Pontius,
Please don't wash your hands of this one... the story is too funny.
Apart from the Comet, I would have gone for one of the Triad, too...
Vulcan, Victor, Valiant.

I'm thinking Vulcan... and the ladder into the cockpit. But then I have a dirty mind...

CJ

Yes, sorry, I had brain freeze with Varsity......
Me thinks not quite turbine....:ouch:

Christiaan, shame on you. Yes it was a Vulcan and yes, she was in skirt and suspenders, but we didn't look, honest.

I certainly learnt a LOT in Nairobi that weekend :mad:

Recently sat on the early AA ORD-LHR flight awaiting takeoff, Captain comes on the blower to tell us there's been some mixup with the maintenance paperwork and we'd be underway soon. I doze off. Wake up slightly later on to Captain telling us they were still trying to locate the paperwork, please be patient etc. Fifteen or so minutes later Captain tells us it's not just a paperwork problem, something wrong with an engine, we'll have to get off and book other flights.

No problem, these things happen. Yorkshireman exiting aircraft in front of me lays in to one of the cabin crew,

Yorkshireman: Why did he tell us it was a paperwork problem then keep us sitting here for 30 minutes before telling us the truth?! Totally unacceptable! etc etc.
CC: I don't know any more than you do sir, I'm happy to take you to speak to the Captain if you wish?
Yorkshireman: Nonsense, unacceptable, really poor etc etc
CC: As I say, would you like to speak to the Captain?
Yorkshireman: *mumble mumble*
CC: I thought not. Funny, isn't it? I take all the !!!! but nobody ever has the balls to speak to the Captain...

:D

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/b.../hidecouch.gif

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;)
Please keep the stories coming, I, for one, love reading them. Thank you one and all. :ok:

Well it has taken me almost a week to finish this thread from beginning to end. It was well worth the effort, I had quite a few good laughs.
CC keep up the good work!

Glad to see this thread has not totally been taken over by certain people with no sense of humour at all :}:}:} lol!!

Thick hotel guest comment.

I once worked in a hotel. The chambermaid told me that there was a flood in the bathroom of one of the rooms and it had leaked through to the room underneath.

I went up to see and could find no apparent cause for the flood but we had it all cleaned up. The occupant had left the room. When she came back in the afternoon I mentioned the flooding to her and she said the problem was the shower curtain .... it didn't work.

I asked her to explain and she said it didn't work .... I said : "You are putting it inside the bath aren't you ..........?"

It makes you wonder how these people live at home. Even more worrying is the fact that they reproduce.

Ok, I'll admit I'm dumb. But what exactly was she doing? How could a shower curtain flood a room? I could understand some splashes but a flood enough to leak downstairs?!

Capetonian, we had a house guest who did exactly the same thing. Unbelievable.
Ended up with a lot of water on the floor. Too late to do much about it, either, against all normal rules of nature this one somehow has already reproduced.

rossM, if the shower curtain is left on the outside of the bath it's hanging over, pretty much all the water that splashes onto it will run down it and onto the floor. If the shower has a good pressure, and the occupant is in it for a while, that could easily run to 10litres or more.

how to flood a bathroom
 

i think you have missed the point here; how you shower is somewhat 'culture specific'.

once talked to property manager of a group of prestige flats in the west end. he had continual problem with bathrooms being flooded as many of his clientele were middle eastern or southern european. there, shower curtains are unknown and it's your choice whether you shower in the shower tray, bath or somewhere else in the bath/shower room. his guests continued to do this despite the bathroom being carpeted!

Yes, that's so true. I once went to get a deposit back on behalf of a friend (a Kiwi) who'd rented a flat in France. The landlord agreed - unusually - to return the deposit in full, but mentioned in passing that the bathroom walls were damp because :

"It seems that your friend had a strange habit of taking his showers standing up."

I did wonder if there was something lost in translation, but no, that's really what he said, and it seems that the French, particularly the older generation, do indeed take their showers sitting down in the tub. It could explain a lot, but yuck, let's not go there!

Travelling homeward through Greece in a chaming B&B in Alexandropolous - wonderful name - the bathroom was a general one.

In the morning we were met apologetically by the proprietor. It seems that the sit down loo at one end had not been used but the other people had attempted, and missed, to hit the plug hole in the shower tray.

SLF to SLF.

