Heli, non-heli (and even non-aviation) humour ...
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Heli, non-heli (and even non-aviation) humour ...
Anyone got any amusing helicopter jokes? I read these two today:
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said 'WHERE AM I?' in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.'
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER' sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded 'I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer.'
--------------------------------------------
Why Helicopters are Better than Women
1. A helicopter will kill you quickly . . . a woman takes her time.
2. Helicopters can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
3. A helicopter does not get mad if you 'touch and go.'
4. A helicopter does not object to a preflight inspection.
5. Helicopters come with manuals.
6. Helicopters have strict weight and balance limits.
7. You can fly a helicopter any time of the month.
8. Helicopters don't come with in-laws.
9. Helicopters don't whine unless something is really wrong.
10. Helicopters don't care about how many other helicopters you have flown.
11. When flying, you and your helicopter both arrive at the same time.
12. Helicopters don't mind if you look at other helicopters, or if you buy helicopter magazines.
13. It's OK to use tie-downs on your helicopter.
----------------------------------------------
I would like to point out in the interests of safety (mine) I didn't make up the last one
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said 'WHERE AM I?' in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.'
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER' sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded 'I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer.'
--------------------------------------------
Why Helicopters are Better than Women
1. A helicopter will kill you quickly . . . a woman takes her time.
2. Helicopters can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
3. A helicopter does not get mad if you 'touch and go.'
4. A helicopter does not object to a preflight inspection.
5. Helicopters come with manuals.
6. Helicopters have strict weight and balance limits.
7. You can fly a helicopter any time of the month.
8. Helicopters don't come with in-laws.
9. Helicopters don't whine unless something is really wrong.
10. Helicopters don't care about how many other helicopters you have flown.
11. When flying, you and your helicopter both arrive at the same time.
12. Helicopters don't mind if you look at other helicopters, or if you buy helicopter magazines.
13. It's OK to use tie-downs on your helicopter.
----------------------------------------------
I would like to point out in the interests of safety (mine) I didn't make up the last one
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A Huey Cobra practising autorotations during a military night training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the tailboom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of sparks.
As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard:
Tower: "Cobra 1, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra 1: "I don't know, Tower. We aren't done crashing yet."
As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard:
Tower: "Cobra 1, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra 1: "I don't know, Tower. We aren't done crashing yet."
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Here's a couple more...
Australian Military Helicopter Simulation
This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science
Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's
Land Operations/Simulation division.
They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality
simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed
Reconnaissance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion
point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of
thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers. Anyway,
as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees
and animals. For the Australian simulation they included
kangaroos. In particular, they had to model kangaroo movements
and reactions to helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos
might well give away a helicopter's position).
Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was
originally used to model infantry detachments reactions under the
same stimuli), and changed the mapped icon, the speed parameters,
etc. The first time they've gone to demonstrate this to some visiting
Americans, the hotshot pilots have decided to get "down and dirty"
with the virtual kangaroos. So, they buzz them, and watch
them scatter. The visiting Americans nod appreciatively...
then gape as the kangaroos duck around a hill, and launch about two
dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter.
Programmers look rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove
that part of the infantry coding... and Americans leave muttering
comments about not wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife!
As an addendum, simulator pilots from that point onwards avoided
kangaroos like the plague, just like they were meant to do in the
first place.
-------------------------------------------
Helicopter crew
Helicopter Pilot: "Roger, I'm holding at 3000 over beacon."
Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that beacon!"
(Brief pause, then first voice again): "You idiot, you're my co-pilot."
This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science
Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's
Land Operations/Simulation division.
They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality
simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed
Reconnaissance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion
point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of
thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers. Anyway,
as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees
and animals. For the Australian simulation they included
kangaroos. In particular, they had to model kangaroo movements
and reactions to helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos
might well give away a helicopter's position).
Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was
originally used to model infantry detachments reactions under the
same stimuli), and changed the mapped icon, the speed parameters,
etc. The first time they've gone to demonstrate this to some visiting
Americans, the hotshot pilots have decided to get "down and dirty"
with the virtual kangaroos. So, they buzz them, and watch
them scatter. The visiting Americans nod appreciatively...
then gape as the kangaroos duck around a hill, and launch about two
dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter.
Programmers look rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove
that part of the infantry coding... and Americans leave muttering
comments about not wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife!
As an addendum, simulator pilots from that point onwards avoided
kangaroos like the plague, just like they were meant to do in the
first place.
-------------------------------------------
Helicopter crew
Helicopter Pilot: "Roger, I'm holding at 3000 over beacon."
Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that beacon!"
(Brief pause, then first voice again): "You idiot, you're my co-pilot."
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Fog:
Stay out of fog. The single red light you think is a cell phone tower might be the starboard light of a docked boat.
Geometry:
Helicopters are a collection of parts flying in relatively close formation while all rotating around different axis. This arrangement works work well until one of the parts breaks formation.
Parking:
Always try to keep the number of times you park the helicopter equal to the number of times you've flown it.
The canopy:
If all you can see through your canopy is the direction you were previously traveling intermingled with sparks, and all you can hear is commotion from the passenger flying left seat, things are not at all as they should be.
Optimism:
An optimist is a helicopter pilot that smokes and thinks he's going to die of cancer.
Other Objects:
In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum and Plexiglass going dozens of miles per hour, and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Same holds for trees, water, buildings and larger animals. Draws don't count.
Judgment:
Going Forward:
It's always a good idea to keep the transparent end going forward as much as possible.
Hovering:
Hovering is for people who love to fly but have noplace to go.
Opinions:
Ask 6 helicopter pilots a question, and you're sure to get at least 7 different opinions.
Stay out of fog. The single red light you think is a cell phone tower might be the starboard light of a docked boat.
Geometry:
Helicopters are a collection of parts flying in relatively close formation while all rotating around different axis. This arrangement works work well until one of the parts breaks formation.
Parking:
Always try to keep the number of times you park the helicopter equal to the number of times you've flown it.
The canopy:
If all you can see through your canopy is the direction you were previously traveling intermingled with sparks, and all you can hear is commotion from the passenger flying left seat, things are not at all as they should be.
Optimism:
An optimist is a helicopter pilot that smokes and thinks he's going to die of cancer.
Other Objects:
In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum and Plexiglass going dozens of miles per hour, and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Same holds for trees, water, buildings and larger animals. Draws don't count.
Judgment:
Going Forward:
It's always a good idea to keep the transparent end going forward as much as possible.
Hovering:
Hovering is for people who love to fly but have noplace to go.
Opinions:
Ask 6 helicopter pilots a question, and you're sure to get at least 7 different opinions.
Here are some I picked up over the years!!!
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR HELICOPTER PILOTS
1. Keep always thine RPMs, for without them the gates of heaven shall close to thee, and thou shalt pass directly to Brick City.
2. Guard thy tail rotor as thy loins; it is a sacred thing and its loss maketh the earth spin, and rise up and smite thee.
3. Pickest thou up and sittest thou down with great care lest thy machine roll in the mud like the swine and makest thou an impoverished pedestrian.
4. Loadeth not thy machine unevenly or excessively, lest thou wander and stumble like the braying ass.
5. Run not thy fuel nor oil dry, for surely it is easier for the camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a fool to autorotate in the wilderness.
6. Linger not in the curve of the deadman, for it tempteth fate, and shall bringeth thee back pain.
7. Swoop not low without good reason, for many are the snares of Edison and Bell; their wires yieldeth not, and makest thee a yo-yo.
8. Loseth not sight of the earth if thou are not a master of the black art of "hard IFR," else thy machine shall seek the earth without thy counsel, and thy friends shall mourn the passing of a fool.
