Cheeky answers to paxs comments!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: london
Posts: 53
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Cheeky answers to paxs comments!
This happened on my flight the other day while serving meals with another crew member.It makes my smile ever time I think of it.
I was handing out hot meals to a group of passengers and this lady asked if we had a different choice, I told her we did and she picked up her hot meal and passed it to me. In the process of her doing this she said " oh my this is very hot dear !", I kindly informed her " well thats why its called a hot meal madam". All of her group and my fellow crew were in fits of laughter.
Anyone else out there have any quirky answers to paxs comments ?
I was handing out hot meals to a group of passengers and this lady asked if we had a different choice, I told her we did and she picked up her hot meal and passed it to me. In the process of her doing this she said " oh my this is very hot dear !", I kindly informed her " well thats why its called a hot meal madam". All of her group and my fellow crew were in fits of laughter.
Anyone else out there have any quirky answers to paxs comments ?
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 756
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
This lady came on board and threw her bag across the last row and yelled at me:
"I can't believe it! I just can't believe it! They put me in the last row and there's no window, I just can't believe it!"
To which I replied:
"I know. I can't believe it either. And there's not even a swimming pool..."
I guess you just had to be there but it was pretty funny at the time.
Also this is from Rene Foss' book "Around the World in a Bad Mood"
A passenger was opening and closing the ash tray on the lav door trying to gain access. The pax turns to the FA and says "How do I open the toilet door?"
The helpful FA says "Turn the handle. It's just like the one on your trailer..."
That's hilarious! I wish I had the guts to say that.
"I can't believe it! I just can't believe it! They put me in the last row and there's no window, I just can't believe it!"
To which I replied:
"I know. I can't believe it either. And there's not even a swimming pool..."
I guess you just had to be there but it was pretty funny at the time.
Also this is from Rene Foss' book "Around the World in a Bad Mood"
A passenger was opening and closing the ash tray on the lav door trying to gain access. The pax turns to the FA and says "How do I open the toilet door?"
The helpful FA says "Turn the handle. It's just like the one on your trailer..."
That's hilarious! I wish I had the guts to say that.
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: STN and HPN
Posts: 296
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Sorry for butting in, here's a couple from inside the terminal before they get to you guys.
"Is the flight late?" - "No, but the schedule is a little early".
"Where's gate 7?" - "Just below the gate 7 sign".
And now for one of my favourites.....
"Are you boarding yet" - "No, it's all my own hair!".
That's my input, I'll leave now.
"Is the flight late?" - "No, but the schedule is a little early".
"Where's gate 7?" - "Just below the gate 7 sign".
And now for one of my favourites.....
"Are you boarding yet" - "No, it's all my own hair!".
That's my input, I'll leave now.
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 13
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Back in the 1980s when I was working on Britannia 737-200s, a man(american), got on board, and as I was boarding the passengers he said,
"this is a rather small plane", in return I said,
"If a donkey was good enough for Jesus, then this is good enough for you"
"this is a rather small plane", in return I said,
"If a donkey was good enough for Jesus, then this is good enough for you"
Wicked Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: I-
Posts: 575
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Boarding by the cone tail (MD83)
Pax: "This A/C is disgusting! I feel like a suppository getting in"
Moi
" Sir, I can't even think what will you feel like when you will get out!" 
Moi
" Sir, I can't even think what will you feel like when you will get out!"
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: PBI
Posts: 215
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
On the original Pan Am a famous English F/A by the name of Jayne T. was offered a baby by a woman passenger with the words "Change Baby"
Jayne T came back quick as a flash! "Yes madam, into what?"
Jayne T came back quick as a flash! "Yes madam, into what?"
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Costa del Gatwick
Posts: 130
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A couple of ones that I seem to trot out most days -
During the meal service
PAX " Is there a choice of meals?"
ME " You can choose to eat it or leave it"
During hot towels
ME " Hot towel sir / madam?"
PAX " Oh that's hot"
ME " Hence the name 'hot towel' "
Well it keeps me amused on those god awful Banjuls!!
During the meal service
PAX " Is there a choice of meals?"
