Favourite Military Banter/Phrases
Gentleman Aviator
More good putdowns for obnoxious yoof:
1. When serving with a Middle Eastern Air Force, one of the "contract officers" was ex RAF and (before that) ex RCAF.
Spotty, obnoxious seconded officer (NOT me) put down by him with: "Listen sonny, I've been in more Air Forces than you've been on squadrons.."
2. New, bright-eyed straight from RAFC Plt Off (also not me) arrives on first OCU/Sqn.
Aged SL Flt Lt greets him with: "Ah .... Bloggs .... you're new here aren't you?"
Plt Off, brightly: "Yes I am!"
ASLFL: "Well don't f*kcing forget it!!"
1. When serving with a Middle Eastern Air Force, one of the "contract officers" was ex RAF and (before that) ex RCAF.
Spotty, obnoxious seconded officer (NOT me) put down by him with: "Listen sonny, I've been in more Air Forces than you've been on squadrons.."
2. New, bright-eyed straight from RAFC Plt Off (also not me) arrives on first OCU/Sqn.
Aged SL Flt Lt greets him with: "Ah .... Bloggs .... you're new here aren't you?"
Plt Off, brightly: "Yes I am!"
ASLFL: "Well don't f*kcing forget it!!"
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Asia's Fine City
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"face like a smacked arse"
"face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"
"face like bag of spanners"
"used to be indecisive but now is not too sure"
"walks like a dog sh****g razor blades"
"if wit were sh**t you'd be constipated"
"had more pricks than a second hand pin cushion"
"buffalo butt"
"face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"
"face like bag of spanners"
"used to be indecisive but now is not too sure"
"walks like a dog sh****g razor blades"
"if wit were sh**t you'd be constipated"
"had more pricks than a second hand pin cushion"
"buffalo butt"
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: North Oxfordshire, UK.
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Radio silence imposed by domestic Sunray = Wife not happy
"This, gentleman, is the M18 Claymore mine. It contains 700 steel balls packed tightly against 1.5lbs of curved C4 plastic explosive. Just like Quality Street really, there's more than enough for everyone to get some."
Six Hundred and Fifty Second Airborne Death From Above = 652 Sqn AAC
BATS = Ba$tard Air Techs
SPAMS = Sp**tic Plastic American Mother F**kers
Porridge W*gs = Scottish people
Sweaty Socks = As above
Harry Black Maskers = Black Masking Tape
Select "neck-in", and wind.
The bloke's a f**king class 1 pumper/stroker/ass-hat/donut/felcher/clusterf**k/tool/spanner/bottom-feeder.
"This, gentleman, is the M18 Claymore mine. It contains 700 steel balls packed tightly against 1.5lbs of curved C4 plastic explosive. Just like Quality Street really, there's more than enough for everyone to get some."
Six Hundred and Fifty Second Airborne Death From Above = 652 Sqn AAC
BATS = Ba$tard Air Techs
SPAMS = Sp**tic Plastic American Mother F**kers
Porridge W*gs = Scottish people
Sweaty Socks = As above
Harry Black Maskers = Black Masking Tape
Select "neck-in", and wind.
The bloke's a f**king class 1 pumper/stroker/ass-hat/donut/felcher/clusterf**k/tool/spanner/bottom-feeder.
Join Date: Feb 2002
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Pass us the "scrincer" mate.
Scrincer (adj) - technical term for any item without a proper name.
OIC of RN Freddie School to fellow student:
"Where do you think the learning curve is in relation to your head young man"
"Slightly above me Sir"
"Try about Flight Level 250"
Scrincer (adj) - technical term for any item without a proper name.
OIC of RN Freddie School to fellow student:
"Where do you think the learning curve is in relation to your head young man"
"Slightly above me Sir"
"Try about Flight Level 250"
Join Date: Apr 2005
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I'm not sure that this would fall into the Modern Classification of "Banter" but I would suggest that it is a classic of its genre.
In 1914 the RN was somewhat surprised to find that, on mobilasation, it had more Sailors than the Ships it had could accommodate. It therefore transmogrified its Sailors into Troops as the "Royal Naval Division".
By 1916 this had become the 63rd Division of the British Army, although it was entirely staffed by the RN.
At this point its Command devolved upon a General Shute whose first act was to insist that all NCOs should wear army rank on one sleeve as well as their naval rank on the other. (TACT?)
The Division had just taken over a section of the line from a Portugese Division whose idea of sanitary arrangements was not in accordance with normal British pratice!!
I now quote from Sub Lt William Marlow, MC (RNVR). Howe Battali
Royal Naval Divisi
" Shute was a proper Army bloke. He never really liked this naval
tradition stuff and when he took over he came and inspected us. We'd only just gone into the line in the Souchez Sector and we'd taken it over from the Portugese. Of course, it was in a bloody mess, but w hadn't had time to clear it up or anything. Well, Shute was furious. He went back and wrote an absolute stinker about the disgusting state of our trenches and really created a most awful fuss. Alan Herbert was an Officer in the Royal Naval Division - A P Herbert, who later
became very well known as a writer. He wrote a poem about this episode, well it was a song really, and it started off in the Wardroom and then it went right down through allthe Ranks.
The General inspecting the trenches
exclaimed with a horrified shout,
"I REFUSE TO COMMAND A DIVISION
WHICH LEAVES ITS EXCRETA ABOUT"
But nobody took any notice
No one was prepared to refute
That the prescence of **** was congenial
Compared to the prescence of Shute
And certain responsible critics
Made haste to reply to his words
Observing that his Staff advisors
Consisted entirely of turds
For **** may be shot at odd corners
And paper supplied there to suit,
But a **** would be shot without mourners
If somebody shot that **** Shute.
In 1914 the RN was somewhat surprised to find that, on mobilasation, it had more Sailors than the Ships it had could accommodate. It therefore transmogrified its Sailors into Troops as the "Royal Naval Division".
By 1916 this had become the 63rd Division of the British Army, although it was entirely staffed by the RN.
At this point its Command devolved upon a General Shute whose first act was to insist that all NCOs should wear army rank on one sleeve as well as their naval rank on the other. (TACT?)
The Division had just taken over a section of the line from a Portugese Division whose idea of sanitary arrangements was not in accordance with normal British pratice!!
I now quote from Sub Lt William Marlow, MC (RNVR). Howe Battali
Royal Naval Divisi
" Shute was a proper Army bloke. He never really liked this naval
tradition stuff and when he took over he came and inspected us. We'd only just gone into the line in the Souchez Sector and we'd taken it over from the Portugese. Of course, it was in a bloody mess, but w hadn't had time to clear it up or anything. Well, Shute was furious. He went back and wrote an absolute stinker about the disgusting state of our trenches and really created a most awful fuss. Alan Herbert was an Officer in the Royal Naval Division - A P Herbert, who later
became very well known as a writer. He wrote a poem about this episode, well it was a song really, and it started off in the Wardroom and then it went right down through allthe Ranks.
The General inspecting the trenches
exclaimed with a horrified shout,
"I REFUSE TO COMMAND A DIVISION
WHICH LEAVES ITS EXCRETA ABOUT"
But nobody took any notice
No one was prepared to refute
That the prescence of **** was congenial
Compared to the prescence of Shute
And certain responsible critics
Made haste to reply to his words
Observing that his Staff advisors
Consisted entirely of turds
For **** may be shot at odd corners
And paper supplied there to suit,
But a **** would be shot without mourners
If somebody shot that **** Shute.
Last edited by cazatou; 21st Apr 2005 at 20:48.