You Know You Are In Africa When.....
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Then there's the (possibly apocryphal) tale of the Zambian Air Force pilot who took off from Livingstone to do aerobatics over the field. After half an hour of loops and rolls and general high spirits he set up for landing. Unfortunately he didn't quite make the runway as he was shot down on final by the AAA battery based there. Their excuse? They decided he was Rhodesian because in their opinion there were no Zambian fighter pilots who could do aerobatics like that.
Last edited by Solid Rust Twotter; 26th Sep 2011 at 08:56.
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Crossing the border from South Africa into the then 'independent' homeland of the Transkei in the 70's the Transkei border official carefully transcribed the details of my UK passport into their book, which ironically was a 'Bantu Population Register'. After painstakingly slowly and neatly writing 'United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' he asked me what country it was. I pointed to what he'd written and said that was the country. He looked it for 5 minutes and then said : "Your country is Ireland."
I just agreed. Later I found out that the Irish needed visas for the Transkei in those days and I shouldn't have been allowed in if I were Irish.
I just agreed. Later I found out that the Irish needed visas for the Transkei in those days and I shouldn't have been allowed in if I were Irish.
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I rang a friend who had been working in a hotel and I hadn't heard from her a for a while and hadn't been able to contact her by email or phone. As she had substance abuse problems I was concerned so I rang the switchboard at the hotel and asked for her by name.
The African lady who answered the 'phone immediately, and without any prompting, started telling me :
"Oh no she is not wekking here any more, baas. She has too many problems, she is drinking and she comes to the wek drunk in the morning and she fall asleep ......... so she has been fired!"
The African lady who answered the 'phone immediately, and without any prompting, started telling me :
"Oh no she is not wekking here any more, baas. She has too many problems, she is drinking and she comes to the wek drunk in the morning and she fall asleep ......... so she has been fired!"
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Ah yes, Africans do seem to have no problem telling all and sundry about your lavatorial status.
Working in Lagos, I got back from my morning session of quiet reflection to be told by a colleague that she had taken a call from Mr X. She had explained to Mr x that I was away from my desk ''easing myself'' and she could take a message...
Working in Lagos, I got back from my morning session of quiet reflection to be told by a colleague that she had taken a call from Mr X. She had explained to Mr x that I was away from my desk ''easing myself'' and she could take a message...
You know you are in Africa 
when the Nouakchott (Mauretania) ATIS calls for caution !
Camels and bovines 
crossing the active (the only one) 
runway. I must say it was in the 70's . I hope that they are long gone 
when the Nouakchott (Mauretania) ATIS calls for caution ! Camels and bovines crossing the active (the only one) runway. I must say it was in the 70's . I hope that they are long gone
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Harare, early 80`s. Refueled 707, 30,000 litres or so, waiting for local rep to turn up to pay ( cash, usd only) before departing to a sandier place up North. Rep arrives, opens bag and starts counting out the notes, most of which were 20 dollar bills........
They then had to be recounted by fuel company rep..........We departed eventually.
They then had to be recounted by fuel company rep..........We departed eventually.
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.....after 2 weeks Conakry again.
During descent at dawn we have been cleared for VOR DME 24; but 15 days earlier there wasn't any IFR procedures for runway 24, only ILS 06 (most of time no GS).
I asked my collegue if he was aware of any new approach for that runway: " there is none, as far as I know" was his answer. Then he questioned the ATC controller if such a procedure had been published, and this was the answer:
" Actually not.... but nothing to worry about, is just like flying the visual approach for runway 24!"
During descent at dawn we have been cleared for VOR DME 24; but 15 days earlier there wasn't any IFR procedures for runway 24, only ILS 06 (most of time no GS).
I asked my collegue if he was aware of any new approach for that runway: " there is none, as far as I know" was his answer. Then he questioned the ATC controller if such a procedure had been published, and this was the answer:
" Actually not.... but nothing to worry about, is just like flying the visual approach for runway 24!"
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Also: When the SAA gate agent still calls boarding in row numbers depsite the aircraft being about 15% full
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You might be in Afrika if you order a four cheese pizza and you get a normal pizza, with four large chunks of cheese placed on top and not melted. When you question the waiter and the "chef" then comes to address your query, he says that four cheese means four pieces, not four types. He then says that four types of cheese on a pizza would not taste very good and that he is an "expert" as he was trained in Europe.
