Heard a good one recounted by an old flight engineer from a US airline about a rude passenger, a captain coming up to retirement and a first officer with landing problems........
Some cravat wearing old tosser in buisness class claimed he was a private pilot licence holder so when the aircraft had done a rather harsh landing on this occasion he stormed into the cockpit demanding to know the reason when everyone was disembarking. As it goes, the first officer had done the landing and it
had been quite harsh but he was a young FO so........
Cravat man:
"I demand to know as a private pilot why on earth that landing was so hard! I have been flying aircraft for over 30 years and in all my time have never witnessed such a disgraceful landing!" blah blah.....
The captain whilst smoking a post-flight ciggie (yes it was back in the days when they were allowed to do things like that on the flight deck!) looked at the rude passenger, glanced at the young first officer and then looked ponderously at his ciggerette. Finally, he looks back at the rude passenger:
Captain:
"Oh yeah? Well F**K YOU!!!!" 
I bet those were the days......
VFE.