Thick passenger comments
The One Your Mother Warned You About
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 65
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From: Wherever they pay me
Back in the wonderful days of Air Uk I was passengering from Bergen to Aberdeen at the end of a long trip. I was asleep from the end of the safety brief and was deeply asleep by the time the F27 had staggered up to cruise alt. Unfortunately I started to dream (rather nasty nightmare actually), according to the no.1, pax in the front row could hear me (F27 remember) from my seat just in front of the loo. She woke me up as I got more and more agitated, when I was back on the planet, me "I'm sorry, I must have been dreaming."
Her "I'll say, I'm glad I wasn't in it!"
Me "How do know you weren't?"
Bless her she laughed and joined me at the Airport Skein Dubh for dinner. Whenever I boarded afer that day I was known as Sleeping Average Looking Bloke
Her "I'll say, I'm glad I wasn't in it!"
Me "How do know you weren't?"
Bless her she laughed and joined me at the Airport Skein Dubh for dinner. Whenever I boarded afer that day I was known as Sleeping Average Looking Bloke
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6
Likes: 0
From: 57223 Kreuztal
Coffee-Tea-or…..
Going back a bit - Flight RIY-LHR – Breakfast being served by a rather dishy Hostie – most likely wanting to cheer up a weary traveller she asks my sleep drunken friend “Woud Sir like Coffee-Tea-or me?” to which he replied “Err Tea please” – exit a long faced Hostie – friend turning to me “Did I say something wrong?”
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 88
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From: UK
Just seen this thread and haven't time to read all posts so sorry if this story has made it already.
Hostie says to passenger after serving meals/drinks - "I will be doing another drink service later in the flight, but if you are desperate just pull this little button here" (the call bell).
Hostie observes same pax 15 mins later with their plastic glass under the call bell, trying to get a drink from it, as if it were an optic!!!!!!!
Hostie says to passenger after serving meals/drinks - "I will be doing another drink service later in the flight, but if you are desperate just pull this little button here" (the call bell).
Hostie observes same pax 15 mins later with their plastic glass under the call bell, trying to get a drink from it, as if it were an optic!!!!!!!
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
Likes: 0
From: Ireland
ok i'll share this.. not sure if it fits in with what your after but its worth a shot... 
I used to travel quite a bit between DUB and LHR for work.. mainly early morning flights to get to the UK office nice and early.. anyway, i used to just keep to myself while queuing and waiting around at gates etc.. just listening to my MP3 player..
anyway one flight we were queuing at the check-in desk, only one open and everyone quietly queuing and getting along fine..
a second desk opens and before anyone from the front of the queue has a chance to move over to check in, this "high horse young business woman snotty rich bitch" type comes running down from the back of the queue and jumps in front of everyone.. so im intrigued, i turn off my mp3 player for a listen to see if anyone she cut in front of will say anything..
one guy shouts "oi there is a queue here love!" she looks at him as if he is something she found on the bottom of her shoe and replies "eh there is two desks open.. its not my problem if you dont know how things work in an airport.. im a frequent flyer!"
I giggled a bit thinking "karma catches up on these people" so at the gate it was the same (despite us having predefined seats!!) she was skipping the queue the whole way up.. anyway.. the best bit...
were on the tarmac and the cc are doing safety demo.. right in the middle you hear (doo, do do dooo, doo do do dooo, doo do doo doo dooooo) my impression of a nokia ringtone
and low and behold its her phone..
she whips out the phone and answers it, and as quickly as she does a member of cc asks her to switch off.. she tuts and sighs a bit and turns if off...
as she does, i decide to pipe up.. "wow, i would have thought a frequent flyer would have known your not allowed have a phone switched on during take-off" which was met with an eruption of laugher from the whole back section of the plane
success!!
I used to travel quite a bit between DUB and LHR for work.. mainly early morning flights to get to the UK office nice and early.. anyway, i used to just keep to myself while queuing and waiting around at gates etc.. just listening to my MP3 player..
anyway one flight we were queuing at the check-in desk, only one open and everyone quietly queuing and getting along fine..
a second desk opens and before anyone from the front of the queue has a chance to move over to check in, this "high horse young business woman snotty rich bitch" type comes running down from the back of the queue and jumps in front of everyone.. so im intrigued, i turn off my mp3 player for a listen to see if anyone she cut in front of will say anything..
one guy shouts "oi there is a queue here love!" she looks at him as if he is something she found on the bottom of her shoe and replies "eh there is two desks open.. its not my problem if you dont know how things work in an airport.. im a frequent flyer!"
I giggled a bit thinking "karma catches up on these people" so at the gate it was the same (despite us having predefined seats!!) she was skipping the queue the whole way up.. anyway.. the best bit...
were on the tarmac and the cc are doing safety demo.. right in the middle you hear (doo, do do dooo, doo do do dooo, doo do doo doo dooooo) my impression of a nokia ringtone
and low and behold its her phone..she whips out the phone and answers it, and as quickly as she does a member of cc asks her to switch off.. she tuts and sighs a bit and turns if off...
as she does, i decide to pipe up.. "wow, i would have thought a frequent flyer would have known your not allowed have a phone switched on during take-off" which was met with an eruption of laugher from the whole back section of the plane
success!!
