Caption competition

[Ascend Charlie]

"I TOLD you we couldn't fit through that gap, Hoskins! Now look what you've done, how will we get rid of it?"
"Well, how about we scrape it off on the Tower Bridge?"

[Danny42C]

Ascend Charlie,

Had these ready in magazine, really not plagiarism, AC, I assure you - but I would ask WeeJeem to disregard first and third in his choice. Better fire this lot off in case it happens again !

"No - it won't go through the Panama Canal !"

"What happens if we roll over, Sir ?"........"There'll be one hell of a Tsunami for a start, Hoskins !"

"No use Cap'n, we'll have to go round by the Cape"....."Why, is it too big to go through the Canal ?....."No, Cap'n - it's too big to go through the Straits of Gibraltar !"

"Where have Gormley's Iron Men gone from Crosby Beach ?"......"They saw this coming out of the Mersey and scarpered !"

"How are they going to get it off, Sir ?".........."Levitation, Hoskins !"

"When we've delivered this, chaps, we're going out to NZ to piggy-back some destroyer that the Navy drove on to a rock which Cap'n Cook put on the charts two hundred years ago !"

"When will we reach the Point of No Return, Navigator ?"......."When we cast off, Cap'n !"

[Buster Hyman]

Last time we docked here, they reckon the Skipper threw the biggest dummy spit ever! Well, he's keen to prove them wrong...

[Danny42C]

"There's a funny smell - I think it may be addled by now !"

[brakedwell]

Is the next hole par four or par five?

[Danny42C]

"Cap'n the engine really canna take it any more"........"Shurrup, McNab, and pile a bit more coal on !"

[WeeJeem]

Originally Posted by Danny42C

[...] I would ask WeeJeem to disregard first and third in his choice.

So be it

So, the usual drill - a bit more time toolpusher few more captions out, and oi'll rig the results later this evening.

[Danny42C]

"Hoskins - you're the one who's always wittering on about not teaching grandmothers how to suck eggs...here's a Black & Decker, get on with it !"

[Danny42C]

" 'Twas on the good ship Venus........!"

[Pontius Navigator]

Originally Posted by Danny42C

"When will we reach the Point of No Return, Navigator ?"......."When we cast off, Cap'n !"

Danny, priceless.

[andytug]

Originally Posted by Buster Hyman

It's a gift from the Trojans. They're actually a bunch of nice lads...

The well-known manufacturer of prophylactics?

[andytug]

Humpty Dumpty was making damn sure he was stable this time!

[Danny42C]

"I think I've forgotten my Solar Topee ! We'll have to go back, Number One - put the ship about !"........."Can't, Sir - we're still in the Channel, and it's not wide enough for us to turn round !"

[Danny42C]

"No, Madam, this is not the Isle o' Man Boat, and I cannot put you ashore !"

[JAVELINBOY]

Boaty McEggface sails into port to join her sister ship Boaty McBoatface

[Danny42C]

"It'd make a grand omelette - if we had a big enough pan !

[Danny42C]

"No, Madam, I don't think it would fit in your microwave !"

[WeeJeem]

And, as The X-Band Self-Propelled Semi-Submersible Of Time sets sail on The Ebb Tide Of Fate in its lonely search of the oceans for a mate, it's my pleasure to announce the witty winners...

pasta takes 3rd place with

Originally Posted by pasta

The Brobdingnag Olympic golf team arive in Rio...

Hempy's in 2nd place with

Originally Posted by Hempy

Hestons latest Masterchef macaroon challenge

and andytug takes line honours with

Originally Posted by andytug

Proof, if any were needed, that defence contracts are rigged.

Well done, andytug, you have the con

.

[andytug]

Thanks WeeJeem, and here's the new starter for ten....

[Hempy]

When you said that you needed to 'go and lay a cable', this isn't exactly what I thought you had in mind..