ATC Humour (Merged)
Joined: Dec 2006
Aviation Qualifications: CPL
Posts: 433
Likes: 0
From: Hamburg
English ground instructor teaching nav in a German flight school. Students are struggeling to find LFPB on an en-route chart. Instructor goes "Come on folks, you should be able to find Paris; you invaded it."
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 77
Likes: 1
From: on the farm west of Melbourne
Hey folks.
A wife of a fellow controller is doing a stand up comedy gig soon.
She has lots of non ATC material but I suggested. " A pilot, an ATC and God walk into a bar."
Come on, give us your best responses please.
I'm still working on mine.
Cheers
A wife of a fellow controller is doing a stand up comedy gig soon.
She has lots of non ATC material but I suggested. " A pilot, an ATC and God walk into a bar."
Come on, give us your best responses please.
I'm still working on mine.
Cheers
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 49
Likes: 0
From: Here
A number of years ago I flew into Barton. On final approach the wind caught me out a bit and the approach was a bit ropey to say the least.
After landing:
ATC: "G-xxxx do you have an aerobatics licence?"
Me: "errrrr no G-xxxx"
ATC: "Another landing like that and you might have to get one!"
After landing:
ATC: "G-xxxx do you have an aerobatics licence?"
Me: "errrrr no G-xxxx"
ATC: "Another landing like that and you might have to get one!"
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 106
Likes: 1
From: Somwhere between 6 and 15 feet below ground level
" A pilot, an ATC and God walk into a bar."
The bartender says, "Wow. I'm honored to be in the presence of a Supreme Being. What can I get you?" And all three start to answer at the same time...
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 2
Likes: 0
From: Daahn saaath
Confusion over stand allocation lead to the following conversation with two pilots in orange jets
ATC: "EZY456, change of stand, you're now going to stand 22"
EZY456 "Roger, continuing to stand 22"
...
EZY123: "Ground, EZY123 vacated"
ATC: "EZY123, taxi on A and hold short of B, you were supposed to be going to stand 22, but the company ahead has just stolen that one"
EZY123: "Roger, A and hold short B, and if you could get his name we'll have words in the crew room"
ATC: "EZY456, change of stand, you're now going to stand 22"
EZY456 "Roger, continuing to stand 22"
...
EZY123: "Ground, EZY123 vacated"
ATC: "EZY123, taxi on A and hold short of B, you were supposed to be going to stand 22, but the company ahead has just stolen that one"
EZY123: "Roger, A and hold short B, and if you could get his name we'll have words in the crew room"
More than just an ATCO
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,773
Likes: 1
From: Up someone's nose
Haha Lon, educational you tube...
"Oshkosh, what's my number for landing?"
"Fly 10 North to the gravel pit, find the last aircraft and get behind him."
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 13
Likes: 0
From: Ennis
Dublin ground: BAW836 is your outbound flight the BAW81D to Heathrow?
BAW836: I've no idea, I'm getting off!
Dub: Roger haha!
BAW836: We're goin' to the pub.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7s6t-i2lXg
BAW836: I've no idea, I'm getting off!
Dub: Roger haha!
BAW836: We're goin' to the pub.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7s6t-i2lXg
More than just an ATCO
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,773
Likes: 1
From: Up someone's nose
A controller passed away unexpectedly and went to heaven. God said to the controller "Hey! I wasn't expecting you here so soon!"
The controller said to God "Hey! You're in my seat! Move it."
The controller said to God "Hey! You're in my seat! Move it."
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 53
Likes: 1
From: EGHP
<<<Hey folks.
A wife of a fellow controller is doing a stand up comedy gig soon.
She has lots of non ATC material but I suggested. " A pilot, an ATC and God walk into a bar."
Come on, give us your best responses please.
I'm still working on mine.
Cheers>>>
Whats the difference between an ATC and God.
God doesnt think he's an ATC...
A wife of a fellow controller is doing a stand up comedy gig soon.
She has lots of non ATC material but I suggested. " A pilot, an ATC and God walk into a bar."
Come on, give us your best responses please.
I'm still working on mine.
Cheers>>>
Whats the difference between an ATC and God.
God doesnt think he's an ATC...
