ATC Humour (Merged)
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
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Polderbaan
If you look at a map of Schiphol, you can see that 18R is kinda very far out from the other runways and the terminals.
Longer taxiing etc.
Longer taxiing etc.
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London
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While doing my ppl(h) and starting using the radio on my own - requesting hover taxi to the heli strip
A/c - requesting lift-off and hover taxi to heli strip two six, g-**
Atc - g-** lift-off approved, runway 26, fly me to the moon!
Instructor laughing
A/c - requesting lift-off and hover taxi to heli strip two six, g-**
Atc - g-** lift-off approved, runway 26, fly me to the moon!
Instructor laughing
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Temporarily unsure of my position
Age: 33
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This happened during my initial flight training in Kissimmee, Florida. On tower frequency about to make a VRP call to rejoin and land but someone beats me to it...
A/C (middle-eastern modular student): Kissimme Tower, N**** at the sand pits with the AWOS, inbound full stop landing
TWR: Roger N****, report at the water towers for runway 33 left hand
A/C: Report at the twin towers for 33 left hand, N****
-brief silence-
TWR: Ok...
Me and my instructor cringed at this very un-pc error!
A/C (middle-eastern modular student): Kissimme Tower, N**** at the sand pits with the AWOS, inbound full stop landing
TWR: Roger N****, report at the water towers for runway 33 left hand
A/C: Report at the twin towers for 33 left hand, N****
-brief silence-
TWR: Ok...
Me and my instructor cringed at this very un-pc error!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: USA
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American Pilot: "Woah. (pause). Woah woah woah woah!!!! (yelling) Did you see that?"
Some London ATC: "Affirm"
Pilot: "He was way too close!"
ATC: "Would you like to upgrade to a traffic service?"
Pilot: "How about a 'I don't wanna hit anyone else' kinda service?"
ATC: "We have a deconfliction service but there are too many contacts in your area to deconflict you from them."
Pilot: "Can you just give me the best service you have?"
ATC: "I can only give you a limited traffic service due to controller workload and multiple contacts observed in your area. Unfortunately that means late or no warning of traffic."
Pilot: "All right. But this is reallll scaaary noww!"
Some London ATC: "Affirm"
Pilot: "He was way too close!"
ATC: "Would you like to upgrade to a traffic service?"
Pilot: "How about a 'I don't wanna hit anyone else' kinda service?"
ATC: "We have a deconfliction service but there are too many contacts in your area to deconflict you from them."
Pilot: "Can you just give me the best service you have?"
ATC: "I can only give you a limited traffic service due to controller workload and multiple contacts observed in your area. Unfortunately that means late or no warning of traffic."
Pilot: "All right. But this is reallll scaaary noww!"
Gonna offer that to somone the day I retire & see what happens ! 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: north west
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ATC: "XXX107 essential aerodrome information, geese observed to be crossing the climbout, this time, south to north."
Pilot: Ahh yes sir, we have the traffic on TCAS.
RRRR heheheh lllllyyy
Pilot: Ahh yes sir, we have the traffic on TCAS.
RRRR heheheh lllllyyy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: north west
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ATC: Essential aerodrome information, flock of geese observed crossing the climbout out for runway 28, south to north.
Pilot: Ahh yes sir, we have the ttraffic on TCAS.
Really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pilot: Ahh yes sir, we have the ttraffic on TCAS.
Really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Beyond the Blue Horizon
Age: 63
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Not strictly ATC but heard this conversation between 2 Quantas F/C and small Thai dispatcher at the newly opened Bangkok airport walking down depp gates. "So we have been to gate XX and gate XX and now gate XX with no 777 on any of them let alone a Quantas one. Have you any idea where you have put my aircraft !" Made me smile as I was playing hunt the EK lounge with one of the Thai airport staff at the time, who also seemed unaware of where that was as well !. 