It's quite straightforward. Most carriers, even those where you think "the planes are all the same" have a range of seating configurations, maybe differing by just 1. A Seat row may have been removed as unserviceable, or the fleet may be halfway through a reconfiguration. So you can't do this without checking the configuration. Then you can get arithmetic errors, and a range of other issues.

It is also appropriate to have just one method of doing the headcount. If you have 150 seats and only 30 passengers today do you still count the empty seats ? What if you have 90 passengers, where do you draw the line?

There is less scope for error if you have just one procedure, done the same every time. Count the passengers, look at the manifest and compare.

Which Vegetable?
 

My mum and dad, taking the NCL-LHR shuttle en-route to NYC on approach into LHR enjoying the view over Central London.

MUM: (Exclaims excitedley) Look Stephen, I can see the courgette!!!
DAD: (Leans over and looks out the window) Deb, im quite sure that it is actually called the gerkhin!

Apparentley the rows around them were in tears!!

You can't pick your parents :O

Not exactly thick passenger 'comment' but I always have a silent laugh when some wally takes a photo of 'Paris/Buenos aires/London by night' from 41,000 feet and wonder why all they get is a reflection of their own camera in the glass.

The head count question is easily answered. You are counting passengers, not seats. Ok, by the powers of deduction most of us could easily ascertain the passenger count but at the end of the day, can you say that you have counted the people? No. So what happens if you are counting the empty seats.... 1, 2, 3, 4 and then you get to the back to find someone in the toilet and someone waiting to go in? Quite literally it adds another equation to the process and this could ultimately lead to a wrong headcount.

Also, as someone else has mentioned some crews operate on 1 type of a/c with multiple config or operate on 3 different types before you even go into sub types. (i,e 757-200/757-300). Whilst the crew member should know what a/c they on................and they will do, a momentary lapse or confusion just makes things more complex.

So as you can see, simply counting seats is not quite as easy as some clever cloggs make out.

Coming back from AMS to Teesside the flight was cancelled so we were put on a flight to Newcastle and bussed to Teesside. Approaching the airport there was a huge plume of smoke - Teesside have a fire training school, and it is a regular occurrence. The bus driver worriedly said 'whats that', a passenger quickly remarked 'Oh that's the Teesside flight'. ...

That's not a thick passenger comment, it's a bloody excellent passenger comment!! :}

simply counting seats is not quite as easy as some clever cloggs make out
 

I don't feel so clever now :(

Gotta love the elderly...
 

While checking a load sheet at LHR a few years back before departure to Singapore, an elderly lady poked her head through to the flight deck during boarding and asked the cabin crew member if she could ask the pilots a couple of questions - she seemed too polite and lovely to decine so was cleared to ask away:

I'd just like to know - did the three of you all sleep well last night?
Yes madam.
And have you all had a good breakfast.
Yes madam.
Well that's marvellous, i brought you all a sandwich each as it's a long flight... I have ham and cheese, egg and bacon and salad in case any of you are vegetarian.
Well thank you very much indeed, how thoughtful of you.
See that you drink plenty of water won't you, it can get awfully dry up there.
We will.

A later report from the cabin crew confirmed that she was rather surprised to find we had "kitchens" on board and our own supply of water.

Her last flight had been on a DC3! How lovely... :D

Being ground staff for a couple of years.... :

We were boarding pax through the front and rear doors of a BAE146. As pax left the terminal we checked their boarding cards and advised them on which end of the aircraft to board for their convenience.. One particular passenger was advised to board through the rear door, to which he replied "Is that also going to Cape Town" ?? ...

Many years ago, at a small airport with many restrictions, we had to delay a flight for boarding due to a strong wind component. Since the restrictions (runway slope, etc) only allowed take off in a certain direction, the wind on this day was blowing in the "wrong" direction for take off and thus the flight was grounded until it either calmed down or changed. One particular loud American lady was making herself know throughout the event and eventually piped up with the most seriously demanding question - almost shouting:
"So WHEN is the wind gonna change direciton??" ..

