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ATC Humour (Merged)

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ATC Humour (Merged)

Old 19th Sep 2016, 19:35
  #1601 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Berkshire, UK
Age: 76
Posts: 8,275
I'm not too good at using the search facility so apologies if this is a repeat.

Heathrow Director to unknown aircraft which had called established: "You're four miles behind a palindrome, call the tower......"

The palindrome in question was, I believe, Shamrock 151. The ATCO was AC!
HEATHROW DIRECTOR is offline  
Old 19th Sep 2016, 21:21
  #1602 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: dallas
Posts: 19
real story my first cross country flight KADS to KABQ wife onboard old sundowner no idea how to land in crosswind, of course big crosswind lined up upwind to try to gain some ground ended up 200 feet to the left in the dirt, much dust finally got it stopped. ATC responded: now, what are your intentions buddy?
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Old 20th Sep 2016, 08:57
  #1603 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: on the way to sea
Posts: 238
Air France to TWR: Sir, we it ze bird!
TWR: What did you eat?
AF: We it ze bird.
TWR: sorry, what did you eat?
AF, slowly: W.E. I.T. Z.E. B.I.R.D.
TWR: aaah, you hit the bird!
AF: Affirm, we it ze bird.
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Old 20th Sep 2016, 09:02
  #1604 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: on the way to sea
Posts: 238
lonely night in the tower somewhere in Central Europe....inbound was Gulfstream with delegation of US Senate. The pilot was....judge for yourself.
Gulfstream: Howdy, N8XXXXX on the beam, boots down, all green!
Me: call the ball!
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Old 19th Oct 2016, 21:57
  #1605 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 17
ATC: FLT123 minimum rate of descent -3000 FT/MIN, reduce speed 250 knots, descend FL70

FLT123: minimum rate of descent -3000 FT/MIN, reduce speed 250 knots, from FL140 Down to FL70, FLT123
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Old 3rd Dec 2016, 17:14
  #1606 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: 50'11N 004' 16W
Posts: 282
Seen on arrse website.
Skyvan is given clearance to land, aircraft behind informed number two after Skyvan.
"Roger visual the shed"

"Actually - we're a conservatory".
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Old 19th Dec 2016, 20:32
  #1607 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: England
Posts: 67
ATC: FLT123 [garbled]
FLT123: Repeat please ATC, you were drowned out by our TCAS
ATC: FLT123 traffic passing X,XXX feet below you (etc)
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Old 22nd May 2017, 20:25
  #1608 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The Ethereal Land of Vintage Aviation
Posts: 125
Funny, because that wasn't the intent, way back when....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TgSNSTbzdA
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Old 3rd Aug 2017, 15:57
  #1609 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Huntingdon
Posts: 53
Dusseldorf ATC

Heard years ago. A BA flight is departing Dusseldorf

ATC: Speedbrid XX change to XXX.XX and squak XXXX.

Speedbird: Sorry No can do, our transponder is U/S.

ATC (In very thick stage German accent): Don not vorry Speedbird, ve have vays of making you squak
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Old 11th Oct 2017, 11:20
  #1610 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Right of the Middle
Posts: 349
Heard a couple of months ago, we’re talking to London, Speedbird inbound from the west checks in. Few moments later, controller comes on...

Controller: ‘Speedbird XX, we understand it’s your last flight after a long career with the Company, all the very best from us all at NATS.’

BA retiree: ‘London, thank you very much, yes 44 years. Appreciate all your service’

Third voice: ‘Paul, is that you? All the best. Company will be a worse place without you’

Controller: ‘Speedbird XX, that may as be, but the delay is still 15 minutes I’m afraid sir! Reduce to holding speed, direct Bovingdon to hold.’

Fourth voice: ‘Awesome, I’m one place higher on the seniority list!’
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Old 12th Jan 2018, 21:53
  #1611 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 68
Many thanks

Gentle merged people, I entered this unknown area of PPRuNe for reasons which I seem to have forgotten, my attention having been caught by this thread which I have enjoyed hugely - my eyes have wept tears of mirth! I have treated it like a fine malt and restricted myself to four pages only so, as Arnie said, I'll be back.

My sincere thanks to all contributors. (It's better than JB!)
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Old 15th Nov 2018, 17:18
  #1612 (permalink)  
See and avoid
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 510
A friend told me about a friend of his, many years ago...

Student pilot at Buchanan Field in Concord, California, practicing touch and goes:

Student: "Uh, tower, I just got hit in the head by a golf ball..."

Tower: "Are you declaring an emergency?"

Student: "Uh, no. I just want to land."
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Old 16th Nov 2018, 11:48
  #1613 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Berkshire, UK
Age: 76
Posts: 8,275
Before the days of ATIS we had to read the weather to everyone. Around 7am my colleague read the weather to a Clipper who responded: " Sounds like a real nice day" My colleague: "Yes, but it was dark last night"!
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Old 18th Jan 2019, 03:13
  #1614 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 1
FRom Secondary Aerodrome

Pilot of cherokee vacates runway after no radio landing.
"Scratch, scratch,scratch..." heard on radio.
SMC to Cherokee: "ABC when did you first notice that your radio had failed?"
"Scratch, scratch,scratch..."
--------------------------------
Same SMC.
ABC doing engine run on non duty runway: "Tower, ABC, my propeller just came off."
SMC : "ABC, roger, hold position."
-------------------------------
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Old 7th Aug 2019, 08:22
  #1615 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 28
JFK

Tower “Eastern 702 cleared for takeoff”

Eastern 702 “Switching to Departure. BTW after liftoff we saw some kind of dead animal at far end of runway.”

Tower “Continental 635 cleared for takeoff. Did you copy report from Eastern 702?”

Continental 635 “Roger and copied Eastern. We’ve already notified our caterers.”
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Old 2nd Sep 2019, 16:50
  #1616 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Midlands
Posts: 113
Shamrock inbound to Heathrow. ATC issues an EAT best marked on a calendar and sticks him into the hold at Honiley. Then, broadast to the world, well sector, comes the PA.

EIN "Blah, blah, blah and we'll be landing in 20 minutes, thank you for flying Aer Lingus"

ATC " You just lied to your passengers"

EIN "Ah yes, we'll tell them a bit later!"
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Old 18th Sep 2019, 18:23
  #1617 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Earthville
Posts: 47
Heard the other day:

AirFrance: London I have a request
ATC: Pass your message
AirFrance: Is that Speedbird company still on strike?
ATC: Well there's three currently on frequency so I guess not!

Surely AirFrance know what airline Speedbird is?!
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Old 10th Oct 2019, 16:32
  #1618 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: LKMT
Age: 35
Posts: 15
)))))))))))))
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Old 9th Dec 2019, 14:06
  #1619 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: EU
Posts: 126

you have a cow at FL...
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Old 9th Dec 2019, 16:26
  #1620 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by poldek77 View Post
you have a cow at FL...
I thought she was on Scottish Control... ?


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