Heli, non-heli (and even non-aviation) humour ...
Did this action cause the scale to now read a lighter truck and therefore not overloaded?
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Yes Sir, that's correct but the question was given to students following the lectureon this and they all failed! Sounds like the teach was unable to instruct or the kids were simply fascinated with the story.(?)
Hovering AND talking
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Sassy, if I wasn't laughing so much, I'd give you a slap!
Not no more I'm not; I've got a job in the real world!
Cheers
Whirls
You're an auditor with a government organization.
Cheers
Whirls
Auditors.....folks that come in after the battle and bayonet the wounded!
Hovering AND talking
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Auditors.....folks that come in after the battle and bayonet the wounded!
Auditors stand around during the battle and check whether the number and types of wounds, produce a report on such and deny any responsibility for the war!
Cheers
Whirls
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A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, an officer from the local Naval Air Station walked in and said to
the shopkeeper "I'll take one of those monkeys, please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out
a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the officer,
saying, "That'll be £2,000, please." The officer paid and left with the monkey.
The surprised tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very
expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did that
one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that's a special technician monkey, he can rig
aircraft flight controls, pass the Naval Fitness Test, set up a perimeter defence and
perform the duties of any warrant officer with no back talk or
complaints. It's well worth the money".
The tourist then spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! £10,000! What does it do?" he asked.
"Oh, that one" replied the shopkeeper. "That's an "Engineer Officer"
monkey. It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance
at the unit, intermediate, and Depot level, and even do all of the
paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed".
The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a
cage. The price tag was £50,000. The shocked tourist exclaimed, "This one
costs more than all the others put together! What in the world can it do?"
"Actually" said the shopkeeper "I've never actually seen him do anything but
drink beer, play with his dick and wind-up the other monkeys, but his papers
say he's a Helicopter Pilot."
While he was there, an officer from the local Naval Air Station walked in and said to
the shopkeeper "I'll take one of those monkeys, please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out
a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the officer,
saying, "That'll be £2,000, please." The officer paid and left with the monkey.
The surprised tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very
expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did that
one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that's a special technician monkey, he can rig
aircraft flight controls, pass the Naval Fitness Test, set up a perimeter defence and
perform the duties of any warrant officer with no back talk or
complaints. It's well worth the money".
The tourist then spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! £10,000! What does it do?" he asked.
"Oh, that one" replied the shopkeeper. "That's an "Engineer Officer"
monkey. It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance
at the unit, intermediate, and Depot level, and even do all of the
paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed".
The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a
cage. The price tag was £50,000. The shocked tourist exclaimed, "This one
costs more than all the others put together! What in the world can it do?"
"Actually" said the shopkeeper "I've never actually seen him do anything but
drink beer, play with his dick and wind-up the other monkeys, but his papers
say he's a Helicopter Pilot."
chicks I can understand
A bit off thread but we used to carry locals as part of the Hearts & Minds policy. If you were going somewhere and some locals wanted to go and there was room you took them, so heli flying for them was commonplace.
I picked up a kid suffering from Yaws with his uncle plus a medic and flew him to Jessleton for hospital treatment. We arrived at the airport and there was an ambulance awaiting us. No way was his uncle going to get into that. He had never seen a vehicle with wheels before so they walked behind it all the way to the hospital.
I picked up a kid suffering from Yaws with his uncle plus a medic and flew him to Jessleton for hospital treatment. We arrived at the airport and there was an ambulance awaiting us. No way was his uncle going to get into that. He had never seen a vehicle with wheels before so they walked behind it all the way to the hospital.
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From JetBlast Friday joke
I can't vouch for the authenticity, it was sent to me by a helicopter pilot.
SIC: "Number two's gone, boss."
Sully: "I know it! What do I look like, an R-22 pilot? Just shut the ****er down, boy. Oh, and tell Departure that we need to come back in and land. ******* birds..."