We were sat near the back of the squeezyJet having boarded via the rear steps. When we landed at Gatwick we taxied on to a pier and some of us sat and waited and many didn't :).

Eventually it came time to stand which I did and started to the front of the aircraft. This SLF, two rows ahead, stopped me and pushed me back towards the rear. I told him that disembarkation was at the front.

"What do you know?" he said, and pushed passed to the rear galley.:}

Another time, at a refuelling stop in Stanford, the crew were slipping but the pax were intending on a leg stretch. Despite PA calls, seat belt lights on, and eventually a call by the Captain, many pax would NOT sit down and left the CC off.

Only the threat of 'no crew change - no fly' eventually restored order.

baaa, baaa ..........:mad:

Thick Passenger Comments
 

After operating a 'red-eye' from Darwin to Adelaide, we had a 30min turnaround and had to operate the morning flight from Adelaide to Melbourne. I didnt get a good sleep in Darwin before I started my duty and was looking and feeling a little worse for wear....

On boarding at the a/c door,

Me: Good Morning sir....
Pax: Oh, you look like !!!!!....
Me: I've been awake all night, what's your excuse....?

Luckily, he shared my sense of humour.....

I will never understand..
 

pax: where is the toliet?
me: its right there sir..
pax: yes, but I have a British passport..
me: what do you mean sir?
pax: well that must be the toliet for everyone else, but where do the British passport holders go?
me: (blank face) laughs and walks away.

Couldnt believe I was being asked such a stupid question..

Not so much a 'thick comment', but a story of a passenger and her attempt at using the loo. My brother is a 737 pilot and this story was told to him by another pilot (pre 9/11 'locked cockpit door policy').

Deepest Africa, rather large lady asks where the loo is and is directed towards the front of the aircraft. Now she was soo large that the only way she could fit was to drop her underwear and 'back into' the cubicle.

So there the pilots are, flying away, not taking much notice of the cockpit door being opened on a regular basis. But this time is different, one of them happens to look around to see a somewhat large 'rear end' approaching them in a rather menacing fashion. What could they do, they couldn't 'tap her on the shoulder', they just had to 'cough' rather loudly until she realised the error of her ways.

Thick Passenger Comments.
 

Hello tom3.
I've just read your first post, dated 10th. July, in the "Cabin Crew" thread, about 'Thick Passenger Comments'.
Could I ask, what was it about the passenger concerned that made it apparent that he was from Yorkshire?
Thanks. N.Z.

Wasn't there but just making a wild guess that it might have been his accent.

these stories are great keep thm coming :ok:

Possibly his use of Yorkshire dialect expressions like "ee bah gum'. I once picked up an elderly backpacker from Yorkshire who was hitchhiking in northern Scotland. He repeatedly used this expression and I had no idea what he was saying until I later found it printed on tea towels on display in York.

The best I ever had was a passenger who called me and asked me to let the pilots know that we were not moving....36,000ft above France!! Admittedly it was an overcast day and all we could see was a sea of low clouds....but still!!!!! :ugh::E

My sister assures me that the 747 on which she flew to Hong Kong 'hovered' for 10 minutes before landing.

The same sister also assures me that in the US they drive on the left, the same as in the UK. When I challenged her I was told I didn't know what I was talking about and that she had driven 2000 miles on the left during a two week holiday. I commented that I was surprised she survived to tell the tale.

When we were viewing some old family 'cine' films, the same sister, when I commented that part of it was when Dad went to Lagos, said it was when he went to New York. As it was a Nigeria Airways 'plane I said he was going to Lagos. No, she said, why couldn't he have gone to New York on Nigeria Airways (from London). Then there was a shot in the street of obviously West African people on location, but she insisted it was New York - "there are black people in New York too, you know."

Finally, when we saw a bus that said : 'Lagos Muncipal Transport' on the side, she said : "You always have to be bloody right."

I admit it, I love your sister!!!! :E

An American lady asks me after take off out of LHR....

Lady - "excuse me Sir, but why did your Queen build her Castle so darn close to the airport?"

Me- " Oh I can only presume she is a plane spotter"

I then walked off in disbelief :ugh:

"An American lady asks me after take off out of LHR....

Lady - "excuse me Sir, but why did your Queen build her Castle so darn close to the airport?"

