Not so much a thick passenger comment but just 'thick passengers'.

Opposite the CSD office is a toilet and I reckon 90% of passengers try and open the door with the, now defunct but still there, ashtray I have watched them pull it push it whilst ignoring the actual door handle until they are holding the ashtray in their hand.


They usually get Arsey as if it is your fault that they are too thick to recognise an ashtray as opposed to a door handle!


This particular toilet is for use of business class passengers so not exactly folks unfamiliar with aircraft facilities.

What to say?
 

I'm a hard-working middle-aged guy. I like to be treated well. There's only one rather successful way I've found to be treated that way. If you have to ask...

I try to treat people as if they are as capable, professional, and as wonderful as I like to think I am. :)

I learned a long time ago that if I dress nicely*, say "please" and "thank you," simply show my boarding pass, stow my bag(s), sit down, buckle up, make eye contact, smile, take my headphones off as I see the CC coming my way, and never forget that I am only 1 of many I have a great flight.

I've made enough transatlantic flights to have seen some of the same crew. I've never been poorly treated.

We have a saying in the US Army that "you don't get what you expect; you get what you inspect." Not the same as The Golden Rule, but I've found if you ask people for help in a polite manner you will rarely be let down.

Thanks to all of you for what you put up with and who you have to deal with. I'll continue to do my best to make your job easier. :)

Terry

*So, why do some people dress like absolute trash? Mostly Americans, unfortunately. I don't wear a suit, but often a coat and tie. I was in the Navy in a much younger life. One captain on my ship realized that the better people dressed the better they behaved. He had strict rules about what sailors wore when going ashore on liberty in foreign ports. Maybe he had something there.

[CODE][ The other day at work we had long delays due to fog. I heard the following and was completely dumbfounded.

Pax: Why can't anyone do anything about the fog?
Me: *long pause* "I'm sorry, are you actually being serious?"

The pax then realised what they had actually said.
http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...er_offline.gif http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...ons/report.gif http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...eply_small.gif/CODE]

Logical actually! If aircraft can land in thick fog why can't they take off? All you need to do is align the plane with radar, point the wheels in the straight ahead position and shove the throttles !

Just for future reference, aircraft can take off in fog; depends on what, where and what with, company rules etc. Having a diversion to go to is important.

I was taught zero visibilty take-offs in the early 1960s, using an old-fashioned instrument called a Directional Gyro to maintain the heading before and after lift-off. As soon as the wheels were off, the pilot went into normal instrument flight mode to climb to cruise height, navigate etc.

This was taught in something called Link Trainer, a crude and simple form of early simulator, and practised in a real aircraft with a "hood" that prevented the pilot looking outside the aircraft. There was an instructor/safety pilot with the student.

As far as I am aware public transport aircraft are permitted to execute zero visibility takeoffs, subject to a number of conditions.

So your passenger was not so thick. And pboyall has pointed that in WWII there was an effective way to disperse fog over and around a runway. My Dad used it in his bomber. He said it focused his mind on keeping straight on the roll out between the two lines of raging petrol flares.

Hear Hear Terry
 

We reap what we sow, strange how so many behave differently upon arriving at an airport.

Exactly.

Going offtopic - it always amazes me, when dining out, how snotty some people are to waiting staff.

I have a food intolerance, so am aware I can be a pain to cater for. I am always utlra nice to waiting staff, and despite being a tougher customer to accomodate, often seem to get preferential service to those who are cold or rude to staff.

Not surprising, is it.

Min for us is 125m only if meeting several strict criteria. Zero visibility takeoffs are not allowed (200-strong Airbus fleet European airline) depsite how visibile we might be in bright Orange paintwork :}

Toilet signage
 

VCtenderness raised a good point re toilet signage.

Just back from a SLF to far east, both Business and Baggage class.

You dont need class to travel Business or First just CASH.

Many passengers see what looks like a door handle, feels like a handle, thus is a handle. The push here to open door is not intuative.

