Translated to American english, suppose one would be "mam, can I please have a seat belt extension".

Translated back to English English, this would be "Mother, can I please have a seat belt extension"?

Thread continues to be as hilarious as ever:ok:

The other day at work we had long delays due to fog. I heard the following and was completely dumbfounded.

Pax: Why can't anyone do anything about the fog?
Me: *long pause* "I'm sorry, are you actually being serious?"

The pax then realised what they had actually said.

Not a passenger comment but noteworthy. I got this in an email from a friend who works for a Traffic Department in SA.

Recently heard this from an old ex CC friend, thought it was fitting:


CC: Can I get you a drink Sir?

Pax: I'll have a G & T please.

Pax: Oh, sorry...that's a Gin and Tonic to the likes of you.

CC: Certainly Sir. Ice and a Slice?

CC: Oh, sorry...that's a lump of frozen water and a chunk of fruit!!

Qatar airways flight LHR-DOH...service is largely over, the sunset cabin mood lights are on and Business Class cabin on the A330 is quiet....very, very quiet and your sincerely having bagged a super lunch with all the bells, whistles and the odd glass of wine or three is working his way through his favourite Johnny Cash albums on the superb IFE...and of course using those excellent noise cancellling headsets

As I was subsequently told by my wife, at some point in this comfy, safe, warm, relaxing environment, someone in the cabin not a million miles away from her shouts out "My name is Sue, how do you do, now you gonna die!"

I just think,...why is everyone looking at me?

this was at an EK OD today. It wasn't on a plane, but it's just really silly.

So we have our little briefing and presentation and were told we could ask questions and one bright spark asks the following;

Man: So, I heard that if the cabin crew are getting to the tickets and for the free can they do it also when not?
R.O: I'm sorry, I don't quite follow
Man: Okay, so like they are getting the tickets for free yeah?
R.O: Yes, Cabin Crew get annual leave tickets
Man: Yes okay, so if I do not get this job I can still get that tickets?
*R.O Looks at another R.O and says "thats a good one" away from the mic, but it was slightly audible*
R.O: No :)

:D

:ugh: That's probably the fifth or the sixth time that old chestnut has appeared on this thread! :ugh:

Yes, it was also on one episode of ITVs Airline too. The purser said it.

I seem to remember his name was BJ, which made me titter. He also had the line when asked why you couldn't smoke on board when they sold duty free fags, and he replied, "Well madam, they sell condoms in Boots, need I say more?!"

Indeed it was BJ - he's still flying for Thomson as Cabin Manager and what a great guy he still is!

That is good to hear, seemed like a jolly good chap on the telly. Repeats on Pick TV these days, he was on it last night skiing with Tony Underwood and some pro skier, hilarity ensued. If he reads this, nice work on the slopes. Hope he tried skiing again!

Serious Matters
 

On a flight a man comes to me and asks me in a low voice:
'Can I use the toilet?'
I say: 'Yes, off course.' and point at the loo door.
He bends forward and whispers:
'Yes, but can I go for No2?'
I reply very assertively:
'Yes Sir, but you need to flush the toilet !'

Priceless !!! :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

Not so sure about that, spending Scottish notes anywhere south of Manchester is a nightmare, and spending Channel Islands notes anywhere north of Southampton, Poole or Exeter pretty much the same. And as for Isle of Man, apart from Liverpool, impossible.

Many years ago a London ethnic minority ice cream salesman refused to accept my Jockgeld. I wonder how long the cones with which he was left lasted in the blazing sun? :}

That's probably the fifth or the sixth time that old chestnut has appeared on this thread!

That story has been running for years.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire ............... Which particular one!

Somewhere there's an SAA check in agent who may remember being asked by a young man if he could have a seat near the braai (that's the proper word for what the rest of the world calls a barbecue) on a CPT - LON flight.

A friend of mine came over and on the way to the airport I told him that on the northbound flights from CPT they had a braai on board, and when you check in you ask for a seat near that and they give you a little pack of chops and wors. He did!

That's so cute, particularly the chops pack part.

When Vietnam Airlines started flying into Australia there were stories about passengers (usually poor relatives of people who had settled in Australia and paid for their tickets over) setting up portable gas stoves in the aisle to cook lunch. Apparently they were very pleased when told lunch was provided. How the stoves got through security is anyone's guess. :eek:

Personal favourite question: "Is this the Qantas/Virgin etc. terminal?" It's always asked by people surrounded by Qantas signs, Qantas staff, Qantas advertisements, a bunch of Qantas aircraft sitting outside the window, etc. I know people get a bit doughy when they travel but still...

I honestly don't know who comes out looking more stupid from that oh-so witty little tale: the guy who asked for the seat, or the fool who told him the story.

And in the news today, it has been reported that the worlds first sense of humour by-pass operation has been declared a complete success. :E

A very ordinary size gentleman was taking his seat on the front row. He called me over and asked "do you have seatbelts available in a smaller size". I chucked thinking this guy was joking but when I looked at him I realised he was deadly serious. Frightening!

ME: Care for anything to drink sir?
PAX: Yes a water for me and two lemonades for the kids.

*Passing over the first lemonade. Can, napkin and glass in both hands*

PAX: I asked for TWO lemonades...
ME: I only have two hands sir...

Then he realised what he had said. :} You really do need six arms for the job.

Thick!
 

Shamrock274 & tart1
..........
It would seem that an awful lot of CC consider all passengers to be thick.


And a good many passengers consider an awful lot of CC to be thick

Which is why we have a thread especially for CC to air their funny stories, there is an SLF thread for passengers to tell their funny stories about thick crew and even one for pilots to talk about the thick crew and passengers they have encountered. If everyone remembered which thread they belonged to before taking offence, then Pprune would be a happier place. Try it, you know it makes sense!

