Thick passenger comments
TG SIN-BKK last week. Cabin person makes PA, forgets to return to IFE. I wear my private headset and raise the attention of passing CC.
Me: "Excuse me, but I believe your purser forgot to switch back to IFE after the PA"
CC: "What"
Me: "No music in headphones"
CC: "Would you like new headphones?"
Me: "Nothing wrong with headphones, I also tried outlet in next seat, but after your purser's PA there's been no more music available"
CC: "I will get you new headphones"
Me: "That is not the problem, no one here have music in their headphones"
CC: "I'll be right back with new headphones"
Me: "Rrrright"
Ten more minutes, no CC, no headphones, no music. Captain comes on the PA to tell us where he intents to fly, announcement over, music returns. Oh well.
Per
Me: "Excuse me, but I believe your purser forgot to switch back to IFE after the PA"
CC: "What"
Me: "No music in headphones"
CC: "Would you like new headphones?"
Me: "Nothing wrong with headphones, I also tried outlet in next seat, but after your purser's PA there's been no more music available"
CC: "I will get you new headphones"
Me: "That is not the problem, no one here have music in their headphones"
CC: "I'll be right back with new headphones"
Me: "Rrrright"
Ten more minutes, no CC, no headphones, no music. Captain comes on the PA to tell us where he intents to fly, announcement over, music returns. Oh well.
Per
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Pffff Passengers Need To Screw There Heads On Inflight
PAX: sorry but my head set is not working!!!!
CC: let me look at it for you, can you move from your seat so i can take a look at it for you...
PAX: ( get up from his seat and the head set was not plugged in) and says "would it be something to do with the channel?"
CC: yeah it might be but i'd try plugging them in first..
Pax:
i'm so sorry
CC: not a problem sir
CC: let me look at it for you, can you move from your seat so i can take a look at it for you...
PAX: ( get up from his seat and the head set was not plugged in) and says "would it be something to do with the channel?"
CC: yeah it might be but i'd try plugging them in first..
Pax:
i'm so sorry CC: not a problem sir
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The whole T5 thing seems to have brought with it a whole new level of inane passenger comments, but two instances in particular come to mind. Shortly after the ill fated opening, a friend of mine was operating a flight out of LGW when a lady decided to upgrade herself to club. When asked to go back to her seat, she replied that the least BA could do, considering the T5 fiasco, was to upgrade her. Shame she'd never flown from LHR!
Not long after that, we had another passenger shouting the odds at both the ground staff and the crew on board because British Airways had not phoned her to tell her that the clocks were changing to summer time and as they obviously couldn't even get the simple things right, they had no chance with a new terminal!
You've got to wonder sometimes!
JSL
Not long after that, we had another passenger shouting the odds at both the ground staff and the crew on board because British Airways had not phoned her to tell her that the clocks were changing to summer time and as they obviously couldn't even get the simple things right, they had no chance with a new terminal!
You've got to wonder sometimes!
JSL
Vinnieireland, good one. Must confess I'm not without guilt.
Another one was on an SK A340 BKK-CPH when it was brand new to SK. While waiting for boarding we were informed there was a slight tech delay. After quite a while we were informed that the IFE was not working, but we would procede to CPH regardless. Night flight, no problem. When finally seated in my nice business class seat I plugged in my headphone. Nada, zip. Looked at the remote, display said PA. Discreet whisper in one CC's ear and lo and behold, IFE up and running.
Per
Another one was on an SK A340 BKK-CPH when it was brand new to SK. While waiting for boarding we were informed there was a slight tech delay. After quite a while we were informed that the IFE was not working, but we would procede to CPH regardless. Night flight, no problem. When finally seated in my nice business class seat I plugged in my headphone. Nada, zip. Looked at the remote, display said PA. Discreet whisper in one CC's ear and lo and behold, IFE up and running.
Per
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A case for thinking before using the PA system.
Back in the 80's I was flying home on leave from Muscat to the UK on Gulf Air.
The weather at Heathrow caused us to divert into Schipol where we sat on the aircraft for 4 hours waiting for a clearance. The CC were doing their best to pacify us and keep us up to date, but were getting more and more tired and frustrated; as were we.
Eventually there was the click of the PA yet again, and we were hoping this was the announcement that we were at last heading home.
"Sorry for the continued delay............but..........er......... well......... we're all stuck here as well you know."
Huge laughter all round which actually did, inadvertently, help the situation.
ERB
Back in the 80's I was flying home on leave from Muscat to the UK on Gulf Air.
The weather at Heathrow caused us to divert into Schipol where we sat on the aircraft for 4 hours waiting for a clearance. The CC were doing their best to pacify us and keep us up to date, but were getting more and more tired and frustrated; as were we.
Eventually there was the click of the PA yet again, and we were hoping this was the announcement that we were at last heading home.
