Ascoteers Multiple Choice
Join Date: Oct 2002
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Dear Chaos Controller,
Option E was slightly less jack and involved a 'comp A' - that means a mates relative is about to die, that's why they turn jets around in mid air and that's why we're not an airline, but I'm sure sleazyjet do it better
Trouble is these days even those of us without the 'big picture' still know better and could probably run truckie Cmd better, if in fact you need it at all.
Ohmygod i've just defended the shiney fleet, next time I'm in N Norway I'll take a birch twig to myself, or, hang on is'nt 'fishing' a bit slack this time of year? maybe I could find a local to......stop it.
Load Moving..............
Option E was slightly less jack and involved a 'comp A' - that means a mates relative is about to die, that's why they turn jets around in mid air and that's why we're not an airline, but I'm sure sleazyjet do it better
Trouble is these days even those of us without the 'big picture' still know better and could probably run truckie Cmd better, if in fact you need it at all.
Ohmygod i've just defended the shiney fleet, next time I'm in N Norway I'll take a birch twig to myself, or, hang on is'nt 'fishing' a bit slack this time of year? maybe I could find a local to......stop it.
Load Moving..............
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Can't search for 'I wish I hadn't said that...' so I'll stick this little anecdote here, (seeing as half of my life story is on this thread anyway)
In a bar, in a hotel, somewhere in the Eastern Mediterranean. Several crews having their warm up drinks while waiting for the Co-Pilot to show up with the money.
Barmaid: Excuse me sir, where is Captain of 216?
(Aha, I know this one, years of experience, good at pre-judging people)
Me: Well, my dear, my guess is that he's the grey haired distinguished looking gentleman in the cravat sipping a Pimms over there with all the Tristar pouffs.
Barmaid: Thankyou meester. Something about a 2 hour delay.
Returns to sprint drinking, lantern swinging etc
5 mins later
Barmaid: Excuse me sir, where is Captain from Room 216?
Me: Ah. That'll be my Captain then, he's...er...stood right here.
NOW WHAT WERE THE CHANCES OF THAT HAPPENING THEN?
In a bar, in a hotel, somewhere in the Eastern Mediterranean. Several crews having their warm up drinks while waiting for the Co-Pilot to show up with the money.
Barmaid: Excuse me sir, where is Captain of 216?
(Aha, I know this one, years of experience, good at pre-judging people)
Me: Well, my dear, my guess is that he's the grey haired distinguished looking gentleman in the cravat sipping a Pimms over there with all the Tristar pouffs.
Barmaid: Thankyou meester. Something about a 2 hour delay.
Returns to sprint drinking, lantern swinging etc
5 mins later
Barmaid: Excuse me sir, where is Captain from Room 216?
Me: Ah. That'll be my Captain then, he's...er...stood right here.
NOW WHAT WERE THE CHANCES OF THAT HAPPENING THEN?
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Ascoteer Route Queen or Airborne Cavalry
On top of your locker at the Squadron you have a 'go' bag ready for any short notice deployment. What does it look like?
a) A sturdy, bulging and worn Special Forces bergen from an obscure unit/country that you traded for last time you were working with the Hereford Mountaineering Club / Poole Yacht Club.
b) A huge bright yellow Samsonite suitcase that matches that lovely little sporty coupe you run around in.
I know him - I have seen suitcase - although he has been 'sausage-side, gogs down' since!
On top of your locker at the Squadron you have a 'go' bag ready for any short notice deployment. What does it look like?
a) A sturdy, bulging and worn Special Forces bergen from an obscure unit/country that you traded for last time you were working with the Hereford Mountaineering Club / Poole Yacht Club.
b) A huge bright yellow Samsonite suitcase that matches that lovely little sporty coupe you run around in.
I know him - I have seen suitcase - although he has been 'sausage-side, gogs down' since!
Join Date: Feb 2004
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Recounted to me by an ex MAMS team leader.C130 - some freight and 30 or so pongos. Pongos do something annoying on the ac just prior to engine start that results in loadie kicking off pongos whilst sorting out load or some such activity.
MAMS TL at tail of ac sorting stack of baggage out - Sgt Maj arrives and asks what to do with remaining pongos whilst RAF types are faffing around. TL tells him to f**k off and run around in circles for a bit. 10 minutes later, Sgt Maj reappears and asks:
a). How long until we can re-board the ac?
b). Do you have any thing to eat/drink/smoke/steal?
c). Will it be ok to have a fag break behind the bowser?
d). Can he please have permission to fall out the Colonel from the running round in circles?
(d = correct answer)
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Mr C
b) A huge bright yellow Samsonite suitcase that matches that lovely little sporty coupe you run around in.
