Slight thread drift
 

But flying back from Larnaca this week the couple sat next to me were obviously a bit thick.
Coming out over the Belgian Coast, there as clear as you could see was a huge Wind farm.

"What's that down there in the sea ?" pipes up the lady.

"A wind farm" is the guys reply.

"No, thats just silly, who are they making the electricity for, the bloody fish ? " is madam's reply.

She then continued to mumble about why on earth you would build a wind farm out at sea,and lose all the electricity. Her final comment, "No, you've got me stumperd there".

No, really ??

Classic
 

Ha ha. That's classic. I've heard some real doozies. Once I was asked if men can get off first instead of children and women. That was was very self-preservational!
Why said chivalry was dead hey?!

"Self-preservational" - like the wooden man in the Sadolin advert from yonks ago? ;-) No comment about "men getting off before women and children" though ... :}

Edit - BTW this was posted AFTER the next post - currently 23:23 in UK!

Perhaps a bladder issue? Was he over 50?

I’m frequent SLF and it never ceases to amaze me how people behave at passport control, security, boarding and disembarking. Here’s one from last Thursday going through security at BRU. They have a roller conveyor to the x-ray machine with a stack of trays at the beginning. Simple process: wait your turn, take one or two trays as needed, move on down the conveyor and start unloading your pockets etc.

There I am waiting for space on the conveyor before taking a tray when the thick SLF (henceforth TSLF) behind me is in such a hurry that he starts unloading his pockets into the tray on the top of the stack. Space opens up on the conveyor so I grab the top tray, put it on the conveyor and throw my jacket in it. Cue much gesticulating from TSLF that his stuff is under my jacket. I lift my jacket and TSLF grabs his stuff. I then go to grab another tray for my laptop but, yes you’ve guess it, TSLF has put all his stuff in that one. I ask him, in a rather harassed tone; to wait until the people in front all have a tray before he starts unloading his pockets. So, finally we all get our trays and get our stuff unloaded.

Now there are about four of us by the conveyor with our stuff in trays, waiting for the x-ray machine to catch up. Personally I like to stay with my stuff until I see it go into the x-ray machine, or at least the security guard is manhandling it in. Evidently the two people in front of me feel the same and wait but, not TSLF, he’s abandoned his stuff at the beginning of the conveyor and is through the metal detector like a rat up a drainpipe. No problem, that’s his choice, apparently he’s not bothered about pick pockets or opportunist thieves. So now he’s waiting expectantly at the other side right by the exit door of the x-ray machine. As the trays and bags each of the people in front of me move through the x-ray machine, they walk through the metal detector, try to get their stuff (which they can’t easily do because TSLF is blocking the exit of the x-ray machine) and politely ask TSLF to move out of the way so they can get their stuff.

By the time I arrived, and had to ask TSLF to move out of the way so I could get my stuff, he is getting really quite agitated as to where his stuff is. I think he genuinely couldn’t work out that his stuff would come out of the x-ray machine after the people in front of him in the queue, even though he went through the metal detector first. Presumably he thought there was a little man inside the machine that sorts all the trays in to the order which people walked through the metal detector. You do have to wonder. :ugh: ;)

A very wise man once said “remember, 49% of people are below average intelligence”. :)

Maybe he was a first-time flyer???

If there is a box and things go in one end and come out the other end, I think it is basic intelligence to work out that the things go in one end first will come out of the other end first, and the things that go in one end last will come out of the other end last. It doesn’t matter if the box is in an airport, supermarket or some other place.

Something which many passengers clearly lack, along with basic manners. In fairness though, I have a friend who is a very nervous flyer and she loses the plot before she has to fly.

Unless you're an accountant and you're company practices LIFO inventory

Any your point is? My story was about someone acting daft at security. How does a company’s warehouse practices have any relevance to that? Unless of course you are suggesting that he works in a warehouse that uses LIFO and henceforth applies that principal to all situations he meets in the outside world. In which case he is as daft as he appeared to be. :p

Was on a flight last year and the cabin lights were dimmed for departure. The cabin got quiet as the passengers anticipated takeoff. And then a young boy (about 3yo) shouted: "cockadoodledooooo... "

The whole cabin was in stitches. :)

May have posted this before, as a passenger I have now 'mastered' security.

Travel with as little hand luggage as possible is basically the key. And just say hello to the security people. That's not a ploy, simply that I have long realised that being nice is nice.

However, I am frequently astounded by people.

1. Lady in front of me at London City had bags full of wrapped presents.
Security staff asks her "Can you tell me what's in them?"
Her reply: "I have no idea."

Cue intake of breath through gritted teeth from me, stuck behind her until I am waved through.

