Ascoteers Multiple Choice
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You are getting hastily " the **** out of here" after a top night out in Camp Soooooooter..........god bless "Mr Bab-bloke"
Aircraft is loaded in a military fashion, on time and all appears in order............Pilots chide with lots of hurry hurry calls.......lots of noise follows and suddenly you lurch into the air clawing for altitude and the welcoming safety from "dusty bins fireworks"
In the climb out, without any feckin warning the outside world suddenly lights up like midnight on the milleniumm, accompanied with the boom boom boom as the flares auto dispense...do you....
a. crane your neck left, right, up and down in a vain attempt to spot the incoming " **** you and all your infidel brothers"
b. sit there thinking **** it we are toast and the bitch now gets the house, cars, insurance policies and all the other things I worked so hard to get
c. wonder why your boxers have now taken on a remarkable resemblance to the threshold at Heathrow
d. Giggle and drool like a man demented, but still alive, as the Captain explains that in his fingers and thumbs attempt to reply to an airtraffic call he dropped his feckin clipboard which has punched out half the aircrafts bleedin counter measures
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
You are getting hastily " the **** out of here" after a top night out in Camp Soooooooter..........god bless "Mr Bab-bloke"
Aircraft is loaded in a military fashion, on time and all appears in order............Pilots chide with lots of hurry hurry calls.......lots of noise follows and suddenly you lurch into the air clawing for altitude and the welcoming safety from "dusty bins fireworks"
In the climb out, without any feckin warning the outside world suddenly lights up like midnight on the milleniumm, accompanied with the boom boom boom as the flares auto dispense...do you....
a. crane your neck left, right, up and down in a vain attempt to spot the incoming " **** you and all your infidel brothers"
b. sit there thinking **** it we are toast and the bitch now gets the house, cars, insurance policies and all the other things I worked so hard to get
c. wonder why your boxers have now taken on a remarkable resemblance to the threshold at Heathrow
d. Giggle and drool like a man demented, but still alive, as the Captain explains that in his fingers and thumbs attempt to reply to an airtraffic call he dropped his feckin clipboard which has punched out half the aircrafts bleedin counter measures
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
Last edited by Always_broken_in_wilts; 29th Feb 2004 at 08:11.
DP Harvey
The EU Eng phoned his boss for advice when the aircraft landed in Germany, and the Capt was indeed E catted, but only once the aircraft had got back to Lyneham (thus avoiding the embarassing problem of trying to get it back to UK without a captain)!
It was not a min crew, although it only had two pilots, which I guess was your point. The co-pilot was not fresh off the OCU. The Nav and Eng were not E catted, although they had a firm interview with the headmaster with a book down their trousers!! The EU Eng watched it all happen, when he could have simply said..'I don't think thats a good idea captain..', and stopped it in its tracks. Therefore, if it was a flight safety risk (which it was), in my opinion the EU Eng should have taken an equal amount of flak for just standing there and letting it happen when he could have prevented it. Needless to say nothing happened to the EU eng!
But why let the truth get in the way of a good story!!
P.S The captain was one of the finest aviators I ever had the privelige of flying with, and a damned fine chap to boot!! (And I wasn't the nav with a book down my trousers!)
The EU Eng phoned his boss for advice when the aircraft landed in Germany, and the Capt was indeed E catted, but only once the aircraft had got back to Lyneham (thus avoiding the embarassing problem of trying to get it back to UK without a captain)!
It was not a min crew, although it only had two pilots, which I guess was your point. The co-pilot was not fresh off the OCU. The Nav and Eng were not E catted, although they had a firm interview with the headmaster with a book down their trousers!! The EU Eng watched it all happen, when he could have simply said..'I don't think thats a good idea captain..', and stopped it in its tracks. Therefore, if it was a flight safety risk (which it was), in my opinion the EU Eng should have taken an equal amount of flak for just standing there and letting it happen when he could have prevented it. Needless to say nothing happened to the EU eng!
But why let the truth get in the way of a good story!!
P.S The captain was one of the finest aviators I ever had the privelige of flying with, and a damned fine chap to boot!! (And I wasn't the nav with a book down my trousers!)
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Beags, fraid you are wrong on the Truckie VC10 not being able to carry pax with DAC, surely in your long and varied career you must have operated the Deci sched, and therefore carried a few cars between wildenrath and decimomannu ?
No - I did very little grunt-and-trash hauling, thankfully. Just a couple of years or so. Hence I never carried any movers' cars 
OK - there were restrcitions on carrying certain categories of cargo with pax on board; in the AAR role we carried 'role support personnel' essential to the AAR trail rather than just 'passengers' - hence the cosmically important green vehicle paint was able to get to Saudi....
