Cheeky answers to paxs comments!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: UK
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Britannia stewardess during duty free sales:
Pax asks for Vodka Black Label.
Stewardess gets out Vodka, puts in bag, gives to pax.
Pax asks stewardess what proof it is, stewardess says it is 100% proof. Pax looks at label and says it doesn't say what proof on the label. Stewardess asks pax for his flight ticket which she then looks at and says: "It doesn't say you're a prat on this ticket but you are one"
Pax asks for Vodka Black Label.
Stewardess gets out Vodka, puts in bag, gives to pax.
Pax asks stewardess what proof it is, stewardess says it is 100% proof. Pax looks at label and says it doesn't say what proof on the label. Stewardess asks pax for his flight ticket which she then looks at and says: "It doesn't say you're a prat on this ticket but you are one"
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: W.Sx UK
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Got this from another site with a similar thread.....made me chuckle.
BA flight, CSD is at door during boarding, greeting the pax,when a short man comes tearing down jetty all hufty and stressed and says to CSD "I'm not happy",to which the CSD replied as quick as a flash......."So which of the seven are you then?"
That's a classic IMO.......
BA flight, CSD is at door during boarding, greeting the pax,when a short man comes tearing down jetty all hufty and stressed and says to CSD "I'm not happy",to which the CSD replied as quick as a flash......."So which of the seven are you then?"
That's a classic IMO.......
Join Date: Jun 2003
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rude pax
i remember on the 767 with XLA on a flight back from RHO to LGW when my friend on the double cart with me stopped at a lady(and i use that term loosely):
f/a:"would you like a hot meal madam?"
pax:" yeh what you got?"
f/a: "theres a choice,chicken or beef"
pax: "show me the beef.....(hands meal to her)..that looks like
dog sh*t"
f/a: " well we do try to tailor our meals to suit our passengers
madam"
she then took off the brake and continued.Unfortunately the joke went way over the passengers head.
f/a:"would you like a hot meal madam?"
pax:" yeh what you got?"
f/a: "theres a choice,chicken or beef"
pax: "show me the beef.....(hands meal to her)..that looks like
dog sh*t"
f/a: " well we do try to tailor our meals to suit our passengers
madam"
she then took off the brake and continued.Unfortunately the joke went way over the passengers head.
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Australia
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Two stories from the one sector last week.
Had a rude guy the other day. Gold Frequent Flyer showing off to his wife doing the whole "treat the FAs like you own the place" sort of thing. This guy upset the Purser and then me before takeoff. He kept trying to start a scene but I wasn't biting and just stood and smiled while he waffled on. It got to the stage where his wife was very embarrased and not imppresed to say the least.
We started the morning tea service and I offered him some cake and whatever else there was.
Me: "Would you care for morning tea?"
Rude Man: "I don't think I'll risk my life today."
Me: "That's a shame..."
That shut the old begger up! The pax around him laughed.
******
I was securing the cabin for takeoff and this lady had her handbag around her neck. It wasn't a small one (which I normally over look) it was the size of a small caravan.
Me: "Madam would you please place your handbag under the seat in front of you for takeoff."
Lady: "My handbag? That's pathetic!"
Me: "Yes it is - but it still needs to go under the seat in front."
Had a rude guy the other day. Gold Frequent Flyer showing off to his wife doing the whole "treat the FAs like you own the place" sort of thing. This guy upset the Purser and then me before takeoff. He kept trying to start a scene but I wasn't biting and just stood and smiled while he waffled on. It got to the stage where his wife was very embarrased and not imppresed to say the least.
We started the morning tea service and I offered him some cake and whatever else there was.
Me: "Would you care for morning tea?"
Rude Man: "I don't think I'll risk my life today."
Me: "That's a shame..."
That shut the old begger up! The pax around him laughed.
******
I was securing the cabin for takeoff and this lady had her handbag around her neck. It wasn't a small one (which I normally over look) it was the size of a small caravan.
Me: "Madam would you please place your handbag under the seat in front of you for takeoff."
Lady: "My handbag? That's pathetic!"
Me: "Yes it is - but it still needs to go under the seat in front."
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Luton UK
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A few from the no-frills sector;
***
During the bar service, a pax bought a couple of bottles of wine...
f/a: That comes to £6-00 sir.
pax: That's a lot for two drinks!
f/a: Just remember you're paying for the view!
***
Making a PA;
f/a: Ladies and Gentlemen, unfortunately due to busy flights earlier in the day, we have run out of sandwiches.
[groan from some pax]
f/a: Don't worry, I said SANDWICHES not FUEL!
***
With free seating, all the pax were getting on from doors 1 and choosing the seats at the front, holding up everyone else on the jetway. So, on the PA...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you are just joining us, we would kindly ask you to keep moving down the cabin so the pax behind you can board. This will speed up the boarding process, helping us to achieve an on time departure this evening, and more importantly it will help the nose go up on take off!"
***
Finally, after a go around/ missed-approach and subsequent safe landing into Amsterdam...
