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Old 19th Jun 2011, 00:08
  #941 (permalink)  
 
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Cool more thickness

I am not CC but a pax with an aviation background and common sense to "get in, sit down, strap in and shut up". (no carry ons)
Best CC come backs ever heard:
1. raging large fe-pax at front desk was giving the agent a really hard time for act of god wx issues. The pax rant continued all the way down the jet way and the aisle until she sat in exit row aisle. (Anyone already know where this is going?). The gate agent notified the senior FA of the pax's attitude. Senior FA says quietly " I got it". Boarding continues and eventually the exit row briefs begin. CC: "Ma'me you'll need to move to another seat forward." Pax: more rant about being treated badly, followed by "I'm staying in this seat". CC: "Ma'me, really you'll need to move forward to 15D." Pax: "Why must I do that!" (ok here it comes). Loud enough for all to hear.. CC: "because you are too fat to sit in an exit row seat and are a safety risk to other passengers". Red faced Pax moved.
2. grossly huge male-pax with 3 carry-ons was told by ticket agent to check a bag. PAX (barging past the agent and down the jetway to 1st class he yells back over his shoulder, "This is my medical bag!" (i'm thinking - Jaba the Hut is a doctor? He's carrying a gym bag and 2 rolling suit cases).
At the hatch threshold he is met by greeting flight attendant. CC:"Excuse me Sir, You have 3 bags and need to check one". PAX goes into a rant (why do they do that?) "This is my medical bag!" CC: is it a personal oxygen bottle?.
PAX: "It's my medical bag! I'm bringing it on. I fly a lot and I know my rights!!"
CC: "I fly a lot too, and I know the rules. Check you gear."
Pax checked his bag.

I love to fly and just listen......
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Old 19th Jun 2011, 13:15
  #942 (permalink)  
 
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One of my Favourites is watching passengers (Virgin Flyers) **** themselves when the plane slows down around 5 seconds after takeoff :P.. I do have a wee giggle everytime..
Thick Steward(ess) comments
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Old 26th Jun 2011, 19:26
  #943 (permalink)  
 
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PAX: The engines are a bit loud- can you turn them down?( can turn them off if you like ......)
PAX:Can you turn the air conditioning off? CC Can I explain the basic principles of pressurisation?
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Old 27th Jun 2011, 15:19
  #944 (permalink)  
 
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just a few from my collection

ok so we've all had the comments

Pax - "oh i've put my boarding pass away do you really need to see it again"
CC - "well sir it is a boarding pass, you cannot board an aircraft without one" Pax - "oh for goodness sake what do you need it again for"
CC - "Are you booked to go to Edinburgh sir?"
Pax - " No this is the newcastle flight isn't it?"
CC - "My point exactly Sir, there are 11 orange and white aircraft all parked next to one another going to different destinations - lets just make sure you're on the right aircraft shall we?"


Then there was a time a passenger hadn't quite managed to feed her small children and wondered if we could heat up her spag bol in our microwaves. bless!


Our Line Trainers like to have a bit of fun with New entrants
LT - "We've run out of wine could you just pop down to the cellar to grab some more"
CC - "how do I get to the cellar?"
LT - "into the flight deck and down the steps into the fwd cargo hold"
CC - "What steps in the flight deck? I wasn't told of any?"
LT - "Please tell me you're joking, you haven't been down the steps on your supernumerary? - thats an instant fail"
CC - desperately wanting to pass "Oh, you mean those steps"

and the latest courtesy of our Fabulous Flight Deck

Captain to new Entrant

Captain on interphone - "Oh hi could you just pop in here a moment"
CC - " Hi, what's the problem"
Captain pointing to ACARS - "yes could you just pop to the rear toilet and do a quick check a warning has appeared on our systems"
CC - "yes certainly"

a moment later

CC - "everything appears to be ok captain"
Captain - "Are you sure it's saying the toilet seat is still up - can you make sure it's down please"
CC - "oh I'm sorry yes certainly

Senior Cabin Crew Member to CC - "what are you doing? you did a toilet check a moment ago"
CC - "yes but I didn't realise I'd left the toilet seat up and the warning is still showing on their systems"
SCCM - "oh you poor thing - you have permission to ring the captain and tell him to

Our days are certainly never boring!
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Old 28th Jun 2011, 03:23
  #945 (permalink)  
 
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We (pilots) were positioning in uniform to fly another aircraft home. We always travel in business class, but the compay likes to keep us out of view from the people who pay, so we're sitting in the last row. A less than well informed female passenger saw us and asked if we shouldn't be sitting at the very front of the aeroplane. We mentioned that today, we were flying the aircaft from here using the IFE controllers and the screen. She believed us for about an hour, until the real Captain made the descent PA.

She saw the funny side. I won't mention what colour her hair was, but she wasn't a brunette!
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Old 28th Jun 2011, 03:39
  #946 (permalink)  
 
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A few years ago on a domestic flight in China, our airline had a passenger number problem. The headcount showed one less passenger than the manifest. Obviously, this needed to be resolved and an investigation followed. An exhaustive search found a little old lady with an urn in her lap which contained the ashes of her dead husband which she was returning to their ancestral home. She had purchaed a ticket, checked him in with his passport and our check-in in staff had issued him with a boarding card.

