You Know You Are In Africa When.....
When the President 86 + Years ? old states that "In less than 3 months we will be provided with Portable electric nuclear plans
"
When for the launch of the National airlines, thousands of people are invited to witness the delivery of the "brand spanking new state of the art Airbus A-320" (12 Years old crafts leased, former China Spring Airlines
), the President states that now, in Senegal we will have aircraft's Made-In-Senegal
, of course the crowd was clapping, cheering etc...
Facts: Senegal right now doesn't supply enough electric power, in the best areas, outages of 8 hours per day are routine, in certain less "prestigious" areas, they can be one or more days without any electric power or water (Apparently electricity is required by the water company to pump the water in the water towers...)
Meanwhile, be carefull when you make a visual approach to Dakar (GOOY)at night, the runway lights can be off suddenly !!
"When for the launch of the National airlines, thousands of people are invited to witness the delivery of the "brand spanking new state of the art Airbus A-320
" (12 Years old crafts leased, former China Spring Airlines), the President states that now, in Senegal we will have aircraft's Made-In-Senegal, of course the crowd was clapping, cheering etc...Facts: Senegal right now doesn't supply enough electric power, in the best areas, outages of 8 hours per day are routine, in certain less "prestigious" areas, they can be one or more days without any electric power or water (Apparently electricity is required by the water company to pump the water in the water towers...)
Meanwhile, be carefull when you make a visual approach to Dakar (GOOY)at night, the runway lights can be off suddenly !!
Join Date: Sep 2008
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You get delayed 45 mins due to VIP traffic. The traffic in question is the president of said country who commisioned the national airline. You(a pilot for the national airline) are disciplined for the delay because "blame the mzungu" is the easiest explanation for all problems. You see a UN md-80 or 737 operating with less than 15 on board, both inbound and outbound. Radar is available but only to the military. HIV infection rate is estimated to be above 20% of the adult population yet you can't smoke within 10 m of a doorway due to strict anti-smoking legislation that is enforced. Beggars and street urchins ignore the African next to you wearing a nice suit and driving a new LandCruiser but surround your beat up 4x4 with open palms and gaunt faces. You know you've been here awhile if you won't get into anything registered 9Q-....At night, there are more lights above the horizon than below it. Tribes have been fighting for hundreds of years but it's still the fault of the colonials. You get made fun of for using a seat belt. The ILS, VOR and marker beacons are inop but you get fined for starting engines in your new a/c without a marshaller because "it's unsafe". You've been hit by a tractor on the apron. You abort a takeoff with someone on a 3-mile final and are still on the runway. Tower tells the approaching a/c to go missed. The captain states in an uber confident and baritone voice that "we can make it". Btw, no one knows why you aborted the takeoff and you're only 200 meters from the approach end and there might be parts of a GE turbine behind you, your parking brake is set, the a/c in question that is quickly approaching your 6 is of the large turbine variety, vmc conditions prevail and you have told the tower several times that you are still on the runway yet they are cleared to land anyway(idiots). You are not permitted to land until the controller sees your a/c. The controller will not divulge any of his top secret information as to type, altitude, dme or radial of possible conflicting traffic. The same controller has caused 3 near mid-airs in the last 6 months with you alone.
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Up & dressed - what more do you want?
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You gotta laf
Landing a corporate 200 in some long forgotten airport in Northen Mozambique and trying to get some fuel.
"No Jet A1!"
"None left?"
"No Jet fuel, never had Jet fuel!"
"Well, if you recall, we came here 3 times last week and took fuel each time!"
This wasn`t going anywhere. "How much for fuel to be available?"
"EEh...20 Dollar!"
Off he goes with some of my 'float' money and.....comes round the corner in a brand new BP Jet A bowser!
"Where did that come from?"
"I found it round the back!" he says with a big grin.
You can`t get pi**ed off with this continent
"No Jet A1!"
"None left?"
"No Jet fuel, never had Jet fuel!"
"Well, if you recall, we came here 3 times last week and took fuel each time!"
This wasn`t going anywhere. "How much for fuel to be available?"
"EEh...20 Dollar!"
Off he goes with some of my 'float' money and.....comes round the corner in a brand new BP Jet A bowser!
"Where did that come from?"
"I found it round the back!" he says with a big grin.
