Thick passenger comments

[Cytherea]

At Check in....

Sitting on a Ryanair check-in desk some years ago...my partner working the flight with me had some real minor soap actor "celebrity" at her desk - as usual he had too much baggage and didn't want to pay and was becoming agressive and rude...he uttered the immortal words...

"Do you know who I am"

Quick as a flash my colleague stood up on the baggage conveyor and shouted to the packed terminal...

"EXcuse me everyone - We have a man here who doesn't know ewho he is- Can anyone help him out..."

obvious laughter from everyone around him who had overheard - he shuffled off to pay red faced and a little more humble!

[Capetonian]

When I worked for SAA town office, years ago, a minor celebrity, someone who had been a 'has been' 20 years earlier, a third rate local soap opera star, came in and wanted a seat on a flight. I told him the computer system was down, the dreaded SAAFARI, and that I'd ring him when back on line. He stormed off to a travel agency where they 'knew what they were doing', and didn't give me the chance to explain that they used SAAFARI too and thus would also be off-line.

10 minutes later he was back and I had to ask him his name - I genuinely didn't know who he was, only found out later from my colleagues who thought I'd done it to piss him off, and then when he barked his name at me and told me who he was, I didn't know how to spell it. He was most indignant when I told him I didn't watch TV, least of all third rate local soap operas. A couple of years later he was involved in a rather unsavoury scandal.

[BAAlltheway]

I could go on...

Years ago, when i was still checking in SLF, i had inumerable episodes of classic passenger moments. I'll share a few...

Flight for TLV
Me: I'm sorry sir, i'll waive 8kg, but you will need to pay some excess baggage charges, as you have 39kg in your hold bag, and 17kg in your handbaggage, and your allowance is only 23kg and 6 kg.
-queue gradually escalalting arguements from pax for 10 mins resulting in-
Pax: You're only charging me because your racist because i've got a beard.....
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way sir, and i can assure you i am not racist, but I think you mean hirsuit-ist.

Flight to LOS

Me:Where are you travelling to today?
Pax:I'd like to check in for Lagos
Me:I'm sorry, you are too late, the flight departed 3 hours ago
Pax:Can you ask if i can run for it?
Me:Umm, i'm afraid its a bit late for that.


Me: Can i see your passport please?
Pax: Here it is
Me: Um, sir, this seems to be someone elses passport, do you have yours with you?
Pax: Oh, its my wife's. I dont have mine. Do you think they will notice if i use that one?

Family going to europe.

Having established the flight they are travelling on from their tickets, i look up the booking, and note the number of pax in front of me not the same as booked.
Me:So, how many of you are travelling today?
Family:2 adults and an infant
Me:Ah, is the infant with someone else, i'll need to see all pax to check you in.
Family: The infant? queue panic, looking around, look of dawning horror...
"The baby is on the kitchen table at home......"

BAATW

[Spunky Monkey]

That last one is the best ever!

I regularly wake up in the night after having a nightmare, usually after misplacing my child. I think that I have now become over protecting.

As for thick comments...My was an moment of pure blondness...

Lead the passengers out across the ramp and up the steps of the aircraft...only to be greeted by a very confused looking Captain.
We had entered not only the wrong aircraft, but also a completely different type and size.
The passengers were bent double with laughter as I quickly tried to beat a retreat.

[BAAlltheway]

heart attack..

I regularly wake up in the night after having a nightmare, usually after misplacing my child. I think that I have now become over protecting.

I did feel so bad for them. They were mortified at having left the child behind and how terrible that looked, but in utter panic at having done it.

It seemed they had got everything ready, put baby (about 9 months old) in car seat, put the car seat on the kitchen table as they loaded up the car, and then just forgot the baby wasnt in the car yet and driven off..

Fortunately their parents lived close to their house, and had spare keys, so were dispatched to collect the baby and make sure all was Ok. But what a horrible moment! Afterall, this was at LGW, and they lived in Hertfordshire, so they had been gone about 2hrs when they realised.

Eeek..

[Lberto]

Some Fun As Slf

Good day everybody,

the following is not exactly a thick comment , but a funny moment anyway:

On a LH flight to the US I had been upgraded to business class , and same had happened to the guy sitting next to me. It clearly was his first time in business : when offered the pre-takeoff complimentary drink he first asked if he had to pay for it (nothing to comment about this), and then asked , aiming at the champagne, "What's that?" : without raising an eyebrow the male steward replied : "It is champagne .........it is very popular in Europe". I barely avoided bursting in laughs, I kept smiling all across the flight, and I later complimented the steward for his sense of humour (obviously not caught by my mate).

[alidubois]

Well I'm SLF and want to thank all you wonderful CC for this thread that has given me lots of laughs, I work with the GBP and quite frankly some of them are thick and some are downright nasty and to be stuck in a little metal box with them day in day out would drive me mad.

A quick one about a flight myself and mrD (who is a very nervous flyer) took to Koz from Manchester. We where sitting right at the front of the plane when we flew into a really bad thunderstorm, lightning, buffering us around ....the works. Well mrD who was clearly quite concerned about the lightning and was seeking to reasurre himself (in a manly way of course) grabbed my hand, turned to me and said don't worry hun its only the lights on the wings!

[Basil]

Thick pilot

Spunky Monkey,
Bit similar to your wrong aircraft:

MANY years ago at, IIRC, Kirkwall, FO Basil says to captain "I'll go and set up the flight deck - see you out there."
Pre-departure checks complete Bas sits back to peruse daily newspaper.

With five minutes to departure, super alert (not) Bas notices no captain, no cabin crew, no passengers - THAT feeling begins to arise

Upon goin to door and looking out Basil espies stewardess looking anxiously from the OTHER Viscount parked facing Basil's (incorrect) choice of aircraft.

We still had an on time departure.

[DIA74]

On leaving the brain at home

SLF "Steward, your milk's off."
Steward. "I don't have milk, madam. I am a man." (good natured attempt at levity, passes over head of SLF)
SLF "Well, the milk's off."
Steward. "It's not milk, madam. I have the milk here."
SLF. "What's this floating in my coffee, then?"
Steward "I think you've used the cream cheese for your crackers, madam. I'll get you some more."
SLF "It's curdled. Is it the altitude?"
Steward "I would let you experiment, but I have to collect the cups before we land."
SLF "Pardon?"

[Northbeach]

Being mean & petty; pass it on to your kids.

After flying the maximum allowable amount of time for the day we finished our duty day in a warm and pleasant holiday destination. Following a short van ride we get out of the hotel van at our nice all inclusive resort hotel on the beach for our 24 hour layover.

Nearby is a father (American) who watches my flight crew disembark from the van and his face twists up into a scowl. He starts loudly protesting to his teenage son and the rest of the family with words to the effect that now he knows why his tickets cost so much (the flight crew is staying in a place that is much too nice for us-according to his world view-we are costing him too much).

Normally I try to empathize with passengers, sometimes they make it hard. He must be a lot of fun to live with.

[nooneknows]

special toilets.

PAX: I'm a british passport holder. which special facilities do i get to use? (pax is in the front of economy)
ME: Sir, I'm REALLLLLLLYYY happy for you. If you look in front of you, those are the business class toilets - though you can't use those. Now if you look behind you, RIIGGHHHTTT to the very BACK of the plane, those are the economy toilets for YOU and all the other passport holders. *smile* Thankyou.

Douche Bags.

[Chris21]

how about working with fellow crew who are not the brightest bulbs in the solarium.

We arrive in some delightful african country. CC opens the L4 door for catering and cleaners. The African cleaner greats him by saying "Jambo" and CC with a blank look on his face says Jumbo, this is not a Jumbo it's an AirbusA330.

CC looks out the window and sees a Singapore airlines 747. CC says I wonder where they are going? I reply Singapore perhaps.

My favourite dumb pax presented herself the rear galley after the service and said I am ready to see my dog now. I reply your ready to see what? my dog they said I could go down and see my dog and you must take me there now. Who told you could see your dog? the person on the ground. After ten minutes of explaining that they only way she could get to see her dog was to chew through the floor or find the crash axe and smash her way down there she wanted my name so she could report me for being lazy and not taking her "downstairs" to see her dog.

[belfrybat]

Sometimes flight crew get it wrong too.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is captain so-and-so, blah-blah-blah, our expected arrival time in Porto Alegre is such-and such". General laughter. After a few seconds: "Ladies and gentlemen, seeing as we're departing from Porto Alegre, we expect to arrive in Campinas at such-and-such".

Another welcomed us aboard the flight to Rio de Janeiro and everybody looked panicky until he corrected it to São Paulo. Made me wonder if he really was preparing for Rio until someone gave him a heads-up.

[Foxy Loxy]

Hello, and please excuse an ATCO's intrusion upon such a fine forum...

One day, some few years ago, I was SLF waiting in the dep lounge at an airport whose name I will not disclose (because it could be anywhere, really) in the UK, just quietly reading a book.
After a short amount of time, I became aware of a wee lad (maybe 5yo? ish) who expressed great and enthusiastic interest in everything he could see from the window. The comment I caught was this:

"Daddy, Daddy, what's that?" (much pointing accompanied the question.)
"What, son? Oh, that! That's how they put the petrol in."

Little boy was pointing at the Tug tow-bar.

I declined to comment, on the grounds that I was doing my best not to draw attention to myself, and thereby risk being temporarily committed. It wouldn't do my career much good

[Capetonian]

Many years ago at LHR.
Q : "Dad ... what?'s the difference between a Trident Two and a Trident Three?"
A: "The number of engines...."

And at CPT :
"Did you know the London - Cape Town flight is faster than the Cape Town - London, must be because it's downhill."
"Oh I think it's because the English petrol is better than the stuff they put in it here."

Still my best though :
"Do I have to get to the airport before my 'plane goes?"

[Gibon2]

Many years ago at LHR.
Q : "Dad ... what?'s the difference between a Trident Two and a Trident Three?"
A: "The number of engines...."

Er... but that is the difference between the Trident 2 and Trident 3. The Trident 3, believe it or not, had four engines - the original three, plus a fourth "booster" engine in the tail: a small RB162 turbojet, intended to help overcome the "Gripper's" infamous reluctance to part from the ground on take-off.

[Capetonian]

Yep, but in fact, he went on to say that the Trident 2 had 2 engines (like a DC-9) and the 3 had 3 engines!

[Gibon2]

But surely a DC-9 has nine engines, no?

[Sprogget]

What does that say about a 737?

Once sat next to a rather paranoid young Greek guy, on a night flight to Athens. I should have been on the flight to Salonika, but that's another story. Anyway, this guy is going back to do his military service & wasn't happy about it, he said to me I can feel they're going the long way, the b******s.

First of all, how can you feel a route? and more importantly, why would a captain take a longer route in order to annoy a passenger?

[man-u]

Another variation of the old "coffee or tea" - game:

Flight to KWI, mainly US soldiers in uniform on board.

Me: May I offer you some coffee or tea?
Soldier: Erm... Yes, please.
Me: Yes.... what?
Soldier: (winces): YES, SIR!