9. Loseth not thy G's for the sake of pushover or other folly, lest thy blades smite thee, and journey on without thee.
10. Descendeth not without airspeed, for the air beneath thee is wrathful, and wouldst conspire with the granite to swallow thee up, far from the seeing eye of SAR.
=============================================
"CIRCLES"
If you want a successful career as a helicopter pilot, you neeed to feel a deep love for "Circles". The "circle" is the first thing you will learn how to do when you are introduced to flying helicopters. It starts to get old during your first one hundred hours of flight experience, but the promise that "circles" will soon be a part of your past is what keeps you going. Unfortunitely "circles" are what you are going to be making for the duration of your career.
Your first job, after teaching others how to make "circles", is probably making "circles" doing tour flying. It's very funny that they say "circles" with an "S" (which leads you to believe that you might actually fly more than one route during your tour guiding career). "Circle" is what they should call it since the most excitement you will get out of flying tours is being able to say "Ya...I'm a REAL commercial helicopter pilot."
If you don't decide to do tours it's likely you will get hooked up with a logging operation. Ya, they make "circles" too. Really tight quick "circles", except YOU don't get to make them. You get to see them being made while you puke your guts out. And...Oh ya...your job is to count the "circles".
If you're real smart you will take on one of those "gulf jobs" where you don't have to make "circles". You get to make straight lines. Pretty exciting flying. After you make your initial climb out (to an altitude of 500 feet) you start monitoring your instrument guages. You never know when you're going to pop into IMC and start utilizing that instrument rating you paid dearly for. Although it pays more than your average grocery cart retrieving job you don't get to maneuver it back and forth in a creative "S" turn fashion while making your way back to shore. Those guys in the back (who by the way make triple your salary) don't like it. Better not piss them off three times in a row 'cause they'll get you canned in a heartbeat.
Now law inforcement...there's a job. Go to California and make "circles". The great thing about the CHP is that you get to make all the "circles" you want. I know...so why all of the sudden is making "circles" so much fun?!!...well I'll tell you. Because you don't have to unless you want to. The truth is, the CHP are allowed to do whatever the hell they want. OF COURSE they are all operating within their own personal limits. They're the CHP. You know...the ones who set the standard for commercial flying.
I don't mean to lead you on. Flying "circles" is fun, at first. Try this...sit in your fake leather computer chair and spin around a couple times. This effect may be accentuated after chugging a few cold Coors Lites. If you do this a few hundred thousand times you can begin to appreciate the joy of flying helicopters. Just remember...clear your turns 'cause your soon to be ex-wife doesn't like it when you spill beer on her carpet!
==============================================
Helicopter Monkey
A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a helicopter company owner from the local airportd walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a 6114 monkey, please."
The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the owner, saying, "That'll be $1,000." The owner paid and left with the monkey.
Surprised, the tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that 6114 monkey, he can rig aircraft flight controls, track and balance, do hundred hour inspections, hot refuel aircraft with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money."
The tourist spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive--$10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one is a "Front desk" monkey; it can sell tours, take reservations, complete weight and balance forms, give passenger briefings and load aircraft. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, "$50,000". The shocked tourist exclaimed, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world could it do?"
"Well, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer and play with his dick, but his papers say he's a Helicopter Pilot!"
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR HELICOPTER PILOTS
1. Keep always thine RPMs, for without them the gates of heaven shall close to thee, and thou shalt pass directly to Brick City.
2. Guard thy tail rotor as thy loins; it is a sacred thing and its loss maketh the earth spin, and rise up and smite thee.
3. Pickest thou up and sittest thou down with great care lest thy machine roll in the mud like the swine and makest thou an impoverished pedestrian.
4. Loadeth not thy machine unevenly or excessively, lest thou wander and stumble like the braying ass.
5. Run not thy fuel nor oil dry, for surely it is easier for the camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a fool to autorotate in the wilderness.
