Thick passenger comments
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I was the First Officer on a 19-seat turboprop and had just landed the aircraft, all in full view of the pax (no cockpit door). We had no cabin crew either and it was my turn to see everyone off the aircraft. One man, obviously very excited by the proceedings, cornered me at the foot of the steps and asked breathlessly "tell me, are you learning to fly?". I was speechless and the look of total disdain on my face was completely lost on him. Never felt so small!
Join Date: May 2008
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best comedy theatres are planes:
Waiting for the door to open at the jetty this passenger 5th or 6th in line shouts out that he must disembark 1st, because he's got a meeting and he's a very important person at this meeting. The guest standing before him than replies:' I'm always important at a meeting, that's why they always wait for me'
.
Waiting for the door to open at the jetty this passenger 5th or 6th in line shouts out that he must disembark 1st, because he's got a meeting and he's a very important person at this meeting. The guest standing before him than replies:' I'm always important at a meeting, that's why they always wait for me'
.
It made such an impression on me that I can remember it clearly.
I'm on BA203, the early morning Karachi - London in December 1969. We passengers are either reading whatever or - in my case - snoozing as the VC-10 sailed serenely on. An obnoxious and somewhat over-stimulated six/seven year old was running up and down the aisle. The stewardess grabbed the lad and said in a VERY LOUD VOICE, "how would you like to play outside?"
That shut the little fecker up and caused smiles of mirth and satisfaction all around.
I'm on BA203, the early morning Karachi - London in December 1969. We passengers are either reading whatever or - in my case - snoozing as the VC-10 sailed serenely on. An obnoxious and somewhat over-stimulated six/seven year old was running up and down the aisle. The stewardess grabbed the lad and said in a VERY LOUD VOICE, "how would you like to play outside?"
That shut the little fecker up and caused smiles of mirth and satisfaction all around.
Last edited by RedhillPhil; 10th May 2010 at 10:01. Reason: spelling correction
Join Date: Aug 2005
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Jeez; that was a long read-in.
Thanks to all you folks for confirming for me what I always suspected about many of my fellow SLF. (And, in come cases, CC).
It's not just you folks who suffer. If you stick notalwaysright into your favourite search engine you'll find tales of woe from other "customer-facing" people.
Keep up the good work, both here and, er, at work.
Thanks to all you folks for confirming for me what I always suspected about many of my fellow SLF. (And, in come cases, CC).
It's not just you folks who suffer. If you stick notalwaysright into your favourite search engine you'll find tales of woe from other "customer-facing" people.
Keep up the good work, both here and, er, at work.
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Very small well known comedian in 2a on a VC10. 2b is empty. As the A girl leans over to put something on his tray he wispers to her "Hello my darling, what would you say to a little f ....k?"
The A girl being well known for her quick wit replies immediately......"Hello"!
Believe this is a true story..................now who was it? The A girl that is
The A girl being well known for her quick wit replies immediately......"Hello"!
Believe this is a true story..................now who was it? The A girl that is
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Call me a cab
This isn't strictly a CC / SLF story but the son of a friend who was travelling with his GF to the USA complained to the holiday company when they didn't get their complimentary cab from the airport to the hotel.
Turns out that when he booked the holiday a few months earlier, he was told that the price included TAXES.
Turns out that when he booked the holiday a few months earlier, he was told that the price included TAXES.
Join Date: Aug 2005
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Inappropriate CC comments?
I used to be a twice-a-week-EDI-LHR-EDI passenger, and knew many of the CC fairly well. One Friday, MrsP and I were heading for London, when one of the (extremely pretty, off-duty, and in civvies with a VERY short skirt) CC sat down beside us for a blether. The conversation is seared on my memory.
Me: "Hi, ****, this is ****, you haven't met."
CC: "Hello, nice to meet you. Don't usually see you on a Friday, Magnus."
Me: "No; **** and I are heading south for a couple of days."
CC: "Oh, a dirty weekend? Don't worry, I won't tell the wife!"
MrsP: "WTF???"
Me: "Aaaaaarrrrgggghhh!!"
Establishing that it was a joke took some time . . .
Me: "Hi, ****, this is ****, you haven't met."
CC: "Hello, nice to meet you. Don't usually see you on a Friday, Magnus."
Me: "No; **** and I are heading south for a couple of days."
CC: "Oh, a dirty weekend? Don't worry, I won't tell the wife!"
MrsP: "WTF???"
