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ATC Humour (Merged)

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ATC Humour (Merged)

Old 18th Apr 2010, 10:42
  #1321 (permalink)  
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Don't ask me. Thats how the USAF controllers call it out. I have heard "elevate" "elevator" idk. Climb and descend seem easier to me
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Old 19th Apr 2010, 03:33
  #1322 (permalink)  
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another from EGBJ back when I was circuit bashing in an R200, it's towards the end of a long summer weekend and we were landing after a Seneca who had rolled to the end of 27 and was taxiing back in. being slower we vacated at the 18 intersection which brought us in to conflict with the Seneca, following occurred:
Us: G-BA rwy vacated
TWR: Roger, err, G-BA give way to the opposite direction Robin then taxi SE2
quick as a flash my FI: We can't give way to ourselves you know!
TWR: Ok well give way to the white one with two engines then!
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Old 29th Apr 2010, 13:46
  #1323 (permalink)  
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Hi all!
This is my first post. Beforehand I have to excuse myself but I had my last English lesson in 1967.

(Scenario from a German source)

A German Eurofighter has penetrated incorrectly the Swiss airspace.

ATC: " Hello unknown aircraft, you are over Swiss territory. Record your identity otherwise I have to send the Swiss Air Force!"

German Eurofighter: "One or both?"
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Old 29th Apr 2010, 14:03
  #1324 (permalink)  
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Heard at a London Airfield last week:

G-ABCD: Vacating and thanks for your help - talk to you tomorrow

Tower: No you won't - I'm off to a BBQ

G-WXYZ: Information S calling for taxi and a Burger

Unknown voice: Can I have one too?

Laughter on all following calls on frequency...
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Old 17th May 2010, 18:04
  #1325 (permalink)  
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GXXXX: Request status of danger areas X1, 2 and 4
London info: I don't recognise area number x124
GXXXX: My mistake I meant areas x1, x2 and X4
London info (female): Sorry, just had a blonde moment here

(assume she was new and didn't know the non appologising rule)
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Old 17th May 2010, 18:31
  #1326 (permalink)  
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I was on a United flight between SAN & ORD a couple of years ago, listening in on Channel 9. Conversation went like this:

En Route Control: United123 cleared direct Gotham City

United123 (a young lady with a soft voice): Errrr - cleared direct to where?

Control: United123 cleared direct Garden City

United123: Ohhh - GARDEN City - Right!

I'm sure he said Gotham City and Ms Pilot did as well. Perhaps it was the Kansas drawl?
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Old 24th May 2010, 12:11
  #1327 (permalink)  
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What does SEP stand for?


Somebody Else's Problem

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Old 24th May 2010, 18:02
  #1328 (permalink)  
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9 years or so later, you had me in tears with those 2001 stories!
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Old 25th May 2010, 17:55
  #1329 (permalink)  
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G-XX: Guernsey approach good afternoon, G-XXXX, passing FL80 cleared level 60.

Guernsey Approach: G-XX fly heading 190 deg, vectors for an ILS or Visual approach runway 27 at Guernsey, information Golf is current.

G-XX: Heading 190 deg, we'd really like to go to Alderney though if that's ok with you, that's where we booked the hotel!

Guernsey approach: Well you can go there if you really want to but we've heard rumours.... turn left then heading 170 degrees.

G-XX: Left heading 170. Roger the rumours - that's why we're going. G-XX!!!


G-XX (flexwing microlight): XXX Radio, er... I think I may be lost!

XXX Radio: Station calling say your callsign.

G-XX: Er.... i'm in G-XXXX

XXX Radio: G-XXXX roger, What was your last known location?

G-XX: erm.... I was near salisbury about half an hour ago, I'm circling over a city now, there's a big cathedral but it's not Salisbury cos there's no spire. I'm at 2000 feet.

XXX Radio: G-XX, suggest you call D&D on freq 121.5 immediately, they will be able to help you.

G-XX: How do i do that?

XXX Radio: What radio do you have?

G-XX: It says Icom on it.... it's got buttons and a screen.

XXX Radio: G-XX roger, just press the numbers 1, 2, 1, 5, 0, 0.

G-XX: That's not doing anything.

XXX Radio: Roger, I have D&D on the phone now. Say your current heading.

G-XX: What's that?

XXX Radio: What direction are you pointing in - read your compass heading to me.

G-XX: I'm circling round so it keeps changing.