2. Group of 5-6 clearly rich 18/19 year olds who fail to understand (or listen) to requests. Everytime security officer asks them "OK, do you have anything else, anything electronic in your pockets?"

"Just my iPhone. Is that electronic?"

It goes on and on.

3. Obnoxious man at Gatwick pushes me out of the way (I'm big, it was some shove) to my obvious shock. I say hello to security officer, who noticed the incident. Who then subjects obnoxious man to full security sweep. Hehe. Shoes off, hand luggage opened, questions, the lot.



My big pet het is that when items come through the scanner, people start getting all their stuff the moment it hits the rollers, causing congestion. Just wait for it to get to the end!

Rant Over.

end of long story .... went back to apologise to the pax. for landing at Manchester instead of London - after 8 hours flying from New York.

Lord Muck, Chairman of A Very Big Company, asked why I hadn't told them earlier that it was foggy at London ? I said - actually it wasn't, ( until very recently ) and what would you have done, got off ?

Lady Muck nearly wet herself and hid her laughter behind a magazine.

Sadly, Graham Hill killed himself, and others, about an hour later trying to land in fog. How I wished Lord Muck had still been around.

Turned out he would have tried to get me to get a message to our Company Chairman - a "personal" friend of his - to organise a private Rolls to drive to Manchester to pick him up. Tough, he travelled British Rail from Crewe, like everyone else.

Lord King must have had an address book the size of the Manhatten telephone directory with the number of his 'personal friends' I carried over the years!

and I was supposed to place an HF radio call in flight to Control Centre to organise a telephone call to said Chairman ( days before cellphones or ACARS ) whilst dealing with a demanding diversion ? Yeah ! Right !

Same flight - another "precious" pax. advised that he was a Private Pilot and could land in 150m visibility in fog, so what was wrong with me ? Another to whom I would have had great pleasure on relating the sad news of Graham Hill !

Well dressed Indian businessman ahead of me in security at toilet-town "airport" puts his explosive-proof ziplock bag full of toiletries in the tray. Security muppet, aged about 19 looks hard at it and very condescendingly tells him it isn't legal. He naturally enquires why and is told its an inch too wide...and he must buy a replacement bag for an outrageous amount of money from a nearby slot machine. he looks utterly flummoxed as well he might but complies politely and tries to stuff his goods into the smaller bag which wasn't big enough to close. The jobsworth security muppet-girl accepts this (despite the bag now lacking its explosive-proof capabilities by being open) despite it being as "illegal" as the extra inch had been a minute ago. Businessman looks completely disbelieving and tries to reason with muppet, saying, "I can't see what difference it makes, you are an intelligent person..."

This surely has to be the daftest SLF comment ever!

Thick or not, they pay our wages!! (Vast majority are decent intelligent people)

Thank you SADDLER - we're way ahead of you on that one... Do try and keep up at the back.

Last night. Tenerife flight. Pax asks "Are you going back to EG** on this aircraft?" CC answers "Yes". Pax asks "Is that the same flight home that we will be on when we go home in 2 weeks?" CC answers "Yes". Pax asks "Will it be on time or are we going to be delayed?"

:ugh:

Sometimes I do wonder if the door is there to keep terrorists out or to protect us from catching 'Dumb Disease' off of the pax.

Perhaps the irony escaped you.

Fantome
The 'suicide bomber' would never make it in a light twin. Once the left engine had thrown a piston and the right engine, now at full power, was losing oil pressure, he would be on his way to his fate long before reaching his chosen target.

@Well he was very perceptive on one thing....we are all going to die.

I must admit I have felt the same way after eating out in India.


Where exactly did you eat out in India, what did you eat and why was it a bad experience? I find most people who eat out are fine if they choose their eateries. Pretty much the same, all over the world, I would think!!:)

But they've got the dog with them to make sure they don't touch anything.

t1grm

My objection is people who turn up in the queue and have no end of
bits and pieces to take out of pockets - which invariably they don't
start organising until they get to the trays and so it takes ages
- and then have broaches, large metal belt buckles, metal shoes
to add to it.

I wish some advice was given out to flyers to plan ahead.

Might be too much to ask.

Agreed, that’s also annoying, along with a myriad of other things at the security check such as; inability to understand what constitutes a liquid (yes aerosols and creams are liquids); inability to understand what a metal object is; blocking space on the conveyor/table whilst you unload when there is room for another 5/10 trays between you and the x-ray machine which other people could be using; insisting upon repacking your hand luggage and pockets right at the exit door of the x-ray machine where your tray first reappears rather than carrying it to the acres of repacking space usually provided. I could go on…. :{ :)

Yep, and all it would take is the Security person who collects
the trays to do a bit of traffic organisation by voice command.

Anyway, enough of that !

Overheard next to a carousel in GLA on Wednesday: "You'd think our bags would be here by now; I'm sure we were first to check in".