"On behalf of us all here at *****, we do hope you enjoyed your flight, and the extra free sight-seeing tour of Holland at no extra charge!"
***
During the bar service, a pax bought a couple of bottles of wine...
f/a: That comes to £6-00 sir.
pax: That's a lot for two drinks!
f/a: Just remember you're paying for the view!
***
Making a PA;
f/a: Ladies and Gentlemen, unfortunately due to busy flights earlier in the day, we have run out of sandwiches.
[groan from some pax]
f/a: Don't worry, I said SANDWICHES not FUEL!
***
With free seating, all the pax were getting on from doors 1 and choosing the seats at the front, holding up everyone else on the jetway. So, on the PA...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you are just joining us, we would kindly ask you to keep moving down the cabin so the pax behind you can board. This will speed up the boarding process, helping us to achieve an on time departure this evening, and more importantly it will help the nose go up on take off!"
***
Finally, after a go around/ missed-approach and subsequent safe landing into Amsterdam...
"On behalf of us all here at *****, we do hope you enjoyed your flight, and the extra free sight-seeing tour of Holland at no extra charge!"
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: england
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Hey Guys,
Check this Thread out that i posted last Sept. It will make you smile if you haven't read it before........over 90 replies!!!
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthr...light=annoying
Keep smiling - if we didn't we'd cry!!!
Check this Thread out that i posted last Sept. It will make you smile if you haven't read it before........over 90 replies!!!
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthr...light=annoying
Keep smiling - if we didn't we'd cry!!!
Join Date: Aug 2002
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sorry guys heres another one from on the ground...last tues i was conversing in the middle of the terminal with a collegue from airport services when a big loud yank who was all stressed out and sweating gallons ran up to us, rudely interupting our conversation,he shouted at us in a big loud new york accent"hey you two wheres british air"to which i replied "sir,youre breathing it".he walked off with a vey red face
also a collegue at lhr a while ago. sir.the flight is indefinately delayed,
pax,well how longs indefinately
agent,i dont know its indefinately delayed
pax again,well how bloody longs indefinately
agent.sir i have two balls and neither are crystal
also a collegue at lhr a while ago. sir.the flight is indefinately delayed,
pax,well how longs indefinately
agent,i dont know its indefinately delayed
pax again,well how bloody longs indefinately
agent.sir i have two balls and neither are crystal
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: manchester uk
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britannia - 'when I booked this flight on the internet it said I got a meal' - steward 'I don't think it did madam' - ' no when I booked on line I was told I'd get a meal' - steward ' well www.we ain't got nun dot com'.
'for those of you wishing to partake of our movie on the wing - it's gone with the wind'
'any please thankyou tea? - anyone for any please thankyou tea?' -(has to be said in glasweigian accent).
w**k you- bye -
'i'm with him' - 'we all have a cross to bear madam'
'we're together' - 'do you want to be?'
'got any nuts?' - 'about 290 of them madam'
'do you serve nuts?' - sir we serve all our passengers'
'got any cheesy pringles?' - no they cleared up since I went to the doctors'
sometimes I wonder how we get away with it ... answers on a post card please....
'for those of you wishing to partake of our movie on the wing - it's gone with the wind'
'any please thankyou tea? - anyone for any please thankyou tea?' -(has to be said in glasweigian accent).
w**k you- bye -
'i'm with him' - 'we all have a cross to bear madam'
'we're together' - 'do you want to be?'
'got any nuts?' - 'about 290 of them madam'
'do you serve nuts?' - sir we serve all our passengers'
'got any cheesy pringles?' - no they cleared up since I went to the doctors'
sometimes I wonder how we get away with it ... answers on a post card please....
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: France
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On one of my flights, a pax comes up to me and asks "when is this dustbin of an aeroplane going to take off then ?" to which I very politely answered (with my most gorgeous sincere smile): "Well, when it's full sir..."
And to another pax who was complaining about the size of the aircraft (a BAe 146 by the way)... "It's like most small things, sir, if you treat it with care and don't rub it up the wrong way, it grows in size !"
And to another pax who was complaining about the size of the aircraft (a BAe 146 by the way)... "It's like most small things, sir, if you treat it with care and don't rub it up the wrong way, it grows in size !"
Join Date: Aug 2003
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I was on a flight operating from Freetown(Sierra Leone) and about 3 hours during the flight me and my fellow crew members sat at the back seats of the B757.I was listening to music when the lady(who is african) ask me where the toilets was.I said its just at the begining of this cabin on the side and pointed at the toilets at L3R3.When i looked up again I saw the lady tried to open L3.I flew over my collegue and ran to her and couldnot hold it back and yelled to her:"Are u F%*&crazy"Wich she replied she cant get the toilet door open.I told her that that door was an armed aircraft door and not the toilet door..........I still laugh about it when it cross my mind but on that day it scared the life out of me cause i didnot knew that a door cant be open during flight
Join Date: Aug 2003
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A couple more from the ground:
"What do you mean its delayed, its only fog, I have a meeting to get to!" Im so sorry sir, I didnt realise you were flying for a particular reason today - let me get my hairdryer and blow the fog off the runway.
