Ascoteers Multiple Choice
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Ascoteers Multiple Choice
Albert on Tour, Stopstart, SirPeters etc etc,
Thanks for a top thread. Having just left that secret base in wilts the 'made up' events you all have obviously thought of on the spur of the moment brought back some happy memories. Keep trucking guys and see you at Guiness & Mince Pies
Thanks for a top thread. Having just left that secret base in wilts the 'made up' events you all have obviously thought of on the spur of the moment brought back some happy memories. Keep trucking guys and see you at Guiness & Mince Pies
Join Date: Aug 2003
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Sir Peter
You are in the secret fun holiday village in Oman
There is a 3 can rule, and No smoking or drinking outside the bar.
Do you
a, Get the ALM to order extra bacon and rolls.
b, Get the ALM to order extra bacon and rolls.
Or
c, get the ALM to order extra bacon and rolls.
I miss that place, all those happy, helpful people
It was just like Karachi, but less fun.
All spelling mistakes are because I can’t spell.
You are in the secret fun holiday village in Oman
There is a 3 can rule, and No smoking or drinking outside the bar.
Do you
a, Get the ALM to order extra bacon and rolls.
b, Get the ALM to order extra bacon and rolls.
Or
c, get the ALM to order extra bacon and rolls.
I miss that place, all those happy, helpful people
It was just like Karachi, but less fun.
All spelling mistakes are because I can’t spell.
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Weapon Unloading Drills (Airborne)
You are an ageing Sqn Ldr Navigator on the C130
Another sucessful delivery of plastic spoons to Kabul nearly done. You're on the way home as dawn is breaking, you've been up nearly 24 hours now and you're getting a bit fatigued. You are looking forward to a bacon sarnie from the loadie, and better still, a nice cool beer in the Aircrew Debrief Facility at six in the morning. Then sleep.
One last job, before descent to Thumrait - unloading the weapons and storing them back in the ammo box for next time. You wish you had paid a bit more attention at the Regiment section on your annual shoot. How do you fire off the action on the pistol?
i) Remove loaded magazine
ii) Working parts to the rear
iii) Check chamber is clear
then.....
a) Release working parts forward.
Insert empty magazine and fire off the action.
Exchange correctly cleared weapon for bacon sarnie.
b) Release working parts forward.
Re-insert full magazine and fire off the action.
c) Release working parts forward.
Bash pistol butt on desk (a la Inspector Dreyfus)
d) Re-insert full magazine.
Release working parts forward.
Shoot the Flight Engineer in the back of the head.
Fill out accident report.
e) Re-insert full magazine.
Release working parts forward.
Fire off the action at the floor by your ankles.
Proceed to crash site having shot the Liquid Oxygen Container (LOX Pot).
f) PUT THE GUN DOWN, SIR. IF YOU PASS IT TO ME CAREFULLY, I'LL MAKE YOU A NICE BACON SANDWICH AND A CUP OF TEA.
Another sucessful delivery of plastic spoons to Kabul nearly done. You're on the way home as dawn is breaking, you've been up nearly 24 hours now and you're getting a bit fatigued. You are looking forward to a bacon sarnie from the loadie, and better still, a nice cool beer in the Aircrew Debrief Facility at six in the morning. Then sleep.
One last job, before descent to Thumrait - unloading the weapons and storing them back in the ammo box for next time. You wish you had paid a bit more attention at the Regiment section on your annual shoot. How do you fire off the action on the pistol?
i) Remove loaded magazine
ii) Working parts to the rear
iii) Check chamber is clear
then.....
a) Release working parts forward.
Insert empty magazine and fire off the action.
Exchange correctly cleared weapon for bacon sarnie.
b) Release working parts forward.
Re-insert full magazine and fire off the action.
c) Release working parts forward.
Bash pistol butt on desk (a la Inspector Dreyfus)
d) Re-insert full magazine.
Release working parts forward.
Shoot the Flight Engineer in the back of the head.
Fill out accident report.
e) Re-insert full magazine.
Release working parts forward.
Fire off the action at the floor by your ankles.
Proceed to crash site having shot the Liquid Oxygen Container (LOX Pot).
f) PUT THE GUN DOWN, SIR. IF YOU PASS IT TO ME CAREFULLY, I'LL MAKE YOU A NICE BACON SANDWICH AND A CUP OF TEA.