ME " You can choose to eat it or leave it"
During hot towels
ME " Hot towel sir / madam?"
PAX " Oh that's hot"
ME " Hence the name 'hot towel' "
Well it keeps me amused on those god awful Banjuls!!
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Australia Fair
Posts: 44
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Pax- ( during turbulance) Are we going to crash?
Me- I hope not, I have washing on the line.
Pax- I must hold my bag for take off, it has my passport and purse in there.
Me- Thats okay, a bag snatcher cant get far, once I close the door.
Pax- Where is the rest of the plane ( Dash8)? Is this a real plane?
Me- No, its actually a kite, soon I will get off and hang onto a very very long piece of string.
A bit cheeky, but nothing a cheesy smile cant get me out of! they all have a laugh in the end. Its the way you say it, not what you say.
Me- I hope not, I have washing on the line.
Pax- I must hold my bag for take off, it has my passport and purse in there.
Me- Thats okay, a bag snatcher cant get far, once I close the door.
Pax- Where is the rest of the plane ( Dash8)? Is this a real plane?
Me- No, its actually a kite, soon I will get off and hang onto a very very long piece of string.
A bit cheeky, but nothing a cheesy smile cant get me out of! they all have a laugh in the end. Its the way you say it, not what you say.
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Blackburn
Posts: 210
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
As you are clearing in, pax try to hand you everything at the same time:
Response (for the guys): Sorry, I was born with testicles not tenticles !!
When offering free newspapers and they complain you don't have what they want:
Sir/Madam, newspapers are "complimentary, NOT compulsory" with a sweet smile !
Pax: Can I just jump over your trolley?
Crew: Unless you're a gazelle, I wouldn't recommend it !
Pax: Can I squeeze past you? (with trolley in the aisle)
Crew: (look at them in disbelief, bow and say) If you think you're up for it, be my guest. Then carry one trying to work while they huff and puff past you. Other pax seem to find it highly amusing as well.
On long haul flights, you always get asked the same questions:
Pax: Oh, I suppose you go straight back now (with smug grin on face)
Crew: Oh no sir, we have about 4 nights in a 5 star deluxe hotel all inclusive, then we position as passengers on board an exclusively hired plane over to another island, where we spend another 3 nights in a hotel of the same standard, then we operate home. Illl get about 4 days off, then I have a 19 day trip to New Zealand, which is nice!!!!
Luverly !!
Response (for the guys): Sorry, I was born with testicles not tenticles !!
When offering free newspapers and they complain you don't have what they want:
Sir/Madam, newspapers are "complimentary, NOT compulsory" with a sweet smile !
Pax: Can I just jump over your trolley?
Crew: Unless you're a gazelle, I wouldn't recommend it !
Pax: Can I squeeze past you? (with trolley in the aisle)
Crew: (look at them in disbelief, bow and say) If you think you're up for it, be my guest. Then carry one trying to work while they huff and puff past you. Other pax seem to find it highly amusing as well.
On long haul flights, you always get asked the same questions:
Pax: Oh, I suppose you go straight back now (with smug grin on face)
Crew: Oh no sir, we have about 4 nights in a 5 star deluxe hotel all inclusive, then we position as passengers on board an exclusively hired plane over to another island, where we spend another 3 nights in a hotel of the same standard, then we operate home. Illl get about 4 days off, then I have a 19 day trip to New Zealand, which is nice!!!!
Luverly !!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: An airport near you!
Posts: 175
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Had a famous Aussie football team onboard one day.
As usual, there always has to be one in every group!
After several requests to return his tray table to it's stowage position ( at every request he obliged immediately ), however, each time I passed by it was down again.
I stood at his row and in front of his whole fellow team mates, said " Sir, you obviously don't have trouble getting it up, it's keeping it up that's the problem! "
The whole team roared with laughter.
As usual, there always has to be one in every group!
After several requests to return his tray table to it's stowage position ( at every request he obliged immediately ), however, each time I passed by it was down again.
I stood at his row and in front of his whole fellow team mates, said " Sir, you obviously don't have trouble getting it up, it's keeping it up that's the problem! "
The whole team roared with laughter.