Also my pet bitch is the basin flush........unless you know that the unlabeled panel behind the red/blue is the drain then you will never find it...also the rate of drain is so slow that when activated it is possible to assume NON functioning.

Rant over: drain valve closed. glf

As SLF I'd just like to say these are great! I've worked in customer service before and received some abuse during my time doing various customer facing jobs at a major UK visitor attraction.

A few from me:

On a flight last year, one of the pilots pops out to use the lav. My friend looks at me, and in a concerned voice, says, "Erm, who's flying if here's out here?" This was after a PA introducing both pilots...

Not so much a thick comment, but circa 2006 flying to NYC, I had major issues with those visa waiver forms. Took me about 5 attempts to write everything in the right place.

And now, some from my work, just to prove it's not a phenomenon only experienced in the air. I should point out, all "responses" I post below were strictly in my head.

"After we've paid you here, are the rides free inside?" For £35 admission, I should hope so!
"Is the monorail a ride?" Yes, a ride straight back to the carpark you've just come from...

Different job, same company:

"You've changed the date of my booking, you've ruined my 21st birthday". Actually madam, we're not allowed to change bookings without customer approval, you booked the wrong date...
"Are you very strict with your height restrictions? My son is 5cm too short but will they let him on anyway?" Words failed me with this one...
"What will the weather be like on the weekend of X and Y 2015?" I don't know, let me consult my crystal ball...

To all CC, you have my utmost respect! I'd probably end up beating someone with a teapot or something...

Thick pax on the ground
 

.. reading this brings back memories from [coughs] decades ago - LGW and fog: covering on the 'enquiries desk' for PHU staff:

Thick fog - nothing's leaving and i/bs circling, pending diversions to MAN, CDG ..anywhere but LGW.

The slightly scary situation of being alone behind a desk besieged by several hundred increasingly angry people - and calculating the time delay before Security can feasibly cut through the crowd to stop them lynching you.... as emotions start to run high after 3 hours of the same answer ... one emboldened young man becomes 'pack leader' ...

"This is ridiculous - it's just fog! Why can't it land?"
"... (basically) visibility is too low for safety"
"... can't see the runway? That is ABSOLUTE RUBBISH ... I should be up there, it's easy, I could land the plane because I CAN SEE the runway"
(Crowd starts muttering in agreement and lurching en masse towards desk)
"You can see the runway?"
"Yes, IT'S RIGHT THERE!"
(points past through window to darkened landscape outside and the orange sodium traffic lights of the northbound A23 stretching away for a distance of 100 yards"
"Erm, that's a road..."
"NO it is not! It's the runway and you're trying to bull!!!!! that aircraft can't land on it? I could land a plane on that!"
"Well, happily for your passengers, you are not up there - and they are in the capable hands of an experienced Captain who lands on runways, not the A23 London to Brighton road! .... Next!"

And then there was the female CC on QF802 PER-MEL on 15 Aug 12 who went up and down the aisles in a crab like fashion because she was simply too broad in the beam (and everywhere else) to manage the aisle normally.

I thought that airlines had a policy about overweight???

Did he go on to fly for a certain Asian airline which had a reputation for, shall we say, getting things not quite right? A tale about the said airline from brother working at Perth airport WestOz and who saw & heard the event. An aircraft belonging to said airline was on final when ATC told the pilot to go around followed smartly, and presumably unintentionally transmitted, by "Silly fool is trying to land on Horrie Miller Drive". For those unfamiliar with Perth the control tower is located at the end of HM Drive which, although parallel with one of the runways, is MUCH shorter and has vehicles moving up and down it. You can't see HM Drive in this photo which I took a few years ago but even before I learned to fly I could tell the difference.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...t/P1011430.jpg

A lovely moment
 

Various posts have mentioned pushy, impatient, know-all passengers, and this reminds me of a flight I was taking on an orange aeroplane earlier this year. There was a family travelling, the mother of which was, well let's just say the most important person around. :rolleyes:

All the way through departures she was scolding and chiding her (actually very well behaved) kids, and husband. Tutting, huffing, puffing, looking at her watch, straining to see over the top of other people in the queue, she finally burst out, "Quickly Thomas, this way, the speedy boarding is off to the right - excuse me everybody, we need to get to the speedy boarding queue!"