6. Linger not in the curve of the deadman, for it tempteth fate, and shall bringeth thee back pain.
7. Swoop not low without good reason, for many are the snares of Edison and Bell; their wires yieldeth not, and makest thee a yo-yo.
8. Loseth not sight of the earth if thou are not a master of the black art of "hard IFR," else thy machine shall seek the earth without thy counsel, and thy friends shall mourn the passing of a fool.
9. Loseth not thy G's for the sake of pushover or other folly, lest thy blades smite thee, and journey on without thee.
10. Descendeth not without airspeed, for the air beneath thee is wrathful, and wouldst conspire with the granite to swallow thee up, far from the seeing eye of SAR.
=============================================
"CIRCLES"
If you want a successful career as a helicopter pilot, you neeed to feel a deep love for "Circles". The "circle" is the first thing you will learn how to do when you are introduced to flying helicopters. It starts to get old during your first one hundred hours of flight experience, but the promise that "circles" will soon be a part of your past is what keeps you going. Unfortunitely "circles" are what you are going to be making for the duration of your career.
Your first job, after teaching others how to make "circles", is probably making "circles" doing tour flying. It's very funny that they say "circles" with an "S" (which leads you to believe that you might actually fly more than one route during your tour guiding career). "Circle" is what they should call it since the most excitement you will get out of flying tours is being able to say "Ya...I'm a REAL commercial helicopter pilot."
If you don't decide to do tours it's likely you will get hooked up with a logging operation. Ya, they make "circles" too. Really tight quick "circles", except YOU don't get to make them. You get to see them being made while you puke your guts out. And...Oh ya...your job is to count the "circles".
If you're real smart you will take on one of those "gulf jobs" where you don't have to make "circles". You get to make straight lines. Pretty exciting flying. After you make your initial climb out (to an altitude of 500 feet) you start monitoring your instrument guages. You never know when you're going to pop into IMC and start utilizing that instrument rating you paid dearly for. Although it pays more than your average grocery cart retrieving job you don't get to maneuver it back and forth in a creative "S" turn fashion while making your way back to shore. Those guys in the back (who by the way make triple your salary) don't like it. Better not piss them off three times in a row 'cause they'll get you canned in a heartbeat.
Now law inforcement...there's a job. Go to California and make "circles". The great thing about the CHP is that you get to make all the "circles" you want. I know...so why all of the sudden is making "circles" so much fun?!!...well I'll tell you. Because you don't have to unless you want to. The truth is, the CHP are allowed to do whatever the hell they want. OF COURSE they are all operating within their own personal limits. They're the CHP. You know...the ones who set the standard for commercial flying.
I don't mean to lead you on. Flying "circles" is fun, at first. Try this...sit in your fake leather computer chair and spin around a couple times. This effect may be accentuated after chugging a few cold Coors Lites. If you do this a few hundred thousand times you can begin to appreciate the joy of flying helicopters. Just remember...clear your turns 'cause your soon to be ex-wife doesn't like it when you spill beer on her carpet!
==============================================
Helicopter Monkey
A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a helicopter company owner from the local airportd walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a 6114 monkey, please."
The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the owner, saying, "That'll be $1,000." The owner paid and left with the monkey.
Surprised, the tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that 6114 monkey, he can rig aircraft flight controls, track and balance, do hundred hour inspections, hot refuel aircraft with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money."
The tourist spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive--$10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one is a "Front desk" monkey; it can sell tours, take reservations, complete weight and balance forms, give passenger briefings and load aircraft. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, "$50,000". The shocked tourist exclaimed, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world could it do?"
"Well, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer and play with his dick, but his papers say he's a Helicopter Pilot!"
Humour in Helicopters
HIH
The Gladstone thread got me thinking. (Doesn’t happen often at my age) And also , Nigel’s underhanded swipe at my follicle disability…well , I thought it would be fun to launch a new thread with the subject being “Humour in Helicopters”….would also allow me to swipe back at Nigel !!
