A couple more from the ground:
"What do you mean its delayed, its only fog, I have a meeting to get to!" Im so sorry sir, I didnt realise you were flying for a particular reason today - let me get my hairdryer and blow the fog off the runway.
"Do you not realise who I am, I demand an upgrade" Oh sir, Im sorry - now unfortunately we dont offer business class on this service, however i have the seat JUST for you right up the front - 2A. (I just wish I was onboard to see when he finds that 2A has NO legroom, NO window, NO tray table, the most uncomfortable airbag built into the seatbelt, and a padded headbuffer on the side of the galley - anyone fimiliar with the JetStream 41's will understand)
"I'm not paying that, they didnt charge me for excess baggage on the way down" NO?? Well how about I charge you for THAT sector also - no?? ok then, well you either pay for your excess, or I will offload YOU as well as your bags.
All of course said with the airline smile that we were all employed for!