XXX Radio: G-XX London Centre instructs you to fly heading 270 degrees - can you fly west for me, tell me when you've done that.

G-XX: Ok, I think I'm heading round about west now, the sun is in my face, that's right isn't it?

XXX Radio: Yes that will do, continue on that heading for the moment.

(Microlight was centered squarely on the final approach track for EGHI over Winchester, eventually he was guided on how to unlock his radio and handed over to D&D who got him home where I believe he spent a little longer in training before going solo again)!
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Old 27th May 2010, 23:34
  #1330 (permalink)  
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Was anyone here party to the Great Manx Fast Show on the RT last week?

Made I Larf...
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Old 29th May 2010, 00:56
  #1331 (permalink)  
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Had this one in the middle-east

me: "xxxxx report ground speed"
xxxxx: " but sir we are over water!"

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Old 4th Jun 2010, 17:41
  #1332 (permalink)  
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A Malaga special:

'XX123 high speed in descent please due following traffic, 300kt or more'

'Roger, 300kt or more XX123 we can give you 320kt'

'Thank you maintain high speed, no speed control XX123'

10 or so seconds later, passing through FL120

'XX123 now speed 200 knots'

Brilliant! They get us all down though!
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Old 4th Jun 2010, 18:46
  #1333 (permalink)  
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(assume she was new and didn't know the non appologising rule)
Reminds me of another London Info one a few months ago.

American Pilot and London Info having an extended conversation about a missing/incorrect flightplan, which finally ends with....

London Info: NXXX, If you just do what I tell you then I'll sort it out for you.

a few seconds later

London Info: NXXX, Sorry, I didn't mean that to sound rude.
NXXX: It's OK, I'm American, we don't understand the meaning of the word rude.
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Old 15th Jun 2010, 18:29
  #1334 (permalink)  
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Alphabet confusion always gets a laugh, instead of FPK he said "Foxtrot Kaka Pilo", or a lady once said "Oscar Wanky Yankee".
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Old 15th Jun 2010, 18:40
  #1335 (permalink)  
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Last week me versus China Hainan.

CHHxxxx taxi via Kilo park stand Foxtrot 2

Roger Kilo F3

Negative F2

Roger F3

Chhxxxx Negative Foxtrot 2, one plus one!

Ah Roger Foxtrot eleven!

I didn`t see that coming!!
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Old 24th Jun 2010, 20:34
  #1336 (permalink)  
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COA111 called himself COA3. Thinking the pilot had a sense of humour, I replied to the same callsign. Wrong.

Was tempted to say contact London on CXXXV decimal CCCLV but thought it would have fallen on deaf ears.
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Old 25th Jun 2010, 09:55
  #1337 (permalink)  
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Heard this conversation a couple of days ago:

DLH123: GND, RWY vacated. ehh I think we hit a seagull about 100m south of A1. It's wounded. DLH 123.

GND: DLH123, Roger. We'll send an ambulance, in the mean time taxi to stand 34.
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Old 5th Jul 2010, 16:03
  #1338 (permalink)  

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Sleepy Gatwick Airport; a Flybe Dash 8 has just vacated the runway and trundles towards its stand.

[Flybe operates two aircraft types; the Embraer 195, which is shiny, swift, sleek, and loved by pilots and passengers alike, and the Dash 8 Q400, which is - erm -functional. Generally.]

Sweet sounding female ATCO on ground: "EZ123, after the Flybe Embraer parks on 8, you're push start approved stand 14."

(EZ reads back clearance).

Flybe: "Jersey 123, I wish it was an Embraer but unfortunately this one's a Dash."

Ground (dissolving into giggles): "I'm so sorry!"

Flybe: "So are we."
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Old 9th Jul 2010, 10:16
  #1339 (permalink)  
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Happened to me as a Planning Controller in Budapest (Hungary).

L'viv calling on the phone:

L'viv: Hello sir, can you tell me?
Me: Tell you what?
L'viv: Just can you tell me, for line check?
Me: I read you five.
L'viv: No no, can you...
(L'viv from background: NO! CALL! CALL ME!)
L'viv: Ah sorry. Can you call me, for line check?
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Old 8th Aug 2010, 15:02
  #1340 (permalink)  
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YQM Twr: "and XXX, explain to me why you completed an unauthorized righthand turnout?"
Diamond DA-20 C-GXXX: "uh.. I'm sorry sir, where would you like me to go?"
YQM Twr: "if this wasn't a recorded frequency, I'd tell you where I want you to go."
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