ATC Humour (Merged)
Join Date: Apr 2001
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Lon, at PATCRU We used the [old] designators, ie, two letters ...hence
BA "Speedbird" Lima Lima Sierra
TW [Trans World] Alpha Tango
PA [Clipper] November Tango Sierra
Best one was at RAF Buchan in the early '60s USN strike force Callsign FUKC01-08. Fortunately they read out the Phonetics....
BA "Speedbird" Lima Lima Sierra
TW [Trans World] Alpha Tango
PA [Clipper] November Tango Sierra
Best one was at RAF Buchan in the early '60s USN strike force Callsign FUKC01-08. Fortunately they read out the Phonetics....
More than just an ATCO
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Callsign FUKC01-08
Very young, female FO at Sopley was having real difficulties with it as he repeatedly flew out of the towline and getting in everybody's way. To compound things one of the top brass was visiting He bent over her shoulder and asked the poor girl, "What's the matter my dear?" to which she threw off her headset, tried to stand up, turn around and salut all at the same time and blurted out, "It's F
d Sir!" Funnier if you were there
Somewhere on the South Coast, an intrepid Nr Fairy is tootling back to the field while a Coastguard AgustaWestland AB139 flies a practice ILS . . .
XXX Tower: AugstWasteland . . . AugustWestern . . . (eventually, after three or so goes, gets it right) AgustaWestland AB139 long finals for 26, report southern boundary
NrF: Wilco, and looking for the big red and white thing long finals
XXX Tower: <giggles>
Well, it made me laugh at the time.
XXX Tower: AugstWasteland . . . AugustWestern . . . (eventually, after three or so goes, gets it right) AgustaWestland AB139 long finals for 26, report southern boundary
NrF: Wilco, and looking for the big red and white thing long finals
XXX Tower: <giggles>
Well, it made me laugh at the time.
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Venus - It's where all the girls are
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Students: Need We Say More?!
D&D: Approach, we've got an emergencey squawk showing 0.5miles north of you. Says he's lost. Any ideas?
App: Nope, not one of mine. What's the a/c reg?
D&D: A-BC.
App: Ah, he should be with me. It's a student pilot.
D&D: What freq? I'll send him back to you.
App: A-BC this is approach.
A-BC: Approach, A-BC... I think I'm lost.
(Tower controller in background: Tell him to look f****** down!)
App: A-BC, got you visual overhead the airfield.
A-BC: Oh yeah, there you are!
App: Nope, not one of mine. What's the a/c reg?
D&D: A-BC.
App: Ah, he should be with me. It's a student pilot.
D&D: What freq? I'll send him back to you.
App: A-BC this is approach.
A-BC: Approach, A-BC... I think I'm lost.
(Tower controller in background: Tell him to look f****** down!)
App: A-BC, got you visual overhead the airfield.
A-BC: Oh yeah, there you are!
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On a trip in a PA28 with a student to Cambridge. One aircraft, a Robin DR400,joining ahead of us, via the overhead,
TWR: G-XX Report Overhead
Robin: Roger
Literally 3-4 minutes of silence on the frequency
Robin: G-XX Late Downwind
TWR: G-XX, roger, Report final
TWR: G-XX
Aircraft on short final, TWR give a litte hint
TWR: G-XX Runway 05 Cleared to Land the wind 090/10
Robin: Thankyou for the information
My student to me: "Im really not that bad on the Radio am i?"
Made us laugh, but how some of them keep a license dear knows
TWR: G-XX Report Overhead
Robin: Roger
Literally 3-4 minutes of silence on the frequency
Robin: G-XX Late Downwind
TWR: G-XX, roger, Report final
TWR: G-XX
Aircraft on short final, TWR give a litte hint
TWR: G-XX Runway 05 Cleared to Land the wind 090/10
Robin: Thankyou for the information
My student to me: "Im really not that bad on the Radio am i?"
Made us laugh, but how some of them keep a license dear knows
Join Date: Jul 2007
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Heard just recently in the UK
US airliner - Hey, looks like the whole of the UK is covered in snow! Where did it all come from?
Some wag replied - The sky.