"Sorry for the continued delay............but..........er......... well......... we're all stuck here as well you know."
Huge laughter all round which actually did, inadvertently, help the situation.
ERB
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LOVE it when pax complain about delays due to weather. Hmmmm I'll just have a word with God for you love and ask him to clear the snow. Would they rather we take off and die? I don't understand!
I agree it can be frustrating for passengers and crew BUT we try to keep them informed and do everything we can to keep them comfortable. What else can we do?
I agree it can be frustrating for passengers and crew BUT we try to keep them informed and do everything we can to keep them comfortable. What else can we do?
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wx delays
A little while ago we were delayed due to snow and everyone was kicking off because of connections. It was difficult both empathising but knowing nothing could be done. A little old lady made my day. She said better late in this life, than early into the next. and i just thought you're bloody right theres always another flight to xyz
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The one I heard was......
Pax (who thought she was aristocracy): Oh, hello dear.... I'll have a G and T....... that's a Gin and Tonic to you dear.......
CC: Certainly Madam, would you like that with ice and a slice? that's frozen water and a piece of fruit to you madam.......
Pax (who thought she was aristocracy): Oh, hello dear.... I'll have a G and T....... that's a Gin and Tonic to you dear.......
CC: Certainly Madam, would you like that with ice and a slice? that's frozen water and a piece of fruit to you madam.......
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Last week, finished boarding somewhere in France, closed doors, did safety demo, taxiing to the runway the a/c stops and the CP calls me to tell me there is smoke coming out of the left engine, disarm slides, open doors... Anyway, after he got out, had a look, talked to OPS and so on, we decided we had to wait for an engineer coming in another flight later in the day to fix the bird. And so my dear CP makes a PA to the pax, apologizes for any inconvenience caused, ..............I start disembarking, saying to each pax "i am ever so sorry, hopefully we'll see eachother soon, it won't take long, thank you, see you soon" smile, be simpathetic, help the older pax, smile again...
Then this "gent" stops, starts shouting at me "you're not sorry at all, how dare you say you're sorry when i clearly see you're not doing anything to fix it?!"
ermmmm..... WHAT???
"I am ever so sorry, i happened to forget my toolbox at home but i assure you i have some good surviving into the woods skills i picked up from a tv programme, so you'll be safe in case we crash! "
Seriously, do you wanna take off with a faulty engine and maybe crash and die or do you think you can accept that even airplanes brake down, have a minor delay but land safely, just on time for East Enders??
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We have this little metal welded device which holds our OBT (On Board Trader)
Knowing well that if I carried it with me while handing out my headsets that someone would ask, I insisted on carrying it.
And someone did ask "what's that???!!!"
I replied "It's a cattle prod! we heat it up and it gets you guys into your seat faster!"
Knowing well that if I carried it with me while handing out my headsets that someone would ask, I insisted on carrying it.
And someone did ask "what's that???!!!"
I replied "It's a cattle prod! we heat it up and it gets you guys into your seat faster!"
My young nephew often flew with me in the right seat as a passenger when I did freight runs or positioning flights (single pilot) in a Twin Otter. By the time he was eight, he could do a quite a good job of maintaining altitude by looking at the altimeter and attitude indicator - he wasn't tall enough to see out over the glareshield.
When he was nine, my wife and I took him with us on an Air Canada flight. He asked if he could see visit the pilots, and in due time, the flight attendent fetched him and took him up front.
When she brought him back a few minutes later, she was laughing... apparently the Captain had asked him if he knew what altitude we were flying at, and he looked at the altimeter and then replied "You're 50 feet low". That brought a quick end to his visit to the pilots.
When he was nine, my wife and I took him with us on an Air Canada flight. He asked if he could see visit the pilots, and in due time, the flight attendent fetched him and took him up front.
When she brought him back a few minutes later, she was laughing... apparently the Captain had asked him if he knew what altitude we were flying at, and he looked at the altimeter and then replied "You're 50 feet low". That brought a quick end to his visit to the pilots.
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I have a few funnies: whilst doing SEP refresher a crew member had to deal with a suspected hatrack fire, she goes and gets the fire extinguisher opens the hatrack throws it in and closes the hatrack!! lol
this made me laugh on a flight a pax before takeoff says to my fellow crew member " I have American passport please give me red wine" and the crew says back "that's nice i have an Egyptian passport and ill get it for u after takeoff!"