At least the desert dust won't get into his samsonite....and it IS a location aid....every LSJ should have one
Regards to Most
SFS
b) A huge bright yellow Samsonite suitcase that matches that lovely little sporty coupe you run around in.
At least the desert dust won't get into his samsonite....and it IS a location aid....every LSJ should have one
Regards to Most
SFS
Join Date: Jan 2004
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You are the captain of a VC-10, on finals into Namao. It is a beautiful summer day, not a cloud in the sky, not a breath of wind. Everything required to onmove both the passengers, the freight and the priority 1 red-star consignments on board was on the ground waiting. Do you:
a. Land the aircraft and taxi around to the pan to offload your passengers etc; or,
b. Fly down the runway and at the end hang a left to the International airport at Edmonton.
As the ATLO at Edmonton at the time, I've always been puzzled by this little lapse in directional functionality. The RAF det commander (good old Gordon) was quite non-plussed. The OC of the muppets on board (Gibson?) was quite apoplectic that the on-load wasn't at the airfield waiting for him and his team to load it (neither was he or the loadie impressed when told that they wouldn't get the baggage until the next day either).
So, come on, you know who you are. I was the guy on the pan throwing his hat at your departing shadow. You didn't tell the passengers either (my wife was with you - you took off from Brize with her in the jump seat !!!).
a. Land the aircraft and taxi around to the pan to offload your passengers etc; or,
b. Fly down the runway and at the end hang a left to the International airport at Edmonton.
As the ATLO at Edmonton at the time, I've always been puzzled by this little lapse in directional functionality. The RAF det commander (good old Gordon) was quite non-plussed. The OC of the muppets on board (Gibson?) was quite apoplectic that the on-load wasn't at the airfield waiting for him and his team to load it (neither was he or the loadie impressed when told that they wouldn't get the baggage until the next day either).
So, come on, you know who you are. I was the guy on the pan throwing his hat at your departing shadow. You didn't tell the passengers either (my wife was with you - you took off from Brize with her in the jump seat !!!).
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Gentlemen you can't fight in here, this is the Ascoteers Multiple Choice!
What we need is a witty punchline for the nice Army Mover......
Er...the crew were busy with your missus on the jump seat!
Ta - Da!!
Okay. Ascoteer Route Queen or Airborne Cavalry?
You hear someone mention the 'Engineers Song'
Do you burst into a chorus of
a) An Engineer told me before he died, A-rum-titty-bum-titty-bum-titty-bum...
or
b) Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...
NB. Dunno about other multis, but on the mighty C130 Klassic, the Flt Engineer sits with the Captain to the left, and the Co to the right, with the Nav right and behind a bit.
What we need is a witty punchline for the nice Army Mover......
Er...the crew were busy with your missus on the jump seat!
Ta - Da!!
Okay. Ascoteer Route Queen or Airborne Cavalry?
You hear someone mention the 'Engineers Song'
Do you burst into a chorus of
a) An Engineer told me before he died, A-rum-titty-bum-titty-bum-titty-bum...
or
b) Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...
NB. Dunno about other multis, but on the mighty C130 Klassic, the Flt Engineer sits with the Captain to the left, and the Co to the right, with the Nav right and behind a bit.
Join Date: Jan 2004
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It's called operating an aircraft. Something you will never know anything about.
Reichman (Aircraft Operator)
Reichman (Aircraft Operator)
Oops, have I touched a nerve ??? I appreciate that you were operating the aircraft, had I wanted to do that, I would have joined the RAF instead of the Army, but I wanted something else.
I was just asking (with a multi-choice theme, to remain on thread) why the aircraft (or crew) did what it did. I mean it was obviously going to land at Namao but decided for some reason not to. I thought that maybe from behind a curtain of anonymity I may get an answer.
Of course it could be that your answer was meant to be a cunning attempt at humour - in that case, whoosh, sorry matey - straight over my head and yes, we are as thick as you feared.
Sir Peter's wotsits - I wasn't fighting, just asking a question, you may benefit from some more training at conjuring up "witty punchlines". In the meantime, don't give up the day job eh ???
Join Date: Sep 2003
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Sir Peter,
Give up your day job. This is undoubtedly one of the most amusing threads on PP and the jump seat comment was in keeping with that......the last thing I am sure we all want is another mover Vs aircrew bicker.
Give up your day job. This is undoubtedly one of the most amusing threads on PP and the jump seat comment was in keeping with that......the last thing I am sure we all want is another mover Vs aircrew bicker.
