ATC Humour (Merged)
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Adrift upon the tides of fate
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ATC: "ABC123 descend to FL280"
ABC123: " unintelligible (extremely faint)"
ATC: "ABC123 I couldn't hear the readback, you are not speaking into the microphone"
ABC123:angry and loud "I was speaking into the microphone, it's just that it was too far from my mouth"
ABC123: " unintelligible (extremely faint)"
ATC: "ABC123 I couldn't hear the readback, you are not speaking into the microphone"
ABC123:angry and loud "I was speaking into the microphone, it's just that it was too far from my mouth"
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Belfast
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STI
Pilot 1: tower, Callsign74, do we have a new STD?
Pilot 2 (unknown aircraft): I hope not!! (with laugher)
Pilot 1: disregard....
Tower: (slight chuckle) Roger..
Pilot 2 (unknown aircraft): I hope not!! (with laugher)
Pilot 1: disregard....
Tower: (slight chuckle) Roger..
Last edited by SeanBelfast; 4th Sep 2011 at 08:08.
Ut Sementem Feeceris
Heard at Essex International:
ABC123: "ABC123, request clearance to Fantasy Island"
Without a pause,
ATC: "ABC123, cleared Ibiza, CPT4R, SQUAWK 1234".
Made me smile
A4
ABC123: "ABC123, request clearance to Fantasy Island"
Without a pause,
ATC: "ABC123, cleared Ibiza, CPT4R, SQUAWK 1234".
Made me smile
A4
Tracking south on the Singapore Eastern Frequency near Tambelan Island in the middle of the night, we hear a recording of a cat meowing on 121.5, several times over a few minutes.
ATC: "ABC, you hear somethin' on guar'?" (in a heavy Singaporian accent)
Us: "yes"
ATC: "Is it someone callin' or a pran' call?"
Us: "What?"
ATC: "You thin is a pran' "
Us: "Not sure what a pran sounds like, it sounded more like a cat"
ATC: "A wha'?"
Us: "A pussy!"
ATC: "Conta' Jakarta control......"
halas
ATC: "ABC, you hear somethin' on guar'?" (in a heavy Singaporian accent)
Us: "yes"
ATC: "Is it someone callin' or a pran' call?"
Us: "What?"
ATC: "You thin is a pran' "
Us: "Not sure what a pran sounds like, it sounded more like a cat"
ATC: "A wha'?"
Us: "A pussy!"
ATC: "Conta' Jakarta control......"
halas
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: England & Scotland
Age: 63
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Two recent
On final approach, cleared to land:
***81 - TWR, Are you familiar with the horse at the end of the runway
TWR - No! ...... but I do know he is there.
And en- route last sunday, 2500ft East Midlands UK. With LARS service for some time, happily burning through the leg when LARS wanted an ETA at an intermediate point on the leg, some distance away. At that time using a 1:250,000.
LARS - ***81, please advise your ETA at AAAA.
(long Silence)
LARS - ***81, please advise your ETA at AAAA!
(long Silence)
***81 - [different voice] Apologies; pilot not flying is having trouble folding his maps!
LARS - We have all been there!
On final approach, cleared to land:
***81 - TWR, Are you familiar with the horse at the end of the runway
TWR - No! ...... but I do know he is there.
And en- route last sunday, 2500ft East Midlands UK. With LARS service for some time, happily burning through the leg when LARS wanted an ETA at an intermediate point on the leg, some distance away. At that time using a 1:250,000.
LARS - ***81, please advise your ETA at AAAA.
(long Silence)
LARS - ***81, please advise your ETA at AAAA!
(long Silence)
***81 - [different voice] Apologies; pilot not flying is having trouble folding his maps!
LARS - We have all been there!
Join Date: May 2000
Location: EGTT/FAB/LGW/BOH/FAB/LGW
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TurningFinals, that's not funny it's poor controlling and awful service. Next time expect the puddejumper do all he is legally obliged to do in your MATZ, nothing!!
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: a few track miles south of BEKOL
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overheard today in HKG during #8 Typhoon:
approach: cathy xxx proceed to hold point YYYYY
cathay: yeah, we're going to hold here for 10 minutes til this weather passes
approach: wow, you're optimistic!
a minute later...
approach: sorry i didn't mean to be flippant, we've had this weather all morning
cathay: proceeding to hold point....
approach: cathy xxx proceed to hold point YYYYY
cathay: yeah, we're going to hold here for 10 minutes til this weather passes
approach: wow, you're optimistic!
a minute later...
approach: sorry i didn't mean to be flippant, we've had this weather all morning
cathay: proceeding to hold point....
