Back in the wonderful days of Air Uk I was passengering from Bergen to Aberdeen at the end of a long trip. I was asleep from the end of the safety brief and was deeply asleep by the time the F27 had staggered up to cruise alt. Unfortunately I started to dream (rather nasty nightmare actually), according to the no.1, pax in the front row could hear me (F27 remember) from my seat just in front of the loo. She woke me up as I got more and more agitated, when I was back on the planet, me "I'm sorry, I must have been dreaming."
Her "I'll say, I'm glad I wasn't in it!"
Me "How do know you weren't?"
Bless her she laughed and joined me at the Airport Skein Dubh for dinner. Whenever I boarded afer that day I was known as Sleeping Average Looking Bloke

Coffee-Tea-or…..
 

Going back a bit - Flight RIY-LHR – Breakfast being served by a rather dishy Hostie – most likely wanting to cheer up a weary traveller she asks my sleep drunken friend “Woud Sir like Coffee-Tea-or me?” to which he replied “Err Tea please” – exit a long faced Hostie – friend turning to me “Did I say something wrong?”

Tea, Coffee, me?
 

Yes he did, obviously the Tea pot was empty and it required a trip back to the galley to make some more! lol

Just seen this thread and haven't time to read all posts so sorry if this story has made it already.

Hostie says to passenger after serving meals/drinks - "I will be doing another drink service later in the flight, but if you are desperate just pull this little button here" (the call bell). :O

Hostie observes same pax 15 mins later with their plastic glass under the call bell, trying to get a drink from it, as if it were an optic!!!!!!! :rolleyes:

american tourist outside windsor castle - " what a lovely castle , shame they built it so close to a airport " ! !

ok i'll share this.. not sure if it fits in with what your after but its worth a shot... :)

I used to travel quite a bit between DUB and LHR for work.. mainly early morning flights to get to the UK office nice and early.. anyway, i used to just keep to myself while queuing and waiting around at gates etc.. just listening to my MP3 player..

anyway one flight we were queuing at the check-in desk, only one open and everyone quietly queuing and getting along fine..

a second desk opens and before anyone from the front of the queue has a chance to move over to check in, this "high horse young business woman snotty rich bitch" type comes running down from the back of the queue and jumps in front of everyone.. so im intrigued, i turn off my mp3 player for a listen to see if anyone she cut in front of will say anything..

one guy shouts "oi there is a queue here love!" she looks at him as if he is something she found on the bottom of her shoe and replies "eh there is two desks open.. its not my problem if you dont know how things work in an airport.. im a frequent flyer!"

I giggled a bit thinking "karma catches up on these people" so at the gate it was the same (despite us having predefined seats!!) she was skipping the queue the whole way up.. anyway.. the best bit...

were on the tarmac and the cc are doing safety demo.. right in the middle you hear (doo, do do dooo, doo do do dooo, doo do doo doo dooooo) my impression of a nokia ringtone :ok: and low and behold its her phone..

she whips out the phone and answers it, and as quickly as she does a member of cc asks her to switch off.. she tuts and sighs a bit and turns if off...

as she does, i decide to pipe up.. "wow, i would have thought a frequent flyer would have known your not allowed have a phone switched on during take-off" which was met with an eruption of laugher from the whole back section of the plane :D :D


success!! :ok:

This thread reminds me of the time that Glasgow Celtic were in the Uefa Cup final in Seville and half of Glasgow went to support them. I was in the second last row of a 747 -300 and it was obvious that the vast majority of passengers had never been out of Glasgow let alone on an aeroplane before.
Just as the aircraft was about to line up for departure, a beetroot faced passenger rushed up the aisle to the rear toilet. The French CC said "non, non Monsieur you must sit down" the reply of "ah canny wait hen a'm bursting" was beyond her English know how.
The plane takes off and Mr Beetroot emerges from the toilet with dark stains all down his trousers. His face was hilarious and his "what the **** just happened ?" look remains with me today.:)

In pre-911 days one could leave the 747 cockpit on a long
sector and down to rear main deck galley for a chat-up.
On the way back a cattle-class d!ckhead once asked me
the following -

Pax: Excuse me are you the pilot?

Me: Yeh one of em.

Pax: Could you tell me please what the main movie feature is?

Me: I dont know maam sorry. Just ask the stewardess who can...

Pax: What? Your the pilot of this plane and you dont know what
movie will be shown? What sort of pilot are you who doesnt
know whats going on in his plane?

I just shuffled away LMFAO - found out later pax was an Oz redneck from FNQ!

About one month ago, travelling Business class Frankfurt to Bangkok.
Eventually the flight is called, and business class and those with small
children are called first. There is the usual scrum at the business part of
the gate, interrupted by a tall German pushing through calling "make way
business class coming through" in English. My wife refuses to make way
informing him "we are all business class here" to which he responds
"I don't speak English". Never saw him on the plane though.