You also might be in Afrika if you departed for a flight and noticed that the one of the other aircraft had a tow bar attached prior to your departure. Upon shutdown back at the same airport 4 hours later, the aircraft that had the tow bar is still where it was before you left. ATC instructs you to quickly taxi the other aircraft to remote parking as the Airbus that just landed after you cannot vacate the runway due apron space constraints. There is also a 747 on a 13 mile final...
You are cleared for takeoff with an amended clearance. Instructions are to maintain 7000 ft after departure. The MSA is above FL090 and terrain is in your flight path. So you refuse the clearance but are told that "You will obey ATC instructions and takeoff immediately due traffic".
You back taxi a runway and see a Cessna on a 3 mile final staring at your nose and you are still only 2/3 of the way down the runway. When you question ATC as of their original and obviously conflicting controlling, you are told that he has studied the performance characteristics of ALL aircraft and that you did not taxi fast enough even though your airspeed indicator showed above 40 kts. on back taxi. NOTAM for controller training in progress yet no supervisor present....
The NOTAM for "dogs on runway" are accurate and confirmed.
"Wind check"
"Station calling?"
"Wind check"
"Station calling?"
"Who cares who is calling, whoever it is needs a windcheck!"
"You MUST identify yourself!"
"We're on short final and the only aircraft in your control zone Sir..."
"I have you in sight, you are cleared to land, report marshaller in sight."
"Cleared to land, $%##^ 223"
"Windcheck"
"STATION CALLING!!!"
You also might be in Afrika if you departed for a flight and noticed that the one of the other aircraft had a tow bar attached prior to your departure. Upon shutdown back at the same airport 4 hours later, the aircraft that had the tow bar is still where it was before you left. ATC instructs you to quickly taxi the other aircraft to remote parking as the Airbus that just landed after you cannot vacate the runway due apron space constraints. There is also a 747 on a 13 mile final...
You are cleared for takeoff with an amended clearance. Instructions are to maintain 7000 ft after departure. The MSA is above FL090 and terrain is in your flight path. So you refuse the clearance but are told that "You will obey ATC instructions and takeoff immediately due traffic".
You back taxi a runway and see a Cessna on a 3 mile final staring at your nose and you are still only 2/3 of the way down the runway. When you question ATC as of their original and obviously conflicting controlling, you are told that he has studied the performance characteristics of ALL aircraft and that you did not taxi fast enough even though your airspeed indicator showed above 40 kts. on back taxi. NOTAM for controller training in progress yet no supervisor present....
The NOTAM for "dogs on runway" are accurate and confirmed.
"Wind check"
"Station calling?"
"Wind check"
"Station calling?"
"Who cares who is calling, whoever it is needs a windcheck!"
"You MUST identify yourself!"
"We're on short final and the only aircraft in your control zone Sir..."
"I have you in sight, you are cleared to land, report marshaller in sight."
"Cleared to land, $%##^ 223"
"Windcheck"
"STATION CALLING!!!"
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You know you are in Arica when several pilot and engineer passports go missing from the Immigration Department during exit visa processing, only to be found at a later time propping up the wobbly table leg. Yes - Luanda.
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When you get this answer on Mozambique flying:
"Take cash! And on the issue of cash:
If you are going to take US dollars, make sure you take lots of small bills (they never have change),
Do not fold the money (if it's folded they don't take it),
and lastly,
Make sure all the US dollars are newer than 2006 (they don't take Dollars older than 2006)!"
"Take cash! And on the issue of cash:
If you are going to take US dollars, make sure you take lots of small bills (they never have change),
Do not fold the money (if it's folded they don't take it),
and lastly,
Make sure all the US dollars are newer than 2006 (they don't take Dollars older than 2006)!"
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Gabon had a problem with $100 notes at one time. I have also had a problem if the notes were torn and even dirty. Yet you go to the country next door and they take the notes anyway.
Change is always a problem and check the addition on an account.
Change is always a problem and check the addition on an account.
Last edited by CJ750; 21st May 2012 at 08:06.