We now advise passengers that the spirits of the departed fly free!
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Old 28th Jun 2011, 22:04
  #947 (permalink)  
 
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Passenger dings his call bell. I stroll on down and when i get there a gentleman tells me he can hear someone downstairs, trying not to laugh i told him that the agents and paperwork told me the person downstairs in the coffin was dead but that i would go down and double check.

I also remember convincing a passenger that "that fing on d end of d wing" was an air to air refuelling dock but that we had plenty of fuel so he wouldnt be seeing the flying tanker today.......
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Old 29th Jun 2011, 19:41
  #948 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Trolley-Dolly-Jo
CC - "My point exactly Sir, there are 11 orange and white aircraft all parked next to one another going to different destinations - lets just make sure you're on the right aircraft shall we?"
PMFJI, I was on a London - Brussels flight one morning and stowing my hand baggage, putting paper and book in the seat pocket etc when this young lady (lady as she didn't swear) came up and said I was in her seat.

Having some experience I assured her I was in the right row, right seat etc and showed her my boarding pass. She then showed me her's; same row same seat etc.

Snap, except for one small detail. Her's was London - Belfast. Close but wrong
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Old 29th Jun 2011, 21:29
  #949 (permalink)  
 
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Question

not quite sure how to quote just yet as I am new so please forgive me

Quote
Snap, except for one small detail. Her's was London - Belfast. Close but wrong

Indeed! however less of a thick passenger comment and more of an unobservant CC member me thinks. Just good job it was picked up at that level.

phew!

out of curiosity I assume the Cabin Crew carried out full security checks of the aircraft once the lady had disembarked the wrong aircraft?
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Old 30th Jun 2011, 10:01
  #950 (permalink)  
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TD, one way to quote is to put [q u o t e ] [/q u o t e ] without the spaces either side of something you wish to quote.

To quote with the OP as well in the URL header where it say Sunsweet Growers Inc xxxxxxxx and ends =1 delete the 1 and hit enter.
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Old 30th Jun 2011, 10:51
  #951 (permalink)  

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"Passenger dings his call bell. I stroll on down and when i get there a gentleman tells me he can hear someone downstairs, trying not to laugh i told him that the agents and paperwork told me the person downstairs in the coffin was dead but that i would go down and double check. "

Just simple SLF here , (obv), but if a PAX reports hearing a noise from below the cabin floor is stifling a laugh the natural reaction?

As a matter of interest what did you do?
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Old 30th Jun 2011, 12:29
  #952 (permalink)  
 
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You do realise this is a light hearted look at the things we hear on a day to day basis?
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Old 30th Jun 2011, 14:51
  #953 (permalink)  
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787, as long as the thread is not read by any SLF who think they will be ridiculed for asking an apparently stupid question.

Remember the adage that the only stupid question is the question you don't ask.
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Old 30th Jun 2011, 14:55
  #954 (permalink)  
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Not SLF but anyway -

Two police were guarding our aircraft at Nairobi.

We politely asked if thye would like to look in the cockpit. the policewoman readily accepted and climbed the ladders to the cockpit. The policeman, far more worldly wise and with insoucance declined. He then spoilt the effect by looking round and asking where the propellors were.

Our turbines were embeded in the wing and not in external pods
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Old 30th Jun 2011, 16:12
  #955 (permalink)  
 
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, me thinks comet???

Superb aircraft.
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Old 30th Jun 2011, 17:49
  #956 (permalink)  
 
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*Rolls Eyes*

Well it wasnt like i laughed in his face. Also as i stated before he said he could hear someONE in the hold at 35000 feet. If you must know i did tell the captain when the passenger told me this and he laughed aswell saying there was no heating on down there so whoever it was surely would have frozen by now.

If he had said he had heard someTHING do you seriously think i would have found it funny? Because that would be my life on the line aswell. It was just a summary of a story that would have ended up with alot of waffle so i shortened it and ive ended up waffling anyway.

Last edited by 787Heaven; 30th Jun 2011 at 18:22.
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Old 30th Jun 2011, 20:57
  #957 (permalink)  
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787, good wine?

I was talking generally rather than criticising the detail of your story.

Now if he had reported someone outside tapping on the door . . .
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Old 1st Jul 2011, 11:16
  #958 (permalink)  
 
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Pontius..

I'll bet he drinks carling Black Label,.....

...and why don't they have frosted glass in the toilet windows??
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Old 1st Jul 2011, 13:38
  #959 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
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Cymmon, nice guess, no it was an Avro
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Old 1st Jul 2011, 16:06
  #960 (permalink)  
 
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So am I looking along Vulcan lines? Or any of the other V-bombers.......
Varsity and Valiant.....

Sorry, I'm just SLF but with a deep interest in all aviation.
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