Stony silence ensued
10/10 for that one
Suzeman
US airliner - Hey, looks like the whole of the UK is covered in snow! Where did it all come from?
Some wag replied - The sky.
Stony silence ensued
10/10 for that one
Suzeman
PPRuNe Handmaiden
Heard recently in Moscow.
Moscow App "Air France 123, please listen out, I have had to call you several times to get a response from you. It is very busy here and you are not helping. Next time, listen out"
Air France 123 "err Moscow, waz zat for us?"
Priceless.
And it was very very busy!
Moscow App "Air France 123, please listen out, I have had to call you several times to get a response from you. It is very busy here and you are not helping. Next time, listen out"
Air France 123 "err Moscow, waz zat for us?"
Priceless.
And it was very very busy!
More than just an ATCO
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Back to their old ways Reddo.
Back when, Air Frog could get to cruising level out of Copenhagen and only call again when wanting descent into de Gaulle. Straight through some of Europe's busiest airspace.
. They were probably 90% of our Radio Failure reports. Letters to the company didn't help and it got so bad that the Mil. stoppped intercepting them unless there was already something in the air, when a really close formation, i.e. read the Crew Chief's name, seemed to help for a couple of weeks.
I hear some KLM pilots are getting as bad as well (must be the fusion) igh level ito AMS from the North the normal clearance is to descend to FL260 to be level 55nm (IIRC) before ARTIP, often with the restriction to reduce to 260IAS when within range. KLM pilots sometimes tended to treat both these as simple guidelines which met with a further instruction from a now retired controller, "The number is 260. Descend to it, reduce to it, or turn to it." A series of vectors round the North Sea to the rear of the inbound flow, and a subsequent change in the EOB time of some 20 minutes left the captain with some explaining to do to the company.
Back when, Air Frog could get to cruising level out of Copenhagen and only call again when wanting descent into de Gaulle. Straight through some of Europe's busiest airspace.
. They were probably 90% of our Radio Failure reports. Letters to the company didn't help and it got so bad that the Mil. stoppped intercepting them unless there was already something in the air, when a really close formation, i.e. read the Crew Chief's name, seemed to help for a couple of weeks. I hear some KLM pilots are getting as bad as well (must be the fusion) igh level ito AMS from the North the normal clearance is to descend to FL260 to be level 55nm (IIRC) before ARTIP, often with the restriction to reduce to 260IAS when within range. KLM pilots sometimes tended to treat both these as simple guidelines which met with a further instruction from a now retired controller, "The number is 260. Descend to it, reduce to it, or turn to it." A series of vectors round the North Sea to the rear of the inbound flow, and a subsequent change in the EOB time of some 20 minutes left the captain with some explaining to do to the company.
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I hear some KLM pilots are getting as bad as well (must be the fusion) igh level ito AMS from the North the normal clearance is to descend to FL260 to be level 55nm (IIRC) before ARTIP, often with the restriction to reduce to 260IAS when within range. KLM pilots sometimes tended to treat both these as simple guidelines which met with a further instruction from a now retired controller, "The number is 260. Descend to it, reduce to it, or turn to it." A series of vectors round the North Sea to the rear of the inbound flow, and a subsequent change in the EOB time of some 20 minutes left the captain with some explaining to do to the company.
55NM before ARTIP is still used, but it is also still as incorrect as before. Should be FL260 at the boundary (wich would be somewhere in the region of 65NM before ARTIP)
But you're comment about KLM pilots in particular is missing the point a bit, you can say that about almost all pilots at their homebase. Brussels Airlines into EBBR almost always need encouraging to make the descent. Ryanair into EHEH has yet to make the standard level at HELEN for the first time.
But usually the hint of an extra orbit helps them to drop like a brick...
Only half a speed-brake
Overheard just today:
"AirBerlin xxnn, Hurgada Tower: d'you have a slot?"
"HRG TWR, ABxxnn: None that I know of, go ahead, ready to copy."
"I do not know, my systems are down, call your company and advise slot time for start up."
Actually not that funny at all. Egypt's IT infrastructure brutalized today, a man working his job on a busy morning with his tools taken shows he won't stop delivering.
"AirBerlin xxnn, Hurgada Tower: d'you have a slot?"
"HRG TWR, ABxxnn: None that I know of, go ahead, ready to copy."
"I do not know, my systems are down, call your company and advise slot time for start up."
Actually not that funny at all. Egypt's IT infrastructure brutalized today, a man working his job on a busy morning with his tools taken shows he won't stop delivering.
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SEX001
Selectair in Stansted, was allocated the call sign SEX.
Lady Captain was always encouraged to make call SEX 1 checking in.
Company went down, don't know about her.
or the lady ATC at Biggin Hill, who could turn us on at 10 miles if it helped.
Lady Captain was always encouraged to make call SEX 1 checking in.
Company went down, don't know about her.
or the lady ATC at Biggin Hill, who could turn us on at 10 miles if it helped.
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Funny isnt cheeky. Right?
Had this one just last week, a transatlantic Virgin came over to us (Shannon high level) and made one of the most common (and harmless) mistakes we hear all the time
VIR123: London...uhhhh....I mean Shannon, Virgin123 FL360 direct DOGAL
Me: Speedbird...uhhh... I mean Virgin123 Good Morning, Identified
In fairness, he did laugh
VIR123: London...uhhhh....I mean Shannon, Virgin123 FL360 direct DOGAL
Me: Speedbird...uhhh... I mean Virgin123 Good Morning, Identified
In fairness, he did laugh
Met Office Topcliffe, many moons ago, phone rings;
"Met Topcliife"
"Met Watton here"
"Did you say Wyton"
"No its Watton here"
"Its sh1tty here too but we don't ring you to complain about it!"
"Met Topcliife"
"Met Watton here"
"Did you say Wyton"
"No its Watton here"
"Its sh1tty here too but we don't ring you to complain about it!"
VERY similar vintage, c. 1964.
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70 pages later and i want more.
This thread has kept me entertained for days and resulted in some strange looks from some co-workers.
Keep up the good work and some time soon i'll be up in the air supplying you guys with more material
Matt
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From an airfield quite far from you (… thank god?)
Company passing on taxiways, one coming and one going.
Flight1: Hey Matt, long-haul today?
Flight2: Yup, won't be back til Thursday!
Flight1: So your wife's free then?
Unknown: Sorry mate, I got dibs.
--
Flight1: Uuuh, TWR, there's a cat sitting on the road leading down your way from TWY Y.
TWR: Oh yeah… Errr… It's our new towercat! Yes… CharlieAlphaTango. Don't worry, he's trained to stay 50m from the taxiway unless instructed otherwise.
--
TWR: Flight1, confirm you got hit by a laser turning for final?
Flight1: Negative, we never really got directly hit. But it looked like it tried. Poor lad must have a lousy aim.
Company passing on taxiways, one coming and one going.
Flight1: Hey Matt, long-haul today?
Flight2: Yup, won't be back til Thursday!
Flight1: So your wife's free then?
Unknown: Sorry mate, I got dibs.
--
Flight1: Uuuh, TWR, there's a cat sitting on the road leading down your way from TWY Y.
TWR: Oh yeah… Errr… It's our new towercat! Yes… CharlieAlphaTango. Don't worry, he's trained to stay 50m from the taxiway unless instructed otherwise.
--
TWR: Flight1, confirm you got hit by a laser turning for final?
Flight1: Negative, we never really got directly hit. But it looked like it tried. Poor lad must have a lousy aim.
Not ATC per se...
As a pax flying into Toronto, the pilot announced our arrival would be delayed twenty minutes due to traffic flow problems at the airport.
So, does the pilot circle around some boring crop field?
Nope. We spent twenty minutes circling directly over Niagara Falls.
I was in a window seat looking straight down at the Falls the whole while, pulling my head back occasionally to let others get a good view.
Do pilots notice when all passengers crowd to one side to look out the windows?
As a pax flying into Toronto, the pilot announced our arrival would be delayed twenty minutes due to traffic flow problems at the airport.
So, does the pilot circle around some boring crop field?
Nope. We spent twenty minutes circling directly over Niagara Falls.
I was in a window seat looking straight down at the Falls the whole while, pulling my head back occasionally to let others get a good view.
Do pilots notice when all passengers crowd to one side to look out the windows?
