Heli, non-heli (and even non-aviation) humour ...
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More Funnies
Funny One
98 year old man goes to see his doctor and says, "I've a 22 year old bride who's pregnant with my child! Now whaddya think of that?""
The doctor ponders for a moment and says, "I've got a 78 year old friend who goes hunting from time to time. One day he picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the the creek, he saw a beaver, picked up his umbrella, took aim, two shots rang out and the beaver fell! Now what do you think of that?"
"Well", said the old man, "I'd say someone else shot the damn beaver!!"
"My point exactly!" said the doctor.
Funny Two
Some random facts - an elephant dungs half its own weight every 2 days, a man's penis is 3 times the length of his thumb, 2 times 2 is 4. A woman would have finished reading this by now, but a man would still be checking the size of his thumbs!
Funny Three
Apple computers have announced the development of a computer chip that can be implanted into a woman's breast and play music. The i-Tit will cost £399 and is regarded as a major breakthrough as women are always complaining about men staring at their tits and not listening to them!
98 year old man goes to see his doctor and says, "I've a 22 year old bride who's pregnant with my child! Now whaddya think of that?""
The doctor ponders for a moment and says, "I've got a 78 year old friend who goes hunting from time to time. One day he picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the the creek, he saw a beaver, picked up his umbrella, took aim, two shots rang out and the beaver fell! Now what do you think of that?"
"Well", said the old man, "I'd say someone else shot the damn beaver!!"
"My point exactly!" said the doctor.
Funny Two
Some random facts - an elephant dungs half its own weight every 2 days, a man's penis is 3 times the length of his thumb, 2 times 2 is 4. A woman would have finished reading this by now, but a man would still be checking the size of his thumbs!
Funny Three
Apple computers have announced the development of a computer chip that can be implanted into a woman's breast and play music. The i-Tit will cost £399 and is regarded as a major breakthrough as women are always complaining about men staring at their tits and not listening to them!
Three women meet for lunch. One is married for 20 years,another is engaged to be married and the other is a mistress.
They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their partners by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went....
The engaged friend:
"The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. Hesaw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you!" and we made love all night long."
The mistress friend:
"Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice and heels under a raincoat and the mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night."
Then the married friend shared her story:
"When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said 'What's for dinner, Batman?' "
They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their partners by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went....
The engaged friend:
"The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. Hesaw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you!" and we made love all night long."
The mistress friend:
"Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice and heels under a raincoat and the mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night."
Then the married friend shared her story:
"When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said 'What's for dinner, Batman?' "
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Those three women - wife, mistress and girlfriend all told what they asked their man after sex:
The mistress asked, "Was it good for you?"
The girlfriend asked "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"
The wife asked, "Next time, can we paint the ceiling beige?"
The mistress asked, "Was it good for you?"
The girlfriend asked "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"
The wife asked, "Next time, can we paint the ceiling beige?"
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Way off aviation humour but here goes
A woman with small breasts goes into Marks & Spencer and asks for a 32AAAA. They don't do anything that small. She goes to La Senza and gets the same result.
After much fruitless searching she storms into Debenhams, up to the lingerie counter pulls her top off and yells "Do you have anything for these?"
The assistant replys "have you tried clearasil?"
I'll go and hide shall I?
A woman with small breasts goes into Marks & Spencer and asks for a 32AAAA. They don't do anything that small. She goes to La Senza and gets the same result.
After much fruitless searching she storms into Debenhams, up to the lingerie counter pulls her top off and yells "Do you have anything for these?"
The assistant replys "have you tried clearasil?"
I'll go and hide shall I?
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
About forty pounds.
What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
About forty minutes!
About forty pounds.
What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
About forty minutes!
Want to see who loves you more....your wife or you dog?
Lock them both in the boot of your car for an hour and see how they react when you open it back up!
Lock them both in the boot of your car for an hour and see how they react when you open it back up!
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A blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.
The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete Instructions."
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions!"
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete Instructions."
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions!"
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
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If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hopeyou're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but thistakes the cake. Jay Leno wentinto the audience to find the most embarrassing first datethat a woman ever had. The winner describedher worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (noovernight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun butrelatively uneventful untilthey were headedhome late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have hadthat extra latte.