You can`t get pi**ed off with this continent
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I am! Cooking steaks, drinking scotch that is older than I was when I first got laid and pulling wheelies on the bike in front of the cops. Hurry up and get over here, it's like a rap video.
Join Date: Jun 2006
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You know you're in Africa when:
- NOTAMS are issued 2 days AFTER they became effective about a new temporary prohibited area, part of said (rather enormous) area happens to be within a mile of your base airfield.
- ATC clears you to take off with a 'service vehicle' driving straight towards you on the runway at 100 km/h!
- You arrive overhead your destination airfield and find hundreds of animals on the runway. The drivers of the vehicles that are picking up your passengers are taking photos of you doing repeated clearing runs with their fancy new camera phones whilst you try desperately to chase the content creatures away... what do you mean help clear the animals!?
- ATC holds their ptt down for 10 minutes, Pilot's patience is dwindling at exponential rates!!! When they finally let go of the bloody thing there is a massive race to see who can get their transmission in first... Many many double transmissions!
- Military helicopters happily trundle across active traffic patterns without broadcasting and don't mind flying directly in front of aircraft in said active pattern.
- After trying several times to contact the approach controller, you move over to the centre controller... he tells you that the radar guy is "on his way coming" he should be at work in the next 20 minutes.
- Two aircraft are on a collision course, neither of them know it and neither of them can transmit because ATC is still preoccupied with noting the aircraft types, passengers on board and clearance numbers of other aircraft which are still on the ground!
- Your AVGAS was removed from your fuel tanks, the guilty party were kind enough to replace the removed fuel with an equal quantity of water.
- Bunia... oh don't even get me started on Bunia!!!
Now for all the stuff that makes it a pleasure to be here.
- You land at an airfield in the middle of nowhere, little kids arrive by the dozen, a man with a very old fashioned film camera rocks up. The kids have never seen a plane up close and want their picutre taken next to the aircraft... of course they also want the pilot in the picture too. A few months later you arrive back at the same airfield and the man who owns the camera comes to give you a copy of the picture!
- The scenery is breathtaking, incomparable to anywhere else you have ever been.
- You're flying a plane rather than pushing buttons all day.
- You wear shorts and t-shirt every day and every day starts with great sunrises and ends with equally good sunsets.
What a privilege to be flying here!
Regards,
- ATC clears you to take off with a 'service vehicle' driving straight towards you on the runway at 100 km/h!
- You arrive overhead your destination airfield and find hundreds of animals on the runway. The drivers of the vehicles that are picking up your passengers are taking photos of you doing repeated clearing runs with their fancy new camera phones whilst you try desperately to chase the content creatures away... what do you mean help clear the animals!?
- ATC holds their ptt down for 10 minutes, Pilot's patience is dwindling at exponential rates!!! When they finally let go of the bloody thing there is a massive race to see who can get their transmission in first... Many many double transmissions!
- Military helicopters happily trundle across active traffic patterns without broadcasting and don't mind flying directly in front of aircraft in said active pattern.
- After trying several times to contact the approach controller, you move over to the centre controller... he tells you that the radar guy is "on his way coming" he should be at work in the next 20 minutes.
- Two aircraft are on a collision course, neither of them know it and neither of them can transmit because ATC is still preoccupied with noting the aircraft types, passengers on board and clearance numbers of other aircraft which are still on the ground!
- Your AVGAS was removed from your fuel tanks, the guilty party were kind enough to replace the removed fuel with an equal quantity of water.
- Bunia... oh don't even get me started on Bunia!!!
Now for all the stuff that makes it a pleasure to be here.
- You land at an airfield in the middle of nowhere, little kids arrive by the dozen, a man with a very old fashioned film camera rocks up. The kids have never seen a plane up close and want their picutre taken next to the aircraft... of course they also want the pilot in the picture too. A few months later you arrive back at the same airfield and the man who owns the camera comes to give you a copy of the picture!
- The scenery is breathtaking, incomparable to anywhere else you have ever been.
- You're flying a plane rather than pushing buttons all day.
- You wear shorts and t-shirt every day and every day starts with great sunrises and ends with equally good sunsets.
What a privilege to be flying here!