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 139
Likes: 0
From: UK
This thread reminds me of the time that Glasgow Celtic were in the Uefa Cup final in Seville and half of Glasgow went to support them. I was in the second last row of a 747 -300 and it was obvious that the vast majority of passengers had never been out of Glasgow let alone on an aeroplane before.
Just as the aircraft was about to line up for departure, a beetroot faced passenger rushed up the aisle to the rear toilet. The French CC said "non, non Monsieur you must sit down" the reply of "ah canny wait hen a'm bursting" was beyond her English know how.
The plane takes off and Mr Beetroot emerges from the toilet with dark stains all down his trousers. His face was hilarious and his "what the **** just happened ?" look remains with me today.
Just as the aircraft was about to line up for departure, a beetroot faced passenger rushed up the aisle to the rear toilet. The French CC said "non, non Monsieur you must sit down" the reply of "ah canny wait hen a'm bursting" was beyond her English know how.
The plane takes off and Mr Beetroot emerges from the toilet with dark stains all down his trousers. His face was hilarious and his "what the **** just happened ?" look remains with me today.
Joined: Feb 1998
Aviation Qualifications: ATPL
Posts: 1,595
Likes: 0
From: Formerly of Nam
In pre-911 days one could leave the 747 cockpit on a long
sector and down to rear main deck galley for a chat-up.
On the way back a cattle-class d!ckhead once asked me
the following -
Pax: Excuse me are you the pilot?
Me: Yeh one of em.
Pax: Could you tell me please what the main movie feature is?
Me: I dont know maam sorry. Just ask the stewardess who can...
Pax: What? Your the pilot of this plane and you dont know what
movie will be shown? What sort of pilot are you who doesnt
know whats going on in his plane?
I just shuffled away LMFAO - found out later pax was an Oz redneck from FNQ!
sector and down to rear main deck galley for a chat-up.
On the way back a cattle-class d!ckhead once asked me
the following -
Pax: Excuse me are you the pilot?
Me: Yeh one of em.
Pax: Could you tell me please what the main movie feature is?
Me: I dont know maam sorry. Just ask the stewardess who can...
Pax: What? Your the pilot of this plane and you dont know what
movie will be shown? What sort of pilot are you who doesnt
know whats going on in his plane?
I just shuffled away LMFAO - found out later pax was an Oz redneck from FNQ!
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 389
Likes: 0
From: moraira,spain-Norfolk, UK
About one month ago, travelling Business class Frankfurt to Bangkok.
Eventually the flight is called, and business class and those with small
children are called first. There is the usual scrum at the business part of
the gate, interrupted by a tall German pushing through calling "make way
business class coming through" in English. My wife refuses to make way
informing him "we are all business class here" to which he responds
"I don't speak English". Never saw him on the plane though.
Eventually the flight is called, and business class and those with small
children are called first. There is the usual scrum at the business part of
the gate, interrupted by a tall German pushing through calling "make way
business class coming through" in English. My wife refuses to make way
informing him "we are all business class here" to which he responds
"I don't speak English". Never saw him on the plane though.
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 27
Likes: 0
From: 127.0.0.1
On a recent EK flight
CSD: Ladies and Gentlemen its normal procedure to dim the cabin lights before landing, [etc]
CSD: Ladies and Gentlemen its normal procedure to dim the cabin lights on takeoff, [etc]
Although in all fairness the CSD in question always runs a tight ship and the best possible example of service quality on board. Been on her flight(s) a few times in the past months ( pure luck considering that EK runs its people in to the ground ).
Disclaimer : SLF
CSD: Ladies and Gentlemen its normal procedure to dim the cabin lights before landing, [etc]
We were still off the gate, very late and just been pushed back
A few seconds later with someone laughing his head off in the backgroundCSD: Ladies and Gentlemen its normal procedure to dim the cabin lights on takeoff, [etc]
Although in all fairness the CSD in question always runs a tight ship and the best possible example of service quality on board. Been on her flight(s) a few times in the past months ( pure luck considering that EK runs its people in to the ground ).
Disclaimer : SLF
Last edited by roadrunner21; 21st November 2010 at 14:02.
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 249
Likes: 0
From: Yearning for sun and sea
Rockape, beware.
Your post was timed at 0302 on the 23rd. About the same length of time it takes a volcano to build up pressure before exploding, ie FAs about to reply.
Or not, as yours was one of the more stupid posts.
JSL go for it
Your post was timed at 0302 on the 23rd. About the same length of time it takes a volcano to build up pressure before exploding, ie FAs about to reply.
Or not, as yours was one of the more stupid posts.
JSL go for it
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 14
Likes: 0
From: Melbourne, Australia
we once had a passenger come down to the aft galley during a back of the clock all in a huff, telling us there is a strange light on the end of the wing. we informed him that was the light on the wingtip, to which he replied "i think there may be a fire". two of us went into the cabin to investigate (A320 galley windows do nothing...) and looked out the pax windows, looked at each other, and said: "sir, that's the moon"...