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 14
Likes: 0
From: dxb
30.07.2016
OMDB
approach freq. 125.725 mhz
1925 utc
approaching BUBIN
------
Royal Brunei 97 - RB97, are we expecting to fly the whole star tonight?
Dubai Approach ATC - Emirates573 , well at this time of the night you might, lets see your touchdown is at 49.
RB97 - RB97 , sorry thats just us being naive!
ATC - *laughing* RB97, actually yours is 48.
3 second pause
EK573 - DUBAI EK573 , DID YOU REALLY THINK WED ASK YOU THAT QUESTION??
ATC - *laughing*
--------
THANKS GUYS , WE LAUGHED QUIT ALOT TILL LANDING. CHEERS TO ALL 3 OF YOU///
FDB50
I tryed finding the link from atclive.net in the archives but that frequency wasnt recorded.
OMDB
approach freq. 125.725 mhz
1925 utc
approaching BUBIN
------
Royal Brunei 97 - RB97, are we expecting to fly the whole star tonight?
Dubai Approach ATC - Emirates573 , well at this time of the night you might, lets see your touchdown is at 49.
RB97 - RB97 , sorry thats just us being naive!
ATC - *laughing* RB97, actually yours is 48.
3 second pause
EK573 - DUBAI EK573 , DID YOU REALLY THINK WED ASK YOU THAT QUESTION??
ATC - *laughing*
--------
THANKS GUYS , WE LAUGHED QUIT ALOT TILL LANDING. CHEERS TO ALL 3 OF YOU///
FDB50
I tryed finding the link from atclive.net in the archives but that frequency wasnt recorded.
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 8,266
Likes: 1
From: Berkshire, UK
Long ago I was training on GMP (clearance delivery) by a true character (JK if any ex-EGLL people here). In those days BOAC often stated "instruments to (dest)" so...
"London Ground Speedbird 123 instruments to JFK"
Quick as a flash my training officer shouts in my ear: "He means he's got Ivy Benson's band on board"
"London Ground Speedbird 123 instruments to JFK"
Quick as a flash my training officer shouts in my ear: "He means he's got Ivy Benson's band on board"
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 89
Likes: 0
From: England
Some time ago Lufthansa calls to cancel his start up request due to the loadsheet not being correct.
To my horror as I was taking over, outgoing GMP replies in mock German accent
'So my friend you are going nowhere, it appears your papers are not in order"
Muchas chuckling on freq but DLH took it in good part.
To my horror as I was taking over, outgoing GMP replies in mock German accent
'So my friend you are going nowhere, it appears your papers are not in order"
Muchas chuckling on freq but DLH took it in good part.
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6
Likes: 1
From: Sweden
Heard on Arlanda ground:
"Ground, Thai 961...Lakki Takki"
"Thai 961, say again"
"Thai 961, LAKKI TAKKI"
"Thai 961, Please say again.
A minute pause, then a new Western European voice comes on the radio:
"Thai 961, we REQUEST TAXI"
"Ground, Thai 961...Lakki Takki"
"Thai 961, say again"
"Thai 961, LAKKI TAKKI"
"Thai 961, Please say again.
A minute pause, then a new Western European voice comes on the radio:
"Thai 961, we REQUEST TAXI"
Joined: Sep 2008
Aviation Qualifications: ATPL
Posts: 940
Likes: 57
From: Scotland
Coming off the pond this morning
"Speedbird XX FL390, any news on the delays this morning?"
"One second"
"that's a good delay..."
Sadly 15 mins at OCK but whoever slipped that gem in made my morning...
"Speedbird XX FL390, any news on the delays this morning?"
"One second"
"that's a good delay..."
Sadly 15 mins at OCK but whoever slipped that gem in made my morning...
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 8,266
Likes: 1
From: Berkshire, UK
I'm not too good at using the search facility so apologies if this is a repeat.
Heathrow Director to unknown aircraft which had called established: "You're four miles behind a palindrome, call the tower......"
The palindrome in question was, I believe, Shamrock 151. The ATCO was AC!
Heathrow Director to unknown aircraft which had called established: "You're four miles behind a palindrome, call the tower......"
The palindrome in question was, I believe, Shamrock 151. The ATCO was AC!