OK - there were restrcitions on carrying certain categories of cargo with pax on board; in the AAR role we carried 'role support personnel' essential to the AAR trail rather than just 'passengers' - hence the cosmically important green vehicle paint was able to get to Saudi....
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Re: Movers' cars,
I was the co pilot in a VC10 many moons ago and was picking up the aircraft in Washington to bring it home (Ah, the good old Long Dulles). As we got off the bus to go to flight planning (remember when it was Page Aviation?) we spotted a Toyota MR2 on a condec about to be loaded onto the aircraft. The captain enquired about the car and was told it belonged to the DAMO who was returning home and was bringing his newly aquired car with him.
Well you can imagine the uproar when the captain odered the movers to offload it. the DAMO asked why, to which the captain told him he needed to put more fuel on the jet (The weather in UK was wide open). The clever mover had already checked the weather and the Jetplan and knew the captain didn't need the extra fuel so he called Ascot Ops. Ascot Ops said it was the captain's decision as to what fuel he put on the aircraft.
The mover then pleaded with the captain to take his car. The captain steadfastly refused. The mover then told the captain that he was being unreasonable and bloody minded. The captain grinned and agreed with him.
"Just like when you lot put a can of thinners on the Hong Kong jet and call it DAC so we can't take our wives on it."
"But that wasn't me," said the DAMO.
"You're a Mover aren't you? I've been waiting years to get my own back on one of you b******s."
IIRC the car was shipped back at the Mover's expense.
Still makes me smile when I think of it.
Reichman
I was the co pilot in a VC10 many moons ago and was picking up the aircraft in Washington to bring it home (Ah, the good old Long Dulles). As we got off the bus to go to flight planning (remember when it was Page Aviation?) we spotted a Toyota MR2 on a condec about to be loaded onto the aircraft. The captain enquired about the car and was told it belonged to the DAMO who was returning home and was bringing his newly aquired car with him.
Well you can imagine the uproar when the captain odered the movers to offload it. the DAMO asked why, to which the captain told him he needed to put more fuel on the jet (The weather in UK was wide open). The clever mover had already checked the weather and the Jetplan and knew the captain didn't need the extra fuel so he called Ascot Ops. Ascot Ops said it was the captain's decision as to what fuel he put on the aircraft.
The mover then pleaded with the captain to take his car. The captain steadfastly refused. The mover then told the captain that he was being unreasonable and bloody minded. The captain grinned and agreed with him.
"Just like when you lot put a can of thinners on the Hong Kong jet and call it DAC so we can't take our wives on it."
"But that wasn't me," said the DAMO.
"You're a Mover aren't you? I've been waiting years to get my own back on one of you b******s."
IIRC the car was shipped back at the Mover's expense.
Still makes me smile when I think of it.
Reichman
What a mean and spiteful thing to have done. Wouldn't it have been easier to have dangled the cherry of "OK - I'll take your car, but if ever any of us need a favour in return from you lot, we'll expect to get it, 'cos you'll owe us!".
This was an intelligent mover who had even bothered to check the JetPlan before arranging for the car to be loaded. So he knew that it wouldn't compromise the trip in any way and thought it not unreasonable to arrange for his car to be loaded.
I hope that such 'typical shiney' mentality has long been stamped out. Miserable $hit!
This was an intelligent mover who had even bothered to check the JetPlan before arranging for the car to be loaded. So he knew that it wouldn't compromise the trip in any way and thought it not unreasonable to arrange for his car to be loaded.
I hope that such 'typical shiney' mentality has long been stamped out. Miserable $hit!
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Reichman,
Individuals like you and your former captain invariably get their just desserts. I hope in your case it comes sooner rather than later.
For the guy's car to be offloaded was bad enough, for you to gloat about it does your credibility no good whatsoever.
Individuals like you and your former captain invariably get their just desserts. I hope in your case it comes sooner rather than later.
For the guy's car to be offloaded was bad enough, for you to gloat about it does your credibility no good whatsoever.
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Reichmann
Last year there was a 'to do' at Lyneham when HM Customs discovered that one Sqn was bringing back from Jersey on a regular basis a car belonging to some female who had no military connections. Seems she drove it straight off the aircraft and on to London, no air prep for her vehicle.
On the other hand if a pie eating Loadie discovers a minute tear in the polythene of an air prepped military vehicle there's an immediate stewards inquiry and threats of air/ground incident reports - double standards?.......