So here is a story
The setting is a very cold Tasmanian winter in the late 70’s. Hookway Aviation is still operating Enstroms and a couple of 206’s. There is a new crew in Hobart. Brian , Crow , Barry and Ian have gone to greener pastures. Nigel has been unable to lever me in to the Enstrom to do an endorsement. Of course now , I just would not fit…hair or no hair. (I am NOT fixated on my lack of pilosity…Brian , ya still doing your daily crossword ?)
Anyhow , Nigel gets a call out. We had the SAR contract at that time with the SES but it was the Police who crewed with us. I think this may have been one of those occasions when (Senior Constable) Keith Harper’s presence (and wonderful humour) were in evidence. Seem to recall it was some lost bush walkers up at Frenchman’s Cap. Crazy time to be bushwalking in middle of winter….snow everywhere ! Nigel gets up there ok and starts the search. Lousy weather. Now he has just joined the company from flying the North Sea in B0-105’s so he is used to pretty decent equipment.
We get a plaintive phone call from Nige that the interior of the 206 has been fogging up (no heater !) , he needs an attitude indicator (these were the days when primary Nav and only instrument (other than Alt./ASI) was a wet mag compass) AND there is not a decent first aid kit on board. !@@##$$ much cursing !!
Well Johnny Wilson and I sent him three envelopes.
Envelope 1 marked Heater containing 1 x box of matches
Envelope 2 marked Attitude indicator containing 1 x plumb bob
Enveope 3 marked First aid kit containing asprin and band aids
Nigel was not impressed. And although it seemed bl—dy funny at the time , the situation was pretty grim flying in poor viz and snow. Nigel did an excellent job and I seem to recall it had a good outcome with him finding the bushwalkers.
Please forgive me Nigel….after all these years…but there was absolutely nothing we could do but squeeze a bit of humour out of a bad situation.
Great days , eh
Peter
The Gladstone thread got me thinking. (Doesn’t happen often at my age) And also , Nigel’s underhanded swipe at my follicle disability…well , I thought it would be fun to launch a new thread with the subject being “Humour in Helicopters”….would also allow me to swipe back at Nigel !!
So here is a story
The setting is a very cold Tasmanian winter in the late 70’s. Hookway Aviation is still operating Enstroms and a couple of 206’s. There is a new crew in Hobart. Brian , Crow , Barry and Ian have gone to greener pastures. Nigel has been unable to lever me in to the Enstrom to do an endorsement. Of course now , I just would not fit…hair or no hair. (I am NOT fixated on my lack of pilosity…Brian , ya still doing your daily crossword ?)
Anyhow , Nigel gets a call out. We had the SAR contract at that time with the SES but it was the Police who crewed with us. I think this may have been one of those occasions when (Senior Constable) Keith Harper’s presence (and wonderful humour) were in evidence. Seem to recall it was some lost bush walkers up at Frenchman’s Cap. Crazy time to be bushwalking in middle of winter….snow everywhere ! Nigel gets up there ok and starts the search. Lousy weather. Now he has just joined the company from flying the North Sea in B0-105’s so he is used to pretty decent equipment.
We get a plaintive phone call from Nige that the interior of the 206 has been fogging up (no heater !) , he needs an attitude indicator (these were the days when primary Nav and only instrument (other than Alt./ASI) was a wet mag compass) AND there is not a decent first aid kit on board. !@@##$$ much cursing !!
Well Johnny Wilson and I sent him three envelopes.
Envelope 1 marked Heater containing 1 x box of matches
Envelope 2 marked Attitude indicator containing 1 x plumb bob
Enveope 3 marked First aid kit containing asprin and band aids
Nigel was not impressed. And although it seemed bl—dy funny at the time , the situation was pretty grim flying in poor viz and snow. Nigel did an excellent job and I seem to recall it had a good outcome with him finding the bushwalkers.