You're on a det for the first time in years, after some dodgy prawns and some liquid refreshment probably out of a dirty glass you retire gracefully. In the middle of the night you have an accident. Do you:
a) Throw yourself into the shower, the soiled laundry into the bath and sleep it off on the bare matttress.
b) Throw yourself into the shower, throw the soiled laundry out of the window and sleep it off on .....
c) Throw yourself into the shower, call house-keeping ask them to throw the soiled laundry into the bin whilst offering a handful of cash to keep quiet, sleep it off ....
or
d) Gather up soiled laundry, walk down to reception to explain situation whilst leaving a rancid trail of bodily functions, realise error and return to room leaving similar trail on other side of corridor. Try to clear up mess using own t-shirt and leave all soiled items in pile outside own door. Sleep it off and face music in morning.
a) Throw yourself into the shower, the soiled laundry into the bath and sleep it off on the bare matttress.
b) Throw yourself into the shower, throw the soiled laundry out of the window and sleep it off on .....
c) Throw yourself into the shower, call house-keeping ask them to throw the soiled laundry into the bin whilst offering a handful of cash to keep quiet, sleep it off ....
or
d) Gather up soiled laundry, walk down to reception to explain situation whilst leaving a rancid trail of bodily functions, realise error and return to room leaving similar trail on other side of corridor. Try to clear up mess using own t-shirt and leave all soiled items in pile outside own door. Sleep it off and face music in morning.
Join Date: Sep 2003
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You are an ageing Navigator (a theme is developing!) on the long trek from your top secret sandy base to deliver some of HM's finest at the dead of night. Now the planning has been thorough, v.long, fraught but is alas over and our plan gets us "sausage side" wholly in the very very dark. Scene shifts to the mighty workules were our hero`s are busy eating pies. Everything is going swimmingly and most things are in place, but our hero the Nav is having just a little trouble seeing all of his empire (dont forget he,s had lots to do and is tired already and has a talking part in this plan) does he........
a. Quietly go about his business and tape up a few more cylumes so that he can see what he needs for the trip.
b. Tape up a few more cylumes just to be sure so that he can see what he needs for the trip
c. Yet more cylumes and ask the Eng to keep some aside just in case as he`s` not feeling the best and its going to be a long night
d. Ask the Loadie for strong coffee before it gets busy as blah blah
e. Ask everyone if the light from his station is bothering them as he`s using more than normal lighting
f. Take off his sunglasses as its not yet dark outside and everyone is laughing so much it hurts
a. Quietly go about his business and tape up a few more cylumes so that he can see what he needs for the trip.
b. Tape up a few more cylumes just to be sure so that he can see what he needs for the trip
c. Yet more cylumes and ask the Eng to keep some aside just in case as he`s` not feeling the best and its going to be a long night
d. Ask the Loadie for strong coffee before it gets busy as blah blah
e. Ask everyone if the light from his station is bothering them as he`s using more than normal lighting
f. Take off his sunglasses as its not yet dark outside and everyone is laughing so much it hurts
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There's life in this old dog yet
You are tasked with a TOP SECRET mission to go to ***** to pick up a ****** of **** and deliver it to ***** **** before ******** the ****.
a. You attend a top secret briefing where you are told of the **** and ******. Your security status is checked.
b. You remove all name badges from your clothes and bags.
c. You are told not to inform you family of your ****** and *****.
d. Your luggage is searched extensively before departure.
e. THE RAF POLICE ESCORT TURN UP AT THE AIRCRAFT IN THEIR FLYING SUITS WITH BADGES.....
RANK
NAME
UNION JACK
'NUCLEAR WEAPONS CONVOY UNIT'
a. You attend a top secret briefing where you are told of the **** and ******. Your security status is checked.
b. You remove all name badges from your clothes and bags.
c. You are told not to inform you family of your ****** and *****.
d. Your luggage is searched extensively before departure.
e. THE RAF POLICE ESCORT TURN UP AT THE AIRCRAFT IN THEIR FLYING SUITS WITH BADGES.....
RANK
NAME
UNION JACK
'NUCLEAR WEAPONS CONVOY UNIT'
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At 24,000 feet in the cruise, you notice that the Flight Engineer is surreptitiously strapping himself into his seat. You are puzzled and a little worried. Why is he doing this?
a) He is anticipating a little turbulence ahead
b) He has spotted a potential malfunction and is preparing for the possibility of some red card drills.
c) He can't keep his eyes open any longer and he is strapping in to avoid waking the Captain & Co Pilot by falling forward on to the centre console.
a) He is anticipating a little turbulence ahead
b) He has spotted a potential malfunction and is preparing for the possibility of some red card drills.
c) He can't keep his eyes open any longer and he is strapping in to avoid waking the Captain & Co Pilot by falling forward on to the centre console.
