ATC Humour (Merged)

[Navigator33]

Ok my bad. Thought the MLS was canned years ago
Just thought it was a nickname for the ils.

[John R81]

Solo in an EC120 with declared PAN, intending autorotation approach, 2 miles to run, 120knt, 1400ft.


ATC: [EC120] You are No1; cleared to land, any surface. Wind 260 at 12. One in the circuit.

Me: No1, cleared to land. Will use Area 1 passing to the right of the crash truck. Visual R22 downwind in the circuit. Commencing autorotation in 30 seconds.


[Fresh call]

R22: XXXX Downwind, I can turn inside the EC120 for 26H


ATC: (very calmly) XXXX that's very interesting, thanks for letting me know; and you are still No2 to the 120 with declared PAN.




Well, it made me laugh. And "Thank You" to ATC for making things easy for me!

[gingernut]

Dear Mr Air Traffic Controller, EGCC. Just a quick thank you for sending those lovely aeroplanes over my house this morning. Can I just say what a pleasure it was to watch those magnificent men (and ladies) in their flying machines. My trusty hound, Max, and I were particularly impressed how the wake vortex from the Singapore Airlines 777 made the panes in our greenhouse shudder and rattle. Oh how those Pratt and Whitney's sing ! Interestingly, I'm having the morning off tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would prefer to share the delights of those lovely aeroplanes with my friends in Stockport. I'm told the Peak District is a delight at present, and I'm sure all those fee paying passengers would delight in how close Kinder Scout looks at this time of year. I wouldn't worry too much about the wind direction thing, I'm told aeroplanes can land quite safely with up to a 5mph tail wind (Unless Prince Charles is flying it.) Bruce Willis made it look easy in "Die Hard II" Anyway, must sign off for now, heres hoping you have a lovely day, ginge :-)

[The Many Tentacles]

Somebody's grumpy

[HEATHROW DIRECTOR]

Indeed... and I used to have respect for him.

[gingernut]

Not grumpy, a little tired perhaps, knew the risk when I moved here, and I LOVE 'EM

[RiskyFowler]

On the sims, practising avoiding actions on airway 060º-240º oppossite track traffic:
TATC: "TOM324 avoiding action, turn right inmediately heading 120º"
TOM324: "Turning right heading 120º..."
TACT "BEE11J avoiding action turn left inmediately heading 180º.... OH F**K!!" (with the pedal still pressed!!!)

[TOUCH-AND-GO]

GRD: Cessna 172 ABC follow companying traffic with the yellow tail on taxiway Bravo then right onto November.

ABC: Copy that follow the BANANA on bravo then right onto November.

[AdamFrisch]

This happened to me just today flying back from Las Vegas:

LA Center: Squawk 4666.
Me: Hey, that sounds a bit menacing. Squawking 4666 now.

After a pause:

LA Center: I can give you another squawk if you prefer, sir.
Me: It's fine, I'm an atheist.
LA Center: Haha. Radar contact.

[Ka6crpe]

This happened some years ago when I was in uncontrolled airspace and need to clip the corner of some class D: In New Zealand all glider registrations start with G

Me: "ROT tower, this is GML. Overhead xxx at 4500', request clearance to transit direct to yyy."

Tower: "GML: Please Orbit and maintain height and position"

Me: "Tower: This is Glider ML. I can orbit, or maintain height, or hold position. Please choose one."

[woocash]

Demonstrating differences vs european and US phraseology few days ago on approach frequency:

UPS9 climb FL230, expedite through FL120.
Roger - climbing 230, desperate till 120.

[GLuis103]

ahahahaha priceless

[Steve6443]

Don't know if these have been posted before:

-------------------------------------------
a/c: Twr, request approximate time check;

Twr: Saturday.....

-------------------------------------------

or these after slightly dodgy landings:

Twr: G-XX, request number of souls on board

a/c: G-XX: Two plus a dog

Twr: Presume dog was Pilot in Command....

-------------------------------------------

Twr: G-XX, can you please confirm Pilot's name is Tigger.......

[skiper27]

Accoding to my older colleagues this really happend:
ATC: "Report 2 minutes before field in sight"

[Jwscud]

Overheard on the ground frequency at a major Scottish airport.

Ryanair XXX "Request clearance to Rygge"

Ground "Rygge? Where's that"

Ryanair "Near Oslo"

Undentified interloper "About 1000 miles away you mean"

Ryanair "Oooh-err missus"

Ground "Now Now"

Flybe "In penance, it appears our stand isn't ready"

Made me laugh anyway - thanks chaps

[Barnacle_Bill]

Heard this morning

Bearing in mind Rex operates SAAB 340's


ATC: Rex 2 zero HEAVY
Rex202: 2 zero WHAT?

[Doug E Style]

Heard this exchange recently over the North Sea between a Heathrow-bound BA flight and London ATC.

A/C "Speedbird XYZ, we're running very early, can we slow down in the descent?"
ATC "You can, but there's a few just behind you so you'll lose your place in the sequence."
A/C "Ok, we're not that early."

[66scampton69]

How it is in the biggest Sergeants' Mess in the world

In the Radar room the conversations sometimes bear record.
New Controller (hard-pressed): ‘Jack, Jack! I’ve got an urgent medivac here!’
Senior colleague, who’s seen it all before: ‘Don’t look at me, mate, I’m not a f****** doctor!’

[Juggler25]

Something along these lines was overheard this morning.

ATC: 'Virginxxx fly heading 090 degrees'
Virginxxx: 'Heading 090 degrees, Virginxxx'
ATC: 'Batman118 descend FL180'
Batman118: 'Descend FL180, Batman118'
Unknown voice: 'Batman?!'
Unknown voice: 'Nanananana'
Unknown voice: 'Where's Robin?'
Unknown voice: 'And Catwoman?!'
Unknown voice: 'She's sat next to me!'
Unknown voice: 'What kinda callsign is that?!'
Batman118: 'Just because you're jealous...'

Made me chuckle

[HEATHROW DIRECTOR]

Great stuff. Glad to know that humour still exists.