Me- " Oh I can only presume she is a plane spotter"

I then walked off in disbelief"

My my, this gets said an awful lot. :hmm:

On an overbooked flight, passengers at the gate were offered £250 cash, the current flight for free flight plus HOTAC and a guarantee to fly the following day. The required number accepted and boarding commenced. After boarding was completed, somebody asked if it was too late to accept the offer.

PM

See post #970 above.........

Stuck in the snow a few years ago, the pax have been on board for hours, the airport is shut and the buses can't remove them as the aprons are snow covered. Everyone getting a little tetchy, when a Dutch lady elects to use the forward loo. She emerges within seconds and announces at the top of her voice to the whole cabin, "There ish a very big !!!! in there." Lightened the atmosphere for a while.

Piltdown man, this is probably a stupid question (in keeping with the thread) but,

I understand the cash, hotel and next day guarantee, but what does "the current flight for free flight" mean? Do you mean the original cost of the ticket refunded? If so it sounds like a good deal, I would have taken it. Before boarding.

Oh Yes! It was a good deal, but once you are on the plane, it's no longer overbooked - especially when you have allocated seating. For what it's worth, if not enough people accepted the compensation would keep rising in £100 chunks until enough people decide it's worth it.

PM

On a flight I was operating a CC member shared this experience with the crew and made me laugh.

A well dressed lady and her daughter were making their way through the business class cabin into the economy cabin to take their seats. The lady turned to her daughter in front of a CC member and said,

'Darling, if you dont work hard at school and get good grades you will be doing that for a living...' looking at the CC.

As cool as a cucumber the CC member came back with, looking at the child..

'if Daddy had worked harder at school yourself and mummy would be sitting this side of the curtain (looking into the business class cabin), your seat 28 A and B madam' ...

Made me smile :).

Are we allowed stories about dimwit CC?
Many years ago FCC in flightdeck wants take a picture of the full moon. Winding her up the flight engineer says that the picture probably won't come out very well as it is dark outside. Quick as a flash (pun intended) she replies that it will be ok because she has put her camera on "flash".

Maybe it gets asked a lot - I overheard a similar question at Stonehenge asking "why was it built so close to the A303, with all that noisy traffic going by".....

Went to Windsor Castle yesterday for a tour and the guide told us that the number of Amuricans who really do ask that question (Why did HMQ build...) is stupendously high.

Mind you who thought it was a good idea to build an airport so that flights taking off go over the castle??

Did you have this man as Guide ? Watch as after 1 minute he talks about the aircraft . Four parts but IMHO very funny, he doesnot like children and is a bit naughty re blond women:ok:


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overheard this on a flight.

cc making small talk to eldery couple.
cc: so where are you from?
old man: winnepeg
old woman (hard of hearing i guess): what did he say?
om: he asked where we were from?
cc: my ex wife was from there. we got divorced because she liked to chase other men.
ow: what did he say?
om: he thinks he was married to your grand daughter!

made me chuckle.

Leaving the flightdeck for a "comfort break" in Londonderry or Derry, as you see fit, the crew were entertaining a little old lady waiting for help to leave the aircraft. Lovely old dear.
l was almost by when she mentioned that her husband had been dead for 27 years - to be frank, l thought l really don`t need this sob story - when she said " and that was the best 27 years of my life, he wasn`t a very nice man you know "
l nearly wet myself.

Me trying to make small talk with a couple on a night flight just passing a beautiful thunderstorm. I'm telling them about how I have seen the Aurora Borialis and other wonderful natural phenomena during my years of flying, and asking them if they have seen any interesting natural phenomena. The wife says: Yes, well, we have been to the Taj Mahal, haven't we, darling? :ouch:

Not a good idea
 

I was travelling recently from yyz to dxb on Emirates business class. Shortly after take off, i decided to take out my ipad and headsets and watch Air Accident Investigation ( not a good idea i hear you say).
Having turned my seat to a bed, my eyes started closing and eventually i fell asleep, but still my ipad played on and headsets still on my ears... Suddenly i heard the following " ladies and Gentlemen this is an emergency, the plane will be ditching in the sea etc etc etc..."... Forgetting that i still had the ipad on, and thinking that this was an announcement on my flight, i jumped out of the seat/bed in horror... With a thousand things going through my mind... To my delight, the cabin was dark, everyone was asleep, the plane was still flying normally and the headset was still on my head..
Did i learn anything from this? No, because i still watch the same program when flying