Im an English crew member and on a flight before takeoff a pax(from India i think) has his duty free book open on the jack daniels whiskey page and asks me if he can have one whiskey. I ask back certainly sir after take off i can get that for u were you wanting an actual on board drink or were you referring to the duty free whiskey for purchase, he says what? can i have the whiskey, i ask him the same question 3 times and then he says to me, im sorry do you speak English? ha ha, I looked at him and said Sir I AM English!!!!
ha ha they crack me up!
although i must admit sometimes when u tired on board we say some funnies ourselves eg, when at the end of a flight i have said HELLO instead of Goodbye!!
this made me laugh on a flight a pax before takeoff says to my fellow crew member " I have American passport please give me red wine" and the crew says back "that's nice i have an Egyptian passport and ill get it for u after takeoff!"
Im an English crew member and on a flight before takeoff a pax(from India i think) has his duty free book open on the jack daniels whiskey page and asks me if he can have one whiskey. I ask back certainly sir after take off i can get that for u were you wanting an actual on board drink or were you referring to the duty free whiskey for purchase, he says what? can i have the whiskey, i ask him the same question 3 times and then he says to me, im sorry do you speak English? ha ha, I looked at him and said Sir I AM English!!!!
ha ha they crack me up!
although i must admit sometimes when u tired on board we say some funnies ourselves eg, when at the end of a flight i have said HELLO instead of Goodbye!!
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Starting Grinning the other day, thought of this thread. Was doing tea coffee somewhere over china ...
Me "Would you like some Coffee?"
Pax42a "Tea Please"
Me "The Tea Will be here shortly"
Pax42b "is that Tea?"
Me "This is Coffee, the Tea will be here Shortly"
Pax42c "Oooh i'll have some tea"
Me "This is Coffee i'm afriad, the Tea will arrive Shortly"
Face Grinning, Eyes Moving towards centre isle
Me "Coffee Sir"
Pax 42e Passes me Cup
Me Pours Coffee
Pax 42e "this is Coffee"
Me "Yes Sir, this is coffee"
Pax42e "I wanted Tea"
Me "Ok, I'll change it for you when i come back with the tea in 2 mins"
Pax42d "tea for me" holding up cup, having watched and listened to the pax next to him
Me "The tea will be here Shortly, this is coffee"
So funnny, had to go chuckle in the galley x
Me "Would you like some Coffee?"
Pax42a "Tea Please"
Me "The Tea Will be here shortly"
Pax42b "is that Tea?"
Me "This is Coffee, the Tea will be here Shortly"
Pax42c "Oooh i'll have some tea"
Me "This is Coffee i'm afriad, the Tea will arrive Shortly"
Face Grinning, Eyes Moving towards centre isle
Me "Coffee Sir"
Pax 42e Passes me Cup
Me Pours Coffee
Pax 42e "this is Coffee"
Me "Yes Sir, this is coffee"
Pax42e "I wanted Tea"
Me "Ok, I'll change it for you when i come back with the tea in 2 mins"
Pax42d "tea for me" holding up cup, having watched and listened to the pax next to him
Me "The tea will be here Shortly, this is coffee"
So funnny, had to go chuckle in the galley x
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Not thick but rude
Return sector from SFO. 8 year old kid comes into the aft galley. Just me and another flight attendant in there
Kid, "Give me a Coke"
F/A "Aren't you missing a word after Coke?"
Kid, (Mulls it over), NOW"
Wetting myself! - however thought we'd turn the tables
I grabbed the Coke and gave it to the kid
"Oh, young man - you'll need this" - I said handing him a napkin
"No I don't" - said the Kid as he left the galley
The F/A asked, why did I want to give him a napkin
In reply, I asked her to count back from 10
10, 9, 8 ,7 ,6 ding ding ding ding
Coke, best served chilled (and shaken for rude kids!!!!)
Kid, "Give me a Coke"
F/A "Aren't you missing a word after Coke?"
Kid, (Mulls it over), NOW"
Wetting myself! - however thought we'd turn the tables
I grabbed the Coke and gave it to the kid
"Oh, young man - you'll need this" - I said handing him a napkin
"No I don't" - said the Kid as he left the galley
The F/A asked, why did I want to give him a napkin
In reply, I asked her to count back from 10
10, 9, 8 ,7 ,6 ding ding ding ding
Coke, best served chilled (and shaken for rude kids!!!!)
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Not believed to be a true story!
CC to 22A: Drink Sir?
Backpacker in 22A: Yeah, beer please.
CC to 22B: Drink Sir?
Methodist Minister in 22B: I would rather be defiled by a dozen wanten women than allow alcohol to pass my lips!
Backpacker to CC: Can I give back the beer? I didn't realise there was a choice!!!!
Backpacker in 22A: Yeah, beer please.
CC to 22B: Drink Sir?
Methodist Minister in 22B: I would rather be defiled by a dozen wanten women than allow alcohol to pass my lips!
Backpacker to CC: Can I give back the beer? I didn't realise there was a choice!!!!
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I like this thread!!