Last year there was a 'to do' at Lyneham when HM Customs discovered that one Sqn was bringing back from Jersey on a regular basis a car belonging to some female who had no military connections. Seems she drove it straight off the aircraft and on to London, no air prep for her vehicle.
On the other hand if a pie eating Loadie discovers a minute tear in the polythene of an air prepped military vehicle there's an immediate stewards inquiry and threats of air/ground incident reports - double standards?.......
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A few points:
1. Beags - This was a revenge attack by the Captain, not a premeditated one. An intelligent Mover? Mayber asking the captain's permission would have been polite. Nice to see you still have the typical "I hate shineys" mentality.
2. Bullman - Even though I was just a v young an inexperienced co-pilot at the time, I agreed with his actions then as I agree with them now. What does the "C" in CRM stand for? Don't remember Movers being involved (I'm going straight to hell for that one!).
3. Echo 5 - Bleeding heart? See item 1. Having been at the receiving end of movers' "mean and spitefulness" since that episode it would seem your wish continues to come true. Oh, and I never claimed to have any sort of credibility.
4. Blakey875 - Sorry, can't comment on Herc stuff, I was 10s.
Luv, as always
Reichman
1. Beags - This was a revenge attack by the Captain, not a premeditated one. An intelligent Mover? Mayber asking the captain's permission would have been polite. Nice to see you still have the typical "I hate shineys" mentality.
2. Bullman - Even though I was just a v young an inexperienced co-pilot at the time, I agreed with his actions then as I agree with them now. What does the "C" in CRM stand for? Don't remember Movers being involved (I'm going straight to hell for that one!).
3. Echo 5 - Bleeding heart? See item 1. Having been at the receiving end of movers' "mean and spitefulness" since that episode it would seem your wish continues to come true. Oh, and I never claimed to have any sort of credibility.
4. Blakey875 - Sorry, can't comment on Herc stuff, I was 10s.
Luv, as always
Reichman
Reichman, I have no 'I hate shineys' mentality, but a dislike of the pomposity with which some (though by no means all) of the old style 10 Sqn mob went about their business.... 10 years or more ago, that is.
Why on earth should the Mover whose car it was need to ask 'permission' from the captain? That is indeed a 'typical shiney attitude'. A lawful load, correctly prepared and manifested - why should it need Acting Sqn Ldr Lardarse to give his 'permission'....?
Revenge attack? No, just abuse of his position. A shame that the Dulles RAFLO didn't book him and his crew into the cheapest, tattiest hotel around the next time they came to swagger around Washington.
If you don't think that 'Movers' have any part in your little world, suggest you think again. They are part of the team - as is everyone else in the mob. Treat them right, get the best out of them. Pi$$ them off and the task suffers. CRM extends beyond the flight deck. I hark back to the time I had to tell the ALM to give the people fighting pallets onto the jet at Freetown a hand, instead of sitting on his ar$e trying to find a reason in The Book not to bring a merchant seaman back to the UK from his operational deployment....
Why on earth should the Mover whose car it was need to ask 'permission' from the captain? That is indeed a 'typical shiney attitude'. A lawful load, correctly prepared and manifested - why should it need Acting Sqn Ldr Lardarse to give his 'permission'....?
Revenge attack? No, just abuse of his position. A shame that the Dulles RAFLO didn't book him and his crew into the cheapest, tattiest hotel around the next time they came to swagger around Washington.
If you don't think that 'Movers' have any part in your little world, suggest you think again. They are part of the team - as is everyone else in the mob. Treat them right, get the best out of them. Pi$$ them off and the task suffers. CRM extends beyond the flight deck. I hark back to the time I had to tell the ALM to give the people fighting pallets onto the jet at Freetown a hand, instead of sitting on his ar$e trying to find a reason in The Book not to bring a merchant seaman back to the UK from his operational deployment....
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Beags,
You never flew shineys in the "good old days". I did, and they were very good. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you're right.
The captain in question was not an "Acting Sqn Ldr Lardarse". He was a very experienced "proper" Sqn Ldr with a wide variety of types under his belt before he came to the 10, and he still flies today. I'm surprised at you throwing the insults about when you don't know the chap in question.
And no, I don't believe Movers have any part in my little world. They're a bit like the French; occasionally I've met a nice one but as a race I can't stand them.
Brain Potter
How was I to know that the 6 hotdogs and Mega Size Cherry Cheesecake was meant for the whole crew?
Reichman
You never flew shineys in the "good old days". I did, and they were very good. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you're right.
The captain in question was not an "Acting Sqn Ldr Lardarse". He was a very experienced "proper" Sqn Ldr with a wide variety of types under his belt before he came to the 10, and he still flies today. I'm surprised at you throwing the insults about when you don't know the chap in question.