SIC: "Sheesh, somebody got up on the wrong side of his throne this morning. You don't have to insult me just because I got my commercial helicopter rating in the mighty Robinson. Oh, and by the way, sir, we're not climbing, if you even care. Maybe your decision to take on that extra 5,000 pounds of fuel wasn't so hot, Captain."
Sully: "One more comment like that and I'll make sure the union keeps you in RJ's for the rest of your miserable, short career."
<Bang!>
Sully: "SON OF A BITCH!"
SIC: "Number one's failing, boss."
Sully: "I can see that! Am I a-*******-sleep? Can I not read the gauges? Am I not flying the plane here?"
SIC: "I'm just sayin'..."
Sully: "Goddamn Canadians, sending their ******* geese down here every winter. Why, if I ever see another Canadian I'm gonna punch him right in the throat. I HATE Canadians."
SIC: "Everybody does, boss. Think we can make Teterboro or straight-in to 22 at Newark?"
Sully: "Yeah, probably. But **** Teterboro! Let's go to Newark. I've flown out of Teterboro. Short damn runways...always a crosswind. And their FBO's suck. I'd rather land in the Hudson ******* river than land at Teterboro. Hey...."
SIC: "You're not..."
Sully: "Why not? Maybe we can take out some sailboats with some prick Canadian snowbirds."
SIC: "You ever land on the water before?"
Sully: "Plenty of times! I got my seaplane rating back in 1946. I think it was in a...Piper...somethingoranother, I forget. Never mind. It'll all come back to me. Pull out the Before Water Landing checklist and run it."
SIC: (flipping through the stack of checklists) "Can't seem to find one for that."
Sully: "Fooled ya! HAH! There ain't one! Just get on the horn and tell the people to put their heads between their legs and kiss...no wait, that won't sound good on on the CVR tape...make it, 'brace for collision'...no wait, make it 'brace for impact.' Yeah, that's better. No wait! Tell them that out the left side of the plane they can see the Intrepid Museum, and that if they'd like to visit it, they'll be able to, this afternoon, like, in about twenty minutes. Oh, and ring the stews and have them bring me a rum and coke. If I'm gonna do this, I need a good stiff drink. And have that one with the big tits bring it up. If I'm gonna die, I wanna die drunk and with a boner."
SIC: "Like your grandfather did?"
Sully: "This is no time to make jokes, son. I would really appreciate it if you'd try to take this situation seriously. I'm fairly certain that my grandfather did not die with a boner. I mean, have you ever met my grandmother?"
SIC: "You know, if you pull this off CNN will be calling you the Hero Pilot of the Year."
Sully: "**** CNN. Liberal bastards. All I care about is what the fair-and-balanced Fox News will call me. I hope Fox News calls me a hero!"
SIC: (sighing) "They probably will too. Nobody will remember my name. It'll be 'Sully this'...and, 'Sully that.' 'Captain Sully, the big ******* hero.' Like you are the only ******* one in the cockpit."
Sully: "You're quite bitter. You really are a helicopter pilot at heart, aren't you? You know, some pilots wait their whole career to be called a hero. I mean, Christ, I've only got two years to go to retirement. That was close!"
SIC: "We're not down yet, Captain Skygod."
Sully: "I know, this thing glides pretty well, huh? Dammit, no sailboats. Oh well, let's see if we can buzz one of those damn sightseeing helicopters. What's best-glide/engines out?"
SIC: "Beats the **** outta me."
Sully: "Vref?"
SIC: "**** if I know."
Sully: "Britney Spears' birthday?"
SIC: "December 2, 1981."
Sully: "Well, I'm glad you know SOMETHING! Just gimme full flaps..."
[END OF RECORDING]
Birddog: I've put the full copy here: it's much too funny to ignore!
Splot
SIC: "Number two's gone, boss."
Sully: "I know it! What do I look like, an R-22 pilot? Just shut the ****er down, boy. Oh, and tell Departure that we need to come back in and land. ******* birds..."
SIC: "Sheesh, somebody got up on the wrong side of his throne this morning. You don't have to insult me just because I got my commercial helicopter rating in the mighty Robinson. Oh, and by the way, sir, we're not climbing, if you even care. Maybe your decision to take on that extra 5,000 pounds of fuel wasn't so hot, Captain."