My fellow pax worry me sometimes.

This is slightly offtopic as this comment was written today as a response to the silly daily mail article, complaining how they're slowing their planes by 2mins per hour to save fuel. A misguided but funny response:

Some car drivers used to (some still do) switch off their engine whilst travelling down hill to save petrol. Perhaps Ryan Air could ask their pilots to switch the engines off when there is a backwind say, or even switch just one engine off, as planes are capable of flying on one engine until ready for descent. Just a though.
- RBCR , Basingstoke,

Thick Passengers
 

Hello All,

I am now so fed up with passengers yelling to me in the flightdeck from the forward vestibule (B737) with dumb comments such as:

"You said 10 minutes to landing on the PA and I timed it and it was 12, that's not very good!"

"There are screws missing on the wings" (engine pylon vents)

"You've got an oil leak" (condensation)

"The wing looks bent" (winglet)

"You've had an airmiss by 200', file a report, I'm a glider pilot!!" (TCAS, ATC anyone?)

"A bit fell off the engine on landing" (Thrust Reverser deployment)

"You've braked too hard, you have to call the engineers" (Autobrake 3, Idle reverse)

"You hit something up there!" (wake turbulence)

"Lousy parking, you're miles from the corridor" (airbridge)

"You took off on one engine, I'm reporting you to the CAA!" (he did)

"It's not foggy at the airport, my sister is there, why can't you do an autoland?" (100m visibility, non precision approach)

Now, a few years ago I would have taken some time to reassure the concerned individuals that all was normal and explained what it was that they saw, heard or felt in order to further good PR and to make the passenger feel appreciated and to avoid being dismissive.

However, now we have more and more of these inane comments coming thick and fast (pardon the pun) from ruder and apparently dumber passengers who don't seem to want to believe the truth even when I take the time to explain it, and coupled with insanely short turn round times so I don't have the opportunity these days to explain anything in detail, I'm afraid that I resorted to telling the last complainant firmly just to "get off as you are blocking the emergency exit". No further conversation was entered into.

This did the trick.

I'm a bit disappointed that it has come to this but I've run out of patience and good ideas, and I'm not too bothered with good PR any more as it seems to be completely wasted on the masses, any suggestions folks?

A cattle prod and just 'tickle' the offenders as they exit the aircraft.

Maybe get a job with a non-LCC?
If you're lucky, it will be a different class of "masses".

If he thinks as distant as 200' is an airmiss, he isn't a glider pilot, trust me.

Why is that a thick comment? I often find if I'm very early to check in my bag is one of the first on the carousel.

If you follow the sequence, first to check in would mean first in the hold area waiting to be loaded, so first on the truck so last off the truck, so first on the aircraft, so first off the aircraft and first on the carousel. Or something like that.

EH?...How do you work that one out then? Are you suggesting that every cargo compartment has an "IN" door , and an "OUT" door?....so the loaders push the first bag all the way to the out door and pile the others behind? NO
First on ,is, logically, last off.

you forgot the pax scanner
 

You probably just don´t notice the cameras as you enter the baggage claim area. Using face recognition software, the faces of the first passengers to clear immigration and arrive at the baggage claim, will be scanned and their baggage will be set aside until the last few bags come in.

Meanwhile, the passengers last off the aircraft, will have their bags going round and round and round, as entertainment for these first passengers, waiting for their own bags.

:uhoh:

Sorry, just a typo, I meant last off the truck, last on the aircraft, first off.

There must be some logical process to bag handling, and more often than not I find that if I checked my hold bag ridiculously early then it's one of the first out, whereas travelling companions who checked in much later had to wait longer for theirs.

"There must be some logical process to bag handling" :=

Baggage loading
 

The trouble with baggage loading is it varies so much. At a tiny airport they may well put each bag straight onto the trolley which then gets pulled out to the aircraft. If that's the case the first bags will be at the bottom of the pile, last into the aircraft, first off onto the trolley and at the bottom of the pile again so last onto the conveyor.

All that assumes one trolley. Add a 2nd trolley and all bets are off; fill one first, then the other or spread the load across both trolleys in some logical, or more likely, illogical way? Now, when you get to the aircraft the trolleys will get loaded one by one so now everything is potentially mixed up. And the whole process at the other end will probably have bags coming off onto one trolley and when that's full the rest go on the next trolley. Which gets offloaded first at the terminal?

Now think about somewhere like Heathrow. People checking in 3 hours before departure for a 747. The bags probably go to a holding area then into a container. Some airlines prioritise bags of premium classes so First and Business bags go into the last container loaded on the plane (in theory). By the time the bags have been put in several containers and then several containers have been offloaded and taken back to the terminal who knows what order they're in.