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lancaster
Posts: 51
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Funnies
One I heard a while ago...
Flight to europe from the UK, and the FA is serving drinks. A rather 'posh' (i.e. mutton dressed as lamb) lady says "yes, I'd like a G+T, that's a Gin and Tonic to you dear" to which the FA replies, quick as a flash, "would you like ice and a slice?...that's frozen water and a piece of fruit to you madam!"
Beautiful!
Flight to europe from the UK, and the FA is serving drinks. A rather 'posh' (i.e. mutton dressed as lamb) lady says "yes, I'd like a G+T, that's a Gin and Tonic to you dear" to which the FA replies, quick as a flash, "would you like ice and a slice?...that's frozen water and a piece of fruit to you madam!"
Beautiful!
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 865
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
One from the FD for you.
A few months ago I was postioning in uniform with a different carrier. My seat was in the last few rows.
About half way down the cabin a passenger stopped me and said (half jokingly), "Arent you going the wrong way".
I paused, looked both ways and said - "Oh yes, so I am. But thats ok, I'll get two pieces of string and steer with those...."
A few months ago I was postioning in uniform with a different carrier. My seat was in the last few rows.
About half way down the cabin a passenger stopped me and said (half jokingly), "Arent you going the wrong way".
I paused, looked both ways and said - "Oh yes, so I am. But thats ok, I'll get two pieces of string and steer with those...."
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 756
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
One from a friemd at United
FA is walking down the aisle during turbulance and pax are trying to give her all their rubbish (cups cans bottles newspapers etc...). Her hands are full and she couldn't ppssibly carry any more let alone hold on to seats for support. Fa is obviously having difficulty walking as her hands are full and stuff is falling out of her hands.
PAX: "My cup, Miss. Take my cup" And waves it impatiently.
FA: "Well, Sir. Why don't you get a broom and stick it up my a ss and I will sweep the aisle on my way down too!"
FA is walking down the aisle during turbulance and pax are trying to give her all their rubbish (cups cans bottles newspapers etc...). Her hands are full and she couldn't ppssibly carry any more let alone hold on to seats for support. Fa is obviously having difficulty walking as her hands are full and stuff is falling out of her hands.
PAX: "My cup, Miss. Take my cup" And waves it impatiently.
FA: "Well, Sir. Why don't you get a broom and stick it up my a ss and I will sweep the aisle on my way down too!"
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 58
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Well this happend on the ground, we where boarding the Jeddah flight, which was on a remote stand, which meant all pax had to be coached to the a/craft. One lady came running back after having her boarding card pulled, and said "Oh I can't find my seat number 34A on the coach, and there is not enough seats for that long flight." Everybody just bursted out with laughter.
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 7
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
This was a scene from a movie (can't remember which movie) but there was a male and female flight attendant talking in the galley and the male was talking about a conversation he had earlier with a passenger. He said:
"Sorry madam, it's not the fact that the seats have gotten smaller, it's that your arse has gotten bigger." 
"Sorry madam, it's not the fact that the seats have gotten smaller, it's that your arse has gotten bigger."
Dancing with the devil, going with the flow... it's all a game to me.
Join Date: May 2000
Location: England
Posts: 1,688
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Out of his depth......
Heard a good one recounted by an old flight engineer from a US airline about a rude passenger, a captain coming up to retirement and a first officer with landing problems........
Some cravat wearing old tosser in buisness class claimed he was a private pilot licence holder so when the aircraft had done a rather harsh landing on this occasion he stormed into the cockpit demanding to know the reason when everyone was disembarking. As it goes, the first officer had done the landing and it had been quite harsh but he was a young FO so........
Cravat man: "I demand to know as a private pilot why on earth that landing was so hard! I have been flying aircraft for over 30 years and in all my time have never witnessed such a disgraceful landing!" blah blah.....
The captain whilst smoking a post-flight ciggie (yes it was back in the days when they were allowed to do things like that on the flight deck!) looked at the rude passenger, glanced at the young first officer and then looked ponderously at his ciggerette. Finally, he looks back at the rude passenger:
Captain: "Oh yeah? Well F**K YOU!!!!"