"Do you not realise who I am, I demand an upgrade" Oh sir, Im sorry - now unfortunately we dont offer business class on this service, however i have the seat JUST for you right up the front - 2A. (I just wish I was onboard to see when he finds that 2A has NO legroom, NO window, NO tray table, the most uncomfortable airbag built into the seatbelt, and a padded headbuffer on the side of the galley - anyone fimiliar with the JetStream 41's will understand)
"I'm not paying that, they didnt charge me for excess baggage on the way down" NO?? Well how about I charge you for THAT sector also - no?? ok then, well you either pay for your excess, or I will offload YOU as well as your bags.
All of course said with the airline smile that we were all employed for!
"What do you mean its delayed, its only fog, I have a meeting to get to!" Im so sorry sir, I didnt realise you were flying for a particular reason today - let me get my hairdryer and blow the fog off the runway.
"Do you not realise who I am, I demand an upgrade" Oh sir, Im sorry - now unfortunately we dont offer business class on this service, however i have the seat JUST for you right up the front - 2A. (I just wish I was onboard to see when he finds that 2A has NO legroom, NO window, NO tray table, the most uncomfortable airbag built into the seatbelt, and a padded headbuffer on the side of the galley - anyone fimiliar with the JetStream 41's will understand)
"I'm not paying that, they didnt charge me for excess baggage on the way down" NO?? Well how about I charge you for THAT sector also - no?? ok then, well you either pay for your excess, or I will offload YOU as well as your bags.
All of course said with the airline smile that we were all employed for!
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Manchester
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Hi,
I read about a TWA flight from New York JFK to Lisbon where a Flight Attendant was serving the meals and she woke a passenger up to see if he wanted one:
FA - "Would you like a meal"
Passenger - "No, I don't feel like one"
FA - "Sorry, mind reading isn't in my job discription"
Thanks
Thomas_Cook_757-300
I read about a TWA flight from New York JFK to Lisbon where a Flight Attendant was serving the meals and she woke a passenger up to see if he wanted one:
FA - "Would you like a meal"
Passenger - "No, I don't feel like one"
FA - "Sorry, mind reading isn't in my job discription"
Thanks
Thomas_Cook_757-300
Join Date: Feb 2001
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Have some friends that used to fly for Ansett.
One day it was pretty busy and footy team on board wanting beers, trying to show off and chat up the girls. One guy trying to get another drink in the middle of dinner service sticks his hand up and starts clicking his fingers. One of the girls, who shall remain nameless, turns around and in quite a loud voice says " it will take more than you clicking your fingers to make me come!". He copped a fair bit of flack from the rest of the plane after the laughter subsided.
One day it was pretty busy and footy team on board wanting beers, trying to show off and chat up the girls. One guy trying to get another drink in the middle of dinner service sticks his hand up and starts clicking his fingers. One of the girls, who shall remain nameless, turns around and in quite a loud voice says " it will take more than you clicking your fingers to make me come!". He copped a fair bit of flack from the rest of the plane after the laughter subsided.
Join Date: Feb 2002
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A rare busy afternoon on Buzz check in one day last year.
A businessmen checks in just before check in closure. One of our attractive young female members of staff hands him is boarding card and says "you need to go straight to gate 34, boarding time 1535".
"But its already 1545" replies the businessman.
"Better walk backwards then" replied the check in agent.
(Had us in stitches for a bit).
I remember a french fellah and his chinese girlfriend trying to check in for CDG one night. Had nearly 50 kgs between them, so I had to charge some excess. He spoke no english, she did. She went off on one, screaming blue murder, f'ing this f'ing that, they didn't charge us on Eurostar etc etc. I noticed it was just a few minutes from check in closure so I keep the argument going....
Low and behold we closed check in without the rude young b***c having been checked in so she had to pay not only for excess baggage, but a change of flight fee as well.
A businessmen checks in just before check in closure. One of our attractive young female members of staff hands him is boarding card and says "you need to go straight to gate 34, boarding time 1535".
"But its already 1545" replies the businessman.
"Better walk backwards then" replied the check in agent.
(Had us in stitches for a bit).
I remember a french fellah and his chinese girlfriend trying to check in for CDG one night. Had nearly 50 kgs between them, so I had to charge some excess. He spoke no english, she did. She went off on one, screaming blue murder, f'ing this f'ing that, they didn't charge us on Eurostar etc etc. I noticed it was just a few minutes from check in closure so I keep the argument going....
Low and behold we closed check in without the rude young b***c having been checked in so she had to pay not only for excess baggage, but a change of flight fee as well.
mostly harmless
timzsta
Ok they were rude.
But wasn't it a bit mean to charge them excess when they had less than 25Kg per person?
If they had smiled nicely, what would have been your reaction?
I must admit that I've got away with heavier stuff.
answer=42
Ok they were rude.
But wasn't it a bit mean to charge them excess when they had less than 25Kg per person?
If they had smiled nicely, what would have been your reaction?
I must admit that I've got away with heavier stuff.
answer=42