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you are the skipper on a long haul back to the uk following a long delay overseas.
your flapping little alm informs you that some of your precious cargo are re-enacting the latest wwe wrestlefest. one of the chaps in green is bleeding and sore.
do you:
a. flap
b. get out of your grow bag and join in the fun.
c. flap, call for thunderbird 1 to rescue you and finish off with a long sundowner with the flapping little loadie.
d. flap until the situation is taken in hand by a army jnco and return to the secret little airbase in wiltshire to await subsequent board of enquiry.
e. flap and nosh off the loadie.
enjoy peeps
isitd
your flapping little alm informs you that some of your precious cargo are re-enacting the latest wwe wrestlefest. one of the chaps in green is bleeding and sore.
do you:
a. flap
b. get out of your grow bag and join in the fun.
c. flap, call for thunderbird 1 to rescue you and finish off with a long sundowner with the flapping little loadie.
d. flap until the situation is taken in hand by a army jnco and return to the secret little airbase in wiltshire to await subsequent board of enquiry.
e. flap and nosh off the loadie.
enjoy peeps
isitd
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Isitd..............guess you must be a brown job then
What the captain in question should have done is radioed ahead and had the aircraft met by the rozzers. Obviously those involved must have broken the sacred "toucan rule" which seems to be the only way of keeping you dull f@ck pongoes from punching the sh@t out of each other, beating women with shovels or shooting each other!
I find it amazing that I have managed to travel half way round the world, get wan@ered in some of the most fantastic places on the planet and never had the urge to finish the night off by attempting to beat the crap out of someone
Maybe the RAF was the right job for me as it would appear I would certainly not fit in with you lot...........thank the lord
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
What the captain in question should have done is radioed ahead and had the aircraft met by the rozzers. Obviously those involved must have broken the sacred "toucan rule" which seems to be the only way of keeping you dull f@ck pongoes from punching the sh@t out of each other, beating women with shovels or shooting each other!
I find it amazing that I have managed to travel half way round the world, get wan@ered in some of the most fantastic places on the planet and never had the urge to finish the night off by attempting to beat the crap out of someone
Maybe the RAF was the right job for me as it would appear I would certainly not fit in with you lot...........thank the lordall spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
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ahh, always broken,
hook line and ........
i too have been around the world (arent we lucky chaps!!) and managed to get lashed and never to had the urge to do as you said.
i believe the individual concerned was easily provoked (a bit like your fine self!) and the whole sorry incident is regrettable but now history.
what is the time duration between alcohol and brakes off nowadays?
and as u well know , brown is best!
enjoy.
ps
and still not shovelled anyone to death, leave that to the RGJ!
hook line and ........
i too have been around the world (arent we lucky chaps!!) and managed to get lashed and never to had the urge to do as you said.
i believe the individual concerned was easily provoked (a bit like your fine self!) and the whole sorry incident is regrettable but now history.
what is the time duration between alcohol and brakes off nowadays?
and as u well know , brown is best!
enjoy.
ps
and still not shovelled anyone to death, leave that to the RGJ!
ABIW
Ah, good to see that inter service rivalry is still at its worst! I thought you were above all that low life gutter banter.
Now....Pongo is a rather derogotary term and so is brown job. Last time I checked EO training was a Tri service concern and one has surely opened one's self up for a can of litigous whoop ass!
The Army trains to fight all day and then come 1700hrs is expected to switch into Mr Nice Civil bloke mode. Somewhat hard to do when bayonetting the hell out of straw filled sacks all day.
The reason the RAF choose not scrap is that their day is taken up with drinking Pimms and Gordon's Gin followed by reading the Guardian and eating pies. Therefore the 1700hr hooter poses no problem to the Civil Raf type as he has barely raised a finger all day let alone an ounce of testosterone. Horses for courses. Real men join the Army to fight. Nonses join the RAF to stay away from the FLOT. Let the scrap begin...........
Ah, good to see that inter service rivalry is still at its worst! I thought you were above all that low life gutter banter.
Now....Pongo is a rather derogotary term and so is brown job. Last time I checked EO training was a Tri service concern and one has surely opened one's self up for a can of litigous whoop ass!
The Army trains to fight all day and then come 1700hrs is expected to switch into Mr Nice Civil bloke mode. Somewhat hard to do when bayonetting the hell out of straw filled sacks all day.