Rockape, beware.
Your post was timed at 0302 on the 23rd. About the same length of time it takes a volcano to build up pressure before exploding, ie FAs about to reply.
Or not, as yours was one of the more stupid posts.

JSL go for it

Thanks Gannet Fan but to be honest, trolls that aren't smart enough to come up with something a little more original don't really warrant the bother of a reply. ;)

we once had a passenger come down to the aft galley during a back of the clock all in a huff, telling us there is a strange light on the end of the wing. we informed him that was the light on the wingtip, to which he replied "i think there may be a fire". two of us went into the cabin to investigate (A320 galley windows do nothing...) and looked out the pax windows, looked at each other, and said: "sir, that's the moon"...

I was having a beer with a friend last night and we were talking about flying as we both travel a lot with work, and he had a great one for here.

He was living in Tokyo and on a JAL flight, and there was a group of salarymen on the flight and after take off the CC came through and dispensed a round of beers, apparently saying if the pax wanted more later to ring for attention.

A short while later one of the more refreshed gents stood up, prodded the button above his head which was in fact the light that comes on after you press the correct crew call button, and put his mouth to the fresh air blower and called into "please bring me more beer" or words to that effect!

Perhaps not a frequent flyer.

Management material....
 

This was a few years back, when I crewed a flight as the Cabin Manager from the Australian east coast to a city in the island of Tasmania, scheduled to depart in the afternoon and return late evening.

My newly appointed "Team Manager" was going to accompany the flight to observe his crew's performance. He was a relatively young chap having been recruited from a retail background. Just maybe not all that well travelled.

He compiled some very positive comments on his freshly ironed clipboard I'm happy to say. But he was confounded by something he asked me to clarify which he noted about the journey he undertook with us by asking this question.....

Manager Newbie: "What was that strange phenomena that made the aircraft cabin look darker on the way back than it did on the previous flight there?"

Me: "Um....Sunset?"

Happened yesterday, lady pax actually complained that out duty free prices on cigarettes onboard were cheaper than in the duty free shop at the airport! She argued that it shouldn't be the case, to which I replied: "I am really sorry, Madam, I could try to charge you more but Im afraid the computer won't let me!" (I don't think she got the message, bless her).

But then again, what do you expect when pax sometimes get upset if we land 20 minutes early! Can't win, can you? :D

Also, today, during disembarkation a man two rows from the back galley where I was stood idly presses the call button. Knowing he didn't want anything, really, I asked him politely; "Sir, why did you press the call button?", to which he replied distractedly: "Oh, well, I just wanted to see what happens". ("So, basically, you are just bored").

I remember a tale of a CC member who sold a pax 200 cigarettes on the duty free service & the pax complained in a rather loud notice me voice that "you've sold me 200 cigarettes & now you're telling me I can't smoke on the plane?"
to which a rather swift "they sell condoms in boots madam, need I say more?" answer was given by said CC
Also I work on the railway & although its not flight related it still shows that pax regardless of the form of transport don't think before opening their mouths...
I once opened the train doors at a station to be asked "does this train go past our Sheilas?"

At boarding gate, where passenger who has been 'last called' umpteen times finally turns up and is told the aircraft is pushing back and he is denied boarding :

"You expect me to get here and wait an hour for you, but you won't wait 10 minutes for me."

Probably as good a place as any :)
I've a noise cancelling headset which has a 'talk through' feature. i.e. if a button on the side is pressed, it turns off the sound and switches to an external microphone so that I can hear someone speaking to me without removing the headset.
Would most CC be aware of this and not think I'm being rude?

Basil,
I'm not CC, but I never heard of this kind of feature, and I would expect 99% of CC hasn't either.

So I would say.... you would "appear" to be rude.
Pushing one of the earpieces aside "sends the message" to the CC, or whoever else is talking to you, that you're listening to what they're saying.

CJ

RyanAir : how to pack
 

After a bunch of Belgian students got thrown off a RyanAir flight because one of them had oversize/overweight luggage, it seems RyanAir produced this little video (I can't vouch for the authenticity, found it on a Dutch news site).

YouTube - master-packer

Nice one, actually. Worth watching....
And yes, I always stuff socks into shoes (if I need to carry a second pair).
Otherwise, they're always useful to 'buffer' fragile or odd-shaped items.

But I did like the idea of leaving half of shirts, T-shirts, trousers, etc. outside the suitcase until the last moment, then folding them in. Nice idea for avoiding sharp "luggage" folds.

CJ

How about rolling your clothes? It really works!

Pathetic comment when positioning in uniform "Shouldn't you be sitting at the front?"

PM

Can you expound, or maybe even illustrate?
I honestly can't understand how rolling up shirts, or suit jackets, is supposed to work....
CJ

Hey Christiaan,

just fold your tshirt half way and start rolling it tightly. Do the same with underwear, pants (maybe not your suite, but jeans will be fine) and the like. It saves space, and they don't wrinkle.