They were about an hour away fromanywhere with a rest room and in the middle ofnowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, whichshedid for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going,there came a point where she told him that hehad better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.They stopped and she quicklycrawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
In the deep snow she didn't have goodfooting,so she let her butt rest against therear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman andrefrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the ratherembarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became awareof another sensation. As she bentto pull up her pants, the young lady discovered herbuttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongue s frozen topoles immediately came to mind as sheattempted to disengage her flesh from theicy metal. It wasquickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due tothe extreme cold. Horrified by her plight andyet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is takingso long' with a reply that indeed, she was'freezing her butt off' and in need of someassistance! He came around thecar as she tried to cover herself with her sweater andthen, as she looked imploringly into his eyes,he burst out laughing. She too,got the giggles and when they finally managed to composethemselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was,they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed itwould take something hot to free her chillycheeks from the grip of the icy metal!Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament inthe first place, both quickly realized thatthere was only one way to get her free.So, as she looked the other way, her
first-time date proceeded to unzip his pantsand pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamedin laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.' And you thought your first date wasembarrassing. Jay Leno'scomment... 'This gives a whole new meaning to beingpissed off.
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and wassitting next to her on the Leno show.
She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (noovernight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun butrelatively uneventful untilthey were headedhome late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have hadthat extra latte.
They were about an hour away fromanywhere with a rest room and in the middle ofnowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, whichshedid for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going,there came a point where she told him that hehad better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.They stopped and she quicklycrawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
In the deep snow she didn't have goodfooting,so she let her butt rest against therear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman andrefrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the ratherembarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became awareof another sensation. As she bentto pull up her pants, the young lady discovered herbuttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongue s frozen topoles immediately came to mind as sheattempted to disengage her flesh from theicy metal. It wasquickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due tothe extreme cold. Horrified by her plight andyet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is takingso long' with a reply that indeed, she was'freezing her butt off' and in need of someassistance! He came around thecar as she tried to cover herself with her sweater andthen, as she looked imploringly into his eyes,he burst out laughing. She too,got the giggles and when they finally managed to composethemselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was,they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed itwould take something hot to free her chillycheeks from the grip of the icy metal!Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament inthe first place, both quickly realized thatthere was only one way to get her free.So, as she looked the other way, her
first-time date proceeded to unzip his pantsand pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamedin laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.' And you thought your first date wasembarrassing. Jay Leno'scomment... 'This gives a whole new meaning to beingpissed off.
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and wassitting next to her on the Leno show.
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a little h and s humour
Admiral Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Captain Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): " England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation,
religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal Opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England '
past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ... full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the
crow's nest please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations.
They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck, Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of
admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't
want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of
legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we
shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save
your life"
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."
Nelson: "In that case... kiss me, Hardy."
Captain Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): " England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation,
religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal Opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England '
past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ... full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the
crow's nest please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations.
They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck, Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of
admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't
want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of
legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we
shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save
your life"
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."
Nelson: "In that case... kiss me, Hardy."
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Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I do my very best to remain professional!" With that, Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest willy the Doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than an AAA battery. The Doctor burst out into uncontrollable laughter. Eventually, he wipes away his tears and syas " I'm sorry, I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again!. Now what seems to be the problem?"
Bob said "It's swollen!"
Bob said "It's swollen!"
Buy the soap bars with the rope in them.....
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No's 21 and 28 are my favourites !
These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow (So I'm told)
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid..
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Stay away from hospitals !
These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow (So I'm told)
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid..
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Stay away from hospitals !
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A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!! Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that
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God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go. "Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter. "No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God. "Well, how about Mercury?" "No, it's too hot there." "Okay," said St. Peter, "What about Earth?" "No," said God, "They're such horrible gossips. When I was there over 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're still talking about it."
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Student: How do you tell the difference between psychiatrists & patients at a mental hospital?
Teacher: Patients are the ones who eventually get better & go home.
Male readers: Please scroll down
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!! Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that
____________________________________________________________ __
God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go. "Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter. "No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God. "Well, how about Mercury?" "No, it's too hot there." "Okay," said St. Peter, "What about Earth?" "No," said God, "They're such horrible gossips. When I was there over 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're still talking about it."
____________________________________________________________ __
Student: How do you tell the difference between psychiatrists & patients at a mental hospital?
Teacher: Patients are the ones who eventually get better & go home.