Heli, non-heli (and even non-aviation) humour ...
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Looks like the sim when I last finished with it at West Palm, result of an attempted auto. Had to use the escape rope to get out. But I digress.
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . .being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
With the slanging matches that oft occur on here we might ruminate on the moral a little.
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . .being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
With the slanging matches that oft occur on here we might ruminate on the moral a little.
Join Date: Jan 2005
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A woman in her fifties went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift.
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob,"where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift. Of course the woman wanted "The Knob."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful. The woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All of these years, everything has been working just fine.I have turned the knob many times and have been very pleased with the results. But now, I've developed two annoying problems:
First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags,those are your breasts."
She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee!"
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob,"where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift. Of course the woman wanted "The Knob."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful. The woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All of these years, everything has been working just fine.I have turned the knob many times and have been very pleased with the results. But now, I've developed two annoying problems:
First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags,those are your breasts."
She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee!"
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Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.
So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said "OK take off all your crose". The woman did as she was told. "Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room". Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me". So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates". Worried the woman asked anxiously "Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass".
So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said "OK take off all your crose". The woman did as she was told. "Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room". Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me". So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates". Worried the woman asked anxiously "Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass".
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"Susie, do you hate being a girl? What's it like? Is it like being a bug? I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to comprehend the magnitude of it" -Calvin
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A real story by a Man who was standing in a queue in Tesco's.........
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls when a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls when a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??
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An old pilot sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the old pilot who had his old goggles round his neck, was reading an old copy of Flight Deck and drinking Horses Neck, and asked, "Are you a real pilot?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying fighters and helicopters and everything in between, had accidents, flown off ships and in the jungle, desert and so on, so I suppose you could say that I am a real pilot”
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, "Are you a real pilot?" He replied, "I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the old pilot who had his old goggles round his neck, was reading an old copy of Flight Deck and drinking Horses Neck, and asked, "Are you a real pilot?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying fighters and helicopters and everything in between, had accidents, flown off ships and in the jungle, desert and so on, so I suppose you could say that I am a real pilot”
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, "Are you a real pilot?" He replied, "I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
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PANTIES ON A PLANE
There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time.
The first lady said, 'I don't know bout y'al, but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I get on dat plane.'
'Why you gonna wear dem of?' the other two asked?
The first replied, 'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.'
The second lady said, 'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floe-esant orange panties.'
'Why you gonna wear dem?' the others asked.
The second lady answered, 'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.'
The third lady says, 'Well, I'm not gonna wear no panties........
'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.
The third lady says, 'Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearing any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look for da Black Box first.'
There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time.
The first lady said, 'I don't know bout y'al, but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I get on dat plane.'
'Why you gonna wear dem of?' the other two asked?
The first replied, 'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.'
The second lady said, 'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floe-esant orange panties.'
'Why you gonna wear dem?' the others asked.
The second lady answered, 'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.'
The third lady says, 'Well, I'm not gonna wear no panties........
'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.
The third lady says, 'Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearing any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look for da Black Box first.'
Lawyer vs Deputy
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Houston , Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says," License and registration, please."
"What for?" says the lawyer.
The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please."
The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
The deputy says," License and registration, please."
"What for?" says the lawyer.
The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please."
The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
Well, there are some differences between this side and the other side of the ocean...
And if you have ever had "the pleasure" of dealing with a lawyer or even worse a teacher, you can laugh about the joke, because that is, what you sometimes would like to do to the XXXXX who make your life hard.
keep smiling, its a humor-thread - humor lives from exxageration......
Greetings Flying Bull
And if you have ever had "the pleasure" of dealing with a lawyer or even worse a teacher, you can laugh about the joke, because that is, what you sometimes would like to do to the XXXXX who make your life hard.
keep smiling, its a humor-thread - humor lives from exxageration......
Greetings Flying Bull
A North Carolina State Trooper stops a car occupied by two young men. As the Trooper approaches the stopped car....the driver leans out and yells at the Cop...."What the hell did you stop me for...don't you have something better to do?"
At which time the Trooper whips out his Cosh and whops the driver up aside his head. He then obtains the driver's license and registration and proceeds to write him a summons. After giving the Summons and Driver's License back to the driver....the Trooper walks around to the other side of the car and whacks the passenger up aside his head.
The passenger, holding his bleeding head, asks the Trooper...."Why did you hit me? I was just sitting here like a bump on a log!"
The Trooper replied...."Just granting your wish!"
"Granting my wish? What the heck you talking about?" said the passenger.
The Trooper pushed his Smokey the Bear hat back on his head and smiled...saying...."You know you would get about a mile up the road when you would have told your buddy there...."I sure wish he would have hit me like that!"
At which time the Trooper whips out his Cosh and whops the driver up aside his head. He then obtains the driver's license and registration and proceeds to write him a summons. After giving the Summons and Driver's License back to the driver....the Trooper walks around to the other side of the car and whacks the passenger up aside his head.