The reason the RAF choose not scrap is that their day is taken up with drinking Pimms and Gordon's Gin followed by reading the Guardian and eating pies. Therefore the 1700hr hooter poses no problem to the Civil Raf type as he has barely raised a finger all day let alone an ounce of testosterone. Horses for courses. Real men join the Army to fight. Nonses join the RAF to stay away from the FLOT. Let the scrap begin...........
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Dear Grim and the other twit
"Real men join the Army to fight. Nonses join the RAF to stay away from the FLOT. Let the scrap begin..........."
Should'nt this read "Those incapable of achieving any sort of academic success, failures within the educational system and the common or garden thug/misfit join the army to "fite and live in
sh!te", normally as a last resort because the other 2 services, as well as most of society have said NO
Whilst those whose atributes are the complete opposite of your average soldier join the more technically and educationally demanding life of the modern day RAF and Navy. They do so primarily for the challenges it brings as well as the added fact that we are treated in a most civilised fashion, hence the pims and complete lack of any need for boxing skills.
Not much of a scrap fella as having worked very closely with the army during my rotary days, trust me you can keep it..........but only till your 40
46 this year and 9 happy well paid years to go...........i luv my job
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
"Real men join the Army to fight. Nonses join the RAF to stay away from the FLOT. Let the scrap begin..........."
Should'nt this read "Those incapable of achieving any sort of academic success, failures within the educational system and the common or garden thug/misfit join the army to "fite and live in
sh!te", normally as a last resort because the other 2 services, as well as most of society have said NO
Whilst those whose atributes are the complete opposite of your average soldier join the more technically and educationally demanding life of the modern day RAF and Navy. They do so primarily for the challenges it brings as well as the added fact that we are treated in a most civilised fashion, hence the pims and complete lack of any need for boxing skills.
Not much of a scrap fella as having worked very closely with the army during my rotary days, trust me you can keep it..........but only till your 40
46 this year and 9 happy well paid years to go...........i luv my job
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
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gainsey old chap,
god wouldn't have the sense to even attempt the commando cse as he well knows the maroon machine is a truly male environment and you fish 'eds (please spell check this for me abiw as i have no academic skills) allow the female to attempt and pass your glorious cse (all be it after 3 attempts). god bless pip and all who sail in her!
anyway, he bottled it on the ballon jump. HAT!!
abiw,
touched a nerve old man?
any piece of paper which our cousins in the raf have isnt worth much in the school of life is it?
hee hee......once a crab always a crab!
oooh, do you think blues my colour?
enjoy boys and bring it on.
lead, follow or get out of the f**cking way!
god wouldn't have the sense to even attempt the commando cse as he well knows the maroon machine is a truly male environment and you fish 'eds (please spell check this for me abiw as i have no academic skills) allow the female to attempt and pass your glorious cse (all be it after 3 attempts). god bless pip and all who sail in her!
anyway, he bottled it on the ballon jump. HAT!!
abiw,
touched a nerve old man?
any piece of paper which our cousins in the raf have isnt worth much in the school of life is it?
hee hee......once a crab always a crab!
oooh, do you think blues my colour?
enjoy boys and bring it on.
lead, follow or get out of the f**cking way!
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ISITD
Thanks Pongo for what you have just done! Practically everything ABIW prints I diasagree with but you have made us allies through your own stupid diatribe (if you don't know that word look it up or ask a crab!). Surely you would be better making your comments on AARSE where the rest of the brown jobs exist. Just to make you jealous I am a MOVER and have been front-line on the FEBA for real with JHSU (e.g. Kosovo and with the rest of the RLC )rubber wheels - no box kickers) went forward on D plus minutes and had to behave like an infantryman. Not my scene but I've done it for real - I suspect that's wher your frustrations lie? You dream the dream but lack practicality. All my love from a Muppet supporter.
Thanks Pongo for what you have just done! Practically everything ABIW prints I diasagree with but you have made us allies through your own stupid diatribe (if you don't know that word look it up or ask a crab!). Surely you would be better making your comments on AARSE where the rest of the brown jobs exist. Just to make you jealous I am a MOVER and have been front-line on the FEBA for real with JHSU (e.g. Kosovo and with the rest of the RLC )rubber wheels - no box kickers) went forward on D plus minutes and had to behave like an infantryman. Not my scene but I've done it for real - I suspect that's wher your frustrations lie? You dream the dream but lack practicality. All my love from a Muppet supporter.