Please forgive me Nigel….after all these years…but there was absolutely nothing we could do but squeeze a bit of humour out of a bad situation.
Great days , eh
Peter
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Without wanting to turn this into a stories about Nigel thread, and believe me there are many, this is one where Nige was an the other end.
Due for an IRT the C&T pilot was asking Nigel various questions about IF flying, which, due to his encyclopedic knowledge, he got right. The C&Ter then asked him a curly one which he did not get quite right. When informed of this fact, without a missing a beat Nigel replied, "No, my answer was right, you just asked me the wrong question".
Still one of the best comebacks I've ever heard.
Due for an IRT the C&T pilot was asking Nigel various questions about IF flying, which, due to his encyclopedic knowledge, he got right. The C&Ter then asked him a curly one which he did not get quite right. When informed of this fact, without a missing a beat Nigel replied, "No, my answer was right, you just asked me the wrong question".
Still one of the best comebacks I've ever heard.
Since we're not mentioning Nigel, we'd better not talk about him driving from Pt Headland to Onslow to start his tour, and getting severely T-Boned on the way by some dim sheila. And not thinking to let anyone know for the best part of a week 
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While returning to our base camp after an uneventful day, and wanting to have some fun…I thought I’d try an original (Well, maybe I borrowed it from the Henry Gibson character on ‘Laugh In’) query to the tower operator which backfired on me rather quickly. Anyway, here it is:
Little flower
In the tower
What’s the runyway
Of the hour.
Within a nano second came this reply:
Little peter
In the beater
Zero Five
Says the meter.
I never again have been anything but polite to the controller brethren.
Little flower
In the tower
What’s the runyway
Of the hour.
Within a nano second came this reply:
Little peter
In the beater
Zero Five
Says the meter.
I never again have been anything but polite to the controller brethren.
Air Force Fighter Pilot's Prayer
Lord grant me the Wings of an Eagle,
The Heart of a Lion,
The Eyes of a Hawk,
and Balls like an Army Helicopter Pilot.
Lord grant me the Wings of an Eagle,
The Heart of a Lion,
The Eyes of a Hawk,
and Balls like an Army Helicopter Pilot.
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True story, of lost Army helicopter in near fog conditions, on being asked hi position
"Ten miles South and - er - crossing your active now!"
"Ten miles South and - er - crossing your active now!"
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A departing Fokker Friendship is asked by Vancouver tower to report sighting traffic in the circuit and overflying the field…following a brief pause...the quick witted pilot replies…
“…this fokker has the beaver up high and the shorts down low”
“…this fokker has the beaver up high and the shorts down low”
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Not helicopter but.....
A RAF Nimrod was flying into the US of A for a mil exercise. A few hundred miles out they were joined by a pair of National Guard F-16's to escort them in. Being fighter jocks they started showing off, doing rolls & loops etc around the Nimrod. When they had finished the F-16 driver said "can you do that?" The RAF pilot replied " No, but can you do this" After about ten minutes the lead F-16 pilot said "well, what are you doing?" The RAF pilot replied. "I've just been down the back, had a good s**t and am now eating a steak sandwich. Can you do that?" With a sense of humour failure the fighters dissappeared into the distance.
Iconoclast
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: The home of Dudley Dooright-Where the lead dog is the only one that gets a change of scenery.
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Right from wrong.
To: Flingwing207
Starboard = Green
Port = Red
Stay out of fog. The single red light you think is a cell phone tower might be the starboard light of a docked boat.
Port = Red
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Australia
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A woman runs into a Police station" she yells Ive been raped by a Helicopter Pilot.
The sergent says how do you know he's a Pilot?
Well she says, He had a Big Watch and a Little dick and couldn't stop talking about himself!......
O.k i'm leaving.......
The sergent says how do you know he's a Pilot?
Well she says, He had a Big Watch and a Little dick and couldn't stop talking about himself!......
O.k i'm leaving.......