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ATC Humour (Merged)

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ATC Humour (Merged)

Old 12th Jul 2008, 19:02
  #1061 (permalink)  

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Don't know whether or not this has already been posted
back when Pontius was a Pilot
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Old 14th Jul 2008, 04:40
  #1062 (permalink)  
 
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An Aussie version of the same story posted by Captainsmiffy-

About 20 something years ago a sector north of Melbourne was being worked at night by a Flight Service Officer (a sort of poor man's air traffic controller using procedural separation before there was decent radar coverage)

Unidentified aircraft: "Jeez I'm f***ing bored!"

The FSO operating the sector, who was probaby a bit bored himself, nevertheless felt it was his duty to protect the airways so he called up individually each of the aircraft known to be in the sector:

Melbourne: "ABC, did you make an obsene transmission?"

ABC: "Negative"

Melbourne: "DEF, did you make an obsene transmission?"

DEF: "Negative"

And so on until all aircraft had responded.

Silence on the frequency until a few minutes later comes a transmission:
"Jeez I wan't that f***ing bored"
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Old 14th Jul 2008, 06:17
  #1063 (permalink)  
 
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We were on a radar heading from the north after asking for visual appproach into NZWN, waiting to sight a 737 joining a long final from the south and going slow. The 73 is going very slowly as ATC keeps asking me can I see it yet to which I finally reply "ah......think so got some lights about 1 oclock but seems a long way off" to which the controller replies with tone in voice "yes thats him if I'd known he was going to join finals via the sub-antarctic I'd have made you no.1". Ouch.
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Old 15th Jul 2008, 14:54
  #1064 (permalink)  
 
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Evening approach into Milan-MXP last week; ATC clears us for the approach while still way out and descending through FL130... The CPT (I was PF) then radios: "xxxxx 8SA, fully established ILS 35R at 37 miles" Without missing a beat, our friendly ATCO answers "roger, keep the speed!" First time I've ever been on the glide at 240 kts
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Old 15th Jul 2008, 17:03
  #1065 (permalink)  
 
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Fouga - I guess you don't fly for Ryanair then....
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Old 17th Jul 2008, 20:26
  #1066 (permalink)  
 
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Heard last night over the dark continent,

Atc. xxxx report your speed in knots

xxxx 294 knots

Atc. 293 knots or less

xxxx reducing 293 knots

Atc. naa just kidding!
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Old 19th Jul 2008, 22:22
  #1067 (permalink)  
 
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GATWICK GROUND: XX01 contact tower and report ready on 124.225 should be able to get you away immediate.

XX01: Tower 124.22

XX01: Gatwick Tower XX01 taxiing C1, and we are fully ready SIR


GATWICK TOWER: (Very pissed off, and very female controller) Rodger hold C1.

Silence!
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Old 23rd Jul 2008, 22:50
  #1068 (permalink)  
 
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Thumbs up

To set the scene this was at Heathrow and where the British Airways Flying Club used to get their planes repainted in the same BA livery as the big jets. Waiting to take off was a British Airways 747, then a BritishAirwaysFlyingClub Piper Warrior and following that an American Airlines Jet.

American Airlines pilot watching whats ahead of him and in a very thick American accent:

"Hey Speedybird, looks like you've given birth!"



This is another great story I was told by a BA Captain.

Unknown aircraft: "****!"

ATC: "Who was that?? Identify yourself"

Long pause....

American Airlines pilot: "We didn't say ****"

BA Pilot: "We didn't say ****"

Air Canada Pilot: "We didn't say ****"

Followed by just about every other pilot on frequency!

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Old 28th Jul 2008, 11:37
  #1069 (permalink)  
 
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A quicky

Female TWR controller:
'HXX5060, ready for a quicky 27L ?!'

Pilot
'Sure thing, just let me fly to XXX first, we'll be back in an hour!'

TWR
'Excellent, cleared for T/O 27L...'


Last edited by MaxBlow; 28th Jul 2008 at 11:39. Reason: very tiny keyboard
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Old 28th Jul 2008, 18:45
  #1070 (permalink)  
 
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Flying from Cambridge to Elstree a week ago, were listening out on the Luton Approach frequency.

An agitated controller was urging an aircraft away from the Stansted runway centreline. Eventually the aircraft seemed to understand what was going on and got out of the zone.

A couple of minutes later a sheepish PIC came on air to apologise for the incursion.

Pilot: “Sorry about that – we are on an IMC training detail and thought we were at Royston and got a bit lost.”

ATC: “Well you failed that then didn’t you.”
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Old 30th Jul 2008, 18:00
  #1071 (permalink)  
 
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re lizplt:
that was soooo funny
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Old 5th Aug 2008, 04:28
  #1072 (permalink)  
 
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Virgin Blue ops in Oz

Apologies if this has already been posted.

Virgin 737 has just been cleared for take-off and is rolling. QANTAS 737 is instructed to "line up and wait, there'll be a short delay while the Virgin gets a bit ahead".

Hmmm, sounds funnier when you hear it rather than read it.
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Old 13th Aug 2008, 22:19
  #1073 (permalink)  
 
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I hope that not too much will be lost in translation.
Story told by one colleague about another one.

Training IFR inbound EPWA:
ATC: Do you have Raszyn in sight?
(short explanation: Raszyn (sounds like "Russian") place near EPWA with some radio masts)
xxx: No, I don't.

some time later:
ATC: Do you have Raszyn in sight?
xxx: Negative.
Now the guy tries to ensure himself, that no one, especially any Russian is on board but he and his instructor.
again:
ATCo you have Raszyn in sight?
Now our hero is imaging not very well shaved man, with fur hat, smelling vodka, with big bag on his laps - just Russian from far Siberia inside his plane.
xxx: Negative.