Needless to say some pax burst out laughing at her and we just stood there and smiled with the obvious answer on our faces. She sat in the corner for the rest of the 30 minutes until we finally boarded.

Frequent flyers:
One particular frequent flyer with Gold status (2nd highest) was late for his flight and missed it... the aircraft had started up as he arrived at the counter huffing and puffing. The usual appologies from the ground staff and offers to rebook him only made it worse for him and as the aircraft gave power to taxi, he glanced at the ground staff and threw himself onto the baggage converyor belt going through the wall to the outside shouting:
"STOP that plane - I'm a GOLD CARD HOLDER" !!!! hahaha

He later tried to claim his injuries from the airline but was laughed off by the legal guys for his stupidity!

... I'll try think of some more....

See bizdev? I told you so.

After a recent night flight I was chatting with pax just after landing, discussing what a beautiful night-sky we have just seen, full moon and planet Venus shining beautifully, etc. I was telling then about storms, the Noethern Lights etc that I have seen in the past from the cockpit when flying at night. So I asked them if there is any natural pheniomena they have seen. After thinking about it for a moment, the lady said "Well, yes, the Taj Mahal" !

Capetonian is amused when pax take photos of passing night scenery, not realising that all will turn out is the reflection of the flash on the window.

Reminds me of sitting on the clifftop in Devon a few years ago, waiting for a full eclipse of the sun. And there came the shadow, rushing toward us over the sea, a moment of dread and exaltation. It became night, stars came out, birds went quiet, cows lay down to sleep.

And all around the coastline, from Plymouth to Torquay, cameras flashed!

How on earth did they think that photograph would turn out?

Reminds me of a "call the expert" radio phone-in show (LBC in London) some years ago. This particular evening it was a photographer. Guy phones in, says he has invested in new flash kit but results are all black. Expert starts on "is the flash actually going off", and "what is your filmspeed", then asks "what is your subject matter". Reply is that he is using tripod and telephoto lens as well, and taking photographs of the full moon .......

Surprisingly the "expert" just started to explain straightforwardly about flash not being the thing here, and discussed time exposure. It was the co-host "professional" radio presenter who cracked up and couldn't stop laughing.

Reminds me too ... a bit sad.

The BA Concordes, in the front of both cabins, had a nice display showing Mach, altitude, ground speed, etc.
Of course, once at Mach 2, everybody wanted their photo taken next to the Machmeter.
Unfortunately, the display was a pale yellow (backlit LCD, IIRC) with a protective plastic cover.

You can guess the rest.
An untold number came home, from what for many was a once-in-a-lifetime never-to-be-repeated flight, with a nice photo of themselves .... next to a brilliant reflection of the flash, which had totally washed out the coveted "Mach 2.00"....

CJ

PS : the French Concordes had an old-style Mach-number-only display (EL or plasma, not sure) but much brighter, so the problem didn't occur there.

Reminds me of sitting on the clifftop in Devon a few years ago, waiting for a full eclipse of the sun

Thread drift I know, but .... Reminds me of discussing the same eclipse with an acquaintance. He told me that he had been very unimpressed by the whole thing, then, when I asked how anyone could be unimpressed by a total eclipse, he added, "Well, to be fair, I was listening to it on the radio" .....:ugh:

Jack

I have to tell you that on my own once-only trip, I understood enough to turn the flash off - and the thing still doesn't come out (I still have it on my PC right here and am looking at it).

Whoever specified those rather than a good old analogue dial then ?

Union Jack,
I wouldn't call that thread drift... as "thick comments" go, it can probably compete for the 'top twenty'....

WHBM,
That's awful... without flash it usually came out OK. What happened?

CJ

A lot of these "thick" comments seems to be the result of an instinctive response ratherthan being tick, I'm sure we all have said something thick at some time or other. My brother in law was telling me that his wife (she's English so understandable) was in the local ASDA store waiting on the lift (escalator)and after a considrable wait she remarked "all that lift does is go up and down".

Posted by Solar
Think you mean ELEVATOR. Talk about TICK English woman.