The passenger, holding his bleeding head, asks the Trooper...."Why did you hit me? I was just sitting here like a bump on a log!"
The Trooper replied...."Just granting your wish!"
"Granting my wish? What the heck you talking about?" said the passenger.
The Trooper pushed his Smokey the Bear hat back on his head and smiled...saying...."You know you would get about a mile up the road when you would have told your buddy there...."I sure wish he would have hit me like that!"
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police-treatment
I was told in my young age - NEVER ARGUE WITH A POLICEMAN.
Regardless whether they are wrong or right, considering the work they do, still they deserve the biggest bit of break ..
Regardless whether they are wrong or right, considering the work they do, still they deserve the biggest bit of break ..
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Don't say this to a cop
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
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I was told in my young age - NEVER ARGUE WITH A POLICEMAN.
Regardless whether they are wrong or right, considering the work they do, still they deserve the biggest bit of break ..
Regardless whether they are wrong or right, considering the work they do, still they deserve the biggest bit of break ..
I agree, I couldn't have their job ever.......
(I'm not qualified, my parents are married!!!)
Frank Feldman
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.'
Passenger. 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate. Shoes highly polished too -- he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his f*cking widow.
( I think Frank also used to post on Rotorheads forums )
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.'
Passenger. 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate. Shoes highly polished too -- he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his f*cking widow.
( I think Frank also used to post on Rotorheads forums )
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A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy and that she will have to go and sit in the back. The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot Goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an economy place and she will have to leave and return to her original seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!"
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm sorry - I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. The Pilot Replied "I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne".
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot Goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an economy place and she will have to leave and return to her original seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!"
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm sorry - I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. The Pilot Replied "I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne".
The saying is "If it has to travel at 60 MPH in order to fly (and crash) it's a fixed wing, and therefore, unsafe".
He was a ragged looking old man who shuffled into the bar that afternoon.
Ragged, fat old geezer, walked like he had no feeling left in his peripheral neuropathy diabetic legs. His arthritic hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and gave it to the bartender.
"I'd like to apply for the job", he said.
The bartender wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been awhile since he had a player and business was falling off.
'What do you do?' he asked.
"I used to be a helicopter pilot!" was the answer. Now real unsure, the bartender decided to give him a try...he really needed more business. 'The piano is over there...give it a go.'
The old man staggered his way over to the piano and several patrons snickered.
By the time he was into the third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music unlike anyone had ever heard in the bar before. When he finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
The bartender brought the old helicopter pilot a beer and said that he sounded really really good. 'What do you call that?' he asked. 'It's call "Drop Your Panties, Baby, We're Gonna Rock Tonight,' said the old pilot as he took a long pull from the beer.
'I got another, and he began to play again. What followed was a knee slappin', hand-clappin' bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. People were coming in from the street to hear this guy play. After he finished, the helicopter pilot pilot acknowledged the applause and told the crowd that the song was called "Big Boobs Make My Rotors Dance.'
He then excused himself as he lurched off to the men's room. After thinking a bit, the bartender decided to hire the guy, no matter how bad he looked or what his songs were called.
When the guy came out of the men's room, the bartender went over to tell him he had the job, but noticed that the old pilot's fly was undone and his member was hanging out.
He said, "The job is yours, but first I got to ask, do you know your fly is open and your willy is hanging out?"
"No....but if you hum a few bars I bet I can pick it up...."
Ragged, fat old geezer, walked like he had no feeling left in his peripheral neuropathy diabetic legs. His arthritic hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and gave it to the bartender.
"I'd like to apply for the job", he said.
The bartender wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been awhile since he had a player and business was falling off.
'What do you do?' he asked.
"I used to be a helicopter pilot!" was the answer. Now real unsure, the bartender decided to give him a try...he really needed more business. 'The piano is over there...give it a go.'
The old man staggered his way over to the piano and several patrons snickered.
By the time he was into the third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music unlike anyone had ever heard in the bar before. When he finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
The bartender brought the old helicopter pilot a beer and said that he sounded really really good. 'What do you call that?' he asked. 'It's call "Drop Your Panties, Baby, We're Gonna Rock Tonight,' said the old pilot as he took a long pull from the beer.
'I got another, and he began to play again. What followed was a knee slappin', hand-clappin' bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. People were coming in from the street to hear this guy play. After he finished, the helicopter pilot pilot acknowledged the applause and told the crowd that the song was called "Big Boobs Make My Rotors Dance.'
He then excused himself as he lurched off to the men's room. After thinking a bit, the bartender decided to hire the guy, no matter how bad he looked or what his songs were called.
When the guy came out of the men's room, the bartender went over to tell him he had the job, but noticed that the old pilot's fly was undone and his member was hanging out.
He said, "The job is yours, but first I got to ask, do you know your fly is open and your willy is hanging out?"
"No....but if you hum a few bars I bet I can pick it up...."