Me: "Aaaaaarrrrgggghhh!!"
Establishing that it was a joke took some time . . .
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I answered a call bell to a passenger who was filling in his US customs form and it went something like this;
Me; How can I help you sir?
Pax: Is cheese food?
At this point I thought I misheard and continued to help the guy.
Me; Do you eat it?
Pax; Yes
Me; (smiling sweetly) then it's food. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Pax; No thank you
Then I just walked away.
I had to go back to the galley and relay the story to the rest of the crew, I just had to make sure that cheese was not used for anything else
Me; How can I help you sir?
Pax: Is cheese food?
At this point I thought I misheard and continued to help the guy.
Me; Do you eat it?
Pax; Yes
Me; (smiling sweetly) then it's food. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Pax; No thank you
Then I just walked away.
I had to go back to the galley and relay the story to the rest of the crew, I just had to make sure that cheese was not used for anything else
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Reminds me of a sign on a hairdryer in a hotel room in Osaka.
THIS IS TO BE USED ONLY FOR DRYING OF HAIR. DO NOT USE FOR THE OTHER PURPOSE.
I never worked out what 'the other purpose' was.
THIS IS TO BE USED ONLY FOR DRYING OF HAIR. DO NOT USE FOR THE OTHER PURPOSE.
I never worked out what 'the other purpose' was.
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PA
Upon approach into Beirut International airport.... our Captain comes on the PA and mistakenly announces our imminent arrival to Israel's Ben Gurion Airport.... should have seen the faces of the PAX! 
FA/PA on arrival to Dublin "Ladies and Gentlemen welcome back to the United Kingdom" met with 200 odd PAX booing.
Speshul
FA/PA on arrival to Dublin "Ladies and Gentlemen welcome back to the United Kingdom" met with 200 odd PAX booing.
Speshul
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KLM flight from AMS to NBO then on to JNB (good old days!)
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome on board this KLM flight to Amsterdam ....... errr .... click"
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome on board this KLM flight to Johannesburg ....... errr .... click"
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome on board this KLM flight to Nairobi, continuing to Johannesburg ......"
Boozed up voice from somewhere in row 376 ..... "Are you f***ing sure it's KLM ...."
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome on board this KLM flight to Amsterdam ....... errr .... click"
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome on board this KLM flight to Johannesburg ....... errr .... click"
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome on board this KLM flight to Nairobi, continuing to Johannesburg ......"
Boozed up voice from somewhere in row 376 ..... "Are you f***ing sure it's KLM ...."
Join Date: Jul 2002
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"I never worked out what 'the other purpose' was."
Some people are known to wash their clothes in the tub and then try and dry them with the hotel hairdryer (which invariably burns them out).
I did hear of some tourist to Finland from an Asian country who felt it was cold so used the in-room hairdryer as an extra warm air blower (left on all night, unit overheated and blew some fuses). Maintenance people in hotels don't like 'em (hmm both dryers and many visitors).
Some people are known to wash their clothes in the tub and then try and dry them with the hotel hairdryer (which invariably burns them out).
I did hear of some tourist to Finland from an Asian country who felt it was cold so used the in-room hairdryer as an extra warm air blower (left on all night, unit overheated and blew some fuses). Maintenance people in hotels don't like 'em (hmm both dryers and many visitors).
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Thick Cabin Crew comments
Well it's only fair that there should be a few going the other way.
Like the EK crew member on recent DXB_LHR flight listening to a journalist up the back saying how he'd just been to an interview with Santana.
Cue pause....Then a reply of...Ooh, good luck I hope you get the job.
Like the EK crew member on recent DXB_LHR flight listening to a journalist up the back saying how he'd just been to an interview with Santana.
Cue pause....Then a reply of...Ooh, good luck I hope you get the job.
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kai tak
eons ago, an older american couple (obvioulsy first time to HK) sitting behind me on the upper deck of 747 right hand side as we came in for the famous final turn to land runway 13. seeing the bright neon lights of kowloon city wife says to husband:
"look honey, it's china town!"
me and business colleague sitting beside me almost in tears as we tried to surpress laughter!
"look honey, it's china town!"
me and business colleague sitting beside me almost in tears as we tried to surpress laughter!
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Boarding a flight using names from the boarding cards to say 'good morning mrs xxx', lovely elderly lady says to me "Oh my goodness dear, however do you remember all our names?"