Quite literally, it doesn't. It may however add another variable to the equation: total seats - empty seats + pax not in seats = pax on board

Infants?
Two heads, one seat.

TSR2

Point taken, not impressed by the "Irish" accent though, doesn't sound right in an email.

Not a stupid question at all
 

Many years ago, at a small airport with many restrictions, we had to delay a flight for boarding due to a strong wind component. Since the restrictions (runway slope, etc) only allowed take off in a certain direction, the wind on this day was blowing in the "wrong" direction for take off and thus the flight was grounded until it either calmed down or changed. One particular loud American lady was making herself know throughout the event and eventually piped up with the most seriously demanding question - almost shouting:
"So WHEN is the wind gonna change direciton??" ..

The wind very often changes direction just before sunset, and just after sunrive, very common.

This is used by many operators, as a window for heavier weight take offs.

So not so stupid.....

Glf

Ok, you may as well have mine, I was but a huble tea boy at Manchester in T1 in 1990 for SAS Service Partner, was there for a summer.

Peeople pushing trays along the tray run to the till, loaded up with tea and cakes, then pushing them off the end onto their feet, will never forget a massive fat woman in a Shell Suit having dumped a litre or so of hot tea onto her fat trotters shouting "F*ck f*ck F*" at the top of her voice and doing a silly dance.

Whne the PIA flight was going 350 people on the plane and five times that seeing them off, mainly from Bradford, they used to ask for drinks in a broad Bradford accent, asking for four "Cokes" came out as "Four Corks", so we had a pile of wine bottle Corks ready to dispense, being the smart arse minimum wage twallops we were.

Every day some hapless pillock would select part of the display from the top of the counter, this involved plaster of paris Crosissants, varnished with a piece of green felt glued underneath and a manufactueres label, not even that realistic to look at there on the top glistening with a few Coffee beans around to look rustic and appetising but apparently realistic enough to fool holidaymakers, even though they weighed about 8 timmes what a normal Croissant weighs, I used to politely inform them of their error when they asked where the butter for them was, then I just got bored and waited until the sheepishly reappeared with it having had a good gnaw on it :D

Really Good JCK499

Are you today able to take your holidays at your own covenience ?

Point taken and understand your logic .... but the silly comment from the pax expected the ground staff to know exactly when the wind is going to change direction and give an answer of when she would be departing etc (while already in a foul mood). Perhaps not being able to express her attitude, arrogance, expressions and voice projection accurately while typing here adds to the "not so silly" impression..:suspect:

What if it didn't change at sunset (which was a few hours from current time)? This can't be predicted accurately! lol ...:p

Point is one would not have been able to give the pax a correct answer (which a passenger would hold you to and blame you if it didnt work out and make it even worse!!)... as wanted to know now! Even the cockpit crew shook their heads at this one - they were sitting nearby hearing all this. Tower could not even assist with accurate TAF/MET at the time... :ok:

Just a smart ar$ed pilot
 

Nice to see you are all awake

glf

Today on my flight and I'm still confused :confused:

Me: "That's £6.75 for the drinks please"
Pax : "There's £10.15"
:confused:
Me: "Why have you given me 15 pence?"
Pax: "Because that's all the change I have"

:confused::confused::confused:

Some peoples' idea of geography leaves a lot to be desired. On a flight from LHR - HOU as we tracked over the southern tip of Iceland or Greenland (I've forgotten which it was) the couple next to me were discussing whether it was New Zealand or Norway ..... and decided it must be New Zealand!

Was watching a rerun of 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' last night.

Question :
"Which of these is a state on the East coast of the USA :
Maryland, California, Washington, Oregon?"

Contestant : "I am fairly sure it's California, but I'll use a lifeline and ask the audience."

Audience :
California : 33%
Washington : 38%
Oregon : 8 %
Maryland : 21%

Contestant : "I'll go 50/50.

Remaining answers :
California / Maryland

Contestant : "I'll go for California"

Fortunately he left with only £1000 .... I hope he invested it in an atlas. Washington at least has some kind of logic to it, even if wrong ... but California .. East Coast ......!