A short pause, then a very small elderly lady with a lovely soft west indian accent moved to the side and said, "I guess your seat must be leaving first then love?" Cue a big grin and a wink from the harrassed husband!

Well M777LR, if you are thinking that was bad, how about an experience I had one time, though before 9/11, departing from a busy international terminal, destined for JFK.
We were late arriving at the airport due local traffic conditions (overseas basing), and as I was briskly walking towards our departure lounge, I noticed that there were no pax at all waiting in our particular lounge, as there normally was, but since we were about an hour late, I figured they had been offered refreshments and had moved away to enjoy that diversion elsewhere in the terminal!
As I got to the aerobridge entrance, I notice it's not locked, and go right on thru.
What a shock, as I step thru the L2 (B747-200) door, I see around 300 pax onboard and ready to go - they had simply let themselves in and there were people and kids everywhere, and of course, the flight deck was unlocked and the door open, with not a company traffic guy anywhere to be seen!
So, I used the 'bridge phone to call traffic, and we had all the pax deplaned, and spent the next 90 minutes searching the airplane from nose to tail, us and any company ground engineers we could find, about 8 guys all up!
Then we reloaded and departed, significantly late! :uhoh:

Seems to me the last two posts, EW73 and Mike 777LR would be more appropriately posted in a "Security Failure" thread.

Thick potential passenger comment!

On my way home from duty wearing my BA uniform I stopped at Sainsburys to shop for a few essentials.


An elderly man approached me and said "where can I find the whatever" I replied "I'm sorry but I don't work here"'he then berated me very angrily "what are you doing walking around in that outfit if you don't work here, it's very confusing".


I am not sure that Sainsburys and BA's uniforms are that alike!


I wonder if an off duty shop assistant has been asked which gate the JFK is leaving from?

I've spent this entire week reading this whole thread, have been PMSL! I really don't know how CC do it, dealing with morons who think they are entitled after paying for the cheapest possible economy fare on a budget airline but fair play to all of you!

One thing that always amuses me when I fly (not that often) are the glares I get from other pax when I get my veggie meal before anyone else. I've even been asked who I tipped (paid!) to get my meal before anyone else. Said person then gave me the hairy eyeball the whole way through my meal!!

I do miss the days when CC could have a laugh with pax and not worry about someone taking offence. My first ever long haul was DUB > SFO in 1996 with Virgin, the CC were hilarious! They had a limerick competition, winner got to go visit the cockpit and they read out tons over the PA, made a 10 hour flight pass so much the quicker :D

Tx

Should probably belong in an atc thread but none the less:

After being given a 10 odd minute delay into an Australia port...
CREW: "min speed has us crossing ABCDE at time XX"
ATC: "can you slow down to make good time XX?"
CREW: "ahhhh no, we are at min speed..."

I was asked on a longhaul flight if we could turn the engine down as the noise of it was irritating.......

"Excuse me, there is a problem with our seat. I have 29C."
"What seems to be the issue, Sir?"
"It's becuase there's two of us"-pointing at wife. "And there's only one 29C seat."
"Then I can only assume your wife has the one next to it allocated to her."
"Let's have a look at the lady's boarding pass...29D it is."
"Oh, allright then."

When I was a F/O, passenger once said to my female Captain "does he (meaning me) let you do much of the flying?" She was fairly unimpressed but remained polite throughout.

Thick Passenger
 

On a BA short haul(50 mins) flight to a European destination:

CC: Gives all day deli bag tojewish lady pax containing a(veg) sandwich, cake etc.

two rows later she calls CC back

Pax: I can't eat this it's got bacon in it
CC: It's the vegetrian option Madam so that is not possible.
Pax: Points to deli bag and says" It says so here!"
CC: No Madam that says Ba.com!