ATC: Dou you have Raszyn in sight... oh disregard, you have just passed it.

after landing:
Why they were asked us if we have Russian inside?

Story which always make me laughing.
Hope you too.

rgds
Dino
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Old 17th Aug 2008, 23:01
  #1074 (permalink)  
 
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Fighter Controller, not too long ago...

F3, "Boulmer, Export 1, any news on my playmate?"

FC, "He's working a slag on the ground for the next ten minutes."

I think she meant to say 'SNAG'...
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Old 26th Aug 2008, 15:06
  #1075 (permalink)  
 
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CPDLC

This happened a few years ago at Maastricht UAC shortly after CPDLC (Controller-Pilot Data Link Connection) had been introduced. Not many airlines were Data Link equipped so we reckoned this new cockpit feature would be tempting to play with.
A United Airlines flight from Frankfurt to the States entered our airspace, still climbing to FL320. Suddenly this particular flight requests FL380 via Data Link, much to our surprise as it is quite a high cruising level to start with for a long haul flight. So the radar controller asks him via voice transmission:

Maastricht: "UAL123, we've just received your request via CPDLC... uhm... confirm you are actually looking for FL380? Or are you just trying out the Data Link system?"

UAL123 (without missing a beat): "Sir if I'd be testing the Data Link system I would ask for a tall Scandinavian blonde, don't you think?"

Maastricht (with an amused voice and laughter in the background): "Haha, I guess!"

After a brief pauze a deep male Scandinavian voice came on: "What can I do for you?"

UAL123: "Uhm... uhm... well, it's not for me - it's for the co-pilot..."

At Maastricht we were on the floor laughing!

Last edited by kristofvi; 26th Aug 2008 at 17:50.
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Old 26th Aug 2008, 15:22
  #1076 (permalink)  
 
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A classic one perhaps... A KLM flight bound for Amsterdam was descending abeam Eelde (EEL) in the Dutch FIR, coming from somewhere up North. Our radar showed the aircraft had initiated a significant turn hence the radar controller investigated...

Maastricht: "KLM1234, confirm you are making a right turn?"

KLM1234: "Affirm! Turning back shortly!"

Maastricht: "KLM1234, what is the reason for the turn?"

KLM1234: "Oh uhm, it's a very clear day today, and banking the aircraft allowed me to see my house from up here..."

Maastricht: "Roger... next time please report before turning"

This is when another pilot stepped in and said: "Hey KLM, can you also see the car on the driveway?"

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Old 26th Aug 2008, 17:36
  #1077 (permalink)  
 
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MINTI

By now this story has become a classic anecdote at Maastricht UAC. Imagine the scene in the Ops Room... Traffic was fairly busy with a lot of chatting on the frequency. Earlier a US-bound Lufthansa had asked for a better direct routing, which had to be co-ordinated with the colleagues at Copenhagen ACC first. Right after the Lufthansa's request the radar controller got too busy for him to ask his planning controller what direct routing had been offered by Copenhagen (as this is not a priority in busy times). Nevertheless the Lufthansa pilot reminded us about his request. Fair enough. The radar controller - still busy - quickly turns to his planner and asks: "What direct routing did Copenhagen give us for the Lufthansa?"

At the same time another colleague was standing right behind these two controllers, getting the coffee and tea orders for everyone. It so happened he posed his coffee question at the same time the radar was shouting for the direct routing. Lazy as controllers tend to be, the planner only picked up the drink request and answered: "Mint tea!"

The coffee guy wrote it down, but our meanwhile hectic radar controller had also taken this for an answer and asked, slightly confused: "MINTI??". The planner - now looking at his tube again - took it for granted the coffee guy just asked him for confirmation (and obviously did not realise that the radar had been asking him something as well) so he simply replied: "Yes, yes! Mint tea!". The phone rings, the planner picks it up and misses that the radar clears the Lufthansa as follows:

Maastricht: "DLH123, proceed direct to MINTI"

DLH123: "Uhrrrr... roger... direct to MINTI, confirm?"

Maastricht: "Affirm, sir. MINTI"

2 minutes pass, and finally the Lufthansa comes back...

DLH123: "Maastricht, I'm sorry but can you spell MINTI for me please? I cannot seem to find it"

Maastricht: "Standby"

The radar turns to his planner and asks: "How do you spell MINTI? Is it mike india november tango india??"

Planner: "Huh? What?"

Radar: "Well, you gave me MINTI for that Lufthansa before, right? How do you spell it??"

At this point the planner realised what had happened and bursted out in manic laughter: "No! I ordered a MINT TEA!!". The radar immediately caught up with the silly situation and could not stop himself from laughing. He was unable to say anything for at least half a minute or so. Situations like this one just get so much more momentum when they are preceded by tense moments. And that is when I like to job the most!
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Old 27th Aug 2008, 16:46
  #1078 (permalink)  
 
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yeah that is right only the first part
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Old 27th Aug 2008, 22:32
  #1079 (permalink)  
 
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Really nice story!
But another example for certain situations for a lack of communication between co and radar-ATCO when working withou paper-strips....especially in busy situation like those.

Uhh.....bad times...
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Old 28th Aug 2008, 17:14
  #1080 (permalink)  

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a lack of communication between co and radar-ATCO when working withou paper-strips....
1. This is a humour thread. Don't let the truth get in the way of a good joke.

2. just how would little pieces of paper have prevented this misunderstanding?

FWIW most of the controllers at Maastricht nowadays have never worked live traffic with strips.
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