Ah, but all that would happen then would be that the various groups would complain that they hadn't been able to put their side of the story. ;) You do realise don't you that such remarks make you sound like one of the grumpier denizens of R&N?
Now, what can I find to whinge about here? :hmm: :E

Barry the Bogan steps out onto the tarmac from the aerobridge steps whilst enroute to boarding and lights up a fag.
Told to put it out by groundstaff.
Replies ( the most common reply in the incident reports submitted by staff agin pax) "You can't make me!"
"Sir put the cigarette out! you can't smoke on the tarmac!"
"Yes I can!"
"Sir put the cigarette out, you are not permitted to smoke on the... " "I BLOODY can SO!"

Sir you CAN'T ... look at the signs everywhere. There is refuelling... "The woman upstairs said I can."

"What woman upstairs?"

"The woman in the coffee shop."
"What exactly did the woman in the coffee shop say?"
"You can't smoke in here sir. You'll have to go outside."

While this is going on Sharlene, Barry's wife, is wacking him and hissing,
"Put it out Barry or you'll get us chucked off the plane."

DX Wombat I confess I have no idea what one of those is but I guess it's feedback of a sort. I am not in the least bit grumpy but nor am I going to complain if I log on to a NHS website and find the nurses talking about thick patients or Traffic Wardens discussing idiot motorists. So I do find it very strange when people take offence at some of the stories on here. Don't like it, don't read it. Want to take part? Great! But please do it in the spirit of the forum.

Exactly! I don't take offence at what I read here even though sometimes I feel there has been a genuine misunderstanding / lack of knowledge. The world would be a very boring place if we were all the same - actually, that's quite a frightening thought. :ooh:

This type of scenario has come up a couple of times and always makes me laugh. Upon disembarking the aircraft after a flight from Australia to USA or vice versa, a passenger comes up and says "so, are you flying back later today?"....or "do you turn around and go back now?"


This isn't necessarily a thick comment because there are actually some passengers who have no idea about our working hours and restrictions etc but my god, after operating a 12-15hr flight, can you imagine doing it all over again straight away:{:yuk::eek:

We offer taxi and shuttle services for passengers, and ask anyone interested to press their call buttons, and we move through the cabin and form a tally. The amount of times people don't listen and try and give me drink requests.

"Taxi or shuttle, sir?"
"Tomato juice!"

OK! What is it with flying & tomato juice, surely someone has done some factual research by now!! We've known about it long enough!!

Flying in and out of Africa.

Me: Hello Sir/Madam, Would you like a drink?

Pax: Yes, Juice,

Me: ok, we have apple, orange, tomato or Cranberry?

Pax: Yes

20 Mins later during the meal service

Me; would you like something to eat?

Pax: Yes

Me: Ok we have Chicken, Beef, or Pasta

Pax: Yes

:ugh:

:ugh:

It's something I don't think I'll ever understand. Before I started as cabin crew I knew nobody that drinks tomato juice, and I still think it's the most vile thing we offer as a drink - and yet the passengers go crazy for it! Another favourite at my airline seems to be half a glass of OJ mixed with half a glass of apple juice :ooh:

Why do pax drink tomato juice on a plane and not at home?

<start thick passenger imitation>
Off course I don't have tomato juice at home... look at the residue that it leaves in a glass. But I'll happily drink it where someone else is cleaning the glasses. :E
<end thick passenger imitation>

Well, if you're done with (artificially) sweetened drinks and you prefer something less sweet than orange or apple juice there is little left from the choice in the average beverage cart. Alcoholic beverages dehydrate and plain or sparkling water isn't very tasty either. That's the reason why I occasionally order tomato juice. (At home/work I usually drink hot tea.)

I drink a 1/3 of a litre of tomato juice every morning

Tomato juice
 

Sorry for the slightly OT , but time ago the Lufthansa Magazine reported that tomato juice at cabin cruise levels tastes much better than on the ground, and consequently is one of the top ranking drinks onboard.

Tomato juice is also great when you have a hangover. So, when someone asks you for a tomato juice, note how bleary eyed they are :ok:

My son's girlfriend is a letting agent and kept us amused last night with stories which might have come under the heading of "Thick Tenant's Comments". One concerned a complaint about the electricity supply in her new flat. Apparently, she had made toast on Setting No 4 in her old flat. Now, the same setting burned the toast.

It seems that these stupid complaints increase dramatically during periods of a full moon. I wondered if cabin crew had noticed any similar phenomenon.

I'll offer the opinion that many pax have already sampled the disgusting watery acidic 'cheapest-that-the-caterers-could-get' offerring that passes for 'orange juice' on cash strapped airlines these days, and that they are simply choosing something else.

Personally I can't stand tomato juice so I try to disguise the taste as much as possible with plenty of ice. I like to dilute it further with a double vodka in my bid to make it somewhat palatable. Salt and and pepper and some Worcestershire sauce help to make it vaguely drinkable but for some bizarre reason airlines think that a cheap nasty plastic stirrer and a silly paper doily thing are essential when serving said beverage ! :O

Hic!

CS

As a crew on a cruise ship, I was approached by a very old man and his wife in a wheelchair. A man was so very upset he demanded to speak with an "engineer" right that moment but wouldn't tell me why.

After a few minutes of convincing, he said it was about the design of the toilet. I thought their toilet was blocked or something, but he said "No, it's the DESIGN, every time I sit on it my private parts fall into the water." And his wife was looking at me and nodding her head....

:ok: