"You've got it? Then why the hell are you calling me!!!"...*click

"Ma'am?......Ma'am...."

I know that with Covid-19 and Brexit we're a bit short of cash at the moment, but surely the government can afford to buy us cordless phones.

"One does insist upon ordering from Harrods - even if Tesco does have toilet rolls."

B (thinks): "I've always wanted to have my hands in my pockets when talking to an authority figure."

HM: "So this herd immunity policy - it means anyone over 70 is disposable, does it? I know you don't rate knowledge and understanding, but do you know what Treason is?"

Clicking in the background on the line....

Yes Mr President our Agent Novachock has had its delayed reaction.

“No, one does NOT want to buy insurance for those final expenses!”

Boris....Yes we are one step closer to William becoming King. You can rest easy Camilla will NEVER become Queen

HM: "Let me recommend to you a good hairdresser - come to think of it, probably the most incompetent in the whole country could do better than that."

No matter how many of your Ministers are incapacitated Farage will not become PM

Please hold the line, your call is important to us. ..Music plays God Save The Queen

B: “I am from Microsoft Technical Services, and I can see you have a virus on your computer.”
Q: “Good try, Prime Minister, now get back to work.”

HMTQ....Please arrange a clear passage to Orkney, one has to protect ones Corgies

HMTQ "Have you been in an accident that wasn't your fault? No? Thought not!!"

No sorry Mr Johnson, at times of National Emergency you do not inspire the country unlike Mr Churchill

Or Mrs Thatcher!!

Betty: "Well call the EU for help...oh wait...good job Boris!"

HMTQ.... Philip thanks you for clearing the roads for him, he is just popping out in the Range Rover to pick me up a copy of The Times...

Well I am The Queen and it has my name on it so if I want to take a cruise round the Mediterranean you should make it available to me.

mum can I drop around about noonish, I've got some wonderful news