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SPH,
Take no notice of the nasty green man
......you have probably annoyed him with your sense of humour, and bl@@dy top humour it is and the suggestion that his mrs was playing " lets hide all the aircrew salami", which by the look of it has hit an extremely raw nerve
Anyone know her identity? This might be worth investigating as we know aircrew appreciate a true player
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
Take no notice of the nasty green man
......you have probably annoyed him with your sense of humour, and bl@@dy top humour it is and the suggestion that his mrs was playing " lets hide all the aircrew salami", which by the look of it has hit an extremely raw nerve Anyone know her identity? This might be worth investigating as we know aircrew appreciate a true player
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
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Mmmm, a knowledgeable man obviously, really knows his stuff despite being broken in Wilts (why are you broken in Wilts ???)
Absolutely - real top stuff - it certainly reaches his target audience of 13 year olds eh ?? 
LOL - Now then, you may actually know her, I met her while I was at Gutersloh - certainly the loadie knew her (he was on the MAOT team at Gut when I first got there), or do you ask every female to share the cockpit for take-off ??? Please don't say yes cos she'll be gutted - she thinks you blue jobs are real nice guys.
So come on - you've had lots of clues now - does nobody know why the air-plane didn't land where it was meant to ??? You can tell the truth eh, nobody reads this stuff - do they ???
Of course it could be that this is all an attempt to get rid of the nasty pongo who asks questions ???
By Always_broken_in_wilts
Take no notice of the nasty green man ......you have probably annoyed him with your sense of humour, and bl@@dy top humour it is.
Take no notice of the nasty green man ......you have probably annoyed him with your sense of humour, and bl@@dy top humour it is.
By Always_broken_in_wilts
The suggestion that his mrs was playing " lets hide all the aircrew salami", which by the look of it has hit an extremely raw nerve
Anyone know her identity? This might be worth investigating as we know aircrew appreciate a true player
The suggestion that his mrs was playing " lets hide all the aircrew salami", which by the look of it has hit an extremely raw nerve
Anyone know her identity? This might be worth investigating as we know aircrew appreciate a true player
So come on - you've had lots of clues now - does nobody know why the air-plane didn't land where it was meant to ??? You can tell the truth eh, nobody reads this stuff - do they ???
Of course it could be that this is all an attempt to get rid of the nasty pongo who asks questions ???
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You come home from another fabulous week of pelting around the UKLFS looking down from above on the Army. Relaxing with a beer you check your emails then decide to see what Sir Peter has conjured up for our collective amusement. On looking at the thread you realise that some twit has started to use the thread as a slagging arena for something which is effectively irrelevant. Does one:
a) Swiftly change thread, never to return to SPHLCs comedy again.
b) Yam the beer and another and another.......
c) Join the Army in admiration.
d) Realise that the Twit has completely missed the whole point of the thread (humour) and probably needs to broaden his horizons as well as his monitoring of Mrs Twit around the rampant irresitablility of Ground Engineers and Aircrew.
Gentleman, am I wrong?
a) Swiftly change thread, never to return to SPHLCs comedy again.
b) Yam the beer and another and another.......
c) Join the Army in admiration.
d) Realise that the Twit has completely missed the whole point of the thread (humour) and probably needs to broaden his horizons as well as his monitoring of Mrs Twit around the rampant irresitablility of Ground Engineers and Aircrew.
Gentleman, am I wrong?
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Aerobratic,
If you can not appreciate the humour of an RAF Flt Lt an RAF Cpl, an Army Ssgt, 4 buses, god knows how many freight vehicles running from North Edmonton to South Edmonton during the rush hour. The MAMs det from Calgary getting lost on the way. On arrival at Edmonton Int another MAMs team getting rather irate that the expected on-load wasn't there and they were stuck at the airport hoping to get a lift from the Army. The passengers and freight had gone God knows where, the RCMP had arrested the Army NCO i/c weapons for refusing to leave the aircraft pan till he got his weapons back. The AAC Gazelle pilot who had come for the Red Star AOG stuff could not get back air-side because he couldn't show to the RCMP a proper licence to fly the aircraft he had arrived in !!! On top of all of that, my 6 months pregnant wife was somewhere around the place needing a lift home.
In other words sir, it was a hilarious cluster-fcuk and all because the VC10 didn't land where it was meant to. Now if you go back through the thread, you will find it wasn't this "Twit" who missed the point, but some other "Twit".
It's a good job I worked with you Blue-jobs most of my career, or I might think you were losing it.
If you can not appreciate the humour of an RAF Flt Lt an RAF Cpl, an Army Ssgt, 4 buses, god knows how many freight vehicles running from North Edmonton to South Edmonton during the rush hour. The MAMs det from Calgary getting lost on the way. On arrival at Edmonton Int another MAMs team getting rather irate that the expected on-load wasn't there and they were stuck at the airport hoping to get a lift from the Army. The passengers and freight had gone God knows where, the RCMP had arrested the Army NCO i/c weapons for refusing to leave the aircraft pan till he got his weapons back. The AAC Gazelle pilot who had come for the Red Star AOG stuff could not get back air-side because he couldn't show to the RCMP a proper licence to fly the aircraft he had arrived in !!! On top of all of that, my 6 months pregnant wife was somewhere around the place needing a lift home.
