Heli, non-heli (and even non-aviation) humour ...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: England & Scotland
Age: 63
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Nicknames are so much funnier if people don't know you have given it to them.
I'm totally flexible about getting my own way.
God put you and me were put on this earth to help others. Why the others are here, God only knows.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food!
I don't use my hoover much, it's just gathering dust.
The Grim Reaper called on me yesterday but I beat him off with the vacuum cleaner. That's what I call Dyson with Death.
I heard Cadbury were developing an Asian chocolate, but that might just be a Chinese Wispa.
Did you hear about the Mexican fireman whose wife had twins? He called one Jose and the other Hose B.
I'm totally flexible about getting my own way.
God put you and me were put on this earth to help others. Why the others are here, God only knows.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food!
I don't use my hoover much, it's just gathering dust.
The Grim Reaper called on me yesterday but I beat him off with the vacuum cleaner. That's what I call Dyson with Death.
I heard Cadbury were developing an Asian chocolate, but that might just be a Chinese Wispa.
Did you hear about the Mexican fireman whose wife had twins? He called one Jose and the other Hose B.
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Daventry UK
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Helicopter humour
Many moons ago I was a crewman in a 72 Sqn Wessex flying along the London Heli Lanes. I think we were returning from a Medevac as we had a navigator on board. We were following the Thames in fairly ‘grobbly ‘ conditions, low cloud, poor vis, when the young pilot began to get concerned. “Do you know where we are, Brian?” he asked the navigator. “Haven’t a clue, but if it helps it’s quarter past four” replied the Nav … as Big Ben passed close down the port side! (I believe the Nav eventually went to the Queen’s Flight, presumably because he could tell the time!)
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Canada
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JD
A man received the following text from his neighbour:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed
his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Bloody autospell! I meant "wifi, not "wife" . . . . .
A man received the following text from his neighbour:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed
his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Bloody autospell! I meant "wifi, not "wife" . . . . .
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Canada
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Finaly, an aviation related joke.
JD
Businessman in 1st Class to a gorgeous flight attendant:
Business Man: What is your name?
Angela Benz, Sir!
Lovely name, any relation to Mercedes Benz?
Yes Sir, very close.
How close?
Same price!
Businessman in 1st Class to a gorgeous flight attendant:
Business Man: What is your name?
Angela Benz, Sir!
Lovely name, any relation to Mercedes Benz?
Yes Sir, very close.
How close?
Same price!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Thaïland
Age: 67
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After a "hard landing" on the tarmac, a old lady go outside from the chopper and ask the pilot : Tell me young man, it was you who put us down or somebody shot us?
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Holly Beach, Louisiana
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Following a Crash of his Helicopter, and late in the night a Helicopter Pilot regained consciousness in Hospital.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes
up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse
hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious
accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her
slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes
up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse
hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious
accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her
slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"