But I do hope that when you find one of these single celled creatures next to an emergency exit, you immediately move them somewhere on board where not even the slightest iota of intelligence may be required.....and no!! Before you go there, I don't mean the flight deck!!!
But I do hope that when you find one of these single celled creatures next to an emergency exit, you immediately move them somewhere on board where not even the slightest iota of intelligence may be required.....and no!! Before you go there, I don't mean the flight deck!!!
In a Swedish-Norwegian comedy movie one of the main characters flying for the first time asks his friend seated next to him how to get some more orange juice. Friend points to the CC call button overhead, thick passenger lifts glass and push button.
Now for the true follow up story.
Two colleagues of mine are on a business trip flying SK and starts talking about said movie and this very scene. One of them, to illustrate, lifts his glass full of red wine straight up into the fully open air vent. Red wine is promptly blown out of glass and rearwards where it gently decorates white sweater of totally pi$$ed of Swede. My two colleagues were laughing for the rest of the trip.
Per
Now for the true follow up story.
Two colleagues of mine are on a business trip flying SK and starts talking about said movie and this very scene. One of them, to illustrate, lifts his glass full of red wine straight up into the fully open air vent. Red wine is promptly blown out of glass and rearwards where it gently decorates white sweater of totally pi$$ed of Swede. My two colleagues were laughing for the rest of the trip.
Per
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One of the stranger ones was a young couple, holding a small plastic bag wondering where they could stow it. The bag was about as big as a loaf of bread, and didn't look much heavier, so I tell them it'll fit in the overhead locker without disturbing the balance of the aircraft too much.
No thats no good, it has to remain upright. Curious, I ask if it contains liquids, so they open it up to show me... a couple of goldfish swimming around calmly.
All I can think of is to ask them how the hell they got it through the X-ray.
Then there's the passenger loudly demanding a Doctor - so he can settle an argument with his wife that he isn't on cocaine.
Or the lady who doesn't want the drink I've poured for her, as she's "allergic to ice."
Or the one , midflight demanding I go to the cargo hold and retrieve the scissors that was confiscated from him at the airport.
No thats no good, it has to remain upright. Curious, I ask if it contains liquids, so they open it up to show me... a couple of goldfish swimming around calmly.
All I can think of is to ask them how the hell they got it through the X-ray.
Then there's the passenger loudly demanding a Doctor - so he can settle an argument with his wife that he isn't on cocaine.
Or the lady who doesn't want the drink I've poured for her, as she's "allergic to ice."
Or the one , midflight demanding I go to the cargo hold and retrieve the scissors that was confiscated from him at the airport.
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Posted on another forum by someone who works somewhere in "people-handling" at Gatwick:
"It was one of those nights as I left work. What a sequence:
Mackem: Where de ah gan now?
Me: Where are you going?
Mackem: On holiday.
Me: yes, but where are you actually going?
Mackem: Ah telt ye, on holiday
Me: Different places go from different gates. Where are you going to?
Mackem: Ah ****** telt ye, ah'm gannin on holiday! Are ye ****** deaf or stupid?
Me: Good night then.
Twenty yards further:
Poison dwarf Scot: Where's the pick up?
Me: Pick up for what?
PDS: The ******** hire cars ye daft thick ****
Me: Would you like to be nicked ? I suggest you go away now and calm down
...and five yards further:
Genteel elderly lady: Excuse me sir, but could you tell us where we are?
Me: Er....Gatwick.....
GEL: Oh. I thought so, but we are meant to meet a taxi driver somewhere and we've never been here before
Me: [anger evaporated by lovely old lady's courtesy][detailed directions]
GEL: Oh thank you so much. That other chap was frightfully rude, wasn't he?
I always try and work out how many arseholes one nice person cancels out. It runs at about twenty.
"
"It was one of those nights as I left work. What a sequence:
Mackem: Where de ah gan now?
Me: Where are you going?
Mackem: On holiday.
Me: yes, but where are you actually going?
Mackem: Ah telt ye, on holiday
Me: Different places go from different gates. Where are you going to?
Mackem: Ah ****** telt ye, ah'm gannin on holiday! Are ye ****** deaf or stupid?
Me: Good night then.
Twenty yards further:
Poison dwarf Scot: Where's the pick up?
Me: Pick up for what?
PDS: The ******** hire cars ye daft thick ****
Me: Would you like to be nicked ? I suggest you go away now and calm down
...and five yards further:
Genteel elderly lady: Excuse me sir, but could you tell us where we are?
Me: Er....Gatwick.....
GEL: Oh. I thought so, but we are meant to meet a taxi driver somewhere and we've never been here before
Me: [anger evaporated by lovely old lady's courtesy][detailed directions]
GEL: Oh thank you so much. That other chap was frightfully rude, wasn't he?
I always try and work out how many arseholes one nice person cancels out. It runs at about twenty.
"