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 394
Likes: 3
From: Singapore
I was having a beer with a friend last night and we were talking about flying as we both travel a lot with work, and he had a great one for here.
He was living in Tokyo and on a JAL flight, and there was a group of salarymen on the flight and after take off the CC came through and dispensed a round of beers, apparently saying if the pax wanted more later to ring for attention.
A short while later one of the more refreshed gents stood up, prodded the button above his head which was in fact the light that comes on after you press the correct crew call button, and put his mouth to the fresh air blower and called into "please bring me more beer" or words to that effect!
Perhaps not a frequent flyer.
He was living in Tokyo and on a JAL flight, and there was a group of salarymen on the flight and after take off the CC came through and dispensed a round of beers, apparently saying if the pax wanted more later to ring for attention.
A short while later one of the more refreshed gents stood up, prodded the button above his head which was in fact the light that comes on after you press the correct crew call button, and put his mouth to the fresh air blower and called into "please bring me more beer" or words to that effect!
Perhaps not a frequent flyer.
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 76
Likes: 0
From: Sydney
Management material....
This was a few years back, when I crewed a flight as the Cabin Manager from the Australian east coast to a city in the island of Tasmania, scheduled to depart in the afternoon and return late evening.
My newly appointed "Team Manager" was going to accompany the flight to observe his crew's performance. He was a relatively young chap having been recruited from a retail background. Just maybe not all that well travelled.
He compiled some very positive comments on his freshly ironed clipboard I'm happy to say. But he was confounded by something he asked me to clarify which he noted about the journey he undertook with us by asking this question.....
Manager Newbie: "What was that strange phenomena that made the aircraft cabin look darker on the way back than it did on the previous flight there?"
Me: "Um....Sunset?"
My newly appointed "Team Manager" was going to accompany the flight to observe his crew's performance. He was a relatively young chap having been recruited from a retail background. Just maybe not all that well travelled.
He compiled some very positive comments on his freshly ironed clipboard I'm happy to say. But he was confounded by something he asked me to clarify which he noted about the journey he undertook with us by asking this question.....
Manager Newbie: "What was that strange phenomena that made the aircraft cabin look darker on the way back than it did on the previous flight there?"
Me: "Um....Sunset?"
Last edited by jupiter2; 27th November 2010 at 13:51.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 155
Likes: 0
From: london
Happened yesterday, lady pax actually complained that out duty free prices on cigarettes onboard were cheaper than in the duty free shop at the airport! She argued that it shouldn't be the case, to which I replied: "I am really sorry, Madam, I could try to charge you more but Im afraid the computer won't let me!" (I don't think she got the message, bless her).
But then again, what do you expect when pax sometimes get upset if we land 20 minutes early! Can't win, can you?
Also, today, during disembarkation a man two rows from the back galley where I was stood idly presses the call button. Knowing he didn't want anything, really, I asked him politely; "Sir, why did you press the call button?", to which he replied distractedly: "Oh, well, I just wanted to see what happens". ("So, basically, you are just bored").
But then again, what do you expect when pax sometimes get upset if we land 20 minutes early! Can't win, can you?
Also, today, during disembarkation a man two rows from the back galley where I was stood idly presses the call button. Knowing he didn't want anything, really, I asked him politely; "Sir, why did you press the call button?", to which he replied distractedly: "Oh, well, I just wanted to see what happens". ("So, basically, you are just bored").
Last edited by bondim; 19th February 2011 at 01:56.
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 31
Likes: 0
From: Manchester
I remember a tale of a CC member who sold a pax 200 cigarettes on the duty free service & the pax complained in a rather loud notice me voice that "you've sold me 200 cigarettes & now you're telling me I can't smoke on the plane?"
to which a rather swift "they sell condoms in boots madam, need I say more?" answer was given by said CC
Also I work on the railway & although its not flight related it still shows that pax regardless of the form of transport don't think before opening their mouths...
I once opened the train doors at a station to be asked "does this train go past our Sheilas?"
to which a rather swift "they sell condoms in boots madam, need I say more?" answer was given by said CC
Also I work on the railway & although its not flight related it still shows that pax regardless of the form of transport don't think before opening their mouths...
I once opened the train doors at a station to be asked "does this train go past our Sheilas?"
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 3,052
Likes: 0
From: In transit
At boarding gate, where passenger who has been 'last called' umpteen times finally turns up and is told the aircraft is pushing back and he is denied boarding :
"You expect me to get here and wait an hour for you, but you won't wait 10 minutes for me."
"You expect me to get here and wait an hour for you, but you won't wait 10 minutes for me."
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 4,369
Likes: 3
From: UK.
Probably as good a place as any
I've a noise cancelling headset which has a 'talk through' feature. i.e. if a button on the side is pressed, it turns off the sound and switches to an external microphone so that I can hear someone speaking to me without removing the headset.
Would most CC be aware of this and not think I'm being rude?
I've a noise cancelling headset which has a 'talk through' feature. i.e. if a button on the side is pressed, it turns off the sound and switches to an external microphone so that I can hear someone speaking to me without removing the headset.
Would most CC be aware of this and not think I'm being rude?