And no, I don't believe Movers have any part in my little world. They're a bit like the French; occasionally I've met a nice one but as a race I can't stand them.
Brain Potter
How was I to know that the 6 hotdogs and Mega Size Cherry Cheesecake was meant for the whole crew?
Reichman
You are a VC10 captain on a detachment helping to enforce a no-fly zone.
As is customary whilst outbound to the refuelling area the crew are served with bacon and egg banjos by the ALM.
You fancy some ketchup on your banjo, and ask the ALM to bring some. You wait and wait, but with your breakfast going cold you are forced into eating it without a dollop of Heinz's finest.
Do you?
a. Forget about it; it wasn't important.
b. Think about offering to make the breakfasts yourself next time, thus ensuring that yours is just the way you like it. Realise that you can't be bothered, but mentally excuse yourself on the basis that monitoring the 3 other crew members flying the ac on a simple transit is more important. Forget about it.
c. Feel aggrieved that the ALM, with not a lot else to do, can't even get the breakfast right. Think about having a word, as he's been useless on the whole det. Decide that CRM is more important and forget about it.
d. Stare at the the full ketchup bottle now sat on the centre console, as it mocks you by posing a juxtapostion to your now empty plate. Lose your rag and take a swipe at the ketchup bottle sending it flying across the flight deck, almost hitting the Air Engineer. Fly the rest of the sortie in a silence as cold as your banjo would have been if you'd waited for the ketchup.
As is customary whilst outbound to the refuelling area the crew are served with bacon and egg banjos by the ALM.
You fancy some ketchup on your banjo, and ask the ALM to bring some. You wait and wait, but with your breakfast going cold you are forced into eating it without a dollop of Heinz's finest.
Do you?
a. Forget about it; it wasn't important.
b. Think about offering to make the breakfasts yourself next time, thus ensuring that yours is just the way you like it. Realise that you can't be bothered, but mentally excuse yourself on the basis that monitoring the 3 other crew members flying the ac on a simple transit is more important. Forget about it.
c. Feel aggrieved that the ALM, with not a lot else to do, can't even get the breakfast right. Think about having a word, as he's been useless on the whole det. Decide that CRM is more important and forget about it.
d. Stare at the the full ketchup bottle now sat on the centre console, as it mocks you by posing a juxtapostion to your now empty plate. Lose your rag and take a swipe at the ketchup bottle sending it flying across the flight deck, almost hitting the Air Engineer. Fly the rest of the sortie in a silence as cold as your banjo would have been if you'd waited for the ketchup.
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Mr Potter,
If your hypothetical VC10 Captain couldn’t operate the 7 P’s, he/she shouldn’t be in charge of a few million quid’s’ worth of Auntie Betties flying machine.
A. If the ketchup wasn’t important, why ask in the first place?
B. Think about making the breakfast next time but is too embarrassed to ask where the galley is, or how to operate it. Far too many buttons and switches. After all he hasn’t even worked out how to send text messages on his new mobile phone yet – that’s what he has a 12-year-old son for isn’t it?
C. Feel aggrieved that said 12 year old son could probably do better than his Heinz non application, suitcase lugging porter, oops sorry, ALM, could do.
Nice to know we are working as a team.
I remember the Ethiopian Famine Relief.
Re supply flights inbound from Akrotiri – organised by the good old Air Movements branch.
What did every operating crew come back to at the end of each flying day?
BBQ with shftalyia sausages, haloumi cheese, pita bread and a glass of kokinelli.
Come on. We’re all mates really.
7 P’s
( Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Pi55 Poor Performance )
If your hypothetical VC10 Captain couldn’t operate the 7 P’s, he/she shouldn’t be in charge of a few million quid’s’ worth of Auntie Betties flying machine.
A. If the ketchup wasn’t important, why ask in the first place?
B. Think about making the breakfast next time but is too embarrassed to ask where the galley is, or how to operate it. Far too many buttons and switches. After all he hasn’t even worked out how to send text messages on his new mobile phone yet – that’s what he has a 12-year-old son for isn’t it?
C. Feel aggrieved that said 12 year old son could probably do better than his Heinz non application, suitcase lugging porter, oops sorry, ALM, could do.
Nice to know we are working as a team.
I remember the Ethiopian Famine Relief.
Re supply flights inbound from Akrotiri – organised by the good old Air Movements branch.
What did every operating crew come back to at the end of each flying day?
BBQ with shftalyia sausages, haloumi cheese, pita bread and a glass of kokinelli.
Come on. We’re all mates really.
7 P’s
( Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Pi55 Poor Performance )