Just before landing into LHR Capt makes pa to say that there will be a short taxi to the terminal so please stay seated. US lady pax presses call bell, "Do we have to pay for that taxi because we don't have any sterling!"
Crew member after bird strike "Couldn't we have some sort of force-field around our plane to stop them flying into it?" Beam me up!
Ottergirl
Just before landing into LHR Capt makes pa to say that there will be a short taxi to the terminal so please stay seated. US lady pax presses call bell, "Do we have to pay for that taxi because we don't have any sterling!"
Crew member after bird strike "Couldn't we have some sort of force-field around our plane to stop them flying into it?" Beam me up!
Ottergirl
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Jordan? The Model?
An SLF story that is well known in military circles at least: An officer (who shall remain nameless) was tasked with going on a recce for an upcoming exercise in the Middle East. Having booked his own flight, he duly arrived at his destination and could find no sign of the other members of the recce team who had departed on an earlier flight. The mobile phone conversation went something like this:
Officer Who Shall Remain Nameless (OWSRN): "Where the bl**dy hell are you lot. I've been waiting for hours!"
Rest of Recce Team (RRT): "Erm, we were going to ask you the same thing."
OWSRN: "Well I'm standing by the Avis desk so get yourselves together!"
RRT: "Ok then... (slight pause as RRT move to Avis desk)...nope, we can't see you. Have you moved?"
OWSRN: "No I'm standing right here you idiots".
Much confusion reigns for the next few minutes...
RRT: "Which airport are you at sir?"
OWSRN: "I'm at Queen Alia Airport, in Amman. Which airport are you at?"
RRT: "Muscat International, in Oman, like it says in the order."
OWSRN: "
".
Officer Who Shall Remain Nameless (OWSRN): "Where the bl**dy hell are you lot. I've been waiting for hours!"
Rest of Recce Team (RRT): "Erm, we were going to ask you the same thing."
OWSRN: "Well I'm standing by the Avis desk so get yourselves together!"
RRT: "Ok then... (slight pause as RRT move to Avis desk)...nope, we can't see you. Have you moved?"
OWSRN: "No I'm standing right here you idiots".
Much confusion reigns for the next few minutes...
RRT: "Which airport are you at sir?"
OWSRN: "I'm at Queen Alia Airport, in Amman. Which airport are you at?"
RRT: "Muscat International, in Oman, like it says in the order."
OWSRN: "
".
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CC: Would you like something to drink
HE: Yeah. Gimme a Pepsi (Pepsi not even sold in New Zealand)
HE: Yeah. Gimme a Pepsi (Pepsi not even sold in New Zealand)
Scourge of Bad Airline Management!
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In a similar vein to 4Foxtrot, a story that I would love to be true; I have it on good authority that it is....
Many moons ago, I spent a long time in management consulting, and one of the features of the job is travel. At the time, most of us booked our own flights and hotels, and so long as we obeyed corporate policy, everyone was happy.
Story did the rounds about a consultant from the London office who had a meeting in New York. As per policy, he books BA Club, room in a good hotel for the night before the noon meeting.
Woken by his mobile ringing at 7am. "Where the bloody hell are you", bellows his colleague. Confused, our hero explains that it is only seven am.
Then the penny dropped. Meeting was in YORK, not NEW YORK.
Always wanted to find out if he put the expenses claim in....
TA
Many moons ago, I spent a long time in management consulting, and one of the features of the job is travel. At the time, most of us booked our own flights and hotels, and so long as we obeyed corporate policy, everyone was happy.
Story did the rounds about a consultant from the London office who had a meeting in New York. As per policy, he books BA Club, room in a good hotel for the night before the noon meeting.
Woken by his mobile ringing at 7am. "Where the bloody hell are you", bellows his colleague. Confused, our hero explains that it is only seven am.
Then the penny dropped. Meeting was in YORK, not NEW YORK.
Always wanted to find out if he put the expenses claim in....
TA
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Great stuff guys. I'm slf myself but ex was cc. She told me a couple of great cc repostes from a very witty cc.
Pax: are we flying over wales?
Cc: would that be the country or the fish
Irate pax after tech delay: this delay means I'll miss an important meeting!
Cc: you should worry, I've got a leg of lamb in the oven!
Made me laugh
Pax: are we flying over wales?
Cc: would that be the country or the fish
Irate pax after tech delay: this delay means I'll miss an important meeting!
Cc: you should worry, I've got a leg of lamb in the oven!
Made me laugh