It really works, but I usually only do it when packing my backpack - my suitcase has little straps to fasten folded things down with and I never pack it too tight either.

Nic

How do you spend your time away?
 

I am a SLF who meets a wide variety of people in my day job as a Chartered Surveyor. I met a client this week who works for a large charter airline. She works part time and flies from Europe to Africa as cabin crew, staying over for a week and then returns as crew the following week. She does this about six times over the winter.

It seems to me that the company is paying for her to have six weeks of holiday, but;

a) what sort of hotel will she be put up in?
b) Won't she get bored?
c) how do you relieve the ennui?
d) is this common?

In other words it sounds a lot better than it really is. Am I right?

Apols if this has been posted before- no doubt some of these requests are very familiar to CC!:ok:

Suzeman


The Inside Track Blog Archive Passengers ask holiday jet crews at 35,000ft: “Please can you open a window.”

High!!
 

I used to fly as CC for a number of years for a couple of well known airlines.

One day, during the drinks service, a pax asked me " at what height are we flying at the moment" to which I replied "i'm not sure, I'll ask the captain for you" to which the pax looked shocked and replied " you don't know and you work here" ??!! "oh hold on I'll just my inbuilt altimeter" :ugh:

Is it just me or was that a dumb thing to say. How the heck would I know what height we're at mid service!! Anyway, I just gave him a "right, oookkkk, look and walked off!!

I heard a good reply to a stupid question. I was on a flight which had to make an unscheduled fuel stop due to headwinds and weight. The Captain explained it fully and clearly. Passengers behind me started haranguing the FA, rudely and aggressively, and demanded to know why the 'plane didn't have enough fuel and why it used more fuel when it flew into a 180 knot headwind.

The FA politely said that as the Captain does not serve the food and drinks, the CC don't deal with matters related to flying the aircraft.

Tweet
 

As posted by Jessie J on Twitter (would also like to clarify that I do not follow said person)

Right time for watching the miserable air hostess show me how the seat belt works....

Perhaps she should consider that the member of cabin crew may be really annoyed with passengers that do not switch off their blackberry / mobile phone when asked.

Or perhaps that not all passengers can fly regularly around the country / world at the expense of their record company, and may need some guidance on the above matter.

Frustrating....:ugh:

Loving the work of all CC!

Big Fish

Best of Thick Passenger Comments
 

Having originally started this thread in 2006 I have been impressed with the quality of anecdotes submitted. It has been suggested that there might be a scope for a published anthology of such comments.

I am willing to undertake this but need the OK of the people who posted the comments that are included.

If you would not like your contribution to be considered please let me know by PM. I will also make very effort to contact those whose contributions are considered for inclusion.

Many thanks.

Good idea, but you may have to do some editing here and there for the incomprehensibile (as in "too much insider" or "too much jargon" type) entries.

I just used "Search Thread" > "Advanced Search" > "User Name" to check my own "entries". Didin't see anything too scabrous, so you have my OK.

CJ

robo283, many thanks for starting this most interesting and humorous thread.

I doubt you could ever have imagined that it would have run for so long.

Good luck with the book if it goes ahead :)

Actually I would have expected you to know. The captain will have broadcast the initial planned altitude. You should be aware that the aircraft will be climbed to a higher level as fuel is burnt and suficiently familiar with the route to know which segment you are in.

Then you can always fall back on the old saw:

If the pax does not know how can he tell if you flannel him?

The danger nowadays is that all this info is available on a video channel in many aircraft so a smart alec could ask the question and triumpnantly point out the error of the response.

Way back in the dawn of time before PA we used to compose a bulletin with the essential data on it to be passed back through the cabin.
This was often pre-written. After the bulletin had gone with our planned cruise level of 9000' (pre-pressurisation) ATC advised 9000 was not available and asked us to level at 7000'. Shortly afterwards the steward came back to say a lady was finding it difficult to breathe at 9000'. "OK," I said, "tell her we will descend to 7000'"
A few minutes later the steward came back to report, "She finds that much more comfortable!".

"high enough that we shouldn't hit any rocks, and low enough that the sun won't melt our wings" ?

I think I can beat that.

Not strictly thick pax but thick student pilot (one of my students). A couple of years ago, I mentioned Max Moseley in a conversation about Max's little "uniform related" PR difficulty (at that time he was still head of the FIA) and then followed up with a reference to his father Oswald. My student, quick as a flash and in all seriousness said:

"Oswald Moseley, didn't he shoot John Lennon?"

wrong on so many levels.

flapsforty, fair enough however I would still expect an FA to be familiar even if they had 3-4 types. Regardless of flight tracking, which is often in metres and mph, the flights I have been on the captain has given the initial cruising level.

As for metres, mph and OAT I have fun doing the conversions to arrive at ISA, knts and flt lts.