Thick on purpose
 

My latest attempt to get myself immortalized in these pages failed miserably:

During boarding for a transatlantic redeye, I was seated right behind the boarding door; a flight attendant was seated in the aft-facing seats right in front of the boarding door. Passengers were boarding through the door between us.

Me: "Gee, are people going to be coming and going through this door all night? That'll make it hard to get any sleep."

FA, without betraying even a hint of a snicker, "No, sir, as soon as we finish boarding we'll close the door, and it'll stay closed for the whole flight. "

I complimented him on his professionalism, and explained that I had been trying to get my moment of fame in "thick passenger comments." He laughed, and said, "I must be tired or something, I just answered your question without even noticing that it was completely insane."

30 years ago I worked for Transamerica, based at LGW. As my job did'nt normally deal with passengers I was not issued with a uniform.

For the first few years I lived in London so used the Gatwick Express which was covered in ad's for the BAA duty free shop.

Given the no uniform I was asked at least once every month if I knew where the duty free coach was on the train. Normally large American males.

There was one time when I had to deal with some pax, one of our 747's diverted into LGW with a problem while enr TLV-JFK. We had less than 30 mins notice and had been unable to get a pax service rep in. Got a call from our handling agent, pax being a pain and could someone from the company attend the aircraft. Only two of us in the office as it was a weekend so spin the coin and I lost.

The problem was this pax wanted to get off the aircraft but it was parked in a high sercurity area and so he was unable to leave. Got to the aircraft and explained why he could not go down the pax steps. That did'nt work so I pointed out a policeman (armed) and said "If anyone get off this aircraft without a suitable pass that officer has a shoot to kill policy". That worked. :E

This happened to a friend.

Boarding a loco, dozens of tagged trolley bags waiting to be taken to the hold as no overhead locker space.

Two young males board and ask the Cabin Manager:

" Hello, we were asked at check-in to volunteer to put bags in the hold"

"Ok, what can I do for you?"

"Well, which one would you like us to take first?"

They thought that they were expected to carry bags down the stairs to the hold. How sweet :)

Ha... That one made me chuckle!

I have not had anything said to me recently that is worthy of this thread...

This involves a gate agent and not only cabin crew, and not the kind of thick passenger who is funny in a cute way, but the slightly annoying, rude kind... I was a student, waiting to board an early morning flight from OSL to ZRH. After the annoucement that the flight was overbooked, there was a brief moment of total silence - enter the thick passenger: from 10m away, trying to look very important and busy, wearing a slick business consultant style suit and tie, he shouted out loud in his most impatient voice, for everyone to hear, adressing the tall and very handsome gate agent - "Hey you, Tarzan! I have a full price business class ticket, and I'm in a hurry, you better give me a seat right now!"

I instinctively made eye contact with the gate agent, to show my solidarity, and apologize on the other persons behalf. The gate agent briefly looked at me, smiled, and carried on doing his job, professionally and efficiently, unaffected by the rude guy.

After all passengers with assigned seats had been boarded, I was called over to the desk, and got an upgrade to business, which he handed to me with a big smile. The guy who had shouted "Hey you Tarzan" was completely ignored, and was left standing there.

I certainly didn't expect to get on that flight myself, I had the cheapest possible student fare, and no assigned seat. Unlike all the business people on the early morning flight, I wasn't in a hurry, and being a student, I would have been happy to wait for the next flight, and simple meal voucher would have been more than enough to make my day; but of course joining the plot as it unfolded was more entertaining :)

Later, the Maitre de Cabine (SR cabin manager) apologized to me - very unnecessarily, but again very professional - that they didn't have enough business meals, and gave me a full size bottle of champagne, Nicolas Feuillatte. I kept it for a long time, and later used it for a special occasion, with a toast to the gate agent, cabin crew, and a special toast for the thick passenger.

I hope the guy who "volunteered" not to board the flight learned his lesson...

Deptrai
A good story and I would like to think more airline staff would work that way, but unfortunatly in this world currently, good behaviour seem,s out of fasion for both some passenger and indeed some staff. Hope you enjoyed the champagne !.