In other words sir, it was a hilarious cluster-fcuk and all because the VC10 didn't land where it was meant to. Now if you go back through the thread, you will find it wasn't this "Twit" who missed the point, but some other "Twit".
It's a good job I worked with you Blue-jobs most of my career, or I might think you were losing it.
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You are not an Acoteer route queen but you appreciate their humour. On reading this top thread you realise that it has gone wobbly and is descending into vitriol over an incident in Canada do you:
a. Ignore it and hope they grow up soon.
b. Go and do something more interesting like watching your video of Jonny Wilkinson's final kick.
c. Respond by adding to the teasing of the unfortunate Army Mover and all his toy soldier mates.
d. Suggest he may actually have a point. After all aircraft are supposed to land at their planned destinations and when they don't there is usually a pretty good reason. So you suggest he moves his question to a more appropriate thread possibly titled: 'Have you ever landed at the wrong airfield - if so why?' This would free up Acoteers Multi Choice for more banter and top humour while actually starting a thread which might also lead to more banter and humour (but could also answer his buring question of WTF did the Shiney 10 go to the 'wrong' airfield.
a. Ignore it and hope they grow up soon.
b. Go and do something more interesting like watching your video of Jonny Wilkinson's final kick.
c. Respond by adding to the teasing of the unfortunate Army Mover and all his toy soldier mates.
d. Suggest he may actually have a point. After all aircraft are supposed to land at their planned destinations and when they don't there is usually a pretty good reason. So you suggest he moves his question to a more appropriate thread possibly titled: 'Have you ever landed at the wrong airfield - if so why?' This would free up Acoteers Multi Choice for more banter and top humour while actually starting a thread which might also lead to more banter and humour (but could also answer his buring question of WTF did the Shiney 10 go to the 'wrong' airfield.
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Aerobratic
Sir PHLC gave up his job years ago - no-one else has cottoned on yet. He is travelling the world in the big green party machine gathering witty stories & anecdotes for his memoirs and second career as after dinner speaker!
Sir PHLC gave up his job years ago - no-one else has cottoned on yet. He is travelling the world in the big green party machine gathering witty stories & anecdotes for his memoirs and second career as after dinner speaker!
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Army Mover
I wasn't the aircraft operator in this instance. Just an aircraft operator. But I do have an inherent dislike of movers. To illustrate:
You arrive back at BZN after a flight from Kuwait with a full load of pax who, due to a movements c*ck up, have been sat on the jet for a total of nearly 9 hours. The waterfront is full so the jet needs to be pushed back into one of the opposite bays. The mover comes on board. Does he:
a) Get the pax off immediately as they've been on a long time, before the jet is pushed back.
b) Tell you it would be easier for him if the jet was pushed back first, and when told by the captain to "Stop p*ssing about and get the pax off", has the steps taken away from the aircraft and walks back to ops, and is then subject to a Route Stage Report.
I wasn't the aircraft operator in this instance. Just an aircraft operator. But I do have an inherent dislike of movers. To illustrate:
You arrive back at BZN after a flight from Kuwait with a full load of pax who, due to a movements c*ck up, have been sat on the jet for a total of nearly 9 hours. The waterfront is full so the jet needs to be pushed back into one of the opposite bays. The mover comes on board. Does he:
a) Get the pax off immediately as they've been on a long time, before the jet is pushed back.
b) Tell you it would be easier for him if the jet was pushed back first, and when told by the captain to "Stop p*ssing about and get the pax off", has the steps taken away from the aircraft and walks back to ops, and is then subject to a Route Stage Report.
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Mr C Hinecap
Agreed, SPHLC, although a well regarded individual in his realm, may indeed now require the services of a good Agent to secure the remuneration worthy of his observations and wit.
I hear that he is getting so popular, sometimes he has to wear the Groucho Marx Specs/Moustache combo normally reserved for guests to preserve anonimity.
Sir Peter, over to you........................
I hear that he is getting so popular, sometimes he has to wear the Groucho Marx Specs/Moustache combo normally reserved for guests to preserve anonimity.
Sir Peter, over to you........................
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Reichmann, I only hope as an "operator" that your flying is an awful lot better than your humour !!!
your petty bitchiness towards movements personnel is more suited to the playground than an adult forum
p.s have picked up your toys would you like them back
your petty bitchiness towards movements personnel is more suited to the playground than an adult forum
p.s have picked up your toys would you like them back