraft calling, say again callsign"....."I'm not that pissed off"
Re: Best banter ever?
Many years ago a Lightning Squadron departing Valley on their return to base after MPC decided to "beatup" the airfield and as it was a clear blue day, climb at max rate to leave trails in the overhead!! During the climb No 4 was seen to be out of formation and when asked why replies rather sheepishly, " Ive got a wasp in the cockpit" ( not a good experience in a cockpit so small!!)
Before anyone could say a word, a voice from the ether said " You should worry, Ive got 3 navigators in mine!!"
Ah those were the days!!
Before anyone could say a word, a voice from the ether said " You should worry, Ive got 3 navigators in mine!!"
Ah those were the days!!
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: NSW Australia
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Re: Best banter ever?
Bad taste I know, so I'll apologise before I begin!
HS125 in transit between Spain and Heathrow with medico team plus coolbox containing heart and lungs from some unfortunate accident victim, bound for well known transplant hospital near Heathrow.
Crusty old Captain and bright young First Officer pretty bored over Bay of Biscay, when the lovely Pat, having fed and watered the medicos (caviared and champaigned really, exec jet don't forget, we got the left overs if lucky!) delivers coffee to troops in the front, and asks if they would like something to eat. Quick as a flash, bright young F/O says ' good idea, Pat, got any offal?'
And no pun intended regarding bad taste.
HS125 in transit between Spain and Heathrow with medico team plus coolbox containing heart and lungs from some unfortunate accident victim, bound for well known transplant hospital near Heathrow.
Crusty old Captain and bright young First Officer pretty bored over Bay of Biscay, when the lovely Pat, having fed and watered the medicos (caviared and champaigned really, exec jet don't forget, we got the left overs if lucky!) delivers coffee to troops in the front, and asks if they would like something to eat. Quick as a flash, bright young F/O says ' good idea, Pat, got any offal?'
And no pun intended regarding bad taste.
Re: Best banter ever?
The following are hearsay and thus may not have happened
1.
Airline123 arriving in Munich/ Frankfurt/? Cleared the active, was given taxi instructions but then stopped.
German ground controller, determined to show whose boss.....
Airline 123 you were told to taxi to parking..have you never been here before?
Airline 123 Affirm but that was in '43 and I didn't stop.
2.
In the old days when radars did not have remote heads and thus one faded as one flew over head
Female ATCO
Fast Jet 123 you are entering my dark area
FJ 123 Roger... I'll try to be gentle!!
1.
Airline123 arriving in Munich/ Frankfurt/? Cleared the active, was given taxi instructions but then stopped.
German ground controller, determined to show whose boss.....
Airline 123 you were told to taxi to parking..have you never been here before?
Airline 123 Affirm but that was in '43 and I didn't stop.
2.
In the old days when radars did not have remote heads and thus one faded as one flew over head
Female ATCO
Fast Jet 123 you are entering my dark area
FJ 123 Roger... I'll try to be gentle!!
Grandpa Aerotart
Re: Best banter ever?
Old story from Oz....wee smalls of the morning.
Voice from the ether. "**** I am bored!"
FSO "aircraft calling say callsign"
Voice from the ether. "I said I was fecking bored...not fecking stupid!"
Voice from the ether. "**** I am bored!"
FSO "aircraft calling say callsign"
Voice from the ether. "I said I was fecking bored...not fecking stupid!"
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: uk
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Re: Best banter ever?
(Dutch ATC to Lynx) Cleared downwind for RWY 28, keep your eye out for a BANATOA on finals
Lynx after intercrew conversation "Whats a BANATOA ?"
ATC "Its the Aircraft towing the banner !"
Lynx after intercrew conversation "Whats a BANATOA ?"
ATC "Its the Aircraft towing the banner !"
Re: Best banter ever?
December 9, 2005 (CNN) While interviewing an anonymous US Special
Forces soldier, a Reuters News agent asked the soldier what he felt when
sniping members of Al Quaeda in Afghanistan. The soldier shrugged and
replied, "Recoil."
Forces soldier, a Reuters News agent asked the soldier what he felt when
sniping members of Al Quaeda in Afghanistan. The soldier shrugged and
replied, "Recoil."
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Re: Best banter ever?
NCO Aircrew walks past an army Major without saluting. Major - "Don't you salute majors in the RAF?". Aircrew - "We don't have any majors in the RAF". Continue walking.
Live from the Swamp
Live from the Swamp
Last edited by Swamp Thing; 13th Jan 2006 at 10:10.
Re: Best banter ever?
Wasn't there a story from Aberdeen in the early days of the oil boom, someone calling the Tower for a timecheck, the ATCO missed the ID of the calling station and replied;
"If you're KLM it's 07:00 hours, if you're BA it's 7 o'clock, and if you're Air Anglia it's Thursday."?
"If you're KLM it's 07:00 hours, if you're BA it's 7 o'clock, and if you're Air Anglia it's Thursday."?
Re: Best banter ever?
After a boring briefing at ISK, we declared our availability to go Boris-chasing and were promptly scrambled off in our Vickers FunBus to do so...
