A few from the no-frills sector;
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During the bar service, a pax bought a couple of bottles of wine...
f/a: That comes to £6-00 sir.
pax: That's a lot for two drinks!
f/a: Just remember you're paying for the view!
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Making a PA;
f/a: Ladies and Gentlemen, unfortunately due to busy flights earlier in the day, we have run out of sandwiches.
[groan from some pax]
f/a: Don't worry, I said SANDWICHES not FUEL!
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With free seating, all the pax were getting on from doors 1 and choosing the seats at the front, holding up everyone else on the jetway. So, on the PA...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you are just joining us, we would kindly ask you to keep moving down the cabin so the pax behind you can board. This will speed up the boarding process, helping us to achieve an on time departure this evening, and more importantly it will help the nose go up on take off!"
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Finally, after a go around/ missed-approach and subsequent safe landing into Amsterdam...
"On behalf of us all here at *****, we do hope you enjoyed your flight, and the extra free sight-seeing tour of Holland at no extra charge!"