Question from last nights flight...

"What's that?"
"Macaroni Cheese, Sir"
"Oh. Has it got cheese in it? I don't like cheese...."

Well if they were American the answer should have been ' no sir it just contains lots of fromage so don't worry'.

Well he was very perceptive on one thing....we are all going to die.

I must admit I have felt the same way after eating out in India.

Prior to me in working in Airlines...as Travel agent USA....
 

I have for the past 35 years been in some manner, in the Travel Industry.
I previously worked for a Consulate dept in the USA and had a call from a MID WEST travel agent. Now we all know what Americans are like with their Geography.
They all skipped that class:)
Agent: Could you please book my client a return journey on the Ferry between New Zealand and Sydney Australia.

Me: AAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Please Hold. Why cant Americans get a grip on the Rest of the World.:confused:

Me: Mam, I'm sorry to advise you that the Distance between New Zealand and Australia is a Four Hour flight. Let me say that it would be like a' Ferry Service' between Honolulu and Los Angeles.

Mid West Travel Agent : Ohhh I see.Just make it one way Then. :ugh:

Jet lag 001
 

Thank you for that post ! Made me laugh out loud !

Deptrai, this reminds me of a story I heard once.

Similar person, full of self-importance, sitting in Economy. A young student is allocated the seat next to him and sits down quietly. Said "suit" calls over the crewmember and causes a scene stating that he was told at check-in that the seat next to him would be empty (check-in presumably just said that they would try to do this, but no guarantees.) The crewmember has a word with the CSD who comes over to the young student and informs him that there is a spare seat in Business Class if he would care to change. He does so, no fuss, extremely grateful. Meanwhile the "suit" is causing another scene, saying that it should have been given to him as he is travelling on business etc, etc, etc....... Crewmember calmy says to him, "Sir, we have managed to arrange for the seat next to you to be empty, as you requested. have a nice flight."

Oh to have been a witness to that.

Flight Deck to Cabin
 

Couple years ago flying a Four hour sector at night .

Two hours into the flight, moderate turbulence.. We put the seat belts on..

CC calls inter phone : " Is that for landing ? "

Irritated with the dumb question we say Yes :ugh:

CC made all landing announcements and secured the cabin , called us back and gave us the Cabin Galley Secure Check .

The head crew looked like a red tomato for the rest of the flight .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another one :

Seat belts on for moderate turbulence .

CC calls : Can we allow washrooms one at a time ?

Me : Do they generally go two at a time ?

CC : Hehe

Me : Does the procedure allow you to allow washrooms ?

CC : No

Me : Then my answer is No as well :ugh::ugh::ugh:

Moronic comment overheard in a restaurant near Welwyn Garden City the other night. Four chavs at another table ruining the atmosphere of what was a quiet pleasant environment. One particularly loud and downmarket female is sharing her relationship difficulties with the surrounding area.

"......... 'e committed suricide free times in one mumff while I was going out wiff 'im, din 'e?"

I couldn't blame him for trying!

Ninja - you is gonna get banned for making comments about CC like that :E

They don't like it up 'em Cap'n.

Not so much a thick passenger comment but quite funny.

Years ago on a flight out of LHR we had a large party of young language students.


One pressed the call bell and eager to try out his newly learnt English skills he asked the Steward in very heavily accented and laborious English "Pleeze I would like a glass of orange juice thanking you"


The steward in complete dead pan mode lifted his left arm looked at his watch and said " ten past three".


The expression on the poor lads face was amazing and you could see his lips moving as he silently tried to remember the correct words!

Just sharing my experience Sisemen.. No one can or should ban me for that..

Cheers Mate !!

Me: "Are you going to Delhi or Mumbai?"
Pax: "Goa"
Me:
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y10...s/facepalm.jpg
Me: "One more time, are you going to Delhi or Mumbai?"
Pax: "Goa"
Me: "Lets try this again. Which of the following choices applies to your journey; Delhi or Mumbai?"
Pax: "Mumbai"
Me: :D