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Gloucestershire
Age: 38
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Flew in a friends Sport Cruiser on Sunday Kemble to Wellsborne. Textbook landing and a coffee before the return leg, little bit lumpier than the outbound but still very pleasant however after a small altercation in the circuit with an R44 on a decidedly non standard arrival my friend decided to have a 'moment' in the touchdown phase, resulting in not one but THREE touchdowns! ATC generously offered to only charge us for one, much to the amusement of all on frequency I'm sure.
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The right place, at the right time.
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Coasting in, VFR, to Aberdeen speaking to female offshore radar controller.
ATC: "X123 Traffic service as you skirt down the coast",
Me: "Traffic service down the coast. And it's not a skirt, it's a kilt". (I'm a Scot, and she is English).
Got a chuckle from her, and from the other side of the cockpit.
ATC: "X123 Traffic service as you skirt down the coast",
Me: "Traffic service down the coast. And it's not a skirt, it's a kilt". (I'm a Scot, and she is English).
Got a chuckle from her, and from the other side of the cockpit.
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Around the block
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One out of many conversations with useless ATC in Paris Orly
Me: ready for take off
Twr: nr 2 for take off, after AF.
......
Another AF checks in on fq, in French, and gets cleared for take off
Me: what's going on? I can actually count
Twr: sorry I forgot about you
Me: vive la France......
Me: ready for take off
Twr: nr 2 for take off, after AF.
......
Another AF checks in on fq, in French, and gets cleared for take off
Me: what's going on? I can actually count
Twr: sorry I forgot about you
Me: vive la France......
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Around the block
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Its debatable, I hear that and ready for departure.
Honestly I think it is changed too, but since I hear ready for take off every day I don't care changing since no one else does it here.
Anyway, this is supposed to be a fun topic, don't get me started over what's correct or not in Orly...
Honestly I think it is changed too, but since I hear ready for take off every day I don't care changing since no one else does it here.
Anyway, this is supposed to be a fun topic, don't get me started over what's correct or not in Orly...
Join Date: Dec 2007
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Many years ago in the middle of the Indian Ocean on a very hot and bumpy night we could hear a female Australian voice trying to pass a position report to Colombo on H.F. The call-sign sounded like "Qantas Tin". After about fifteen minutes of being repeatedly stepped on by Madras, Bombay and Singapore and having her signal fading out and coming back in again she eventually got her message through. Loud and clear a very superior British voice said "Good on you, Sheila!". "Up your arse, Pom" was her immediate response!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nr. London
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Student Pilot: Ground, xx-xxx, confirm, was I cleared to cross runway 15 or runway 33?
Ground: xx-xxx, you can cross 15, or you can cross 33 but at the end of the day you're gonna be crossing the same god damn bit of concrete!
Ground: xx-xxx, you can cross 15, or you can cross 33 but at the end of the day you're gonna be crossing the same god damn bit of concrete!
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: at home
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VFR puddle jumper transitting our MATZ , fast jet inbound, VFR traffic not visual with the fast jet.
ATC - "acft orbit in your current position unless visual with the fast jet inbound for the procedure"
Acft "wilco, where is the fast jet traffic?"
ATC "Inbound to the procedure which starts at 10 miles"
a few minutes pass...
Acft "we have been orbitted twice now, request update on fast jet?"
ATC "he's at 8 miles"
Acft "you told me about 5 minutes ago he was at 10 miles, now you're saying he's at 8 miles"
ATC "negative i said he was inbound for the procedure which begins at 10 miles"
Acft "i have fare paying pax onboard and this is getting expensive for them"
ATC "it'd have cost you more if you hit him"
Puddle jumper pilot gets back in his box.
ATC - "acft orbit in your current position unless visual with the fast jet inbound for the procedure"
Acft "wilco, where is the fast jet traffic?"
ATC "Inbound to the procedure which starts at 10 miles"
a few minutes pass...
Acft "we have been orbitted twice now, request update on fast jet?"
ATC "he's at 8 miles"
Acft "you told me about 5 minutes ago he was at 10 miles, now you're saying he's at 8 miles"
ATC "negative i said he was inbound for the procedure which begins at 10 miles"
Acft "i have fare paying pax onboard and this is getting expensive for them"
ATC "it'd have cost you more if you hit him"
Puddle jumper pilot gets back in his box.