I bet those were the days......
VFE.
Some cravat wearing old tosser in buisness class claimed he was a private pilot licence holder so when the aircraft had done a rather harsh landing on this occasion he stormed into the cockpit demanding to know the reason when everyone was disembarking. As it goes, the first officer had done the landing and it had been quite harsh but he was a young FO so........
Cravat man: "I demand to know as a private pilot why on earth that landing was so hard! I have been flying aircraft for over 30 years and in all my time have never witnessed such a disgraceful landing!" blah blah.....
The captain whilst smoking a post-flight ciggie (yes it was back in the days when they were allowed to do things like that on the flight deck!) looked at the rude passenger, glanced at the young first officer and then looked ponderously at his ciggerette. Finally, he looks back at the rude passenger:
Captain: "Oh yeah? Well F**K YOU!!!!"
I bet those were the days......
VFE.
Join Date: May 2000
Location: SYD - AU
Posts: 84
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Had one the other day on the way back from LHR.
There was a middle-aged english woman in a group of about 10 people. When I asked her if she would prefer the beef or the fish she asked "What's the fish?"
I simply replied " Why madam, - It's an animal that lives in the sea!"
That sent her bright red, and her whole group into fits of laughter for the remainder of the sector !
And .... for the more risqué .... a good friend of mine, who could as easily be a stand-up comic as a flight attendant, used to get away with all sorts of rude remarks to pax. He is one of those flight attendants who can smile his way out of any smart remark. The pax love him.
Once on clearing, about ten pax were trying to hand their trays to him at once he simply stopped and stated
" People, people ....... I am a flight attendant, not an octopuss ..... I have eight inches - not eight arms! "
The pax didnt get it - the crew were in fits for the rest of the trip!
There was a middle-aged english woman in a group of about 10 people. When I asked her if she would prefer the beef or the fish she asked "What's the fish?"
I simply replied " Why madam, - It's an animal that lives in the sea!"
That sent her bright red, and her whole group into fits of laughter for the remainder of the sector !
And .... for the more risqué .... a good friend of mine, who could as easily be a stand-up comic as a flight attendant, used to get away with all sorts of rude remarks to pax. He is one of those flight attendants who can smile his way out of any smart remark. The pax love him.
Once on clearing, about ten pax were trying to hand their trays to him at once he simply stopped and stated
" People, people ....... I am a flight attendant, not an octopuss ..... I have eight inches - not eight arms! "
The pax didnt get it - the crew were in fits for the rest of the trip!
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: midlands
Posts: 11
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
cheeky answers
Before i started flying, i remember seeing ITV's Airline programme,series one, back in 1998 i think, and it followed Britannia for the summer season and they had a f/a going through these with the camera and 2 spring to mind that still make me laugh.This one was on flight from Salzburg to Luton:
f/a- "would you like a drink with your meal madam?"
female Pax-"yes dear i'l have a peach schnapps"
f/a- " im sorry madam we dont carry peach schnapps"
female pax- " What do you mean you don't carry peach schnapps,
we just left Austria!!!!"
f/a - " Well we left Luton this morning but we dont sell
Vauxhall cars either!"
And lastly on the 767-300 from SFO to MAN:
female pax- "so you've just sold me 200 fags and now youre
telling me I cant smoke one, wheres the sense in
that?"
f/a- " they sell condoms in Boots madam, need I say
more?"
f/a- "would you like a drink with your meal madam?"
female Pax-"yes dear i'l have a peach schnapps"
f/a- " im sorry madam we dont carry peach schnapps"
female pax- " What do you mean you don't carry peach schnapps,
we just left Austria!!!!"
f/a - " Well we left Luton this morning but we dont sell
Vauxhall cars either!"
And lastly on the 767-300 from SFO to MAN:
female pax- "so you've just sold me 200 fags and now youre
telling me I cant smoke one, wheres the sense in
that?"
f/a- " they sell condoms in Boots madam, need I say
more?"