You can successfully do it and I have on a few occasions. You have to have a decent camera and be able to override the automatic settings.

You also have to try and fill the window reflection with your own body when you take the picture.

English is my wife's second language. We went on a cruise once, and the second we reached our cabin she asked where the clock was.

Me: I guess they figure folks on cruises aren't too worried about the time.

Her: But where's the clock?

Me: You brought your little travel alarm, and I'm sure we could get a wakeup call if we needed one.

Her: But there's supposed to be a clock.

Me: Well, there isn't one. Why does it matter?

Her: The brochure says they serve sandwiches around the clock.

short dress
 

Winter 2009 domestic flight DUS-TXL

Woman covered in a blanket boards and asks

w: Can you tell the captain to turn up the heat im cold
me: Sure thing and don´t worry ma´am, once we close up the door it´ll get warm and cozy

after take-off, cabin temparature very nice... Bing..cabin call by same woman

me: Yes ma´am can i do something for you
w: I´m still very cold did you tell the captain to turn up the heat?
me: Yes ma´am, if you are still cold i can fetch you another blanket and bring you a hot tea if you like?
w: no just the blanket please

Reaching my station i call up the captain:

CPT:Warmer?
me:errr oh yeah please

After bringing her the blanket she gets up to get something out of the bin and drops her own blanket only for me to discover that she is just wearing a short dress of the kind you would normally wear during warm days.
All i thought was that she probably saved the fur to wear on sunnier days in mid June....:ugh:

I did it and I need to confess it.

Some years ago a friend of mine decided to make true his dream to visit the tomb of Jim Morisson of Doors at a Paris cemetery (I hope the name is correct). I decided to go along since it was an unusual activity and I wanted to be part of it.

So we booked the tickets boarded the A319, doors were closed and a delay on start up was announced. During that delay I decided to make some forward planning. So I turned around to him and I asked in a fairly loud voice: "Are we going straight to the tomb" instead of going first to the hotel to leave our stuff.

I was told a number of heads were turned in horror.

Rwy in Sight

Misinformed, Stupid or Both/
 

The wife of a friend of mine used to work at Heathrow as Meet and Greet for American passengers who were arriving and being coached on to Southampton to join a luxury cruise.

She once had an American family who refused to get on the coach because they were told by their travel agent that they would get off the plane and get immedialtely onto a boat. They expected to walk from the arrivals hall to a large cruise ship that was parked outside at Heathrow airport. Having been told that their travel agent was incorrect, they still refused to get on a coach or in a taxi.

When you start having conversations with people like "Sir, we are in the middle of London. It's not possible to get a cruise ship that close to the steps of the plane", you know you're having a bad day.

A taxing question.
 

Another friend of a friend went to the USA on holiday with his other half.

When he got to his destination airport he had an argument with the local agent as he was expecting a taxi to take him from the airport to his hotel.

The agent explained that a taxi was not included in the price of his holiday.

He then said that when he booked the holiday that the brochure said "Price includes all airport taxes"

Conclusion: As a race, we are doomed!

In a travel agent in CPT :

Secretary : "Mr. Smith would to book a room at the Holiday Inn Johannesburg ..... "
Clerk : "No problem ..."
S : "Oh and he'd like a sea view room."
C :"Sea view... I thought you said Holiday Inn Johannesburg. There are no sea view rooms there"
S : "Well he always has one at the Holiday Inn in Durban ....."

Perhaps a request for a sea facing room is the politically correct manner by which to ask for a room facing eastwards and thus towards Mecca?

I think you'll find that Mecca is somewhat well North of East from Jo'burg.

Heard by an SLF some years ago:

CC: 'Sir, would you like a chicken salad or beef casserole?'

Native English speaking PAX across aisle from me: 'Is the salad cold?'

CC (with straight face) 'Salads usually are, sir, but I can warm it up if you wish.'

Err, actually you can get Warm salads in some good restaurants.