Eventually the UK Air Defenders decided that the Bears had decided not to play and had gone home. So we're cleared to RTB.
Voice from the ether turns out to be a Shacklebomber wireless operator who wants an 'Ops Normal' relayed, as his bit of kit has blown its crystals..
"Blah..blah..blah...Ops Normal, estimate Lossie at 1800"
"OK - I read back for confirmation, Blah..blah..blah...Ops Normal, estimate Lossie at 1800. Request clarification - is that 1800 today?"
Eventually the UK Air Defenders decided that the Bears had decided not to play and had gone home. So we're cleared to RTB.
Voice from the ether turns out to be a Shacklebomber wireless operator who wants an 'Ops Normal' relayed, as his bit of kit has blown its crystals..
"Blah..blah..blah...Ops Normal, estimate Lossie at 1800"
"OK - I read back for confirmation, Blah..blah..blah...Ops Normal, estimate Lossie at 1800. Request clarification - is that 1800 today?"
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Re: Best banter ever?
valley in the mid 80's, walking to work between mess and airfield along the road behind Blackie ,infamouus member of gaurdroom staff, not known for his intelligence.
Blackie not wearing beret, stn cmdr driving past notices, pulls up, leans over and winds window down, to which Blackie says "cheers sir, gaurdroom please", and promptly get in the car!
Blackie not wearing beret, stn cmdr driving past notices, pulls up, leans over and winds window down, to which Blackie says "cheers sir, gaurdroom please", and promptly get in the car!
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Re: Best banter ever?
Doesn't really count for banter but a wonderful dit anyway. Cue new pilot on SHAR squadron having experienced a bit of a traffic jam as number 4 in the 4 ship visual recovery in the med in summer. Stacked up, water flowing and very short on gravy told to go around by the LSO, the late Lt Cdr Jack London RN. Does so, accompanied by flashing bingoes, lands on. No dramas bar the new undies required. Jacks retort to shaking pilot in crewroom afterwards "naa, you had a couple more minutes left". Cooler than a cucumber, scruffier than a tramp. Missed by all.
ATC with a sense of humour?!!!
Hope this hasn't been done already.
Not sure of exact details so I'll embelish slightly!
London ATC: American Airlines jet descend to 6000 feet on QNH 1010
AA Jet: Could I get that in inches please?
London ATC: Certainly. Descend to 72,000 inches on 1010.
Not sure of exact details so I'll embelish slightly!
London ATC: American Airlines jet descend to 6000 feet on QNH 1010
AA Jet: Could I get that in inches please?
London ATC: Certainly. Descend to 72,000 inches on 1010.
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Re: Best banter ever?
Buchan 1978. Giving surveillance to a pair of Hunters doing air/air North East of Lossie.
37: 37 in hot
Banner: 37 clear in hot
37: 37 out.
25: 25 in hot.....etc etc etc for what seemed hours at a time...
Then....
STOP STOP STOP!! Dont you dare fire at me you C**t.
Wish I could have heard that debrief.
Neatishead 1980: 4 ship F4's from CY with AOC 11 Gp as guest in one of the F4's.
One crew did something silly and was rewarded by someone calling "Prat!"
AOC (he had a very identifiable voice): "I concur"
Neatishead again, about 1980. 2xA10 check in with Fighter Marshall
Errr NT we are 2xA10 from Woodbridge, airborne 10 min ago. We have forgotton our callsigns, can you call our base and ask them? over.
NT Controller: Roger, willco. (short pause for phone call) A10 pair, this is NT check in Your base say you are Numnuts 1 and Numnuts2 over.
A10: Errrr Roger that. Numnuts section, stud 5 go.
37: 37 in hot
Banner: 37 clear in hot
37: 37 out.
25: 25 in hot.....etc etc etc for what seemed hours at a time...
Then....
STOP STOP STOP!! Dont you dare fire at me you C**t.
Wish I could have heard that debrief.
Neatishead 1980: 4 ship F4's from CY with AOC 11 Gp as guest in one of the F4's.
One crew did something silly and was rewarded by someone calling "Prat!"
AOC (he had a very identifiable voice): "I concur"
Neatishead again, about 1980. 2xA10 check in with Fighter Marshall
Errr NT we are 2xA10 from Woodbridge, airborne 10 min ago. We have forgotton our callsigns, can you call our base and ask them? over.
NT Controller: Roger, willco. (short pause for phone call) A10 pair, this is NT check in Your base say you are Numnuts 1 and Numnuts2 over.
A10: Errrr Roger that. Numnuts section, stud 5 go.
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Re: Best banter ever?
FTS Unit somewhere in Yorkshire. Very nice looking but stroppy WRAF ATC Controller on duty.
With some 6-7 aircraft on tower frequency someone uttered the words f*ck.
Immediately Miss stroppy replied "who said that"
To which 7 aircraft individually responded "It was not me that said f*ck"
Apparently in tears she was heard saying "stop, stop, please stop........."
With some 6-7 aircraft on tower frequency someone uttered the words f*ck.
Immediately Miss stroppy replied "who said that"
To which 7 aircraft individually responded "It was not me that said f*ck"
Apparently in tears she was heard saying "stop, stop, please stop........."