Sully: "One more comment like that and I'll make sure the union keeps you in RJ's for the rest of your miserable, short career."
<Bang!>
Sully: "SON OF A BITCH!"
SIC: "Number one's failing, boss."
Sully: "I can see that! Am I a-*******-sleep? Can I not read the gauges? Am I not flying the plane here?"
SIC: "I'm just sayin'..."
Sully: "Goddamn Canadians, sending their ******* geese down here every winter. Why, if I ever see another Canadian I'm gonna punch him right in the throat. I HATE Canadians."
SIC: "Everybody does, boss. Think we can make Teterboro or straight-in to 22 at Newark?"
Sully: "Yeah, probably. But **** Teterboro! Let's go to Newark. I've flown out of Teterboro. Short damn runways...always a crosswind. And their FBO's suck. I'd rather land in the Hudson ******* river than land at Teterboro. Hey...."
SIC: "You're not..."
Sully: "Why not? Maybe we can take out some sailboats with some prick Canadian snowbirds."
SIC: "You ever land on the water before?"
Sully: "Plenty of times! I got my seaplane rating back in 1946. I think it was in a...Piper...somethingoranother, I forget. Never mind. It'll all come back to me. Pull out the Before Water Landing checklist and run it."
SIC: (flipping through the stack of checklists) "Can't seem to find one for that."
Sully: "Fooled ya! HAH! There ain't one! Just get on the horn and tell the people to put their heads between their legs and kiss...no wait, that won't sound good on on the CVR tape...make it, 'brace for collision'...no wait, make it 'brace for impact.' Yeah, that's better. No wait! Tell them that out the left side of the plane they can see the Intrepid Museum, and that if they'd like to visit it, they'll be able to, this afternoon, like, in about twenty minutes. Oh, and ring the stews and have them bring me a rum and coke. If I'm gonna do this, I need a good stiff drink. And have that one with the big tits bring it up. If I'm gonna die, I wanna die drunk and with a boner."
SIC: "Like your grandfather did?"
Sully: "This is no time to make jokes, son. I would really appreciate it if you'd try to take this situation seriously. I'm fairly certain that my grandfather did not die with a boner. I mean, have you ever met my grandmother?"
SIC: "You know, if you pull this off CNN will be calling you the Hero Pilot of the Year."
Sully: "**** CNN. Liberal bastards. All I care about is what the fair-and-balanced Fox News will call me. I hope Fox News calls me a hero!"
SIC: (sighing) "They probably will too. Nobody will remember my name. It'll be 'Sully this'...and, 'Sully that.' 'Captain Sully, the big ******* hero.' Like you are the only ******* one in the cockpit."
Sully: "You're quite bitter. You really are a helicopter pilot at heart, aren't you? You know, some pilots wait their whole career to be called a hero. I mean, Christ, I've only got two years to go to retirement. That was close!"
SIC: "We're not down yet, Captain Skygod."
Sully: "I know, this thing glides pretty well, huh? Dammit, no sailboats. Oh well, let's see if we can buzz one of those damn sightseeing helicopters. What's best-glide/engines out?"
SIC: "Beats the **** outta me."
Sully: "Vref?"
SIC: "**** if I know."
Sully: "Britney Spears' birthday?"
SIC: "December 2, 1981."
Sully: "Well, I'm glad you know SOMETHING! Just gimme full flaps..."
[END OF RECORDING]
Birddog: I've put the full copy here: it's much too funny to ignore!
Splot
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US Airways Violates Federal Migratory Bird Laws
By Mike Licht
US Airways violated Federal migratory bird regulations by hunting geese with an A320 Airbus jetliner, claim anonymous government sources. The pilot of flight 1549, Air Force veteran and avid hunter Chesley B. Sullenberger, tried combining both of his interests by bagging a brace of geese over the wetlands near New York’s LaGuardia airport after takeoff, on his way to Charlotte, North Carolina.