Regards,
Join Date: Feb 2011
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when on 50 feets above threshold of runway which lenght is only 1800 meters and some ships are crossing runway
when on take off some guy ride on the runway by his bicikle
when on take off some guy ride on the runway by his bicikle
Join Date: Sep 2008
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You've yelled at your F/O, telling him that if he doesn't get his act together, he'll be flying a prop around Somalia that is full of qat, get shot at on short final and have a captain who begins each flight by saying "this is my side, don't touch anything from..." Said F/O begins to use checklist and perfom walk arounds because he's already been there, done that and doesn't want to do it again. CRM is walking to the airplane together. The load controller laughs at you when you tell him you can only take 110 pax. He laughs at you and condescendingly reminds you that this is a 142 pax plane because you obviously can't count. Your newest F/O is an aviation guru, a veritable plethora of knowledge, and a top notch fighter pilot even though the Air Force of said Sub-Saharan African nation doesn't have any airplanes. F/O in question kicks off autopilot at 80 ft in VMC and calm winds and manages to initiate stall protection system and align a/c 45 off runway heading (80 God Damn ft.!!!). F/O is recommended by several training captains to be terminated but he is politically connected so alas, you gotta keep at it. Same F/O freezes in mid flare and refuses to relinquish control. No look karate chop initiated to take his black knuckles turned white off yolk. Another new F/O is recommended for upgrade by management as he has a whopping 200 hours in the plane, 200 hours jet and crashed the last reiteration of the national airlines plane. The inevitable crash that will occur after you leave will be blamed on you as you didn't train them properly.
Skype! WhatsApp! The airlines can't fill a Dash-8 but have ordered several brand new Boeings. The guy strutting across the ramp like a peacock with shoulders back and mirrored sunglasses, obviously more skilled and cooler than ANYONE has just gotten right seat on the Dash-8. The pax stole the F/A's cell phone and tried to use it in flight thus alerting her to the guilty party. Same pax steals life jacket, wears it around his neck and claims it's his. The French security agent at destination quietly stands on his neck until police arrive. Police try to steal life jacket. Really??? 100 liters of Jet-A spilled on ramp. Most runs back into the recess for the ground tank. Buckets are then used to scoop now greyish colored and gritty fuel back into underground fuel tank. Bottles of Johnny Walker from duty free are distributed monthly to ensure paychecks. You are two hours into a four hour flight. The bathroom has been used multiple times but the sink is still dry. A pax sees you coming from the flight deck to the bathroom, they jump up and get to the bathroom before you. Getting stared at. Engineer has Osama screen saver on mobile. Sorry if I've already posted some of these "observations" but I was too lazy to read previous posts. Take care guys and stay safe. We're all crazy btw
Skype! WhatsApp! The airlines can't fill a Dash-8 but have ordered several brand new Boeings. The guy strutting across the ramp like a peacock with shoulders back and mirrored sunglasses, obviously more skilled and cooler than ANYONE has just gotten right seat on the Dash-8. The pax stole the F/A's cell phone and tried to use it in flight thus alerting her to the guilty party. Same pax steals life jacket, wears it around his neck and claims it's his. The French security agent at destination quietly stands on his neck until police arrive. Police try to steal life jacket. Really??? 100 liters of Jet-A spilled on ramp. Most runs back into the recess for the ground tank. Buckets are then used to scoop now greyish colored and gritty fuel back into underground fuel tank. Bottles of Johnny Walker from duty free are distributed monthly to ensure paychecks. You are two hours into a four hour flight. The bathroom has been used multiple times but the sink is still dry. A pax sees you coming from the flight deck to the bathroom, they jump up and get to the bathroom before you. Getting stared at. Engineer has Osama screen saver on mobile. Sorry if I've already posted some of these "observations" but I was too lazy to read previous posts. Take care guys and stay safe. We're all crazy btw
Join Date: Jul 2002
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4runner,
I think you'll find your F/O...
''F/O in question kicks off autopilot at 80 ft in VMC and calm winds and manages to initiate stall protection system and align a/c 45 off runway heading (80 God Damn ft.!!!). F/O is recommended by several training captains to be terminated but he is politically connected so alas, you gotta keep at it. Same F/O freezes in mid flare and refuses to relinquish control. No look karate chop initiated to take his black knuckles turned white off yolk.''