The imported $77 million A320 airliner is not certified for either waterfowl or upland bird hunting, so it was not surprising that the aircraft malfunctioned, forcing Captain Sullenberger to ditch the plane in the Hudson River. The crew and 150 passengers were chilled and shaken but unhurt. Most were simply grateful to avoid spending the weekend in Charlotte.
National Transportation Safety Board inspectors, rushed to the scene, reportedly found no Duck Stamps on the downed aircraft’s fuselage. Captain Sullenberger has not been charged but is being held incommunicado at an undisclosed location. PETA is urging the government to prosecute the pilot for double honkercide and poaching, and the animal rights group is expected to file a civil suit on behalf of the flock.
The two victims were undocumented aliens, according to sources close to the investigation, Canada geese who had over-stayed their visas. Their goose gang scandalized their quiet Queens community by squatting in local cemeteries and golf courses, parking on the grass, cooking strange-smelling food and throwing wild parties late into the night. Neighbors say police dogs were called out on several occasions. Such incidents have triggered a wave of anti-Canada goose sentiment, but at this time revenge or hate crime motives are not suspected in the US Airways bird bashings.
Forensic examination of the avian corpses continues, and technicians are analyzing the two cadavers under heat with chestnuts, prunes, and Armagnac. NTSB inspectors have contributed a supply of testing fluid, a 2005 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling from Alsace. We will update this story as entrees details become available.
Note:The aircraft took off from La Guardia Airport before hitting the birds. La Guardia is operated by the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. The Port Authority’s logo is a bird.
By Mike Licht
US Airways violated Federal migratory bird regulations by hunting geese with an A320 Airbus jetliner, claim anonymous government sources. The pilot of flight 1549, Air Force veteran and avid hunter Chesley B. Sullenberger, tried combining both of his interests by bagging a brace of geese over the wetlands near New York’s LaGuardia airport after takeoff, on his way to Charlotte, North Carolina.
The imported $77 million A320 airliner is not certified for either waterfowl or upland bird hunting, so it was not surprising that the aircraft malfunctioned, forcing Captain Sullenberger to ditch the plane in the Hudson River. The crew and 150 passengers were chilled and shaken but unhurt. Most were simply grateful to avoid spending the weekend in Charlotte.
National Transportation Safety Board inspectors, rushed to the scene, reportedly found no Duck Stamps on the downed aircraft’s fuselage. Captain Sullenberger has not been charged but is being held incommunicado at an undisclosed location. PETA is urging the government to prosecute the pilot for double honkercide and poaching, and the animal rights group is expected to file a civil suit on behalf of the flock.
The two victims were undocumented aliens, according to sources close to the investigation, Canada geese who had over-stayed their visas. Their goose gang scandalized their quiet Queens community by squatting in local cemeteries and golf courses, parking on the grass, cooking strange-smelling food and throwing wild parties late into the night. Neighbors say police dogs were called out on several occasions. Such incidents have triggered a wave of anti-Canada goose sentiment, but at this time revenge or hate crime motives are not suspected in the US Airways bird bashings.
Forensic examination of the avian corpses continues, and technicians are analyzing the two cadavers under heat with chestnuts, prunes, and Armagnac. NTSB inspectors have contributed a supply of testing fluid, a 2005 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling from Alsace. We will update this story as entrees details become available.
Note:The aircraft took off from La Guardia Airport before hitting the birds. La Guardia is operated by the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. The Port Authority’s logo is a bird.
Cut the guys a break fellows....so he feathered both engines....which is a bit of a trick on jet engines.
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All joking aside, of all of todays pilots, its just a good job that the two up front that day were competent enough to save everyone on board without doing sweet f'all the plane either!
An although we've all got our licences, i'm sure most of you think the same, but not everyone would of done as well as they did! If the boys weren't on guard, sure whos knows where they would o put it down smack bang in the middle of new york!
Good job anyhu guys!
An although we've all got our licences, i'm sure most of you think the same, but not everyone would of done as well as they did! If the boys weren't on guard, sure whos knows where they would o put it down smack bang in the middle of new york!
Good job anyhu guys!