...was employed by Air Namibia as DEC, witness the very close shave the 340 hat the other day at Strydom.
the Namibian: Air Namibia pilot bungles landing
I think you'll find your F/O...
''F/O in question kicks off autopilot at 80 ft in VMC and calm winds and manages to initiate stall protection system and align a/c 45 off runway heading (80 God Damn ft.!!!). F/O is recommended by several training captains to be terminated but he is politically connected so alas, you gotta keep at it. Same F/O freezes in mid flare and refuses to relinquish control. No look karate chop initiated to take his black knuckles turned white off yolk.''
...was employed by Air Namibia as DEC, witness the very close shave the 340 hat the other day at Strydom.
the Namibian: Air Namibia pilot bungles landing
Join Date: Jan 2008
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^^^^^^Seffrican to english translation:-
SHIP = Wooly companion of Welsh, Scots and Yorkshiremen - delicious cooked.
Bicikle = A B-great lump of hanging frozen water. beware of running into same whilst riding pedal-powered transport.
SHIP = Wooly companion of Welsh, Scots and Yorkshiremen - delicious cooked.
Bicikle = A B-great lump of hanging frozen water. beware of running into same whilst riding pedal-powered transport.
Join Date: May 2010
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You know you are in Africa when ....
You are happy to see animals (optionally including ship/sheep
) grazing on the runway because it means the grass will be too short to hide the ant and termite hills.
You are happy to see animals (optionally including ship/sheep
) grazing on the runway because it means the grass will be too short to hide the ant and termite hills.
Join Date: Apr 2008
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you know because ...
.....the local fueler in Point Noire push the engineless leaking fuel truck with two half flat tires to the pipe connection beside your AC and proceed to refuel your over-wing tanks using a pistol grip that is held on by a hose clamp....eeesh, said hose clamp it is not strong enough and pops the hose, spraying A1 everywhere including all over the local who runs a funky chicken dance across the apron and dives head first into a stinking cesspool of some unknown vial brown goop that has leached from surrounding toilets & apron run off........he mates just reattach the same hose clip and round two begins 
..................AC tires get stuck to melting apron due to A1 eating it away, Russians have their own single GPS point at 5nm from threshold and regulary use it for full IF approaches jumping in front of us as we conduct a full teardrop.
Awesome scenery, REAL flying, and fantastically strong Jack Daniels & Coke for sundowners at La Plage Sportif while taking a dip in the pool.
Flying cock roaches in the house which made the new FOs scream like little girls .......Captains just screamed for more beer !
Loved doing the spiral descents into interior of Angola when war was on to maintain MSA FL250 ( for S.A.Ms ) until within 10nm of strip and having a 727 literally dive bomb past us on the outside of the spiral to jump ahead Not so much liking the climbs to 250 in spiral though 
Thirteen 8 min sectors over 12 a hour day and operator asking if we can squeeze 6 more in ??
AC leaking a funny liquid on landing to find out it was Diesel which had come from the only 44 gallon drum we had aboard which at alt developed a hairline crack and filled up the belly of AC......
Lagos...BA 747 at 5nm cleared to land while our only female flight crew were cleared to line up and were now sitting on piano keys...FULL IMC conditions
Ya gotta love it......
..................AC tires get stuck to melting apron due to A1 eating it away, Russians have their own single GPS point at 5nm from threshold and regulary use it for full IF approaches jumping in front of us as we conduct a full teardrop.Awesome scenery, REAL flying, and fantastically strong Jack Daniels & Coke for sundowners at La Plage Sportif while taking a dip in the pool.
Flying cock roaches in the house which made the new FOs scream like little girls .......Captains just screamed for more beer !
Loved doing the spiral descents into interior of Angola when war was on to maintain MSA FL250 ( for S.A.Ms ) until within 10nm of strip and having a 727 literally dive bomb past us on the outside of the spiral to jump ahead
Not so much liking the climbs to 250 in spiral though Thirteen 8 min sectors over 12 a hour day and operator asking if we can squeeze 6 more in ??
AC leaking a funny liquid on landing to find out it was Diesel which had come from the only 44 gallon drum we had aboard which at alt developed a hairline crack and filled up the belly of AC......
Lagos...BA 747 at 5nm cleared to land while our only female flight crew were cleared to line up and were now sitting on piano keys...FULL IMC conditions
Ya gotta love it......